Saturday, April 5, 2008

Saturday is Mango Day!

And oh what a day it has been! I was bummed out to hear that pee-wee was going to school on MY DAY! Which is totally unfair. To see what all the fuss is about, I started browsing through some of the photos from junior's schoolyard.

Ho hum, look at the little labradudes playing...

I knew it! He's getting trained to be a hump meister!

Hey! Wait a minute! Backup! Do I see what I think I see behind happy hump meister?

Holy cow! Its a smokin hot Great Dane Gal!
I didn't know they had hot, full sized gals at the puppy school. I gotta get me some of that! But how?

I needed a plan. I concentrated veerrry hard and... ouch!... had a thought.

Whilst Momma was at the massage parlor and Master was in the barn listening to Click and Clack on the WBUR, I grabbed the plastic, logged in, and began my mission. I knew I only had an hour, so I had to work fast. I ordered several thousand dollars worth of stuff on the eBay and carefully entered the expenses into Quicken as "living room construction." Oh yes, I know how to hide my trail.

Before you could say "Mango is the most clever, handsomest doggie in the world", my order arrived.

The user manual was a bit daunting, but I managed to get through it.

After working feverishly for almost ten minutes, part one of my plan was completed! A Dexter suit for Mango! Pretty convincing, huh? I made it as small as possible so its kind of hard to breath plus I didn't have enough of the puppy hide to make a tail, but I don't think anybody will notice.

When I heard Momma coming home, I quickly stuffed the squirt behind the refrigerator and squeezed back into my disguise.

She suspected nothing and when she said "Dexter, let's go" out I trotted (it was none too easy to go down the stairs like a pee-wee midget pain in the butt).

I had to let Momma pick me up since Dexter is "too little" to enter my mastiff mobile under his own steam. I thought she was going to explode from the effort and she had to really push hard to stuff me into the Dexter cage (which was all ger-stinkin like labradude).

In order to maintain as much realism as possible, I waited until we were at the most inconvenient part of the trip possible and started crying that I had to do the poopies NOW!!! (Actually, I wasn't totally faking since I typically do fragrant Mango toooooooots in the mastiff mobile, but had been clenching my cheeks cause I couldn't risk Momma catching a whiff).

Its at this point that I nearly blew my cover because while Dexter makes little tiny poops that can only be located with the heel of a shoe, my most generous poops can be seen from outer space.

Fortunately, Momma was distracted by the fact that we were on a deserted road out west of 495 and didn't notice that I left behind a giant Mango sized deposit.

At last we arrived, and let me tell you, it was worth the effort, because there she was! A knock-out gal named Daisy. I let her sniff my most enticing Mango butt and she got the message. Oh yes indeedy.

After that, well, it was just one big party! Sure, some of the humans commented on how much "Dexter" had grown. Hee hee hee. Stupid Momma said, "Oh yes, he is almost 25 pounds now." The midget.

I slipped Miss Daisy my email address and told her to look me up sometime.

Upon our return home, Momma rushed out to the barn to tell Master about "Dexter's" wonderful time at the puppy school which afforded me the opportunity to unfold junior from his hiding place and strike a pose of pure innocence. Dexter was a little woozy from being compressed for three hours, but that worked out well since he's supposed to be tired after school.

So who's "dumb as a stump" now? Huh?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!


Peanut said...

oh man that is the greatest plan ever ever ever. Good job pulling it off.

Mack said...

That was SHEER GENIUS my man! Now why can't I ever come up with plans like that! You and Daisy make a cuuuuute couple. For her birthday maybe you can sew her an outfit or something

We luv Click n Clack too!

Maggie & Mitch said...

Brilliant, Mango! What a plan! So Dexter is totally clueless as to what happened?! Awesome!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

jen. said...

Mango...Mom's not watching so I stole the 'puter. What are you doing with the great dane girls...I'm supposed to get those! Anyway, hope it is okay i linked to your site...and you should see, I wrote you today on my blog! Gotta go before I get caught. Bu

Noah the Airedale said...

That is the most brilliant plan you've had matie and worth the effort by the sounds of things. Lets hope Daisy is as keen. It's truly amazing your mama didn't twig....hmmm. Has the little guy recovered from being squashed behind the fridge.

Hugs and tail wags
Noah Willow Tess & Lucy
ps. Does this mean you get to go to puppy school each week now?

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Mango crack us up!!!!

We thought we were weird, but you, my Man, are even weirder. And by that, we mean MORE BRILLIANT....a Dexter suit...we bow to you, Mango!!!

After eating "8 cups and one large can of wet food/day" we can only imagine the size of your er "deposits"....IMPRESSIVELY HUGE, we're thinkin'...

We're gettin' food and stuff ready for the's gonna rock...!!!


Lorenza said...

Hi, Mango!
You are soooo smart! Great plan! Sure it worked!
Your deposit size thing made us laugh a lot!
Kisses and hugs

Joe Stains said...

woah dude you are amazing!! Seriously, stuffing dexter behind the fridge was pure genius, I might try that with the doofus tomorrow!!! I wonder where I can go while he is back there!

The Thuglets said...

Mango what a made us howl!

Fanks for dropping by to see us.

Big Nose Pokes
The Thuglets

Ruby Bleu said...

Wow Mango...what a clever boy. I sure hope Daisy looks you up for all that effort.

I've got both you and Dexter signed up for the flights!!! W00t!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

babyphat523 said...

Bwaahhaahaa! Mango, you are sure one crafty fellow, pulled the wool over Momma eyes for sure! You slipped your digits to that fine gal Miss Daisy after all that work so it was definitely worth stayin' compressed in that puppy suit all day!
xo :)

Sami said...

Oh My Mango, I am not jealous! Gosh I think you are so SMART and creative. Did you hide your Dexter costume good so Mommy won't find it? YOu never know when you might need it again! Heehee!
Lovie Dovie Girl-

Ike said...

Uh, dude - that dane is way too young for you. Give her a few months.

Girl Girl Hamster said...

What an interesting weekend you had Mango. That sure was a very clever plan. Daisy is cute

~ Girl girl

The Zoo Crew said...

Ahhhhh, anything for a dane gal ;)


Harry said...

That was indeed a cunning plan!

Toodle pip
Harry x

Stanley said...

Quite the plan, Mango man! What's your next move?

Goob love,