And oh what a day it has been! I was bummed out to hear that pee-wee was going to school on MY DAY! Which is totally unfair. To see what all the fuss is about, I started browsing through some of the photos from junior's schoolyard.
Ho hum, look at the little labradudes playing...
I knew it! He's getting trained to be a hump meister!
Hey! Wait a minute! Backup! Do I see what I think I see behind happy hump meister?
Holy cow! Its a smokin hot Great Dane Gal!I didn't know they had hot, full sized gals at the puppy school. I gotta get me some of that! But how?
I needed a plan. I concentrated veerrry hard and... ouch!... had a thought.
Whilst Momma was at the massage parlor and Master was in the barn listening to Click and Clack on the WBUR, I grabbed the plastic, logged in, and began my mission. I knew I only had an hour, so I had to work fast. I ordered several thousand dollars worth of stuff on the eBay and carefully entered the expenses into Quicken as "living room construction." Oh yes, I know how to hide my trail.
Before you could say "Mango is the most clever, handsomest doggie in the world", my order arrived.
The user manual was a bit daunting, but I managed to get through it.
After working feverishly for almost ten minutes, part one of my plan was completed! A Dexter suit for Mango! Pretty convincing, huh? I made it as small as possible so its kind of hard to breath plus I didn't have enough of the puppy hide to make a tail, but I don't think anybody will notice.
When I heard Momma coming home, I quickly stuffed the squirt behind the refrigerator and squeezed back into my disguise.
She suspected nothing and when she said "Dexter, let's go" out I trotted (it was none too easy to go down the stairs like a pee-wee midget pain in the butt).
I had to let Momma pick me up since Dexter is "too little" to enter my mastiff mobile under his own steam. I thought she was going to explode from the effort and she had to really push hard to stuff me into the Dexter cage (which was all ger-stinkin like labradude).
In order to maintain as much realism as possible, I waited until we were at the most inconvenient part of the trip possible and started crying that I had to do the poopies NOW!!! (Actually, I wasn't totally faking since I typically do fragrant Mango toooooooots in the mastiff mobile, but had been clenching my cheeks cause I couldn't risk Momma catching a whiff).
Its at this point that I nearly blew my cover because while Dexter makes little tiny poops that can only be located with the heel of a shoe, my most generous poops can be seen from outer space.
Fortunately, Momma was distracted by the fact that we were on a deserted road out west of 495 and didn't notice that I left behind a giant Mango sized deposit.
At last we arrived, and let me tell you, it was worth the effort, because there she was! A knock-out gal named Daisy. I let her sniff my most enticing Mango butt and she got the message. Oh yes indeedy.
After that, well, it was just one big party! Sure, some of the humans commented on how much "Dexter" had grown. Hee hee hee. Stupid Momma said, "Oh yes, he is almost 25 pounds now." The midget.
I slipped Miss Daisy my email address and told her to look me up sometime.
Upon our return home, Momma rushed out to the barn to tell Master about "Dexter's" wonderful time at the puppy school which afforded me the opportunity to unfold junior from his hiding place and strike a pose of pure innocence. Dexter was a little woozy from being compressed for three hours, but that worked out well since he's supposed to be tired after school.
So who's "dumb as a stump" now? Huh?
Mango Man! Oh yeah!