I didn't think anything of it at first, but then today he sent me this most disturbing email...
Mango, it started out innocently enough. First Angel Labradoggie had me running black market organic produce in some of the more ritzy neighborhoods. It was easy work and didn't seem to be hurting anybody. But before I knew it, she had me dealing catnip at the kittie daycare. I tried not to think too much about it, but one day I found this poor little kittie all strung out on catnip and I knew that what I was doing was wrong.
I felt so bad! I was turning innocent little kitties into catnip addicted cats! I couldn't live with myself. One night, I went to Angel Labradogs house to beg her to let me out of my contract. She said NO WAY! I didn't know what to do and so when she was distracted by a tennis ball I snuck out of her house and ran into the woods.
I looked back, only to see Angel Labradoggie in hot pursuit!
I slipped in the snow and I thought I was a goner!
In desperation, I threw a stick at her and was able to make my escape.I ran for my life and eventually I found myself at the shore. Now what?
Then I heard a voice, "Hey doggie, over here." It was a scruffy looking chap sitting on the ocean wall.
He told me that he knew all about Angel Labradoggie and had once worked for her himself, but now he worked for the good guys, helping doggies like me escape from her clutches. He instructed me to fashion a disguise by rolling around in the ocean mud.
Then he gave me a berth on his boat which was setting sail to Portugal.The journey was terrible and I was very sick. The boat's crew was comprised completely of former Angel Labradoggie thugs and they were, indeed, a rough lot. I was surprised to find that when we finally docked, we were not in Portugal, but the Canary Islands.
As soon as the boat landed, I was blindfolded and put into this doggie carriage for parts unknown.They took me to a safe house that was guarded by vicious former catnip addicted attack cats.They taught me about how to survive on the lam and how to spot Angel Labradoggie goons. Her network is worldwide! I was told that the only way to escape Angel Labradoggie was to change my identity. They gave me this terrier suit which was kind of a tight fit and sent me to Spain to live with a fake "Momma."Everything was fine for a few weeks and I even learned a little Spanish, but then one day I went shopping with my fake Spanish "momma"And when I went into the dressing room I saw one of Angel's thugs!Yikes! I don't know if he made me or not, but I completely panicked. I bit my leash in half and took off as fast as I could in that confining terrier suit. Now I am wandering the streets of London, trying to find more contacts that can help me stay in hiding (and that terrier suit is starting to look a little nasty - plus it itches).
Mango, my man, Here is my caution to you. Do NOT mess with Angel Labradoggie! She means business! Don't turn into another dude like me... always running and looking over your back.
BTW - Don't show these photos to ANYBODY!
[Mango - Don't worry Doggie X! I deleted the photos as soon as I posted them]
[Mom - Mango, you are such a fool. What have you gotten yourself into?]
So now I'm kinda worried!
I mean, Momma said all that nonsense about mutant hump meister guinea pig labrapuppies was a hoax and Dexter is an actual Labrapuppy. But, this guy seems like the real deal and now Angel Labradoggie and her guinea pig thugs are after him! What if she asks me to do her a favor?
I'm scared! And I don't think I would fit into one of those terrier suits, but I'm going to get one just in case!Mango Man! Eiyeeeeeee!!!