Tuesday, January 6, 2009


I am sorry that I must interrupt my normally edge of the seat thrilling adventures to do a public service announcement. It seems that the Lacie Beast was watching NatGeo the other night and happened upon a program about Dogs in the Womb. The show featured this smokin hot Neapolitan Mastiff gal and her pups.

Sadly, they mentioned that Mastiff mommas can get Uterine Inertia which got the simple terrier confused. Let me refer you to the dictionary. Let's see... A, B, S, M, W,... yes, here it is.
Uterine Inertia is the ancient Latin spelling of what we have come to know as UTURNIN INSERT SEE YA.

This refers to the challenges faced by large and inflexible mastiffs such as myself when trying to execute a U-Turn in close quarters or at high speeds. Fortunately, the dictionary provided useful diagrams which I will post in total.

The problem is most likely to occur in young and inexperienced mastiffs.Their reckless youth can result in performing U-TURNS at dangerous speeds causing their center to arc unattractively and their legs to become tangled.
Leading to somewhat embarrassing postures.

Terriers, on the other hand, do not have the same anatomy as Mastiffs. To start with, they have banana tails, but that is incidental to our lesson.
What is key is that instead of normal bones and joints, their leggies have springs inside as you can see from this actual x-ray of a terrier (note typical terrier stomach contents).

The demonstration photos of a UTURNIN terrier are quite instructive.

Even at a young age, a terrier is able to achieve vertical lift that makes UTURNIN almost effortless.
Resulting in a perfect finish.
Mastiffs, however, should not be discouraged from practicing their UTURNs and with careful study, one can become as graceful as I.

Foot placement is key.Yes, all you full sized doggies out there, buck up. With hard work and patience, you too can be executing pirouettes in both directions with the grace and dignity of the Mango.Any questions?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Hey, Keeg Hand, are you reading this dude? Fenway just called and said she wants her own bloggie pronto.


Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

I think that pretty much 'splained it!

Let's just hope that khrazy Lucy - I mean Lacie - gets it - I mean, you inkhluded diagrams and evfurrything!

PeeEssWoo: Be khareful out there tonight and tomorrow - Mango Inertia might go BOOM!

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh my....Mango...you looked like you were turnin' so fast that ur relentless large jowels hadn't caught up with ur relentlessly hooge head...they sorta look like they're floatin' in the breeze...

Oh my...that xray of the terrier um looked spot on, my Mango..Scruff and I definitely have springs...Stan's well...he's not wound as tight or somethin
....as for the stomach contents...well...I can't disagree with ya there...and that banana tail...well...our tails are very attractive, aren't they???

For once, Mango...I am in complete agreement with ya? Could this be LOVE???

I need to run out and get a snow shovel and scrape Mumsie off the floor where she fell after readin' ur blog. I SEE NUTHIN' FUNNY ABOUT IT.

Oh...I've had many comments on my post bout those baby Mastiffs lookin' like kitties...did you look like a kitty when you were a baby?????? Ya better post a baby pic of The Mango....

Barkin' at ya sweet Hooge...


HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE....my word verifcation is "whink!!!!!"

Whinkin' at ya!

Jamie said...

Whoooo! Love those flared jowels!

dewdana said...

oh mango man you are hilarious! I have never seen your whole face and must say you are handsomer than I even knew! Moose suffers from this condition (uturnin intert see ya not jowls!)too. The new Moose lodge has smaller bathrooms than he is used to so he has had to learn to back up! Terrible! Say, I finally got around to explaining CCL problems if you want to have a look! Not so entertaining I am afraid! Thanks for the laughs as always... never enough of those!

The OP Pack said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - can woo tell we are still laughing - that should teach Lacie a thing or two.

Woos, the OP Pack

Kapp pack said...

Oh my dog! That's freaking hilarious! We are still crying from laughing so hard!

Butt wiggles, Meadow

River said...

Gee, I had no idea it was so complicated. My mom thinks beagles have springs in their legs too since they leap from a standing position to the kitchen counter or from chair to chair without touching the ground. Baby mastiffs are kinda skinny. I guess that changes as you get older bol

love & wags,

Asta said...

I just love skience lessons..I had no idea I had spwingies instead of bones..Mommi says that explains a lot..whatevew...I know my tummie doesn't look like that..I only eat leaves and insides of stuffies occasionally..Mommi says I'm weally good about leaving evewything else alone.
I hope othew Mastiffy guys leawn youw methods fow utuwns
smoochie kisses

Joe Stains said...

hm, I am only terrier by name, but I can execute a Uturn quite well. I also have a tail shaped like edamame...not sure how that diagram would look. I do thank you for the wonderful explanation as I was quite confused.

Noah the Airedale said...

Hahahaha look at your face in the last photo. Oh matie you crack us up....those jowls, they've got us howl'n.
Thanks for the lesson in Mastiff u-turns. The best part of the lssson is that we now know why Lucy chases her tail. She thinks it's a banana hehehehe.


Maggie and Mitch said...

So that's where the banana went that Mitch ate!
You are one brilliant Mastiff, Professor Mango! Have you ever thought of a teaching career?!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Stanley said...


While I appreciate the clarification, the only thing I can think about on that post is the LAST STINKIN' PHOTO, man! That is one of the most hil-Aireous photos I've EVER seen. Your juicy jowls are actually FLYING! Man, I love that photo!

You, obviously, are all poise and grace. No u-turn trouble for YOU any more. Now those stick diagrams, those were pretty funny too.

Goober love,

Abby said...

Hi, Mango...

Thanks for explaining that whole thing for us...Great diagrams...

I was completely baffled by the whole thing...

Abby xxxooo

Ruby Isabella said...

So the dog did eat the homework! What about a three point turn? That last photo of you has to be photo of the year.

Biggie-Z said...

Mango, Thank you for the great Dire Grams! That totally explains why I sniff terrier tails and how they get so much aire.

Pee Ess. You look totally flyin' with your jowls and ears pirouetting like that. My ears pirouette but I don't have such big jowls.

Also I am trying to get some pooter time to give Pee Wee a little walkie advice but I'm at Day Camp today so I have to sneak in so Momma doesn't see.

Also she has some news about my big brother and my little sister. She's littler even though she was borned a minute or two before me. Later dude.

Nibblestreats.com said...

Mango - you are so cool and thank goodness have all the answers. We continue to look to you for guidance. Thanks!

Tinkerbell, Oscar and Tucker

Toffee said...

...all that turning sounds complicated...I think that I will just sleep...loved the diagrams though, very informative!

Dozer and Coop said...

We love visual aids! Thank you Mango!

Dozer, Dottie and Cooper

Mack said...

We never knew!
We learned TONS from your bloggy today. Just one question: Am I considered a terrier? Cause I noticed in the diagram of the terriers belly there was no half eaten rubber ball, partially destroyed remote control or loads of nylon string???

wally said...

Oh that was a very helpful explanation. I admit I have some difficulties with the U Turns myself, owing to my unfortunate head/leg ratio. I will learn from your grace and beauty. You can really tell you're a dancer.

My ma ape has a thing for mastiffs and is cooing over that Neo mom and that last photo of you. I might have to get a mastiff costume to get some attention.

wally t.

Eduardo said...

Whoa Mango I had no idea! Thanks for explaining!
Hugs & Snugs
Eduardo the Snuggle Puggle

Saint Lover said...

hahaha! Oh Mango you doctor speak is FAB U LOHSE. Your brain certainly is a good size for that big old melon head.

Asta said...

My Mommi and Daddi might have been young once, but they suwe didn't have spwings instead of bones..do you think I'm adopted?
love and smoochie kisses

Nigel, Sola and Co. said...

Awesome post, great fun!!

Niamh said...

Thank you for the excellent anatomy and locomotion lesson, Mango! You and Big Pupi should start a Canine College for us blogging dogs.

You are very graceful for such a big guy and I love the way your Relentlessly Huge ears and jowls flew around in that photo.

Your friend,

Gus, Louie and Callie said...

That is a great rendition.. Now we know that that can not be you. We saw the proof in the pictures..

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

Sami & Baylee said...

you're very smart Mango! Where did you get your dictionary?

xoxox Baylee girl

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Hey Mango...does that mean we can't buy one of those U ter ines someplace? We thought it was somethin' cool that we might like...

Don't really know what ur talkin' bout with all this turnin' stuff...I mean, I can do a three point turn in my sleep...no problemo...now the Stan Man is a different story...he's been known to get his long Dale legs all twisted and stuff...HEY>>JUST LIKE IN THOSE DI A GRAMS YOU MADE...

DAAAAA...I get it now...hey what with the empty spot on the terrier xray where there should be a brain?????



Tibby said...

Hi Mango!
I am so glad you explained that to us! You are so very smart! I love your face in the last picture!

Jake of Florida said...

We feel so much better now that we know how terrier (us) U-turnins differ from mastiff (you) U-turnins. My brother, Jake, is one of those turn arounf three times before settling down kind of guys, and this is very important information lest he suddenly encounter a mastiff who has a different trajectory in mind!!!

Thank you!!!

Just Harry