Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Why I Hate Westminster

I need to interrupt my regular bloggy adventures to once again alert my readers to the horrible outrage they call the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Yes, friends, on February 9th and 10th beautiful doggies will gather from around the world to compete in what I shall prove to you is the most rigged, biased, travesty of dog showdom!

I have compiled charts of actual data from that Westminster historical web page. Sadly, I could not figure out how to post them to biggify so you will need keen eyesight to read the labels, but trust me, its all true.

Let's start with the group judging, shall we? In the herding group, the German Shepherd wins most of the time. And if a corgi wins, it is always a Pembroke.

In the Toy group (which I actually never watch), the Pekingese wins twice as often as the next most winningest doggie (the Pomeranian). Hounds? If you aren't a Greyhound or Afghan don't even bother to show up.

For Non-Sporting doggies, if you aren't a poodle, forget about it. Between the normal poodle and the miniature, they've got that group all sewn up. Plus the poodles are almost never black or silver or apricot or anything other than white with foo foo haircuts.

For Sporting dogs they always go with the Pointer (well, duh, its on their logo) or sometimes a Springer Spaniel. Nary a labradog in sight.

But wait, it gets worse. Now my brother, Floyd (Eastwinds Comfortably Numb) went to Westminster last year. And even though he is not nearly as handsome as myself, he's a fine specimen.

He should have called me first. He would have been better served coming to the estate for some family bonding. Because even though the mastiff is just about one of the oldest breeds ever and like totally huge and handsome, we NEVER WIN! That's right! In like 10,345 years of Westminster a Mastiff has never won best in group.

Who wins the Working Group? Boxers, Boxers, and More Boxers! 23 times the Boxer has won!

OK, that's best in group, but what about Best in Show? Its those pesky Terriers!!! Terriers take Best in Show almost half the time!Yuh, and not just any terrier, but almost always a Wire Fox Terrier!

Mango Man, you say, this is an outrage! We thought Westminster judged each group against the breed standard. How is it possible that the winners are so skewed? Surely terriers are not better bred than the rest of us.

To which I answer, no, dear friends, the problem is that the whole show is rigged. As I revealed just one year ago, the entire tech crew is comprised of WFTs.

Hide your eyes if you are unprepared for a horrific photo of corruption in the world of dog shows, because here is an actual photo of this year's judges.

Need I say more?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!


Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

I think they just want to make some of the terriers khwiet down!

It's a khanine show NOT a skhreaching monkey toy!

Of khourse I'll khonkhur on the wrongness of it all...

The most beaWOOtiful of the Working Breeds hardly gets a sekhond look!


A member of The Working Breeds

Chef said...

Mango, didn't ya know? They pick Boxers for Working Group because they threaten to get us "boys" together and punch the judges' noses if they don't! You Mastiffs just have to polish up your game. Call me. I'll give you pointers - ooops, sorry ... I mean tips!!

By the way, your brother is a very handsome guy - like you! and I think he should win every show. If I was a judge, I'd vote for him!


Tibby said...

Hi Mango!
That surely does seem unfair! I think you should hold your own dog show! I bet you would be a great judge!
:) Tibby

Gus said...

Hey..Mango Man...We think you are most handsome, but Teka says she is pulling for the Whippets this year. Me, Ah, I am just gonna watch an old Thin Man Movie.


The OP Pack said...

Something tells us we haven't heard the end of this 'tail'. This could be the start of something good. . .

Tail wags, the OP Pack

Agatha and Archie said...

Well...what can we say??What's that ARch?? Oh just put the winners cup in the trunk...I think it is going to go to a terrier this year..Gotta go..we are driving to the show..we ah have some things to do there...Love A+A PS WE ARE SICK OF THIS WEATHER>>>>

Sophie Brador said...

Mango, I know! I am so mad about Westminster. Not only do the labradudes never win, the labrachesapeakadogs don't even get to compete! It's a travesty. I think we should crash that damn show this year and show them what a real dog looks like.


ocmist said...

Oh, come one, Huge and Handsome One... Mastiffs haven't won cause YOU haven't entered! Your brother isn't nearly as Hunky as you are, and Pems don't win nearly enough from my Mom. At least one made the Best of the Herding Group at the Eukanuba she just watched, and she even saw Hawk on the TV, though he didn't get to the Best of Show ring... and he rivals you for looks from my angle! OC

Eduardo said...

I had no idea Mango! Thanks for bringing this to our attention! I bet they wouldn't even let a puggle in! Dang them!
Hugs & Snugs
Eduardo the Snuggle Puggle

Lorenza said...

I did not know all those things about the Westminster!
Hmmmm.... do you think we can do something about it?
Kisses and hugs

Allison (Dog Mom) said...

Gus is angree 'cause da Goldenz don't even make any of da lists!! RRRRRRRGG.

Huskee and Hershey said...

Not fair!!!
(In hindsight, things may be different if your huge and handsome self decides to take part!.. Maybe for once, a Mastiff will bring home the awards!)

Amber said...

Oh Mango man, I agree! What a rip off!!! You are like totally huge and handsome and I think they need some new judges! We Ridgebacks never win either...BOOHOO!

Hang in there buddy, your day is coming! ;)


with love, Madison said...

HAHAHAHAHHA thank you for the wonderful photos of the "problem" in the judges booth. We love you, Mango!

Asta said...

You found us pout, hehehehe
how else could we win against youw gwandness
smoochie kisses

Moco said...

I am always thankful that you are able to enlighten us about these world events. It is plain to see that there is evil afoot.

Joe Stains said...

This is an outrage. I can see why the BT's never win since we are a 'terrier in name only' WTF does that mean?

We should start our own dog show my friend.

Ike said...

And Bostons are completely ignored. Especially brown ones. Total BS I say!

MJ's doghouse said...

all I have to say about that is ...you are always number one in my heart big fella...dog shows are stupid...

Stanley said...


First off, we loved the vids on Dexter's post ~ especially the one where we get to see you frolic in the snowy yard! You gallop around and hop in the snow like I do.

Hope your Dye your ears is all cleared up. Your mama made it sound like it was something to celebrate. Bet you didn't feel like it, huh?

Now, about Westminster... I personally HATE the very idea of dog shows and would certainly NEVER agree to judge one. I would be just as happy if a Mastiff won this year. Fine with me. But, I can't help it that those Wires are so stinkin' cute! I mean, just look at my Asta girl will ya?! She's GORGEOUS and funny and almost always wins the interview question and evening gown portion of the competition.

Goober love,

Maggie and Mitch said...

We had absolutely no idea it was rigged! Thank you for bringing it to our attention! We'll be watching to see who the cheater judges choose this year!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Aniemother said...

Haha... I like Khyra's idea maybe they just give it to the noisiest dogs to make then shut up. On a more serious note dog shows are rarely fair.. Being a BLACK pug makes it almost impossible to win anything no matte how perfect I happen to be. ;)


Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello mango its dennis the vizsla dog hay this eksplayns why the vizsla dogs never win!!!! i demand an investigayshun!!!! heds wil roll!!!! ok bye

dewdana said...

What an outrage! This is Breedism! Not one Labradog.... ever? Travesty. We will be entering Mango-minster for sure!

Eric said...

HAAAAA!!!You found us out Mango!! Things are bound to get out of paw. How about we abandon the dog show, blend a smoothie or three and party instead? And let's hope none of those pesky WHEELIEs win ever.EVER. ever.

Wags, Eric xx

Maverick the Pirate said...

Harrrrrr Mango
I wach it every year and my dad also won best of breed and was on tv a couple of years ago Harrrrr.
Cap'n Maverick the Pirate

Maverick the Pirate said...

Harrrr Mango
the buzz going around the dog show is that Spirit the Giant Schnauzer Harrrr.
Cap'n Maverick the Pirate

wally said...

HAHAHAHAHA! That is some mighty fine research, Mango-Man! And I didn't even know that your brudder is a MODEL. Whoa. Don't tell Oscar Bean, Super Teen but my ma ape always gets in a huff cuz the GSDs always win. I always say that I don't trust any organization that doesn't recognize the CORGADOR. Harumph.

It does seem rather odd that humans write breed standards that apparently some breeds match more closely than others. I'll never understand these naked apes.

wally t.

ps. I'm so stoked for MANGO-MINSTER!

Butchy & Snickers said...

Hehehehe, now you know how us Wire Fox Terriers win most of the time. Plus if they don't pick a terrier, we'll sick Lacie on them, tee hee!
Luv & Wirey Hugs,
Butchy, Snickers, Ruby, Sylvester & Scuby

Niamh said...

I am sure that there is a conspiracy of terriers at Westminster, Mango. The Gordon Setters never win either. Thanks for exposing this shocking state of affairs.

Your friend,

Amber-Mae said...

This is sad. I know Golden Retrievers always never win Best In Show either even here in Malaysia. Is it true? I wonder why?

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Tee said...

how sadly enlightening. I guess basset hounds don't stand a chance either ... Boo hoo ... i think i'll go home and sob.

Tuffy of Dog Woods

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh we looked at some of the comments and saw Joe Stains and Butchy and Snickers and so many of our oldest friends who have gone to the Bridge and Joe said WTF and it made us feel so happy!!

As for the post well, YOU ARE BITTER, BOYZ....


Do you member a couple of years ago when the Welshie's handler picked him up by head and tail and the Welshie BIT THE LIVING CRAP OUTTA HIS HAND....
Oh we loved it!!!

The Lakeland Terrier an independent dog who is always right.

Sally Ann and Andy said...

Hi Mango,
My brother, the Eskie, is most upset because Eskimos never win, and I also am upset;as, Welshies never win. I personally knew a competetor last two years ago. He did make it BOG, but he didn't go further. His name is Josh.
Sally Ann