Sunday, April 5, 2009

How to Seperate a Mastiff from a Cuz - by Dexter

Brief note from Mango Momma; I apologize that we are so far behind with our friends. Long story short, things are very busy right now (but nothing bad). We look forward to all your comments and will be checking in soon. And now, here's Dexter with his Sunday report!

Here we see the Relentlessly Huge Beastie "playing with his cuz." A cuz is very fun and much more suitable for labrafun than the pictured "activity" (I think he is trying to hatch it).

So the question becomes, "how can a clever labradude get possession of this wonderful toy without losing his nards in the jaws of death?"

First, it is important to wait until the beast is no longer focused on the object. Pictured here is a moment when it would NOT be good to make your move.

No, better to wait until it becomes distracted by something that stimulates its wee brain such as a tasty rock.

Then with great stealth, place the cuz in your mouth, always keeping your backsides prepped for a hasty retreat if required.

Should the recumbent giant awaken, it is best to distract his attention away from the cuz through an alarming display of toofers.

Careful, though, the mastiff tends to pivot on his weeble bottom and if you are not careful, you may find that the cuz is once again within his reach.

Should this happen to you, it is best to let the creature writhe about while you pretend to have forfeited the game, subsequently luring him into a state of complacency.

Be patient and remember that the sun is your friend. In direct sunlight, the mastiff quickly becomes torpid. Don't be afraid of the toofers. These are only showing due to gravitational forces on his jowls. Check for signs of life by tickling his dogpit with your snooter.

And at last the time to strike has arrived. Here you see the ideal situation when the beast is not only a bit sun baked, but also busy trying to figure out if that is indeed his own leg in his mouth.

Should he rouse himself and give chase, quick zig zag maneuvers are required since, as I always say, "you can't turn a barge on a dime."

Your reward is seeing your protagonist jackknife and flip. Be careful not to be nearby when the rollover occurs as unpleasant squishing could be the result.

Success! You now have your cuz. Enjoy!

Dexter done!

P.S. Yesterday I went to agilities and I only have one more week to prove that I am ready to graduate to the next level. I had to do weave poles, tunnel, jump, jump, A-frame and back again. It was very hard. I'm not even sure I want to graduate since I always get to hang out with Roxy and Molly after school and they aren't graduating for sure.

Momma makes me practice at home. Its hard for her to photograph, but here I am levitating over her leggie.


Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...


Do woo REALLY think woo won the khuz?

The Mango Mastiff Master only pawmitted woo think woo had!

He knows how easily entertained woo are!


Gus said...

Thank you for the information on removing Cuz' from mastiff territory. Will file it for futher reference. Yeah.

Good luck at the agilities. You can always throw the last class and hang with your friends.


pam said...

Wow Dexter you're pretty smart in getting that Cuz. But we worry for you if the tipped over giant awakens and sees you smiling with the Cuz.

Bobo and Meja

SassyDog said...

Dex, you are one brave dog! Mango is a giant!

Allison (Dog Mom) said...

Way to go, Dexter! I am always trying to get things away from Waldo the big dork. I have to be very clever, otherwise he will bulldoze me and send me flying to the ground.

Don't worry about being busy. We are falling behind, too. We think the weather might have something to do with it.

(and big dork Waldo)

Randi said...

Awww Dexter! You are a MASTER OF TRICKERY! & at such a wee young age! I see lots of promise for should be able use trickery to get RH to give you his foodables!

Love & Licks,
Your Cougar,

Niamh said...

Excellent stealth plan Dexter. You are very patient to wait for just the right moment and to have a back up move in case the Relentlessly Huge gets a spurt of mastiff energy. I don't have a cuz but it looks like a great toy.

Good luck with your agility final.

Your friend,

Jan's Funny Farm said...

Good work, Dexter. We're not sure we would be that brave, but you know Mango better than we do.

Nibbles Treats said...

Wow! What skills you have!... just like Napoleon Dynamite.

From the looks of the last picture, we think you're graduating! Nice moves!

Tinkerbell, Oscar and Tucker

Anonymous said...

I hate to tell you this, Dexter, but I often let Zeke think he's taking toys away from me. It's a good way to get some extra nap time. But good job - you sure look happy with that Cuz! Good luck with your agilities!

See ya!

Martha Basset said...

Dexter, we were very impressed - that was well played. Always best to let the giant sleep.......
Martha & Bailey xx

Joe Stains said...

This is MUCH better than Tanner's tactic of BARKING IN MY FACE for 5 minutes straight until I give him the Cuz. Also, the Mango jackknife photo had Mom dying from laughter. But don't tell him that, I fear he is very sensitive about stuff like that.

Stella said...

I'm with Khyra, Dexter, I am pretty sure the Mango just let you have it to get rid of you so he could enjoy snoozing in the sun!

Nice thoughtful plan, though.


Peanut said...

I tell you your older stripey brother reminds me a lot of my older stripey brother. They are both kind of dense aren't they?


Penny, Poppy & Patches said...

Dexter, you are one stealthy Labradude! We're thinking it probably doesn't take a whole lot of quickness to outrun the RH! Good luck with your agility stuffs!

Poppy, Penny & Patches

Eric said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric said...

Boy oh Boy Dexter. One false move and it would be bye bye. My advice is keep up with the agilty...

Wiry wags,Eric xx

Ludo van puppy said...

Dexter, your brain skills amaze me! You sure be brave, Mind you you is probably twice my size so it would be doubly scary for me. You do good to outwit him. Good luck in your agility. Mum be finding looking at me and running and moving her arms about all at once really hard. Well, she is only a people I guess.
~lickies, Ludo

Pug(s) and Bugg said...

Man Dexter that looked dangerous!!!!! Was the cuz worth it?!?!

Maggie and Mitch said...

Guess what, Mango? We were in your neck of the woods today! We were in Marborough, MA at the Solomon Pond Mall! We just got back home with mom's new toy and we'll be posting about it tomorrow!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Land of Lincoln Labbies said...

Hello Dexter and Mango,
We are so glad to be back and see you guys! Dexter- It looks like agility training is paying off when trying to take toys from the relentlessly huge! We wouldn't want to graduate from agility either if we got to hang out with girls after class! The barn is looking great-Mango must be doing a great job snoopervising!
Ruff at ya laters,

Anonymous said...

Hey Labradude! Excellent technique. I will have to try this with Rosce, since he likes to steal my nylabones!

Kirby said...


You are one brave labradude. To take on Mango like that. Got to give you props. I'd let him keep that Cuz and find something else. I'd be too afraid to end up in his jaws....He he!

Your pal,

Dewey Dewster said...

What a wonderful report Dexter.....I do something similar when my Mom has somethin' I want but I don't need to work as hard ta get it from her because she still thinks I'm her little boy......'n why should I burst her bubble and tell her I am all grown up Mom didn't raise any fool ????

Dewey Dewster here.....

The OP Pack said...

That was very entertaining and you are very clever, Dexter - now go be even more clever and get that graduation certificate. Make your Mom proud. Roy and Molly will want to move to the next level so badly that they will perform well too.

Sophie Brador said...

Being a good part labradude myself ... well, labradudette ... I am going to try those movies with the next Mastiff I meet.


GoldenSamantha said...

Dexter - you are one intrepid doggie - I wouldn't mess with the mastiff's cuz on my life. You are tricky and brilliant! Pawsome job!
Hugs and Admiration xo

Lorenza said...

Hi, Dexter!
Sure you have a pawesome technique to take away from a Mango the cuz!
Do you think it works the same with my mom?? I am going to try it!
Good luck on your graduation!
Kisses and hugs

Asta said...

That was an amazing instwuctional post. Thank you fow all the advice..the detail and all the moves. Cleawly, you have not only mastewed agility,(I would pwetend to be confoosed at youw exam , so you can stay behind wif youw fwiendses) but you have become a vewy clevew and deep thinkew.
Youw levitation is soopewb!
have fun wif the cuz. Mango, I hope you had a nice snooze in the sun
smoochie kisses

Amber and Nala said...

Wow Dexter, you are a pro! Mango didn't know what hit him! That is very funny that he had his leg in his mouth...BOL! Also, great levitating. :)


MJ's doghouse said...

usually i would not comment on anyone making fun of my mangificent mango...but i gotta tell you that i am very impressed myself...good work..and um..can you give mango a big kiss for me..thanksy

ocmist said...

I'd run too, Dex, if I'd ripped off with something of the Mango's!!! Go get him Mango Man! OC

Suzuki said...

Pawsome job Dexter!
Big licks to you

The 'splorin' Wolfies said...

hehehe! we like how you are always in the same spot! Saige and Guinness

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

Your step by step instructions with photo prompts are wonderful. Now I might be able to take a toy away from BabyRD. Looks like Dexter is becoming quite dexterous!! I hope he graduates. Such an accomplishment.
WelshieHugs, Hootie

Heather and Pumpkin said...

You better stay away from my cuz PeeWee! Mine is too small for you anyways.


Anonymous said...

I have the same problem with my cuz!! (Though mine is orange and has feet!) My Sister doesn't even know how to play with it are supposed to squeek it relentlessly and she just chews its feet. My strategy is to find a different bone and pretend I am playing with it and when she comes over to steal it, I let her take and it and grab the cuz for myself and start squeekin'!!

Mack said...

If you would have been working for the Bush administration, our country would not be in the mess it is today. You are definitely one smart labradude.

Pee(S): Tell Mango I have arranged a date for him and Lilly. Tell him to be at our place at 8PM Friday night. And tell him to rent a tux. And bring some flowers. (Engagement ring is optional).Aire Ruby will pick him up at his doorstep.


Brind'Amour said...

Nice play-by-play action! Nice pictures you guys!


Asta said...

You cwack me up..Mommiis so old she doesn't even wemembew taking hew SATs , hehehe and film, Oh yeah..I heaw that was a pain
smoochie kisses

Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Dexter you are pretty good at faking out that Mango. Callie is alway trying to do that to Louie but he just lets her run off with the ball and she eventually drops is. She hasn't figured out how to bring it back yet..

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

Agatha and Archie said...

We were MIA a litle as well do to pooter problems.......Excellent report...I use the same technique with ARchie only it takes half the time.....All I have to say is Arch LOOK OVER THERE.. wokrs every time.. Love A+A

Lois Lane/Laney said...

Whew, that looked like it was hard work!

Stanislaw said...

My nards have already gone missing. Do I need to follow all the rules? I usually enjoy a few solid paw-smacking play bows followed by a rousing round of speed-bottom. Is that enough to earn me a cuz from the jaws of the Relentless?

Pamela, Kira and Scampi said...

Of course you were just letting him have it! The silly little dogs! You know I will always have a soft spot for you Mango, but you didn't seem interested, so I moved on to a beagle!
-Kira The BeaWootiful

with love, Madison said...

We missed you! Toy-snatching is a true art. Madison is perfecting the "feign disinterest, create diversion, GRAB and run like crazy."

Mason Dixie said...

That is great directions on how to get a cuz from a great big guy like Mango. And good luck with class. =)

Huskee and Hershey said...

Hi Dex,
We had a good laugh over the'hatching of the Cuz' remark you made... LOL!!
Well done in your class.. although I really don't know whether I should be wishing you 'good' or 'bad' luck instead since you mentioned that if you graduate, you won't be able to hang out with your pals anymore..

wally said...

Oh my. I don't think I have the patience for that sort of thing. Though, of course, I don't like cuzes either. I have been wondering though, Mango--why is there a labradude on the top of YOUR blog???

wally t.

GSD Adventures said...

Awesome tips! I'll definitely try that!

Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

Great strategy!
Clever process of planning and execution various maneuvers and quick actions. Goal archieved, Dexter!
I'll memorize step by step!
Gosh, why my mom has to work 5 long days a week and where she works, surfing Internet is like committing a crime. Site block! that's what she gets when she clicks on the external websites! I'm so behind of reading all my favorite blogs!
Please come pick up your Awards that I love to give to you, love ya lot!

Maggie and Mitch said...

Hi Hector! It's me, Autumn! Would you please consider being my date for Myrna and Gilbert's wedding? I've been so nervous to ask you! I sure hope you say yes!


ocmist said...

Hey, Mango... Got to watch those sneaky littler pooches! My sister has all kinds of thieving tricks! She does the bark at the door and then snatch when you are trying to do your job, and she does the sneaking closer and closer, rolling over and begging trick until she is laying on your nose and you have to open your mouth to breath... Little sisters!!! BG