Yesterday I went to the V-E-T for my annual checkup. I got all felt up and they took my blood and momma brought in some of my poop to show off. I also got my rabies shot so that I don't go cracker dog.
Naturally I avoided getting on the scale. I just put my big old bottom down and said "no way!"
It is important not to get on the scale lest somebody declare there is "too much Mango" and force one to have a D-I-E-T!
So the V-E-T said I was in most excellent condition for a middle aged guy except for having watchyacall YEAST growing in my large and swamp like ears.
Momma brought home some nasty ear drops.
She is supposed to put eight drops in each ear every day, but she says "how the heck can I figure out how many drops when I have to practically put the whole bottle in your ear just to make sure it gets in?"
So she just pokes it in, squeezes, and hopes for the best.
I try to be brave, but I don't like it and my poor ears are very tender right now.
But I always get a cookie for being stoic and letting momma be my nurse.
Given that the yeast in my ears is now officially chronic, the V-E-T said I need to try a new diet and sent me home with a bag of this fancy pants doggie food.
I think it's a big scam. Can you read this label? It says feed 12 1/2 cups to a 150 pound doggie which means a full sized guy like me needs to eat 16 - 18 cups / day. Not to mention, this 20 pound bag totally cost a gazillion dollars AND it tastes like crap.
Besides, if I eat the crap dog food and get the icky ear drops and the twice weekly ear flush (oh, did I forget to mention that), how will we know which one cured me?
And now I am losing sleep. I will tell you why.
How did yeast get into my ears? Yeast is what they make bread foodables from and what better warm, moist place to sprout it than my large and bottomless ears.
I am having nightmares, I tell you.
Dreaming that I will wake up to find yeast based foodables popping out of me!
Then what do I do? Eat them? But I always get in trouble for eating anything that comes out of me.
And what if they aren't on my new diet?
And what if Pee-Wee eats them?
I AM LOSING MY MIND!
To make things worse, it continues to rain here in Master Chew Sits. Rain, rain, rain, every single day!
I am not bothered by getting a tad wet, but this has been giant monsoon rain! Check out this movie.
In case you missed it, there are a few very important things in that movie that show how abused I am;
1) Hear DOH saying "go do your pee-pee?" Yuh, because I am about to explode from not being able to go outside (I don't see her doing pee pee in the rain).
2) Is it obvious that DOH is standing under the doorway where it isn't raining whilst telling us to get out there. "I'll dry you off." What a load of crap.
3) Why is it that I do not want to go out to get wet on my backsides, but as soon as it stops raining all I want to do is walk in the giant puddle? I even confuse myself.
7) I am certain that it is not raining on both sides of the house at once, so why can't I just use the front door? If you don't believe me, check out the photo of my dumb dog food above. As you can see, the sun is shining on that side of the house. Maybe I could just pop out the window.
10) How can anyDOH possibly complain about muddy paw prints all over the floor when she made us go out in the first place?
The vegetable garden is starting to scare me a little bit. The cucumbers are escaping out the fence and the tomatoes! Yikes! I thought the fence was to keep me out, but now I just hope it keeps the vegetables in lest they take over the estate.
Oops, back in the puddle again. I considered planting rice.
Overall, not my finest hour.
To make matters worse, I just overheard Momma and Master discussing how this is a great day for a movie and a nap. Drat! That means I won't even get to visit my pals.
I am going to try hibernating until all the bread in my ears has risen and the sun comes out.
Mango Man! Oh yeah!