Thursday, March 11, 2010

Mastiffs Don't Jump and Water Bowl Issues

With the good weather finally arriving, momma has brushed off the agilities equipment in the yard and once again begun forcing me to engage in most vigorous and exhausting activities.

You want me to do what???? Surely the bar is too high for the Mango.

I thought walking through the gate showed great agility and mentals focus, but this fine performance did not earn me any cookies. Imagine!

Meanwhile, the rubberized labradog kept boinging over the fence thereby exposing some human's most limited photographic abilities.

Yuh, but he takes out the fence sometimes too! See?

To show what a good sport I am, I finally agreed to one Relentlessly Huge leap over the blasted obstacle.

Only to be shown this lackluster recording of my amazing feat.

Oops, guess I kind of clipped the fence. Whatever.

Well, after all that activity, I was most parched and ready for a nice drink.

But to my horror, my water bowl had been visited by PeeWee and contaminated with labracooties.

I dumped the now toxic contents onto my Observation Deck (I hope it doesn't eat through the wood) and DEMANDED clean water.

Will nobody help me?

At last! That sure was a close call. I was feeling a bit light headed.

The DOH must fancy herself to be some sort of investigative journalist, on a mission to record events but not interfere.

Subsequently, you can find on YouTube a most damning movie of the horrible water torture I had to endure. I expect the animal cops to be knocking on our door at any moment.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Alert readers will note that my observation deck is frosty in this post and given our current weather you know that this event could not possibly have happened today. Good for you. It actually happened a week ago and Momma was not going to post it due to the incriminating nature of the empty water bowl, but I forced her to so that you would all know the conditions up with which I have to put (stick that in your grammar check).


Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

The sheer horrors of it all!

We are subjekhted to the torture she exposed woo to AND we have to look at Labradork's bum!


Khyra & Khousin Merdie
PeeEssWoo: I hope she opens that box from Frankie SOON! I'm really tired of holding my breath!

Samantha said...

Actually, Mango, that was a heroic jump over that obstacle and I understand how thirsty you must have been! And I do love the movie of you - especially the part... off which the drool of your maw is dripped on Peewee. (heheh!)
Hugs xo

Kari in WeHo said...

I am sure it takes a lot of effort for you to jump so she better have given you lots of water!

doyle and mollie said...

pretty impressive agility moves guys we think you should just give up on the water and dial for home delivery pizza and beers!

Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Mango you are so mistreated. You can come and stay with us. Mom won't make you do any of those terrible agility tricks.. She might make you herd sheep though..
Great video we can feel your pain...

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

Stella said...

I don't get it. One huge dog, one big dog and one tiny plastic bowl for water.

It would seem to me the DOH could find a tub, or fill up your swimming pool or something that would provide you boys with a generous amount of H20 throughout the day. Talk to her about this.


dewdana said...

A+ for Agilities effort there Mango and good for you for demanding clean water. Moose will decide his water is not fit for consumption but he won't mention anything so he just goes thirsty until I realize he has not been drinking and replace the water. Sometimes it doesn't appear to have anything wrong with it so how am I to know!?

Tobi said...

LOL! Labracooties!

The Army of Four said...

I really prefer freshly poured water only, so I totally understand, Mr. Mango. and I don't like the water they offer me at the vet's. Just saying.
PS: Stormy said you could just go around those hurdle things, then you don't have to jump.

Dog Foster Mom said...

Mango that is very impressive. I can't get Remi the Great Dane to step over a bar that is only ankle height - even for his very favorite thing CHEESE. He thinks obstacles are ten times higher than they appear. Tell your mom that extra-large dogs like you need smaller hurdles than annoyingly agile Labradudes like your brother - and remind her you need larger treats too because of your larger size! It's worth a try.

Asta said...

Dawling boy..all that effowt and agility and NO COOKIES???????????
I'm amazed..I had no idea you lived undew such hawsh conditions..and contaminated watew??
You poow gowgeous boy..if this tweatment doesn't impwove, pleez feel fwee to move into my tiny apawtment whewe despite the size , you will at least get hoomane cookie and dwinkie tweatment and no one fowces you to be athletic
smoochie kisses

Honey the Great Dane said...

Hey Mango - maybe you can get your Momma so start your jumping with the bar a bit lower? That might encourage you to jump more and get used to jumping? I have to say, although I'm a big girl, I do love jumping and often jump over things in the park for no reason! :-) Hsin-Yi also makes me practise - like if there is a low fence around the park, we won't go in the gate but she'll run with me at the fence and jump over it with me - so much fun! Maybe you can ask Momma to jump with you and make a funny noise when she's doing it? That might make it more fun & attractive for you! Hee! hee!

Honey the Great Dane

Niamh said...

It is extremely disgusting to have little brother slimy cooties in you water. That happens a lot here too. Your whining is most impressive though. I must try it.

Your friends,
Niamh & Ambrose

Heather and Pumpkin said...

When I do agilities, I only have to jump over a fence about 3-4 inches tall. Your mommy must have you confused with a horsie.


Tenkiller Airedales said...

Mango Man.... you're brave to have endured the trials and tribsss of your mommy! That is too high for you!!! Make her stop and get you a bigger water bowl... We got your back, err, tail side.


Blu Loo Loo and the tribe

Frankie Furter said...

The things you are forced to endure. I think you should make a SIGN. A BIG HUGE one. And stick it out in front of the estate.

kissa-bull said...

oh you poor insulated woggie
the abuse ush chubbers must endure ish terrible
mommish like to try to make me run on occasions on our walks can you imagen such horror???

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

I have the ASPCAs phone number on speed dial if you need it. I thought your agilities were Most Impressive - I mean, you should get cookies just for moving your Relentlessly Huge self off the porch. And ugh. I hate dishes that have been contaminated by sibling-cooties. Just because we have to live with them doesn't mean that we should have to swap spit with them. I'm just sayin.... (And Mom was very impressed with your grammar - I'm not sure what she means, though. Does your grammar do agilities too? My grammar pretty much sits around and knits hats...)

*kissey face*

Sam said...

An A for effort, Mango. With some practice, you'll be the same caliber as those MACH Mastiffs that are out there.

Wild Dingo said...

1-800-ANI-COPS, I'm so calling. and she calls YOU slow? geesh...

Stella, Gunther and Betty said...

You know Mango, most movie starts even have umbrella holders for when it's raining. Maybe you should start interviewing a water boy or somethin'. Oh and you should have some stylish booties too walkin' around on that frosty deck. Yeah, you're definitely being neglected...

The Doxie Diaries said...

When I first saw your pictures, I was a little afraid. That's because I'm so much smaller than y'all. But I can see that you're great dogs!! I hope we can be friends!!

Woof Y'all,

1000 Goldens said...

You are the best writer Mango, my Mom cracks up every time! Nice job on the agilities and I hope you get more cookies next time!

Martine said...

My goodness gracious Mango! We are glad you did try a little to hop over the fence... it kind of looks fun.

The water bowl incident is surely a case for animal cops... we hope in the least that the water you received was at least filtered or bottled?!

xo martine & the kiddlets

achieve1dream said...

I hope the animal cops get there soon before you expire!


houndstooth said...


I had no idea! What kind of masochist are you living with? First, forced agilities and then near dehydration?! That is most torturous treatment!

I didn't think the labrabutt was too bad, though!


The Thundering Herd said...

Empty water bowl, labradork butt and Mango drool - that video should have come with a parental warning.

Dory and the Mama said...

I never know the torture you had to go through Mango...Dangerous agility moves and then labracooties...and I thought I had it rough with Dory!


Schwang said...

You can see the jumping effort coming all the way out the tips of your ears! You must have needed a lot of water.

Benny and Lily said...

Oh Mango..BOL..walking through that thing seems a much better idea. Have fun exercising
Benny & Lily

hero said...

One small step for human kind... a giant leap for the relentlessly huge. Well executed, Mango.

Licks, hero

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mango. My little heart pawsitively broke to hear you plaintive, parched cries for water. I almost had to cover my eyes cuz it was Most Difficult to watch you suffer in that way. I'm very much glad the movie had a happy ending, though!

Wiggles & Wags,

PeeS. Doesn't coming in the house when asked count as agility?

Ina in Alaska said...

Dear Mango your agilities are coming along very nicely! Keep up the good work, and tell Momma you should have your own bowl in your favorite color! Maybe a martini now and then.... xoxo Toby, Ginger, Jeter and Halle

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh Mango...I can't believe you can move your relentlessly hooge self over that bar. I'd go under it frankly.

Scruffy is in a new bizness...carpet staining.

He recently (yesterday) patented his Golden Shower Carpet Solution...


YES, he has a bladder IN FEK SHUN. He's on those Auntie Bye Otter Ticks. Sheesch...what a mouthful.

Mumsie's been scrubbing all day.


Kisses, Darling,


Sophie Brador said...

Mango, I am part of a labradude, but I would never mess with your water bowl, nor would I bother to jump anything. Also, my mom is taking me to Boston later next week. The whole drive though Master Chew Sits, I will yell your name. If you hear me, howl back.


Life With Dogs said...

Mango, a little Van Halen tune I know might put a spring in your step.

Can't help with the abuse though...

Jazzi said...

BOY!! the treatment that you have to endure!! Shouldnt even be allowed, lol although you did look really cool jumping over the bar, It put a BIG smile and giggle on my face. lol


the booker man said...

poor mr. mango! i'm sorry about the water incident...unacceptable!
that jump of yours was pretty cool, though. you defy gravity! BOL!
the booker man

Molly,Taffy and Monty said...

Oh Mango you crack us up! We have just stopped rolling around the carpet.

We are of course extremely disturbed at the water situation at your estate but your tiny blue bowl being tossed by your good self did make us giggle.

Have a good weekend.

Molly, Taffy and your bestest friend Monty.

PS. Word verification is HYPOOL!

ocmist said...

Contaminated with Labracooties? How AWFUL! I understand totally how you would want to dump that water and insist on a refill with fresh, clean water! After all, it takes a LOT of effort to jump like that! OC and the CCC

Martha and Bailey said...

Mango, we can only think that your mom thinks cos you are so relentlessly huge you are, in fact, a horse.
Now we have seen horses with these sort of jumps!
We know they have competitions - the scariest bit is they have humans sitting on their back!
Now we are not saying your mom is going to sit on your back..........but just be aware these humans do get some strange ideas.
As for the water issue we have already drafter our letter of complaint to the authorities!
Have a good weekend - humans and labradorks allowing!
Martha & Bailey xxxx

Aniemother said...

It really is good we have these blogs, Mango, or the world would never know of all our troubles.


Maggie and Mitch said...

Nice action shots, Mango! We can't believe you actually had to WAIT for your water bowl to be filled for you! Your mama is slacking!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Rocky Creek Scotties and Java said...

Bravo!! Bravo!! on the jump. It was nice to see you in motion.

The Rocky Creek Gang

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan, Yuu-Chan said...

So the spring ad summer will be seasons of torture, with not even a guarantee of drinkable water? We feel for you, Mango.

Tommy (and the Chans)

Tucker said...

Big Boys must be extra careful when jumping over things. Everything must clear (if you know what I mean). I had a really bad ouchie before when my umm... lipstick case.... didn't clear the sticks I was jumping over in the woods.

Good luck with that,

woof - Tucker

Mack and Mia said...

Mango! That was just down right dirty and WRONG of your momma to deprive you of new water while you are feeling all parched and what not! I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to drink from the same bowl as a cootie infested labradork either...HEY....WAIT A SECOND!....

wags and woofs,
Mack and Mia

C.l.o.v.e.r. said...

Hi guys!
I love your header!
And it is so cool that you have agility in your backyard. Can I come try it out?

Penny and Patches said...

Hey, Mango! Long time no woof! You should definitely be on the lookout for those animal cops! Such torture you have had to endure! We do commend you on your grammer, though!

Penny & Patches

Marjie said...

Jumping? JUMPing? JUMPING??? What on earth for? Please, please, PLEASE do not let your Momma tell my Momma about this agility thing. I would not wish to be forced to do the jumping.

My human brother is working at something called Census, and he found a proper breeder - of English Mastiffs. There were large and handsome fawn and brindle dudes warning off intruders. Their human was most impressed that this Census human knew about Mastiffs. Their human lady invited my brother in for coffee. We mastiffs are a truly uniting force for humankind.

BRUTUS said...

Oh, gosh.... No wonder you don't see any mastiffs competing... I do know a DDB (douge de bordeaux) that happens to be the #1 DDB in agility in the country (but there are only 4....). But you do take the hugeness to a whole new level. BTW, it looks like you are attempting the same height that my little bowling-ball body clears with ease. heheheh :)

Agile Snorts-
Brutus the Frenchie

Mr Koda MD said...


Show off labradudes ay, Good One! OHH so thats why all the other dogs try and get to the water bowl before me! Labracooties!!

Excellent... now I know the tricks I'll get to the waterbowl first everytime!

Koda MD

The OP Pack said...

Glad somebody finally got the message about that water bowl. But Mango, don't you have to tread lightly and carefully on that frosty deck? And tell Mom our Mom compliments that fancy grammar.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Twinkietinydog said...

What a funny post, Mango, and am I seeing things or did you actually jump for real? As for the contaminated bowl...we've all seen evidence on your bro's head that points to you as being the master contaminator!

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello mango its dennis the vizsla dog hay wel dun almost sort of kind of jumping the bar!!! no wonder yoo wer so thirsty after all that wurk!!! ok bye