Thursday, April 22, 2010

Privates Tutoring - Not What You Think!

Alert readers will by now have gleaned that the stupid PeeWee engages in many fun activities that do NOT include The Mango! This has caused me to become a bit jelly. I mean really.

He goes to agilities (I kind of wouldn't like that since it involves jumping and actual running).

He goes to daycare (which is fun for about 15 minutes and then just annoying).

He goes to good dog attention games school (yuh, as if I can spend an entire hour pretending that momma is fascinating).

So none of those really appealed to me but I still want my own special Mango time so I insisted that Momma find an activity just for ME!

She was quite pleased with herself when she announced that she had signed me up for...

Privates Tutoring! Huh?

That sounded kind of ominous...

Like I was totally worried that it would involve, well, my Privates and, er, tutoring (which unlike the little black devil the Mango knows means leaving your nards behind).

Momma assured me that my nards were safe so I cautiously agreed to give it a try.

We set off and soon enough arrived at a brand new place where I had never been.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must inform you that the following photos are re-enactments (but I doubt you will be able to tell).

The first thing I did upon arrival at the new place was to locate a nice big pole upon which to leave some of my Mango-ness. This caused momma to start uttering non-words which I think meant STOP. What is this, Kegel exercises?

Then we just walked around and around whilst momma and some trainer dude said many words, none of which were cookie or good dog so I was kind of bored and after a while I decided to sit down and rest.

No sooner had I done that than trainer dude suddenly appears with a smokin hot Burned Yeast Mountain Dog gal! Yowsa!

Momma told me it was OK to look! Are you kidding??? Of course I'm going to look! But I played it cool and acted like I didn't really care about her too much.

In fact I even pretended Momma was more interesting. And in a way, she was, because when I looked at her I got a hot dog and when I looked at that snooty mountain doggie gal she just kept on walking back and forth. What a snob!

Then we practiced "wait" which means momma keeps stopping and I get to butt her with my large and bruise inducing head. That was fun.

But the most exciting part was when trainer dude and momma both put a leash on my sports bra and we went walkies outside!

I found a spot where Tula had actually peed and left her a little message of my own. Oh yeah, for sure.

This picture was taken at the end of Privates Tutoring which, as it turns out, is a most fun and not nard endangering activity. See my happy tail wagging?

I got a homework assignment too. I have to go for a ride in my mastiff mobile to someplace where the humans are walking about at a "safe distance" and hopefully ignoring me so that I can sit near my ride and practice ignoring them.

If I practice really hard, I will get to go to Good Dog Attention school and maybe even meet Tula in person! Now that's a goal that inspires me!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!


Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...


Rub it in that Tula lives in Master Chew Sits...

I mean, meeting me would be khool too???

Khongrats on your privates tutoring!

I have a Burned Yeast Mountain furiend akhross the street - Baloo loves when I bump his ample butt!

I khan't wait to see more of Mango's Travels!

Who needs Gullibles!?!


Ms. ~K said...

Oh Mango, This is such cool news!
You so deserve some special Mango time!
Licks and sniffs,
Zack, Sassy and Buddy

Laura, Lance, and Vito said...

i'm so glad you went!!!! Keep up the hard work and please post more on his training!

Life With Dogs said...

It looks like you and your nards are destined to have that meeting with Tula. Nice work huge one. :)

Lola said...

Oooh, you've got a great sounding activity. Best of luck with it and with Tula.

wags, Lola

Ina in Alaska said...

Those classes look fun to us! We look forward to further reports! xoxo

Wild Dingo said...

Mango Man! Oh Yeah. I'm still not entirely finding your momma trustworthy in regards to the nards. I'd keep an eye on them at all times. in fact, you may want to sleep with one eye open, if you know what i mean...

it's about time you got some 1:1 momma action! Mango Man! Oh Yeah!

Busby and Raymond said...

Mango, we enjoyed the re-enactment pictures. The tutor looks a bit pudgy.

Noah the Airedale said...

D says she now has a mental picture of what your mama looks like. She is very thin and white and has sticks for arms and legs. I'm sure she'll recognise her next month, no worries!
Well done on your new activity matie.

Noah x

monica said...

your very own private "all the attentio" (almost) on you... yeees... I would like it. seemed like you did too! great!


Bouncing Bertie said...

There is so much to learn! Isn't life exciting.
I so totally relate to that vowel sounds and peeing thing!
Toodle pip!

Abby said...

Hi, Mango...

I'm sure you will do well and advance to Good Dog Attention School in no time...

Abby xxxooo

The Rocky Creek Scotties said...

What great news!! We know you'll do well.

Lilly, Piper, Carrleigh and Ruairi

Sophie Brador said...

Mango, I do not know how you refraining from trying to kill that mountain dog. Mom says they are sweet and lovely, but I know they are evil and dangerous. I try to kill them on sight. Unfortunately, mom gets mad at me, esp if they are attached to blind guys.

Also, mom laughed her ass off about your trap door comment, and she's not even kidding. She's been on that treadmill for ages and nothing was working. But one funny about a trap door and woosh. That ass was gone. You should think about marketing a diet plan made entirely of consuming Mango jokes.


houndstooth said...

Oh Mango, I'm glad it didn't have anything to do with your nards! It sounds like a long exercise in training your mom to give you treats to me!


Heather and Pumpkin said...

You got hot dogs! Lucky you Mango! T


Gus said...

Oh, that sounds wonderful. Muzzer wants to get Teka some privates tutoring, because we are afraid to take her places, and pretty soon, we gotta take her to Virginia.

Don't know why. Still trying to figure it out. We are glad you had a good experience though, and hope you soon get to meet Tula AND Khrya in pawson


Clive said...


Good to hear you are getting to do 'special' things just for you! You sounded like you did actually that!

Make sure you pop over to our blog post today so check out more pressies that arrived for us courtesy of Mango Minster! We were really blown away to get more things from JD and Max and also a lovely t-shirt from Daisy!

Have a lovely weekend
Clive and the NSLM

dewdana said...

First off, so relieved that your privates made it through unscathed! Second, the photos are most interesting. I see that your momma is skinny like a stick and that trainer dude has a big mouth! Third, how on earth are you gonna find a place where peoples walk by and ignore the Mango?I know I could not do that but hope you find people who can so you don't flunk your home work assignment! Would be more fun to meet Tula in person, huh!

Martha and Bailey said...

Mango, we are not sure about this private tutoring - some of those pics looked a bit scary!
We guess it is good for you to have some quality time away from Dexter but, let's face it, you guys have different interests!
Well apart from food, play, etc!
love and kisses
Martha & Bailey xxx
ps we didn't really understand about the 'privates'!

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan, Yuu-Chan and Bibi-Chan said...

This all sounds like a LOT of hard work, Mango!

Martha and Bailey said...

Mango, being young ladies we were just being coy!
Let us know if figure out what coy means.............!
This is what happens when humans interfere with blogging!
Martha & bailey xxx

brooke said...

private tutoring sounded pretty omnious! Glad to hear your boys are safe!
Glad your momma found something you and her can do together without PeeWee!

Schwang said...

Oh, that sounds so fun and like you're learning to be such a good dog. You both go to the best training classes. I haven't found much continuing training out here...

MAX said...

Hey Mango Dude!
Seems like you have your Mom organised there! Geesh you know how to convince them! Perhaps we should get some tutoring from you!
Sending lotsalicks
ps..TULA looks yummy!

ScrapsofMe said...

WOWZA! I didn't know they sold sports bras that BIG! Is that like a 4H cup size? HHHH? Or a special R-HHHH? Most excellent bonding time with the Mango Mom, even if you had to sorta pay attention, at least you got hot diggity doglets for yer trouble.

SHE has determind that I need to go back to school too and is negotiating with a local trainer. SHE says I've become bratty, can you imagine? Just cuz I don't do what she says as soon as she says. Like I can't think for myself?

Have fun on your new Mango trips to practice ignoring people. I can ignore people all day, but not squirrels or catses or izzards.


tula said...

Hey Mango- if you liked that hot burned yeast mountain gal.. this big Brooklyn girl will have u saying meow! And Your momma will need to bring the big guns- Fenway Foot long franks!!!

Get yourself in grad skool -gotta see these nards for myself!


violett said...

Hello Mango
Oh, your blog has a new outfit!
To read beautifully as you now learn to become a good dog.
I must also learn. Mummy says my ears cannot not hear.
We look forward to further reports

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Private tutoring made us a little nervous at first, but when we heard you got hot dogs for just looking at your Momma, now that is pretty cool. Mom says she took Dakota to a class like that when she was very young. Guess she needed to learn not to be giving the googly eye to other pups.

The best part of this is getting to spend time with Momma all by yourself. Ciara will be starting her obedience classes in May and Mom hopes to be able to take TD to some more advanced classes next. They even have one of those dance classes - hope she isn't getting any ideas about THAT.

Have a great weekend.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Aniemother said...

That sounds like a pretty good time, Mango! I hope you make loads of progress so you can meet Tula and have fun.


Pearl said...

Mango, this Privates Tutoring sounds pretty cool! It seems like you were a good boy... except for your ill-placed peemail.

I can't wait to hear how you do with your homework assignment!!


Dory and the Mama said...

GO Mango!! What a fun way to spend time with your Mama. Good luck with the homework!!!


Mack said...

That place looks like sooo much fun! I wish we had something like that where I live.
And that Yeasty girl does look a little snobbish...

the booker man said...

how cool!! you get a class all to your self! nothing but the best for the mango! :)
the booker man

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Mango...whilst lookin' at the RE EN ACT MINTS where Mango Mama looks sorta like a stickie, we wondered if she ordered from the new Land's End line..Stickypeople? What a totally adorable fashion trend!!!!!

As for the Bernaise Mountain Saucy Dog, aren't I sassy enuff for ya, Mango?

How many gallons did ya pee on that pole? Did they teach ya some pole dancin'? That's what I'm workin' on...

Kisses and give my regards to your mama and Peewee...

Laciegirlie XXOo

Cinnamon said...

Hi Mango,

I think you did very well at Privates Tutoring. I wouldn't have been able to ignore that Burned Yeast Mountain Dog. Keep up with your good work!


Lorenza said...

I was ready to leave you a comment and then I read Tula's comment and then I forgot my comment! BOL!
Kisses and hugs

Sue said...

Our Mom is starting to talk about school again. She's been kind of checking each of us to see which one she wants to take. We don't know whether to be happy or scared.

Tucker said...

Whew, I'm glad it was just a lot of blahs blahs and cookies. I thought you were gonna have to be wearing that alien cone things Dexter had to wear.

woof - Tucker

Stella, Gunther and Betty said...

We love the new lookie of the bloggie!

Whew, we were afraid a certain set of nuggets were going to be... you know.

Stella, Gunther and Betty

Anonymous said...

Oh, I likes the new look of your bloggie!

And I'm very much happy that you liked your privates tutoring. I bet that would be a lot more fun for you than being in a big ol' class with lots of dogs yelling at you. That gets on my nerves sometimes, to tell you the truths. I am wishing all the good lucks in the world for your homeworks!

Wiggles & Wags,

Marjie said...

I could totally ace the ignoring of people, dude. Just sayin'. There is no reason on earth a large and totally brilliant student such as yourself should not go to Good Dog Attention School. They probably have cookies there, because that's what we good dogs get.


Scout 'n Freyja said...

Mango, we are happy that your tutoring was private 'cause if you had gone to a class you would have been the center of attention 'cause you is so handsome and that might have given the other dogs a complex☺

Samantha said...

Burned yeast mountain dog!!!Ha ha! I think you are well on your way to meeting Tula down there soon - looks like you are doing very well and most important... LIKE IT!!! Glad it was not Privates anything and that you get to keep the nards too! Have fun with the homework!
Hugs xo

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello mango its dennis the vizsla dog hay if yoo want praktiss ignoring hyoomans i wil send the cat rite over!!! ha ha ok bye


Was that girl doggie blind or something not to see your most handsome self?

Enjoy your schooling.


Mr Koda MD said...

I hope that Burned Yeast Mountain Dog wasn't the only reason you enjoyed training your privates!


PS my code word was "agiven"...

Leah said...

I will be watching faithfully to see how tutoring turns out! I think Diesel will be going to private therapy (if I can find such a thing) so maybe they can compare stories!

Mack and Sally Ann said...

Go Mango, Go! I think you will do well at Doggie school, even if it is just you and your mountain lady.
Sally Ann

Oskar said...

Hot chicks and special time with mommy, sounds great!

Niamh said...

So glad that you had your own private lesson Mango! We are sure that you will wow the instructor with how well you do your homework.

Your friends,
Niamh & Ambrose

ocmist said...

WHAT! You must be joking! Tutoring CAN'T mean leaving your nards behind... Actually, no one has really explained what nards are, but we wouldn't want to leave anything behind that Mango wouldn't want to leave behind! Grammy had been talking about Pippin and me going int for tutoring in the next week or so. Apparently it has to do with changing an Attitude? I guess it is to train us not to fight with each other so much.

You don't seem to fight much, though so now I'm really confused! ANY school that gives "ONLY" time with our peoples is good, though, RIGHT... so you must be pretty happy and especially if it might mean you'd get to see Tula! Gimli from Corgi Country

Kari in WeHo said...

tail wags and hot dogs? Must have been tons of fun

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Mom has been talking about taking us (me and Abby) back to the lady who teaches Mom how to give us turkey hot dogs. My Mom isn't all that interesting, so it's hard to focus on her for very long, but those hot dogs definitely make it easier... Glad that your nards are still intact! ;-)

*kissey face*

Sunshade said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean Mango, STINKY goes to daycare, he goes to playdates, he goes to parties, and he used to go to agility. Not that I would want to go to any of those really, but I want my Sunshade time too!

Did you get accepted into the Good Dog Attention school yet??

Love nibbles,
Miss Sunshade

Honey the Great Dane said...

Woohoo Mango!! OK, I had an advanced preview of your Private Tutoring experience but it was great to relive it all again! And I'm so happy to hear how well you did coz I know your human was feeling a bit stressy about things - but this is a great start! And good luck with the homework! I know how hard it is to get people to ignore giant doggies like us - you know, some of my doggie friends have humans who just tell people trying to approach them "Please ignore my dog - he is in training" in a firm voice - coz otherwise some people just do really stupid things. It might be a bit rude but so what? You don't know those people anyway - More important that you get your homework done! :-) Like I was reading on Dixie the Catahoula's blog about people getting upset coz her human asks them not to pat her when she is working - God, like people expect all doggies to be just waiting for their pats all the time? THAT's rude! They should respect that not all doggies want or should be interacted with all the time.

Honey the Great Dane

achieve1dream said...

Alright Mango!!!! I too was a bit concerned by the title to your post but I'm glad it turned out to be a fun ride and lots of treats. :)