Yuh, well the first thing that is up is that the DOH has been hogging my bloggy with all her stupid blue italicized words. What the heck? Does it say Momma's Big Adventures? I think not.
But on to more disturbing items. Twice now, I have gone about my business like a regular guy only to be awakened from my meditations most unceremoniously and feeling quite odd. Like somebody turned the lights out and turned the heat way up and messed about with my coordinations. I am told that somebody called the Seizure Monster crept up and attacked me during my vulnerable moments. WTF?
Momma even showed me a movie she took of the alleged seizure monster visiting me. As if! I know they can do anything with videos nowadays. Hey! I saw the Matrix, OK? And if they can make Keanu Reeves look like he can act they can do anything. Obviously a fake.
I was a little embarrassed to have discovered that I wet my bed. The Mango has never ever peed inside. Even when I was a baby. How did that happen? Then to make matters worse the evil witch rubbed me down with ass wipes. Yes, you heard me, ass wipes. I mean the rubbing part felt good, but come on already.
And PeeWee? He is as moody as a little girl. One minute he is all growly at me and the next he is practically sleeping in my bed!
Does this look like a sane dog to you?
He also is sporting what I consider the most ridiculous fur trim ever. Momma keeps putting white powder on it. That's why it looks so funny. I think he is sorry he asked for that fur cut because he is always trying to rub it off. The DOH says he better stop it or he will get coned. Now THAT would be scary.
I'll tell you what else. Things are really BORING around here. All I hear is, "Oh, Mango, you need to take it easy" or "Mango, I don't want to walkie you today and stress you out." Stress? Huh? Sigh. Gone are the halcyon days when I went to funballs skool with TM and Norwood. Check out these action movies from our last day of class.
First me and Tula in a RACE! Can you hear her flirting with me? Roo roo roo. Watch it here.
Then me and some labragoon. He is no match for my speed. Watch it here.
And finally getting ever so close to the lovely Tula herself. I can tell she likes me. Watch it here.
I am most appreciative of all your good thoughts because I really don't know how I can defend myself alone if this cowardly seizure monster is going to come a calling when I am in dreamland.
Oh yeah, and I am supposed to clarify that the special vet, my good friend, was to give attentions to my large and not well gaited bottom but I am not even going to get to visit her now because momma is all like, "Oh Mango, that long drive and all the poking and prodding is not good for you right now so I will just call your regular vet, OK?" Well, not OK, because I know nice Dr. Rogers was aiming to give me a full body massage and my regular vet is just going to want to steal my blood and whatnot. Plus she doesn't even have handicapped access and I am forced to haul my large and not wanting to go up and down stairs self, well, up and down stairs. For what? To get my DNA removed for their black market Mango based products?
And don't even get me started on visiting my friends. Sometimes I can get some computer time whilst momma is at work, but for reasons which I do not fully understand it is harder for me to log in when I know she is super busy at the work place. Must be my empathetic nature. And when she gets home? Well, I can't complain about that part since she is snuggling with me instead of reading bloggies. Sorry, pals.
At least I got to play tennis ball a little bit this morning.
Look at me go!
Actually, we both played tennis ball.
To be honest, I felt a bit fatigued after just a few tosses. But I discovered that it is quite easy to enjoy a game of keep away from the PeeWee from a recumbent posture if the proximity of the tennis ball is correctly aligned with my large and jaws of doom with an alarmingly long reach self.
Mango Man! Oh yeah!