DANGER! FALSE MANGO PRODUCT ALERT!!!
I interrupt WTF Wednesday to bring you an important alert. My mini-me twinner look alike, Anakin, discovered that his dad had (gasp) been consuming alleged Mango products! Oh the horror! What next? Read about it here if you dare and then go check your cold boxes at once.
And now, back to our regular program...
My momma has what you call significantly messed up priorities. Yuh, she is always complaining about how she does not have enough time to do her "stuff" but let me tell you, the issue is not time, it is what she does with it.
To whit, allow me to share our Monday evening events;
#1 Momma arrives home from the work place far later than I would like and sits down to chat with Master and provide me and PeeWee with cuddles. I am not sure what they discuss, because it is so mind numbingly boring that I am like to pass out.
#2 She takes idiot PeeWee for a walkie which takes FOREVER because she has to put on all her cold weather clothes, not to mention the reflective gear and flashing lights which she deems necessary to venture out into the dark of night (I bet she and the midget are visible from outer space).
#3 Upon return home, she disassembles PeeWee's bed and puts the labrastinkie covers in the washy machine.
#4 Fill up the humidifiers so that we don't all get electrocuted from the static elect twist city.
#5 Commence training of my large and eager to learn self. Become gruff when I refuse to interact with the dumb therapy ball. Do "leave it exercises" until my head spins and then pull out the alleged mental stimulations toy which I can solve from a comfortable recumbent position.
#7 Load up mouse traps with peanut butter and place them optimistically in the eaves since the mouse disco up there has been causing the sleep disruption (OK, at least I got to lick the peanut butter knife).
#10 Put away clean laundry from yesterday's washing.
#11 Do whatyacall "tidying up." A decidedly pointless task which consists primarily of moving objects from one part of the estate to another. Most alarmingly, the toys which I have strategically placed throughout the house are returned to the toy basket (hey, it takes a lot of energy to move those toys to just the right spots. You heartless old sow).
#13 FINALLY sit down and help me read blogs (yuh, for like two minutes before it is declared lights out) Sometimes she doesn't even read blogs either. Nope, she reads her dumb overdue library books or watches DVDs with Master. BORING!
WTF? Really! What are you doing you crazy witch? Is it any wonder I can never keep up with my pals? You are squandering the entire evening doing peculiar and inconsequential tasks.
Listen to the Mango. I can modify that list so that it is much more relaxing and better for ME, er, I mean for ALL of us... let's see.
In order to leave the work place sooner, put an auto reply on your dumb email, "Bite me!" That should slow down the influx of requests.
#1 OK, we'll keep this one because it involves cuddling.
#2 Walk the Mango! Sure, I don't really like walking in the dark, but we could go someplace with lights, like the mall, and I could check out the Apple store for mastiff friendly peripherals or maybe score some noms.
#3 I can't complain about washing PeeWee's bed. Stinkie. We'll keep that one.
#4 Same for those humidifiers things. I mean sometimes sparks fly when I touch momma with my nose. Ouch!
#5 Forget the training crap. Just give me the hot dogs. Hey, I earned them.
#6 Forget training idiot PeeWee too. Throw a handful of tennis balls down the stairs and let him go for it.
#7 Skip the mouse traps. I have any number of pals who would joyfully spend the night in the eaves hunting down those night time disco party beasts. Heck, they could keep and enjoy whatever they catch. Just give me some peanut butter.
#9 You might be surprised that I'm going to keep the ear cleaning. It doesn't really bother me and it is quite entertaining to watch momma chase PeeWee around since he thinks an ear cleaning marks the end of days.
#10 Put away the laundry? Why bother? It's clean, right? Just take it out of the basket as needed. You know you always wear the same stuff over and over and over and over and...
#11 Do I need to comment? Tidy up. As if! OK, well, it did include putting up my holiday cards received thus far, but the rest? Forget about it.
#13 Bring on the love! It's MANGO TIME!
Mango Man! Oh yeah!
P.S. Here is a bonus movie I found on the internets just because.
WARNING! VERY LOUD!