Wednesday, December 8, 2010

WTF Wednesday - Messed up Priorities



DANGER! FALSE MANGO PRODUCT ALERT!!!
I interrupt WTF Wednesday to bring you an important alert. My mini-me twinner look alike, Anakin, discovered that his dad had (gasp) been consuming alleged Mango products! Oh the horror! What next? Read about it here if you dare and then go check your cold boxes at once.

And now, back to our regular program...


My momma has what you call significantly messed up priorities. Yuh, she is always complaining about how she does not have enough time to do her "stuff" but let me tell you, the issue is not time, it is what she does with it.

To whit, allow me to share our Monday evening events;

#1 Momma arrives home from the work place far later than I would like and sits down to chat with Master and provide me and PeeWee with cuddles. I am not sure what they discuss, because it is so mind numbingly boring that I am like to pass out.


#2 She takes idiot PeeWee for a walkie which takes FOREVER because she has to put on all her cold weather clothes, not to mention the reflective gear and flashing lights which she deems necessary to venture out into the dark of night (I bet she and the midget are visible from outer space).


#3 Upon return home, she disassembles PeeWee's bed and puts the labrastinkie covers in the washy machine.


#4 Fill up the humidifiers so that we don't all get electrocuted from the static elect twist city.


#5 Commence training of my large and eager to learn self. Become gruff when I refuse to interact with the dumb therapy ball. Do "leave it exercises" until my head spins and then pull out the alleged mental stimulations toy which I can solve from a comfortable recumbent position.



#6 Kick me out of MY dog cave and commence training PeeWee who flings himself at the exercise ball with such vigor that she fears for his structural integrity and switches to the mentals puzzle which he thinks he can solve just by biting it (moron).


#7 Load up mouse traps with peanut butter and place them optimistically in the eaves since the mouse disco up there has been causing the sleep disruption (OK, at least I got to lick the peanut butter knife).


#8 Run the vacuum machine around in a futile attempt to rid the house of labrafur tumbleweeds and the miscellaneous constructions fallout which Master seems to shed at all times. PeeWee always argues with her regarding the best way to accomplish this and there are usually HBO words exchanged. Oh my ears!



#9 Speaking of ears, next up is an ear cleaning for both of us. Yuck.

#10 Put away clean laundry from yesterday's washing.

#11 Do whatyacall "tidying up." A decidedly pointless task which consists primarily of moving objects from one part of the estate to another. Most alarmingly, the toys which I have strategically placed throughout the house are returned to the toy basket (hey, it takes a lot of energy to move those toys to just the right spots. You heartless old sow).


#12 Look at the clock and exclaim, "Oh Mango, look how late it is. You know the Pea never lets me sleep past 5:30 in the morning. We can only spend a little time before I have to go to bed" Note the squirt has already retired to his nice clean labracouch in order that he will be all jumping around insane cracker well before sunrise.




#13 FINALLY sit down and help me read blogs (yuh, for like two minutes before it is declared lights out) Sometimes she doesn't even read blogs either. Nope, she reads her dumb overdue library books or watches DVDs with Master. BORING!


WTF? Really! What are you doing you crazy witch? Is it any wonder I can never keep up with my pals? You are squandering the entire evening doing peculiar and inconsequential tasks.

Listen to the Mango. I can modify that list so that it is much more relaxing and better for ME, er, I mean for ALL of us... let's see.

In order to leave the work place sooner, put an auto reply on your dumb email, "Bite me!" That should slow down the influx of requests.

#1 OK, we'll keep this one because it involves cuddling.


#2 Walk the Mango! Sure, I don't really like walking in the dark, but we could go someplace with lights, like the mall, and I could check out the Apple store for mastiff friendly peripherals or maybe score some noms.

#3 I can't complain about washing PeeWee's bed. Stinkie. We'll keep that one.

#4 Same for those humidifiers things. I mean sometimes sparks fly when I touch momma with my nose. Ouch!

#5 Forget the training crap. Just give me the hot dogs. Hey, I earned them.

#6 Forget training idiot PeeWee too. Throw a handful of tennis balls down the stairs and let him go for it.

#7 Skip the mouse traps. I have any number of pals who would joyfully spend the night in the eaves hunting down those night time disco party beasts. Heck, they could keep and enjoy whatever they catch. Just give me some peanut butter.



#8 Cleaning up labrafur? Good luck with that. Why bother?

#9 You might be surprised that I'm going to keep the ear cleaning. It doesn't really bother me and it is quite entertaining to watch momma chase PeeWee around since he thinks an ear cleaning marks the end of days.

#10 Put away the laundry? Why bother? It's clean, right? Just take it out of the basket as needed. You know you always wear the same stuff over and over and over and over and...

#11 Do I need to comment? Tidy up. As if! OK, well, it did include putting up my holiday cards received thus far, but the rest? Forget about it.


#12 Glance at the clock and exclaim, "Oh Mango! Look! Only half an hour has passed and now we have lots of time to snuggle and chat and just focus on MANGO!"


#13 Bring on the love! It's MANGO TIME!


Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Here is a bonus movie I found on the internets just because.





WARNING! VERY LOUD!







55 comments:

Bouncing Bertie said...

Mango, our government here in the UK wants to save money through increased efficiency. I think you could earn lots of ££££ (thats even more $$$$) as an advisor!
Toodle pip! Bertie.

The Paw Relations said...

Surely Mango and Dexter time should come first before any of that other stuff?

Dexter you did look silly licking that knife

Martha and Bailey said...

Oh Mango, we reckon your mom is trying to make herself look busy - what is it with humans and this time of the year?
We particularly like your style of time management - we so agree about putting away the laundry - what is the point!
Anyways we are loading our little clip of Martha getting stuck in the snow onto You Tube.
It did say on Facebook that you could embed the video on any sight so we thought we would try it out!
Drop by later if you have time or indeed see you on You Tube.
How adorable was that video - thank you for sharing it with us Martha is just singing along......perhaps she will stop soon.
xxxx

Peppy Sheppys said...

Mango, We think you should be Pawsident with all of your magnificent ideas and experience iwth by bi-pup-iship.

Wild Dingo said...

Please come to Swissiland Mango. I'll send you a ticket. Juno says she'll have PLENTY of time for you and PLENTY of cuddles. But she would like a little support when Loki goes cracker. And she thinks you're just the chap for that. Perhaps you can teach him to be respectful of a lady with jodhpurs?

as for those pups. EGADS my ears? what kind of pups were they anyway?

Jen said...

Mango, you think just like Sophie here... forget the working with Spike or Murph. Forget cleaning the rugs. Forget putting toys away... just cuddle with me!! That's exactly how she thinks!! lol

I could lend you a Murphy for awhile to deal with the mousy issues you have!! She maintains the same sleep schedule as PeeWee!

Jen and the BDC

Niamh said...

It is so crazy how people get caught up with inconsequential stuff. We like sorting laundry before it is washed and still stinky but why bother with folding the stuff? We think your DOH should quit her day job so she can spend more time with you.

Your friends,
Niamh & Ambrose

Karen Raye and Bentley Beargrass said...

Mango time Is the most important priority of all! Why don't they get that? Have a great day!

Priscilla said...

It seems your mom is super busy and she wastes all her precious time on silly trivial thingies. Hope she knows what is more important to her by now!

Mack said...

Your list seems WAY better than your momma's! And your momma does WAY more cleaning than mine does on a week night!
My mom wanted me to ask your mom, where did you get that sofa cover on which Dexter was napping?

Sugars,
Mack

Mom says those pups were "Preshuz"

The 'splorin' Wolfies said...

Mango your post expired my mental capacity and i had to go back to bed. you're momma needs to master the skill "mark all as read" and move on.

jen said...

LOL! My Sherman is starting to sound a lot like Mango:)

Mango your mom does way too much stuff after work but I have to say..I know where she is coming from:)

monica said...

I totally agree! All that vaccuming and tidying - what's the use! bring on the extended cuddling time !!
Bundy the Bundle of Joy and a Mango follower!

Frankie Furter said...

I think you have just made your momma's life soooooo much easier. What a grrreat thingy to do fur her. Like a PRE Christmas pressie. The gift of MANGOTIME.

giantspeckledchihuahua said...

Mango, you've got the size and inflattulence to help your bean rearrange her priorities in a way that makes sense. Use them!

ha! that video had Stumpy looking for invaders all over the house.

I used to drink mango juice, but after getting to know you, I've given it up. I can't bear thinking where it may have come from.

Erika said...

Oh Mango you poor poor puppy, I can't beleieve your Momma wastes her time with all that boring stuff. Maybe you should sing at her like those puppies and she might give you more snuggle time.

Texas The Doxie said...

We feel your pains, cause our mom has been busy wit her school place

Corbin said...

Mango Man, that timeline is perfect! I may alter it a bit and suggest it to my mom because it's the same old thing at my house... time for everything but the Corbin. Ugh.
-Corbin

Raymond and Busby said...

Um, Mango, is that a CAT stuffy that we see lying on your living room floor? WTF indeed!

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan and Bibi-Chan said...

The situation is clearly desperate....


Ahem.. it actually looks like she is trying to stick that knife up your nose, Mango....

Woofs,
Tommy

Cheryl, Indiana, Shingo and Molly said...

Mango, you need to hand your Moms a new list!! Maybe you should work on that today!

Woofs and Kisses!
The Fiesty Three

Tank said...

Your Momma is very misguided. I hope she soon sees the error of her ways and embraces your revised schedule.

PeeS... try to get a video if she throws the tennis balls down the stairs for you know who. Something tells me that would be pretty entertaining.

Sue said...

Very sensible suggestions. Let's hope she listens to you.

That video caused lots of barking here in the office. Everyone is running around looking for the puppies.

Morgan, Tsar and the Porties

mayziegal said...

Well, for all your momma's faults, she doesn't make you sing for your dinner like in that movie. Those poor puppies. I thoughts they were gonna starve to death right before my very eyes!

Anywho...yeah...your momma does do a lot of the unnecessaries. Humans have very much strange ideas of priorities. Have you presented her with your ideas? I bet she would be Most Appreciative. Let us know how that works out, okay?

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie

twobarkingdogs said...

That video was hysterical ... drove clover and cosmo nuts looking for the puppies, both of them barking at the big tv lol!!

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Woo furgot the part about watching F******* too late!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
PeeEssWoo: Nice posing of the furry special khytty!

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Mango there is just so much here I could comment on but I have to get Mumsie ready for Mall Shopping. Do you know the evil mall actually had a shuttle service on Saturday to drag overly zealous shoppers from an offsite parking lot? Not that we were there...we were with Asta, but we heard about it...

So um nice dead cat stuffie you have in that one pic...loved it!

As for you mom's PRO OR IT IZING? She's way better than Mumsie...we'd be glad to work on that tiny mouse problem you have....

Oh, what are your mom's cleaning resolutions this year? Mumsie wants to EM U LATE them...'specially since she hasn't finished the 2010 cubboards yet...

Kisses,

Lacie

What time are you pickin' me up for the NUT CRACKER?

brooke said...

Jezus that's one crazy list! Who does all that stuff on a weeknight after work?!
Your list is way better than your mommas, though that crosseyed picture was pretty funny!

Elyse said...

Your Mom does not relax after work...at all. I think some time cuddled up with you would make her feel better. And Dexter gets up by 5:30 AM?!?! Is he crazy? You don't have to answer that...I think I already know. Riley was trying to figure out where those singing Bloodhounds were coming from!

Elyse and Riley

Levi Mac said...

I like your line of thinking dude!

pam said...

OH NOES!!! Mommy was havin a connip ah conption ah her was havin a fit cause she saw this:

Pineapple-Mango Chutney


2 cups diced fresh pineapple (I've used Trader Joe's frozen pineapple - just as good!)
1 cup diced fresh mango (again, frozen mango is a good substitute & easier to dice)

AYYIYIYI they gots some Mango and froze it.(easier to dice?????) nooooooooooooooooo

We shall investigate and get back to youse.

Bobo and Meja

Samantha said...

We agree - you come first! We like your updated priorities. End of comment.
xoxoxoxo

Oskar said...

You have it all figured out! I'm a little luckier cause my mom person doesn't go out to that working place.

Nubbin wiggles,
Oskar

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

You sure do have a busy mom there. We think your version would make life a lot simpler for her - hope she listens to you.

Great video - what a bunch of cuties.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Marjie said...

Well, if your Momma works with dudes who might drive trains, like my momma does, they just don't understand email autoresponders that say "Bite me." Momma says they are humorless. Momma should take your other suggestions for sure. You are a great planner. And tell PeeWee that we sleep until 7 or 8 hereabouts, 10 or even noon on weekends. Man, we do love the weekends!

Other than that, Why isn't Anakin protecting his humans from false Mango products? He's not being a good mini-mango there!

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Mango, I confess, I partook of a Mango milkshake for breakkie!

That pic of you and the peanut butter! Oh! Be still my heart!

JD and Max said...

Hiya Mango - we even ran in from the garden at that video, toooo cute!!

Hey, we've got a dog-brick too - we get VERY impatient with it!

And ooooh - thank you so much for buying the sponsorship doggie! We've left you a comment on Blueberry's auction site on that item number about what to do next!!

Schnauzer snuggles - JD and Max.

doyle and mollie said...

phew we are rather exhausted just reading about all the things your momma does to make your life so comfortable and mango that crosseyed pic of your lovely self had our momma rolling around on the floor... loves & licks xxxx

Carol from Down Under said...

Hi Mango, well I can relate to your Momma as bad as it seems. Some things just have to be done. I think to keep you busy while she is cleaning, she could give you the whole peanut butter jar to lick and slobber on. What's with Dexter waking up so early? Take it easy big fella, hugs from Carol.

Kari in WeHo said...

Your list is much better!

Kari
http://dogisgodinreverse.com/

Maggie and Mitch said...

OMG, that picture of you sniffing the butterknife is too funny, Mango! haha
Your crossed eyes are killing us!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Clive said...

Oh Mango, that was just brillant! We enjoyed it so much! We have all kinds of mad activity going on in this house too - today was Christmas shopping so I was neglected for hours!!! So not fair!

I totally agree with your management style!

take care
Clive and Murray

HoundDogMom said...

Mango, we are having the same problems here at our house. We are so glad you blogged this concern for us. Hopefully, our human will see it and get take a hint.

Oh, my gosh that tongue. :) And we will have to post Winston and the sweeper thingy, he loves it, but he is weird.Those baby bloods were loud but Mom said she would take one.

We hope things get better at the Mango home.

Sniffers,
Cleo, Amiee and Winston

The Thundering Herd said...

The hu-dad is shocked to discover that #10 is not already standard practice.

ocmist said...

Human priorities sure don't match with ours do they!? We aren't getting near the amount of Grammy's time as we are entitled to either! We ARE having fun catching the mice though! Auntie Sadie has been teaching us how and each of us pups have caught at least one. I, Gimli, have caught several!

We are really missing catching up with our blogging friends! Grammy got even farther behind with all the hospital visit time. Don't know if she will EVER catch up. At least everyone's doing pretty good again healthwise around here.

We keep telling her to just forget it! We are more important than any of that other stuff and what's the use of a noisy sucking monster around here? We work HARD at filling this place with tribbles!

I've a feeling a lot of us doggies are getting the short end of the time during this part of the year! :( We are thinking about you and PeeWee (and your Mom, too)!

houndstooth said...

I think your list sounds MUCH better than your mom's list! Why don't they ever listen to us? We obviously have much better priorities and thought processes than they do!

I bet Fred looked just like that when he was a puppy!

Bunny

Those Elgin Pugs said...

Hey 'deres big me's!!

So me's likes yous new list yes.
Number 10 is what me daddy would agree wits too. He's always telling Mommy not necessary to fold 'da laundry... mommy gives him 'da eye ball looks..
yous peanut butters eyes!! hu hu's

We's got mice too!! Daddy found one in 'da bathroom upstairs and 'dere was one under da....
BED!! Mommy screamed so loud me's thought 'da police was going to come...
Daddy couldn't catch it 'doe..
We's found little mouse poops on 'da floor and dey be coming from under da bathroom sink and from da bedroom closet!! AHHH!!

Me not skeerd toes....

Okays... yes dey do play loud musics like in tom and jerry and stuffs, butt hopefuls dey leaves.. hu hus..

Okays... so on to more distured news Mango!!! Yous little Josie admirer.... found someting!!!!!

Ut... oh's......

And it's guess whos!!! DADDY'S!!

Me's be in touches!!

Yous Mini

Honey the Great Dane said...

Hee! Hee! I have to say - I'm with Dexter on the Vacuum Monster!

Slobbers,
Honey the Great Dane

Asta said...

Mango
I was totally amazed at how much mowe eff eshunt and clevew youw shedoole is.
i think thewe might be a place in govewnment gfow you..i know you could do a way bettew job than any of the hoomans.
youw pwiowities awe wight on tawget.
and looking at you makes evewyone swoon wif wondewfulness in theiw heawts so it would be a happiew planet alltogethew if you wewe in chawge
I hope youw Mama listens to youw advice..my favowite of couwse is mowe Mango time, followed by the message she should leave at wowk
Smoochie kisses
ASTA

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Yikes, Mango! This is indeed serious. If you don't get Mango Momma to slow down and smell the Mango, she's going to work herself into a heart attack or something. And who will wait on you hand and foot if that happens?! Doesn't sound like there's much sleep time in her schedule, and Momma's need sleep to stay healthy. Maybe you could sit on Dex in the a.m. and get him to leave her alone until 6:30 or 7?

We're sending Pretty Girl the photo of your cross-eyed self; she's going to love it. She does the same face when nommies approach her sensitive nose.

Take care of the Mango Momma! You need her!

Jed & Abby

Pepsi Bum said...

Hoomans and their messed up list. They should just listen to us clever ones.

Make a presentation on the list, and run for President in the house, dude.

Woofs,
Pepsi

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

We think all the time should be Mango time! We don't understand the 'tidying up' thing - even though Mom isn't involved in the constant removal of labrafurs (or any other furs, since we have hair, not fur, and we don't shed)- Mom does the same thing with picking up toys and half-chewed chewies and puts them 'away'. *sheesh* They are where they are because we PUT THEM THERE. When will these humans learn? And yes, we think you should just be fed hot dogs without having to perform tricks for the DOH - you are The RH after all.

Just saying...

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

tula said...

Mango what in the world are woo doing with your tongue-- EWWW! plz don't evah do that in front of me.. grr.

hate to tell ya. woo's barking on deaf ears when it comes to your momma. a definite list of consequences needs to be added..

just sayin.

tula

JackDaddy said...

You've got so many comments that I feel guilty adding another one :). You'll never get anything done but read comments!

Jessie said...

Mango Mama,

Ear cleaning at our house is also fun. I take 2 little syringes and fill them with 3 cc's of ear cleaner. (I have little dogs).Then we play hide and seek till I find/catch one of them. Squirt the cleaner in and all done. Easier then using the really big bottle!
Jessie from Canada