Thursday, September 30, 2010

SITSITSIT LEAVIT LEAVEIT AHAHAH!!!


Last week I was out enjoying my perambulations as is my wont and when we arrived back at the estate, momma noticed that she still had some tasty chicken left in her pouch. Nommy!

Given that I had shown stellar behavior on my all too brief walk, apparently she had not seen fit to pump her entire stash of tidbits into my mouth. That, I suppose, as well as the fact that she has been forcing me to (gasp) jog the last part of my walk which is not an activity conducive to consuming foodables regardless of their quality.

I thought that she should dump the bag into my waiting maw, but she insisted on doing something called "leave it" exercises to whit throwing chicken morsels on the ground and expecting me to ignore them for about 5,764,987 seconds.

Well, being a bit spent from my vigorous activities I was frankly too fatigued to arise from a seated posture, even for chicken and apparently excelled at this particular "activity."

So much so that she ran into the house to fetch the flashie beast and record my non movement.

Her absence provided me ample opportunity to restore my large and surprisingly athletic self and by the time she returned, let's just say, I was no longer in the mood to hold still and passively watch chicken bits fall from the sky.

Here you see the tempting treat.





And here you see me rising from my sit in a most stealthy manner...





Now momma has read many books on training doggies and attended oodles of classes and she KNOWS that one of the most important rules is to never repeat a command. NEVER NEVER NEVER! Right? Because if you want me to sit, just say sit, not SITSITSIT. And if I happen to get up, you don't make throaty vowel sounds (ah ah ah) but just return me quietly back to my original position.

Seems somebody forgot all of this because I was peppered with SIT-LEAVE-IT-AHAHAH which, frankly, was a bit confusing.

That, combined with the ever present chicken morsels resulted in, well, how to put it delicately... a rather unfortunate sit with eager licking of chops and (gasp) LIPSTICK (you know what I'm talking about).







Excuse me...

Hey! It's all Mango, it's all good, right?





Fortunately, the entire incident was captured on video so that you can see how confusing life can sometimes be for me. Watch the movie here.


In other news, PeeWee is encroaching on my territory again (and momma is thinking about a new carpet for my Barbie Dream House Dog Cave). Sob! My manly braided rug is the only thing left that isn't purple and girly.







Don't forget to cast your votes this week in my I Wanna Be Like Mango contest. See the sidebar and my Sunday, September 26th post for details. And speaking of that, my good friend, Tula, from skool posted a late entry and I could not include her, but I thought you might enjoy reading her post here. Hubba hubba. She is ALL Tula!


Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Thanks to all the helpful tips that came in regarding my nephew, Oliver's itchy problems. I think he is scheduled for blood work soon. Hope he can get some relief.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

WTF Wednesday - Tennis Ball El'bow


We all know how lazy my momma can be, especially when it comes to doing happy fun times things with the Mango. Well, one of the things she does when she is too lazy to walkie me or work on my mastiff moves it to play tennis ball. OK, that's tons of fun, but a few months ago she was throwing the ball and all of a sudden she went SQUEEEE! OH OW OW OW!

No big deal except that ever since she has been whining about her arm hurting. So I finally convinced her to go to the human vet.

Imagine my surprise when she brought home THIS shocking x-ray of her anatomies!
















WTF? Momma has TENNIS BALL EL'BOW! How the heck did that happen?

I will say that El'bow contacted me recently concerned that his tennis ball had disappeared.




After examining the photo, I explained to El'bow that my good friend, Gravity, would return the ball to him and sure enough, he did.





Which still leaves me puzzled as to how both El'bow AND his tennis ball somehow showed up on momma's photo copy innards picture.

She says that she has a boo boo in her biceps tendon which is the same as happened to Ted Johnson... NOT! Yuh, he totally spronged his tendon trying to tackle a Mango sized dude and momma hurt herself throwing a tennis ball. NOT THE SAME! But she is all crying, boo hoo and has to go to the physical therapy which I think translates into less time for ME!

Note from Momma
Unlike Ted Johnson, who ruptured his biceps tendon, I appear to have micro tears which should recover in (gasp) a couple of months with PT, rest, and heat. The PT lady thought I was left handed because the hand strength in my left hand was DOUBLE that of my right. I told her, "Duh, that is my LEASH hand."



Yuh, whatever.

Some readers have commented that they haven't seen much of PeeWee lately.

OK, well, actually, nobody has said that, but momma told me I have been a big blog piggy so she is making me post a movie of me and and the squirt playing. You can watch it here.

Oh yeah, and momma wants to know what your experiences are with the steroids because PeeWee is taking them for a bad ear infection and he is thirsty and peeing and kind of panting and honestly not his normal ebullient self so she is worried.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. I MUST share this video that Miss Khyra sent. It is so happy making! You will see.

Monday, September 27, 2010

VOTING RESTARTED! BIG MISTAKE! BLAME THE HUMAN!

Oh EEEEE! The DOH totally messed up my contest voting and left out Fiona! I wracked my brain to try and figure out the best solution and decided to restart the voting because I just couldn't think of any other way to be fair.

The deadline is still going to be Friday, but I need everybody to come back and redo their votes.

I am super sorry, but, you know, these things happen, right?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I WANNA BE LIKE MANGO CONTEST - VOTE NOW!




That's right! The time has come to choose the doggie that has most shown his or her mango-ness.

And guess what? I got a TON of entries and momma is going to round them up and donate $50 to the Tufts School of Doggie Medicines! Fantastic! Not to mention that the winners will get fabulous prizes... oops, did I say winners? For real, yuh, because in addition to reader's choice, there will be official mastiff choice awards given out by El'bow, Thor, and, of course, ME!


Now, before you get all trigger happy with the voting buttons, listen up!

Every photo is just a sample from the most excellent posts that my pals did to embrace their inner Mango.

Just click on each doggie's name to read their full entry before you make up your mind, OK?




Then when you are ready, you can vote in the sidebar thingie.
Note that there are THREE groups of doggies. You can vote once in each group, but the highest score overall will be the official reader's choice (this was the only way I could figure out how to let you vote for more than one doggie).

I will give you until Friday, October 1st to vote. That should be enough time to read 'em, right?

I have listed my contestants in the alphabetical ordering.


Showing off all his Mango-ness



This is the agilities tunnel






Athleticism




Loving his ride.




Expressive face





Kind to siblings




Totally dressed for success (and it's purple!)




Snappy, er, buzzy dresser.




Advanced meditations pose




Versatile facials





Most athletic (I could totally do that, yuh)







OK, I know he isn't actually in this photo, but check out the milk bone tree he grew with his own paws (you can read about it on his bloggy).





Shockingly expressive facials





Utilizing her FT to make a lovely toot toot.





Brotherly love and respect





Subtle, yet effective slobbers.



A healthy fear of stairs



Combo move of athletics and expressive facials.





Show your stuff!





Relentless hugeness!







Plays well with others.




OK, does anybody else find this photo disturbing?



Attentive at skool







Landscape architecting



Most impressive slobber / drool / ice cream action


Peppy Sheppys (Oscar [pictured], Edgrrrr, and Ethel)


Curiously cracker dog meditations



Facial folds


and slobbers





Ladies dog, flirting with... HEY! Hang on! Get away from MY MJ!




Athleticism! Boing, boing!




Fierce face




Gardening expert









Expressive facials





Vocalizations




Showing off the goods



Singing!




Not doing stairs, no way!






Remember, whilst some of my contestants might not exactly look like the Mango, I can assure you that they have ALL shown outstanding Mango qualities which you can read about in their posts. Being Mango is a state of mind for sure, right?


Mango Man! Oh yeah!


P.S. We got this nice thank you from those Tufts people. It is called the hospital for small animals, but it is where the Mango goes when there is a Mango emergency and they manage my relentlessly hugeness just fine.

Thank you for your gift of $50.00.

You have requested that your gift be designated as follows:

Gift 1

Cummings Veterinary

Henry & Lois Foster Hospital for Small Animals

$50.00





Run Free Little Yuu-Chan



The Mango's heart is breaking that little Yuu-Chan crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. He put up a brave fight and he will be missed.


Friday, September 24, 2010

How to Speak Bawston (and a couple of requests for help)


Tomorrow (September 25th) is the last day to enter my contest (click on my face in the sidebar for details). So get going!


AND a SPECIAL REPORT...

It is Miss Asta's birthday! Hooray! Happy birthday, Asta!
Asta and her humans have been having a rough patch of late, but I know your good wishes will cheer them all up.

Look! It is my momma with Miss Asta herself! I am so jelly that momma actually met her.




Sometimes when momma peppers my movies with her boring spoken words, alert readers will comment on her Bawston accent. Now, personally, I think that her accent is rather subtle, but I can understand how others might want to emulate all things even remotely of the world of Mango.

Subsequently, I have composed a little exercise for those of you wishing to speak proper Bawston and enlisted the assistance of momma for demonstration purposes.

I composed a script for her to read as follows;

OK, Mango, you ready? PeeWee is from Leominster, which is west of four ninety five; even further than Worcester. You need a car to get there, but don't worry, there's plenty of parking.
If you fancy fish, you should go to Boston. There's plenty of cod in the harbor. Hey Mango! Have you seen the new Ben Affleck movie? I hear the accents are wicked pisser good. They ought to be. That Affleck dude is from around here, you know? Even if he didn't go to Harvard.


Here is the demonstration movie.


video

Did you listen carefully? The secret to speaking Bawston is not to open your mouth and go AHHHH whenever you encounter the letter "R" but rather to kind of swallow your "R"'s along with randomly dropping out other letters. In order to facilitate your learnings, I present a phoenetic rendering of the same speech.

OK, Mango, ya ready? PeeWee is frum Leminstah, which is west of faw ninety fiyev; even futhah than Wostuh. Yew need a cah to get theyuh, but done worry, theyah's plenny of pahkin. If ya fancy fish, yew shud go ta Bawston. Theyah's plenny of cahd in thah hahbuh. Hey Mango! Have yew seen thah new Ben Affleck movie? I heah thah accents ah wicked pissah gud. They otta be. That Affleck dude is frum ahround heah, ya know? Even if he dinnit go ta Hahvud.

Now go and practice. Feel free to post your attempts. It should be most entertaining. If you want to do a demonstration movie of how YOUR humans speak, momma says she would be game for trying her hand (?) at emulating different accents. Just be sure and include the script.

I have two important items which require assistance from my pals in blog land.

Item #1

Some readers will recall my little nephew, Oliver, who came to visit me when he was just a wee pup and subsequently slapped a most undignified restraining order on my large and not meaning to hurt a puppy self after an unfortunate encounter with my jaws of doom (you can read about that incident here).




Well now he is all grown up and tutored and everything, but he has a problem. He is ITCHY!




That's right. All the time itchy. Itchy, itchy, itchy ever since he was a teenager. His mom and dad have given him roids and tried a few dietary things, but he continues to be so itchy that he gets owies and whatnot and they are very worried about him. I don't wish the little guy any ill will and would certainly like to see him get better. His worries don't seem to be seasonal and even though he lives in a constantly under constructions house like mine, his itchies don't come and go with the different projects. So, being the kind Uncle that I am, I thought I would ask my pals what they think.


Item #2

A Burned Yeast Mountain dog has gone missing right here in Master Chew Sits and I want to put the word out to alert readers in the vicinity.

A recently neutered BARC dog went through the window at his new home of 9
days (Stowe Road, Harvard) at 9:30 this morning. We think he was
sighted in the vicinity of Taylor Road and Adams Road (Bolton?) around 1 PM
and then around 2-3 PM at 218 Liberty Square Road, Boxborough.


The distraught owner is Cindy. Her cell # is 978-501-4964

So please keep your eyes open because a Burned Yeast Mountain dog is hard to miss, but there are lots of woods and stuff out there in the wild lands of Harvard and Bolton. If you aren't from around here, just cross your paws that he finds his way back home.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

WTF Wednesday - Lettuce Head


You know, I wasn't going to blog today, but when Momma reported hearing a curious news item on the BBC news I just had to investigate. I mean, really, I figured she had just set out for the work place without enough coffee inside her slow to start in the morning self, so imagine my surprise when her reports of a lettuce head bandit roaming the streets of Great Britain were confirmed via a quick google search!




Police have admitted having technical issues after releasing an e-fit of a burglary suspect which looks like a man wearing a lettuce.

You can read the rest of the article here.

I mean, really, WTF, right?


Now, momma seems to recall a character named "Cabbage Head" from some TV show named "Kids in the Hall."



But he wasn't a bad guy, just a jerk. And how about this YouTube I just saw about some hapless gal who was a little trigger happy on her Facebook.

One has to wonder, what is really going on over there across the big pee.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. As long as I have your attention, might as well remind you that the clock is ticking on my I Wanna be Like Mango contest. Tick tock, tick tock.