Warning! This post contains many words and few pictures.
First off, I am apologizing in advance that the RH and I will not be commenting much this week or even (gasp) reading blogs due to momma having mental fits over some such goings on to which I am not privvy. Fear not, I, Dexter, pre-loaded a couple of posts this weekend for your reading pleasure.
You know what isn't fair? I have to try so much harder and be such a much better dog than the Relentlessly Huge just to get momma's attention. It's true!
Take Sunday for example...
It snowed, again, which really energized me, but left momma feeling lethargic and despondent. No problem. I figured a nice long walk with me would cheer her up. I took her on a three mile tour of the neighborhood. I even walked slower than I wanted to so that she would not get too fatigued from walking in her boots through the snow.
Along the way I followed lots of paths left by other dogs and we even stopped and chatted with a neighbor who was shoveling his driveway and I was very polite and let him pat me even though he was a stranger danger.
Of course I did puff up and bark at one guy. But it was a teenage boy for goodness sake. Plus he was waving a car scraper around in a way I did not like. Do you think the DOH would be grateful? NO! She called me an a&%hole! Right in front of that kid!
I was feeling so sad that she would not perk up and get rid of her grouchies, I even tried to entertain her by forming a little labraslobber icicle off my black lips.
I don't know what got into me. Grasping at straws I suppose.
She brought along the flashy, but even that turned out uninspiring as you can see here.
Did you watch the movie? That was so boring I kind of dozed off during it.
I felt like I hadn't done my job. I had done everything! Got her blood flowing, made cute face, protected her, greeted a neighbor, but by the time we got home she was hardly putting one foot in front of another. Gosh, I even refrained from pooping so she wouldn't complain about carting around a bag of you know what. Still, I felt like a failure in my duty to help momma be happy.
THEN, she put the flashy away and grabbed the Relentlessly Huge to walk HIM. Ha, I thought, this will be short because he is such a royal pain to walk even under the best of circumstances. Oh how wrong I was, because momma returned with a spring in her step and the dinosaur sized beastie with a self satisfied grin on his face.
It appears on his arduous half mile walk, he let momma talk to a neighbor without going mental fits cracker dog (yeah, but from a distance of about 20 feet). Plus he barked at some lady shoveling her driveway, but it seems when momma told him to "stand down" he did and he even got a cookie (still had some stuck in his sloppy jowls)! Oh yeah, and momma was all proud of him because their walkie was on a route that he hasn't been on in three whole years due to his "issues" (nice word for being a big doofus head on his walks if you ask me).
I just can't win.
My only consolation is that I get to go to day camp today while the slobber monster stays home. But even that is tinged with jealousy as we are expecting the arrival of a new cold box today and I am certain that some items will be defrosted and ready to eat RIGHT NOW and where will I be? Stuck at camp hump a lot whilst the big cry baby momma's dog gets all the noms.
P.S. By Mango Momma - Truth is that I was very depressed by the snowfall, but Dexter was an angel on his walk. Yes, I did say a-hole, but very quietly and I didn't think he heard me and it wasn't for the barking but for running to the end of his leash across the street. Mango's walk was a huge milestone as he was able to react to stranger danger but then simmer down and we did venture into a populated neighborhood where we have not been for some time (but the poor guy was quite sore from slogging through the snow). Yup, I finally decided to euthanize our old fridge and the new one arrives today! Woo hoo!