Wednesday, September 14, 2011

WTF Wednesday - Dog Door Fail

Every summer it's the same thing...

I say, "Hey, Master, how about installing a dog door so the Mango can let his large and wanting to go out when he wants self out."

And every year, Master puts this sorry excuse for a dog door up.

You're saying, "Hey! Mango! What's the problem? I can see from this high speed action shot moving so fast you are almost a blur that it is quite convenient for exiting to the Observation Deck."

Heck, even PeeWee figured out how to use it.

Yuh, but try coming in. Back in. I'm here like,

"Hey Master! WTF! I totally am shoving this lame-o doggie door with my large and resembling a battering ram head and it is seriously NOT moving!"

Look at Pea! He scoffs, "Mango! You are just not doing it right."

But he is a FOOL!

He flings his labraself at the dog door making a most annoying crashing sound and still it does not open.

Help! We are trapped outside! Surely this is abuse! Call the animal cops!

What if something bad happened while we were out here?

What if something happened most especially to ME?

I could have a needing to go inside and lay down on my double stack mammoth bed emergency!

And while I have your attention... WTF is up with the deck chairs all lined up like little soldiers anyway? Makes it near impossible to position myself thrillingly close to the edge of the deck. For sure. Gets momma's heart racing to see me lounging out there with one leggie draped carelessly over the edge.

You would think what with Master all strutting around calling himself a Carpenter dude he could get an operational door installed at the estate.

But Nooooo! I bet that stupid project foster whatever house has doors that work. As if!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!


Anonymous said...

I wish my daddies would get me a doggy door too!!

But there are these strange forcefields that mean I can see outside but can't get out there..

sometimes they leave it open for me and I can do what I want... like run outside and bring some dirt back inside :D

Luna xo

Peppy Sheppys said...

Most annoying! And I am certain your apes complain when we require their assistance to go in and out of the house 453 times an hour. As if. We managed to fix the screens on the porch for easy access. We are working on battering a hole through the screen door. Maybe you should use the Pee Wee as a battering ram (that's got to be one solid, empty head) to make a Mango sized hole in that door.


Dude I say make it a drive up ice cream window then!

STELLA from Down Under said...

Howdy Uncle Mango, gosh if you can't get a dog door what hope is there for us. The only thing Dad does is fix up the fly screen and then we just have to scratch at it for a few hours and make some more holes. Why does he bother I say.

I would hate to see you fall off your decking though. Your Momma had a good idea to put the chairs there even if they do look kinda funny. See ya big Uncle dude. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

Anonymous said...

BOL! Never heard of a one way doggie door. Someone has a very sick sense of humor indeed! ;) Mango and Dexter, I think it's time to launch a protest. Thinkin a non passive one may be called for ;)

Waggin at ya,

Just Ramblin' said...

I am cracking up! The expressions on your pups' faces is priceless and your writing a perfect match. Love it. : )

Gus said...

The master needs to get busy. If he just removed that door and put in a flap, maybe that would work.


houndstooth said...

Oh Mango, we can't even get Dad to get a fence up around our yard! I am certain that installing a dog door is completely beyond his capacity. At least you can get out on your own power!


Lassiter Chase and T said...

Oh my goodness, Mango and Dexter. I bet your hoomans were just busy inside the house stuffing their faces and eating good noms -- that's why they didn't let you guys in. Don't fall for the doggy door trap again.

Of Pit Bulls and Patience said...

There has been a lot of silent (and not so silent) protesting in our house for a doggie door. It looks like you guys have half a dog door, which I guess is better than nothing... But you're a smart guy, Mango. I bet if they attached a rope to the door you could pull it open. I'm guessing Dexter won't be advanced enough for it, but at least you'd get inside!

Sarge said...

Hey Mango!
Wow, I think this must be some sort of cruel peep joke! Or maybe it's an exercise program for your know, gotta get up and walk to the door to let the dogs in again, so now I don't have to do that nasty "Sweatin to the Oldies" routine again. Maybe??
Grr and Woof,
Sarge, COP

Frankie Furter said...

Those dawg doors lead to decreased muscle tone in peeps.. Decreased muscle tone leads to slower and slower response to dinner bell times. You should avoid the dawg door thingy... to keep the peep in shape fur the ImPAWtant thingys.

Bouncing Bertie said...

Well what can I say, Mango, about the door thing, except that some dogs have the knack and others don't. I refer you to a video I posted in my second ever blog post, on 20 April 2010 when I was less than nine weeks old and had already figured out how to work the dog flap....
Toodle pip!
Bertie (just feeling a wee bit smug today).

Amber DaWeenie said...

If da Master was to put in a doggie door da size of da Mango...he might as well jus' take off da door dat's dere and hang a sheet.....BOL

Chester said...

Mango, I got just the thing for youse twos and I THINK even your DOHs can handle the installation process!!

*And should it not work like it says it does, (highly doubtable since TV stuff ALWAYS works) you could always use it to cover a well dug hole for which the DOHs can fall into and then you and Pea can roam the estate at will.

I know, it's a win-win situation, right? Well worth the low-low price.

Woofs and screened slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

The Army of Four said...

Can't you or Dex just knock the screen out of the top of the door? Then you can jump through it like you're doing agility!
Play bows,

Ina in Alaska said...

We have a doggie door (for the little poodles) and last week we upgraded our doggie door! We installed a new one which will help keep out the cold air. The old doggie door was way too old and just flapping in the Alaskan Winter Breezes so it was time.

Now that the new door is in place,, Toby and Ginger have totally figured it out but little puny Jeter canNOT push his way thru the 2 layers.... training camp ahead for him!

Halle is a perfect lady. She is able to hold it till I get home from work. There have been very very few accidents from her. Thankfully!

rottrover said...

Dude. Don't even get us started on the dog door subject... Butt seriously... you and the Pea could melt outside. What's he thinking??

-Gizmo, Bart and Ruby

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

We have noticed that our doors only open one way, too. (And Abby can't even figure out how to open them the right way - silly girl...) So we go on the porch (hey, um, you might want to tell your Carpenter Dude Master that there are these things called 'railings' that could be installed that look WAY more attractive than a bunch of chairs leaned over...), but then we need to come back in IMMEDIATELY, and then when we get back inside, a doggie 5 miles away barks, and we have to go RIGHT BACK OUT to bark back, and Mom starts whining about how we are always on the wrong side of the door. Uh. She could totally get us our own doorman. (Or doorwoman. We're not particular.)

We think TERRIBLE things could happen when you are stuck on the porch, up to and including needing a snack IMMEDIATELY. I would put the ASPCA on speed-dial, if I were you. And have Master install an outside phone! Heehee!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

Jasmine said...

You're so funny Mango Man! I know I'm just a little thing, but I have already learned that humans can be cruel. Just the other day Mommy opened the door for me to go out, but instead of going out with me, she just closed the door! with me still outside! Talk about a WTF moment. Meanies mommas can be sometimes!

Puppy Love,

brooke said...

HAHHAHAAH! That was so funny!
At least youre brave enough to open the door to get outside! When I go into the bathroom and dont close the door all they way, Darwin will come to the door and stand outside and whine. Even though she could easily nudge the door open, she's too scared of touching it. Or if she nudges it a little and opens it a smidge, she'll stick her nose in and whine and whine cause she doesn't know she can just keep nudging and open it!

Maggie and Mitch said...

You got that right, Mango! Your master is a fabulous carpenter - we've seen his work - we should think that you would have your very own king-sized door!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Marjie said...

Thor had the same complaint. Seems some inconsiderate Momma wouldn't just install a proper sized doggie door. She always wailed about bugs and whatnot. Sorry, dude, but we humans are notoriously hard to train.

Kitty+Coco said...

Ok, I've called and made a report. Although we have to admit, it would talke one helluva door for your mastiff self. Just sayin.


Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

A Mango sized doggie door would be most convenient, but there are security issues. When mama had a Dane sized doggie door, she had to reconfigure the gas lines so the door could be installed in the garage so she could secure the house when the Danes weren't at home for guard duty. Otherwise, it's way too easy for a bad human to just waltz though the mastiff sized door. If you could master the basement stairs, that basement entrance would be a great place for your mastiff door.

We do agree it's past time for Master to build you some railings on your observation deck! Besides, someday there might be little human grandpups running around the estate and they need railings, too. Of course, railings will put a crimp in Pee's style during the mountains of snow days, when he likes to hop the snowbanks to get off and on tne observation deck, but that's the price he pays for the privilege of living in a mastiff house.

We suspect the bug screen thingy Chester sent you the link to would be very easily defeated by a deep thinking doggie such as yourself. Not to mention the security issue again. Maybe you could get the DOH to put a rope on the outside of the summer door and train Pee to hold it open for you, so you could move in both directions. Not sure how Pee would get in the house, but that's not your problem, is it :)

Jed & Abby

Sue said...

We don't have a doggy door either. Mom says we'd wear it out in the first week. We do use Grace and Splash's door when we visit them. Maybe if you rip that screen part, they'll get the idea.
Morgan, Tsar and the Porties

Asta said...

I think you need to lick Mastew up and down continoo us lee wif youw lawge and moistoowefilled tongue until he gets busy and makes you the most pawfect in and out doow
I know he can, he just need the pwopew motivations
smoochie kisses

Benny and Lily said...

Holy crap!! Very cool, now lock Pee Wee out
Benny & Lily

Holly and Khady said...

We have a doggie door and it's fabulous! But, based on your size, I don't think you would fit into a "regular" doggie door. Even the extra large size. However, maybe you could talk your humans into getting one of those Magic Mesh doors.
They are perfect Mango sized!


Wyatt said...

Mango and Dexter-

We hear you! We have to bark at dad, the door man.
We should start a petition, or write to our congressman or go on strike!!
"Dogs for Dog Doors!!"

Wyatt and Stanzie

Molly, Taffy, Monty and Winnie said...

Mango would you like me to come over and teach you how to open doors... that's right.... push and pull them to open.
If you look carefully at the hinges you can work out whether you need to push or pull on the handle. I am always letting myself and my brothers and sister in and out of the house. I am not very popular in the winter months!!!

Anyway bear it in mind and if you want me to give you some lessons I would be only too happy to help.

Or you could ask your Master to install a stable door perhaps????

Molly xx

monica said...

one way doors are indeed annoying, forcing us to look all cute and irresistable to be let in. Or out, all depending...

Bundy the Bundle of Joy

KB said...

I'm calling the dog cops - no doubt, you are being sorely neglected.

I do like the *size* of the dog door... It's Mango-sized!

Dory and the Mama said...

Oh MY!! No doggie door for coming inside. Hang in there Mango, summer is almost over and it will be "too cold" to use the doggie door and there is always next summer!!

Dory, Jakey & Bilbo

Shane Kent Louis said...

Hey Mango, you look so handsome and cute, Mom you can teach mango on how open and close the door! Woof! or else you can buy a doggie door!

It's all About Pet Fences | Dog Fence

Mack said...

Do they make doggy doors that big?
I'm just sayin'.


Lexi and Jasper the Danes said...

Maybe your master needs to put a tug rope on the outside handle and teach you how to open the door yourself to come back in :)

Licks and lots of slobber,
Lexi and Jasper the Danes

Au and Target said...

Poor Mango! Clearly we need a campaign to ensure that every dog has his own door. Let's put together a presidential platform: mango For Prez!

ForPetsSake said... do you deal with such ineptitude!? Your life is simply murder...

tula said...

hey i think the Purchase contract thingy has a clause saying it comes with a mango. woo could totally live there instead!


A Wonderful Dogs Life said...

Mango and Dexter you poor dudes what is your master trying to do to you? A one way doggie door and a deck without safety rails. Hmmm, sounds suspicious to me.