Monday, September 5, 2011

WTF Wednesday - Special Labor Day Edition

I know it isn't Wednesday. You think I'm an idiot? So sue me.

Yesterday I went back to visit Vet Lady so that she could take a gander at my less big but still swollen foot.

I, Mango, am most determined to know what the heck is going on. So I say, "Hey! Vet Lady! What's the deal?"

Thus ensued a most distressing conversation;

Mango: "So, Vet Lady, what do you have to say?"

Vet Lady: "Well, I can tell you that you do NOT have an a robe tick infection."

Mango: "Huh? A few too many articles in that sentence. Wanna run that by me again?"

Vet Lady: "I said, it is NOT an a robe tick infection."

Mango: "Like, seriously, did they even teach you grammar at vet school? Are you trying to say I don't have the robe tick?"

Vet Lady: "No, you don't have that. And it isn't a robe tick, it's an a robe tick."

Mango: "Dammit! There you go again."

Vet Lady: "It could be an an a robe tick, but the tests won't show that."

Mango: "What what what? An an an an a tick?"

Vet Lady: "Mango! Are you stuttering?"

Mango: "Me? I'm not stuttering you crazy lady! Just trying to figure out what the heck you are talking about. Could you say it straight up?"

Vet Lady: "It could be an an a robe tick."

Mango: "WTF? Do you even hear yourself? And what about the the the the fungus?"

Vet Lady: "There you go with the stuttering again. Are you sure you feel OK?"

Mango: "I feel fine. As if! But I'm thinking you might need some therapies."

Clearly I was getting nowhere with this stuttering article obsessed whack a do.

Then she says, "Oh Mango Momma, I want to take Mango in the back room and photocopy his leggie." Yuh, like I'm going anywhere with HER! But momma totally abandonded me and I went into a dark scary place where all the vet techs were waiting wearing lead aprons.

I'm thinking, "get me outta here" because WTF with the lead aprons? Some kind of new exercise regime?

Then I go into a different room and momma is there and crazy vet lady comes back and they are all looking at this photo and talking about it as if it is an actual photocopy of my large and not looking like a bag of bones leg.

Check out the alleged letter "R." Are you freakin' kidding me?

Gah! What a fake out! And momma is going to pay dollars for that?

To top it all off, I was feeling a bit parched and look what they give me!

I had to get this sorry excuse for a water bowl topped off three times just to take the edge off my large and needing to stick my head in a bucket thirst.

So at the end of the day, friends, I confess, the Mango felt a bit dizzy and I was most eager to return to the safety of my estate, you can count on it.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Mango Momma... not an aerobic infection. Possibly an anaerobic infection. His ankle and toe were still swollen so an x-ray was in order. His bones look nice and healthy. Phew. Still waiting for the results of the fungal test. Mango was very brave and it only took two techs and vet lady to get him to put his big old paw up on the x-ray machine.


Chester said...

So so so what have we we we learned here here here??

Mebbee if'n you wouldn't wear your sports bra to see the Vet lady, she would not blame your toe bone issues on your aerobics.

Next time I suggest you take your own bucket - some chihuahua musta left that sorry excuse for a thirst quencher there.

Woofs and slob slob slobbers
Chester ;0=)

Gus said...

Mango Man....As an untutored dog, you should learn to insist on a lead apron to protect your most precious assets. Do not forget this if they want more pictures, and be sure to charge them if they ask for an autograph.

Teka Toy

Anonymous said...

I'm with Mango...WTF Crazy Vet Lady?! Laymans terms if you pawlease!

Good to hear you have good bones Mango. Now don't be gettin any ideas about gnawin on em k? ;)

Paws crossed for your big paw to shrink some more :)

Waggin at ya,

Penny and Patches said...

OMD! Are you kidding me with that watie bowl?! One lap of your large tongue would empty that! Even I would need a bigger watie bowl! We hope your v-e-t can figure out what the problem is and fix it for you!

Happy Labor Day!


Amber DaWeenie said...

Mango, dat boney foto would give me da nightmares.....ever tink of marketing dat for Halloween? {shiver}

1000 Goldens said...

Oh Mango! If they are going to photo copy you, the least they could do is provide you a suitable water bucket! Hope everything will be okay :)

Just Ramblin' said...

I hope all is ok very soon for you...and that your vet gets a wider variety of water bowl sizes! That one was as big as your (un)swollen paw! Not cool.

Raymond and Busby said...

Dude! You have fine looking bones in your x-ray. We do think that your vet needs to get a Mango-sized water bowl. Hope your paw gets back to normal soon. xoxo

Peppy Sheppys said...

We think we know the problem. There appears to be a build up of articles in your toe toes. You must visit the grammar vet immediately.

Otis T. Potus.

The Army of Four said...

Wowzers, Mango. I sure hope your footy-foot starts feeling better.
Sounds like your vet does have an odd speech problem going on. Maybe her vet school didn't have language classes.
Play bows,

Ms. ~K said...

Hope your paw-paw is feeling better soon!
Happy LABradOR Day!
Licks and sniffs,
Zack, Sassy and Buddy

Erika and Blair,xoxo said...

My goodness your vet visits are quite the adventure. Glad to hear that you are going to be ok eventually but I would get that stutter looked at if I were you.

Anonymous said...

Well Mazngo maybe the Vet lady was mad because she had to be at work on Labor Day, but that doesn't make sence cause itn't the whole point to labor? Hoomans WTF right?

So is it a tick or is it not a tick? Geeeeeesh go figure.

Nice Looooooong bones though.

The water bowl, ah please even my Mom would have let you use a bucket. That bowl looked so tiny next to you it was funny!

You hang in there Mango, I am sure once these hoomans get back to work for real they will figures out what the heck you gots goin on in your horribly large foot.

woos, Tessa

Jake of Florida said...

Very cool bones.Perhaps when Mango Mama has some free time (BOL) she could give the vet lady some gramar lessons. Amd some plain speak lessons. Aerobic? Anaerobic? Did she esplain the difference?

Wirey woofs,

Jake and Just Harry

rottrover said...

Oh Mango Man... You have the most elegant skeletal structure. *sigh*
Are you in painful? I sure hope not.


CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Mango, I sure hope they get this figured out. It's obvious your vet lady is not accustomed to relentlessly huge handsome mastiff men like yourself! If she's on your holiday list, I say get her a "proper sized" water bowl!

Hope you mend quickly!!!

Sue said...

So to summarize, your mystery malady is still a mystery to all of medical science. Way to go! We love making those doctors scratch their heads and dig into the books.
Morgan, Tsar and the Porties

SissySees said...

Sissy is the queen of medical mysteries around here. Glad the bones are healthy and hope you have real answers soon.

Benny and Lily said...

those V-E-T people use weird words. Fell better big boy
Benny & Lily

Bolo said...

Mango, are you sure that's a photocopy of your foot? Because honestly, it looks like something out of a horror film. Are you sure they didn't switch it with a zombie arm or something?

Glad you made it home ok after all the excitement though.


jen said...

Glad to hear the good news!
As I was reading I was wondering how many people it took to get Mango up on the table! 3 is pretty good!

STELLA from Down Under said...

Hi Uncle Mango, What a trip to the vet. I think they talk funny to confuse you before they do stuffs to your body. Hope you gave them lots of slobber to clean up after the puny drink of water. At least you got to have a ride in the mango mobile. Take care big Uncle. No worries, and love, Stella

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

The paw bone is khonnekhted to the thigh bone -

The thigh bone is khonnekhted to something -

I do want to know who's awn furst though!

PeeEssWoo: Didn't they use a FT pikh to lure woo to the exraye machine?

Maggie and Mitch said...

What a stressful day for you, Mango! We're glad you're home.

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Marjie said...

Dude! Why didn't you make them bribe you with cookies for the X-ray?

FiveSibesMom said...

Hope your paw will be feeling all better very, very soon Mango!

Chris said...

Mango, so glad your bones are healthy! Maybe just a fungus?

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

This is better than a serialized mystery book! We are on the edge of our doggie beds, waiting for the solution to finally appear. Jed had his own little medical mystery last week, but he's back to normal now - ho hum.

Jed & Abby

Wild Dingo said...

now i know why it took so many to put your paw on the machine. i mean if the stooopid vet can't even speak English, who'd trust her to do stuff to your large and not wanting to be a guinea pig self? duh.

so glad your bones look large and unbearably handsome! paws crossed this is nothing...

Dory and the Mama said...

WOW...I'm with you Mango..WTF...We are just glad you are ok!!

Dory, Jakey and Bilbo

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Ditto what the crazy Wild Dingo doggies said. I mean, not only do you have to wear a sports bra (sports bro?), but then you've got people in lead jackets (and probably lead galoshes) trying to photocopy your large and not wanting to be photocopied self. All to say that you don't have ticks. That's sort of like when Mom broke her wrist ski racing and everything was at a funny angle, and one her fellow ski racers (who is supposedly an ER doc) said, "Gee, that doesn't look right." Yuh. He totally didn't get paid for that diagnosis.

Anyhoo, we like that photocopy. But we're confused about the 'R'. Maybe your vet is really Russian? That looks like one of those funny Russian letters...

Keep us posted, and thank heavens it's not whatever that lady said it wasn't. Unless it would have been better for it to be whatever it was that she said it wasn't. If you know what I mean! ;-)

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

monica said...

Oh Mango - your writing makes my momma laugh so hard - she claims you are absolutely hil-ari-ous !
Whatever... I can very easily relate to your longing back to the safety of the estate.. and proper water bowls..( aka small pools..)
Bundy Bullmastiff

Bouncing Bertie said...

Mango I can only commend you for being so extremely cooperative with that vet lady person.
Toodle pip!

Mack said...

That is one big footy!
You should be proud Mango,

Your pal,

The Thuglets said...

Mango you were one brave dude!

Hope you are taking things easy and the foot is soon all mended!

Big Nose Pokes
The Thugletsx

Heather and Pumpkin said...

Oh Mango I hope that was evian water given how much your photocopy probably cost your mommy.


Maggie Mae said...

OoH Mango,

I sure hopes your paw is better today. Dat vet lady sounds a bit silly. :)

Woofs and Licks,
Maggie Mae

ArtemisiaFSS said...

Mango paws crossed they can find out what is wrong and get you back to 100% soon.

Koobuss said...

Oh, Mango! A sore footie! I had one of those this summer and had to go to my vetty's. They took photocopies of my paw, too, but it didn't look like yours. Everything was okay for me and I feel better now. I hope that everything is okay for you too, and that your are feeling better real soon.

Loved your description of your visit to the vet's. : )

Love and Lots of Koobuss Kisses,

Connor Keating said...

Sore footie and the article obsessed vet lady? That's pure torture! I wonder if you were bought any special dog accessories for putting up with that ordeal.

KB said...

You are too funny, Mango, with all that stuttering. An an a robe!!!!!

We just learned that K has to go to the vet school and endure having a scope put up her "you know what". Poor poor girl. I'm not sure that she's going to be laughing about the whole thing like you managed to do!

Anonymous said...

Poor Mango! Hope they figure out what your mystery problem is soon. High Paw dude.