Sunday, October 23, 2011

Chilled News by Dexter

Some days back, as the sun began to set, that familiar feeling of emptiness gripped yours truly, signaling time for supper.

I knew I was in for a treat when I spotted momma heading for the cold box; land of raw burgers, green beans, and yogurt.

Gracious chap that I am, I permitted the Relentlessly Huge to proceed me in exploration of our culinary possibilities.

Ah, happy fortune smiled down on me that fateful day as no sooner had he stuck his remarkably large head into the cooler than he recoiled with what I must say was uncharacteristic vigor.

The strong winds generated by the withdrawal of his gravitational field producing noggin brought with it a stench so horrible, so sickeningly sweet that even my sturdy labrabelly clenched and I felt the start of the old hurka hurka rumbling up from my heretofore clamoring for dinner stomach area.

As I backed away, Mango staggered a few steps before dropping to the ground. The shock of which nearly sent me flying head over tea kettle.

Torn as I was between assisting the big guy and sparing my labralife, I knew that I needed oxygen immediately if I were to avoid succumbing to the toxic fumes that still crawled over the kitchen area even after the door to the cold box had been securely latched.

Thus I made for the outdoors, followed closely by Momma whom, it appears, was equally absorbed in saving herself and leaving Mango to his doom.

Thus ensued the following conversation;

Me: Momma! Something died in the cold box!

Momma: No, it's OK, Master just spilled some milk and it went sour.

Me: I have never smelled milk like that before. Are your certain that some hapless creature didn't find it's way in there and meet its cold and lonely doom while we slumbered?

Momma: Dexter, I am sure. It is just milk.

Me: Well, then, clean it up. I can't possibly eat anything that comes out of there. I can't even go back inside.

Momma: I'm not cleaning it up. I didn't do it. I don't even drink milk.

Me: I don't think this is the time for petty quarels. Besides, you need to save Mango.

Momma: Mango will be fine. But seriously, little dude, Master spilled it, he should clean it up.

Me: Oh, it's going to be like that, is it?

And so the battle ensued. With every open and close of that door making our estate ever more uninhabitable.

Finally, I was able to convince Master to clean it out. I took the somewhat recovered cry baby Momma's dog outdoors with me for some cleansing breaths while the scouring commenced.

But to my horror, even after all the drawers and shelves were removed and cleaned, the smell lingered. If anything, it became worse.

What next? I feared we might have to move out while the EPA cleaned up our estate.

But then, a few days later, Momma says to me.

"Dexter, I have solved the problem. The cold box is no longer stinky and all your noms are safe."

Cautiously I stuck my snooter in the crack of the door. You can bet I was holding my breath.

Inside, I saw a curious sight indeed.

Momma had added the daily news to the foodables.

And if by magic, the stinky smell had been vanquished.

Even still, I was not about to be the first to try the noms that had been exposed to the vomit like odor of spoiled milk for many a day.

And so, when the Tupperware of hot dogs came out, I summoned all my self control and suggested that Mango get the first bite.

I even let him have a couple more just to be sure.

When he did not expire or otherwise show signs of toxic overload, I happily received my share of the booty.

And thus my story ends.

There are two lessons to be learned;
  1. When in doubt, consult the internet.
  2. Newspaper absorbs annoying refrigerator odors.
Oh, and of course, never ever ever leave the milk bottle on its side.

Dexter done!


Kari in Vegas said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww almost nothing smells as bad as that


Anonymous said...

Great tips there! Glad Mango pulled through :)


Oskar said...

That does sound like a hair raising situation. I do feel a little bad for the RH being left on his own.

Nubbin wiggles,

Keisha said...

Wow! I glad everything is okay now. Arfarfarf. :)

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Dexter, that was so nice of you to let Mango taste the possibly poison vittels first...NOT! You are a silly boy!

Where oh where was that tip last year when I found a pack of FOUR YEAR OLD cheese stuck behind a drawer!??? (Yes I had cleaned the fridge many times but never found THAT!) oy!

achieve1dream said...

OMG!!! That was the funniest post I've ever read!!! I love that Master had to clean it up since he made it. Go Mango Mama!!

I've been told fresh (but cheap) coffee grounds help with the odor too. I've never tried newspaper. That's a really cool idea. :D

Also thanks for your comments on my posts. I really appreciate your advice about looking at Chrome. I was so busy watching the little red blinking light (self timer) that I never thought to look at him duh! I'll try that next time. Thanks again!

Marjie said...

Well, I'm glad you didn't need to resort to my hard core fixes after all. and especially glad that the cold box didn't have to be banished to elsewhere on the planet, perhaps the toxic waste facility.

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

OMD, this was just such a great post, Dexter. You wove a fantastic tale. Momster Mom didn't know that tip and sends her thanks to Momma. Now we hope all your foodables are much more appealing to the olfactory senses of dear Mango.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

Niamh said...

Yucky, yucky! Glad that your cold box survived the attack of the sour milk and that all your snacks are still edible.

Your friends
Niamh & Ambrose

Jasmine said...

Ewe! I know that smell all too well, having a baby sister and all. Often I sniff out a forgotten "sippy cup" thing under the sofa, a bed, or the car seat. I beg Mommy not to open it, but apparently Mommy's nosie doesn't work, because she never listens! While I am gasping for air, she is sticking her face near the cup to see if it can be salvaged, or just needs to be tossed in the garbage. And people have the audacity to call DOGS gross! Humph!

Puppy Love,

houndstooth said...

What a close call! I wasn't sure there was anything more toxic that the stink that came out of Mango's bottom, so this must have been a seriously bad smell! I'm just glad that you all survived it and that we now know the mysterious powers of newspaper.


Frankie Furter said...

YEP... that newspaper trick really works... my mom puts it inside the tupperware type thingys and puts the lid on.. no more stink there either. AND... you should try it in the Master's WORK BOOTS... they will be fresh as a daisy...

Loved your story Dexter. Esp. the pawt where you let Mango.. be your nom tester. BaaaaaWaaaah THAT was a goooooood one buddy!

Mimi and CC Cabana said...

Well, you learn something new everyday, and there's my daily tidbit. I never knew that about newspaper absorbing odors in the fridge. I wonder if it would work for kimchee (it makes Korean people's fridges smell like fermented cabbage--which is what kimchee is).

HoundDogMom said...

Nothing worse then spoiled spilled milk. We would have had a bigger mess to clean up if our Momma had that happen. She would have lost her cookies for sure. Never knew about newspaper taking away odors before. We have used charcoal or baking soda. Sniffs, The HoundDogs

A Wonderful Dogs Life said...

Ewww spoiled milk.

Dexter my mom wants to know if she can wrap us in newspaper? I don't think I like where this is going.


Two French Bulldogs said...

Oye, that is enough to make you fall over. That is stinky. Mom wants to know if she could put newspaper on our hineys due to toots
Benny & Lily

Maggie Mae said...


Spoiled milk sure is stinky!! You two is so lucky to have survived such an ordeal! Great advice 'bouts da newspapers!

Woofs and Licks,
Maggie Mae

jen said...

Thanks for the great tips Mango!
I never knew that about Newspapers!

Amber DaWeenie said...

OH, so glad you two are OK. Mee was trembling in mee paws for a second dere.

Newspaper, huh??? Interesting!

Don't little puppies use newspaper for sometin else???


Shane Kent Louis said...

Woof, that was interesting mango! good Job!

It's all About Pet Fences | Dog Fence

Anonymous said...

I hope you don't have any permanent brain damage from those toxic fumes... what a nightmare.

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

So, inquiring minds want to know - did the milk ever get cleaned up, or did your ever resourceful Momma just mask the smell? If the milk was cleaned up, Mom wants to know who cleaned it. If it didn't get cleaned up, Dad wants to know how Master has avoided the hairy eyeball that we are SURE your Momma is giving him. All that aside, we're glad to hear your hotdogs suffered no serious damage, and were still nomable. (But that's an excellent plan letting the RH test things first - why expose your labraself to toxic foodables when the RH is the perfect, if slightly oversized, guinea pig?)

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus


Hey there guys,
What a great tip! I will most certainly remember this brilliant piece of advice. BTW, that fridge looks soooo it always like that, or simply because it HAD to be cleaned up?
Sending lotsaluv to you all.

Declan said...

Sounds like you're lucky to be alive fella. Phew! Deccy x

The Thuglets said...

Yuk..nothing smells worse that stinky spilt milk!

We think you had a very lucky escape boy!

Big Nose Pokes
The Thugletsx

Maggie and Mitch said...

We had no idea that newspaper worked! Thanks, guys!
We're glad you didn't expire from that horribly sour and evil stench!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Anonymous said...

Oh that was good! Had me totally enthralled there Dexter! Glad Master finally cleaned up his mess and your Momma determined the fridge needed a good read ;) Didn't know that about newspapers. Great tip!

Glad you all are safe now and the estate is once more habitable ;)

Waggin at ya,

Anonymous said...

Heheheh. I hope your momma counted her fingers after feeding you those bits of sausage Mango, you looked particularly ravenous.

We had removed some cane toads from their adopted yet unacceptable food web, and sent them to their frozen peace in the downstairs drinks freezer not knowing that the seal was kapoot. Defrosted cane toads don't smell good either. Just in case you were wondering. :)

H and the fabulously one year old Flo.

Lassiter Chase and T said...

Wow! That was some story! Very educational! Mommy has a similar story, butt she knows exactly what smell you are refering to -- she bought milk and put it on the floor in the back seat of the car. The milk tipped over while she was driving and spilled on the car mat and the floor. She immediately took out the car mat and washed it and left it outside for weeks -- but she couldn't do much for the spilled milk on the floor in the car. She wiped what she could and she even took newspapers to try to soak up as much milk as she could. (Mommy didn't know that newpapers were supposed to help with the smell. If she would have known that the newspapers absorb the odor -- she would have left some clean newspaper in there.) Mommy tried putting dryer sheets in the car to help with the smell -- but that didn't help much. Eventually the smell went away -- who knows maybe Mommy left a newspaper ad from the grocery store in the car -- maybe that solved the odor.

I'm glad to hear you, Mango and the nommys are all ok!

hisqueen said...

See, we do cry over spilled milk. You just proved all those mama's who say otherwise wrong.
Great job Mama, for getting it all smelling pretty for Mango and Pea.

Sarge said...

Hey Dexter!
Wow, talk about a stench! That musta been horrid to keep you away from the food box. Glad it's all okay now and I'll be telling my Mom about that newspaper trick. Usually old newspapers in my house have been used by me and do not belong anywhere near food! BOL.
Grr and Woof,
Sarge, COP

SissySees said...

Curious! Who knew newspaper was so useful?!

Hound Girl said...

I had no idea newspaper would do that. Wonder if it would work if I put newspaper in scotts smelly shoes?

Dexter my love you are a wonderful story teller! You really should get some more time on here :)

Sue said...

Silly men! We don't like that smell at all and Mom especially. Newspaper - who knew. Thanks for the tip. Mom shay she should wrap Samba in newspaper because she's so stinky. Maybe that can be her Halloween costume.
Morgan, Tsar and the Porties

rottrover said...

O Dex! Thank DOG the two of you survived the toxic spill - and thanks for the tip!

-Bart and Ruby

The Army of Four said...

I would have responded earlier, but I had to go outside and eat grass.
We didn't know that about newspaper! Mom and Dad read the paper on line - so would it work to put their iPads in the magic cold box? Ha woo.

kissa-bull said...

was the smell stronger that mangos toots cause we fink that we can totally top that smell. mommish finks that our toots are way worse that spoled milk. tee heeehee

pibble sugars
the pittie pack

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Howdy Dexter, thank goodness you are all OK. That newspaper idea has brought great joy to mum (it doesn't take much to make her happy, poor ol girl).

Our brother's football boots smell so bad from being wet and having sweaty feet in them they have to be left outside (not the boys, just the boots hehehe) cause no one can stand the smell. Now, next season we can try the newspaper thingy.

Dexter, thank your Master for spilling the milk. Thank your Momma for using her mentals and finding a remedy. Have a great week. No worries (and no smells for you all), and love, Stella and Rory

The Boston Lady said...

Again Dexter you have taught me something I never knew. That your momma rocks it. Actually I knew that, but this just confirms my hunch. Ann TBL

Reilly / Denny Cowspotdogs said...

I hope you made sure the noms were not contaminated by the smell

road-dog-tales said...

This is a very handy tip indeed! Thanks for sharing. Wonder if one wears trousers made of newspaper, would it have the same absorbing affect on, um, odors emanating from the nether regions. Something to ponder . . .

The Road Dogs

Au and Target said...

Dex, you are smart and totally deserving of millions of treats. We're impressed, and we cats don't impress easily!

KB said...

I've fallen so far behind in blogs that I was determined that I'd only read the most recent posts at each of my favorite sites. Alas, this story was too funny to skip! Thanks for the laugh and the tip about newspaper.

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Glad disaster was cleared up and you did not need Abby's services to set up a custody and support schedule due to a broken home. It's good that Mango Master saw reason as eloquently explained by Mango Momma.

Mama is feeling very old; she grew up with that newspaper trick. Also using them to clean windows.

Jed & Abby

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh Dexter...what an insightful post. We were under the mistaken impression that those NOOSE PAPERS were something that Mumsie pours over whilst partaking of her Coke Zero every morning....we had no idea we were supposed to stuff 'em in the fridge. No worries now...the weeks worth of papers are in there...even the section with which Mumsie threatened my muscular backside when I tried to pull the swiffer sheet of that torture device that she uses to clean the floor.

Were you crying over spilt milk?


Oh, our worms left. But, Stan and Lacie have a new round of 'rea wars up every hour last night to go out.