Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Dexter the Wonder Dog - On the Oddities of Human Speech




Ever wonder why humans are always recycling words and assigning them different meanings rather than just make up new and unambiguous language?

Take, for example, this true story which happened just last week.

There I was, relaxing at home with the RH when I suddenly found myself feeling quite full and a bit anxious in my lower regions.

Knowing that momma would be at the work place for some hours and the comings and goings of Master are not deterministic, I pondered over how to relieve myself without creating a discrete, but distasteful pile in my living area.

In a moment of what I can only characterize as pure genius, I recalled the upstairs storage area which momma is always remarking is "full of crap." Well, actually, she uses a different word, but being a gentleman, I'll stick with "crap" for this story.

"Well," I said to myself, "Dexter, you are a clever scoundrel. Clearly the reason momma and master don't actual live upstairs is because the upper floor is an extended crap area. How convenient."






Up I go and deposit what I have to admit was an artfully placed pile of labralogs right in the crap room.

I watched anxiously the next morning when momma went upstairs to get her work place outfit.

Imagine my surprise when she came back down not to congratulate me on my cleverness, but to express concern to Master over the "large pile of *crap*" in the storage room. Oh dear, where had I gone wrong?

To make matters worse, I thought that I had misunderstood and that perhaps the "crap" room actually somehow meant the guest room where momma takes her Saturday naps.


Cautious, but determined, I made a couple of deposits there the very next day, only to be met with the same furrowed brow where I had hoped for a big hug and fawning over my resourcefulness.

Now, access to the upstairs has been denied.



The moral of the story? Well, one can only conclude that "crap" and the more vulgar word that momma uses with great relish, is yet another example of humans talking in context dependent code. So make sure you are clear on their meaning before you take action.

Dexter done!

P.S. Momma says I am a total freak-a-zoid who will only potty on walkies and insists on holding it until I have an emergency rather than despoil my play yard. I wonder if that is code for "Dexter is the best labradog in the world."

She also says that she pledges to take me on more walkies so that I can potty in the locations of my choice. Now those are words I understand completely.

46 comments:

monica said...

hehehe - there is nothing like a pile of odeuric log that can make humans jump about and give you all sorts of attention..

monica said...

hehehe - there is nothing like a pile of odeuric log that can make humans jump about and give you all sorts of attention..

monica said...

sorry for the repeat... love the new head picture ! Tell me are the RH and pee-wee kissing!!???

Bundy

Gus said...

We have the same type of problems around here.

gussie

fabulousflo said...

I dunno, you try to put things where they belong... humpf. If only humans would say what they mean.

H and Flo

Hound Girl said...

Its rough having to train our humans.
We thought of you sunday mr dexter since the new season started :)
Hugs to all of yall

HoundDogMom said...

Oh, we are rolling on the floor here about the "Crap" room. We have one of those "Crap" rooms but it is fenced off from us sniffing hounds. And we are sorry to Mango for not getting any Tacos today. Mom said that might be a good thing because she found that Taco Johns gave Amiee the "Stinky Butt" so next year she will get homemade tacos we believe. BOL Sniffs, The HoundDogs

Just Ramblin' said...

Aaaahhh the joys and surprises of having a pup in the house. They are oh so worth it though...'crap' and all. : )

Chester said...

I'm pretty sure that the humanoid race's use of contextual language is intentional. That way they always feel like they are smarter - which clearly they don't have a clue. I think puttin' your crap in the room full o'crap was brilliant. I do my business wherever the bowels lead me but later on, if I am in mid-fetch mode I will leap sideways to get past the stench from a previous deposit that the PUs have not slung to the fields yet. Ya know, sumtimes Mom says her desk is full o'crap, mebbee your DOH's is too and you can unload on some of those things called bills. She will be ecstatic when she sees how good of an idea that is!

Woofs and crappy slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

Anny said...

Sometimes hoomans are so confusing. I heart you Dex. You are most resourceful indeed.

Once i left a load of crap in Piper's daddy's study room.. because he was loud to me. I was banished from upstairs after that. When they were not looking... i left another load of crap in his bedroom. *BOL* That taught him to be nice to me now... bwahahahhahahaha

themaster said...

At last, the wonder dog emerges as the true deep thinker on the estate.

Tank said...

I agree with themaster... you should have been rewarded for your excellent deductive reasoning skills. Crap should be deposited in room full of crap - duh.
Makes perfect sense to me.

Pippa said...

It must be a lab thing. One of Misery's earlier dogs that I never met achieved the same sort of success in a room that he thought wasn't important.

You are definitely the best labradog in the world.

Pippa

pam said...

Mommy is VERY glad we are not smart Labradudes such as yourself. Seems while others have a 'junk drawer' we have a 'crap drawer' and, well, ew!

In other news.....

Is the RH explaining the secrets of the universe to the Pea in the header pic? We fear it may go in one ear and out the other.... ;-}

Bobo and Meja

Frankie Furter said...

Knowing how all the MOMs in Blogville just LOVE our poops... I am truly surprised that your mom would be upset by your attempt to keep your poops all safe and out of the elements.
My mom Hates it when my poops get all Rained on... I guess they are not as artistic after that. She still puts them in the Poop Sculpture Area... butt they must be rejects or somethingy.
Peeps... who can understand them?

Amber DaWeenie said...

Dex....you WON big time! Number 1....you gots more attention!!! Number 2 (he-he) you now gets more walkies! Very good stra-ta-g, big guy!

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

First, Mom feels much better that she is not the only one who has a room in the house that looks like that (the crap room, not the nap room). Of course, our Mom's crap room is ginormous (and thus filled with WAY more crap - and probably mouse poop, too), but she's feeling less depressed about it. Now, on to how these silly humans communicate. I think you were VERY resourceful! I mean, it would have been tacky to poop in the living room, and have the RH step in it with his elephant foot. And if you poop in the backyard, well, then there are landmines that always seem to freak the humans out - so why not use the crap room?!? I can't believe they blocked you from that! On the other hand... more walkies? This is not a bad thing. So, when it is all said and done, you are totally resourceful, and we are in awe.

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan, Bibi-Chan, Gen-Chan, Vidock said...

We officially declare you to be completely free of any wrongdoing, Dexter. You are perfectly right. Your humans need to do something about vocabulary usage...

Woofs,
Tommy

Maggie and Mitch said...

These hoomans can be so confusing to us doggies! We don't see that you did anything wrong, Dexter. Crap is crap in our book!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Bouncing Bertie said...

Quite often Gail reads the newspaper and exclaims "well Bertie that's a pile of crap" (or the other word). But the newspaper doesn't look or smell like a pile of poo so I guess that's another example of a human talking in context dependent code....
Toodle pip!
Bertie.

Benny and Lily said...

Moral of the story-recycle, she'll never know
Benny & Lily

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Dexter, you made the Momster laugh out loud and almost cover the laptop with her tea:) Great post!!!

The upstairs is off limits to us so we will have to find another good pile of crap place.

Ciara only likes to poop in her own yard - silly girl.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

Aniemother said...

Hee hee... humans are WEIRD!

B

FiveSibesMom said...

Oh, Dexter, you are one clever Lab!!! Your way of thinking is so clear...a crap room should be for just that, crap. Totally understand. And I'm feeling enlightened and will be way more careful about the words I chose around the Sibes!

brooke said...

nice new rails you got there! I guess that works better than the overturned furniture!

The Boston Lady said...

Dexter, you had me chuckling over this and your delicate references, especially to momma's "concern". I'll bet it was more of a crap (insert momma's word instead) fit! Best keep those labralogs outside you clever boy! Ann TBL

Marjie said...

Dexter, if only your Momma had taught you to read. You would know that most words in the dictionary have more than one meaning. And you would be able to use Thor's lawyer sister's favorite phrase: "Use precise language!" Plus, people would line up to see the Reading Labradog. And probably pay lots of money. So you could hire your own Walkie Expert. You ought to work on that.

Thor Momma

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Howdy Dexter. Here is another case of total thanklessness. They talk about a room full of crap and then you get blamed for doing just that.
Also you could have talked Mango into joining you in your crapathon and then they really would have had their work cut out for them cleaning up his pile.
Why don't they just train us to use their toilets if they're so worried about a little pile of poo.
Poor Dexter. Sometimes its a labracrap life, especially when you are in the s..t
No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

houndstooth said...

I am just shocked and astounded that your mom was not enraptured by the thoughtfulness you displayed! You give her this great gift and she frowns and scolds you -- then locks you out of the upstairs? Really! I thought the RH had her trained to be much more appreciative than that! Perhaps you should leave a gift in her shoe by the back door tomorrow to see if she likes that better.

Bunny

Asta said...

Dawling little Labwadowk
I thought youw thoughtfulness and bwilliance was suwe to be wewawded , then wead wif shock and dismay that 'youw mom was doing double speek and confooselating you wif hew impwecise use of the language..oh the shame, to be be pucnished wif banishment when you wewe totally cowwect.
I hope those mowe fwequent walkies will make up fow the injustice of it all
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Honey the Great Dane said...

hey Dexter – if your human knows that you will definitely toilet at specific times, in specific places, then that's a fairly easy way for her to teach you a toilet command. Because she always knows when you are about to go and she can always say the word before you're going to do it and repeat repeat repeat. That's how I learned. Because once she's taught you do command, it could be really useful because then she could try giving you the commands when you are on your estate as well and that might encourage you to go there – if you ever need to, of course! My human believes is always good to learn extra things, because you never know when they might big come in handy – for example, if you ever hurt your leg or something and couldn't go off the estate for a while.

Slobbers,
Honey the Great Dane

KB said...

I have a similar story about our upstairs "crap" room, except that our room is actually a bathroom. We discovered that our two genius labs had decided that it was "the place to go" if an urgent need arose while in the house... Now, they've lost access to the upstairs just like Dexter!

Holly and Khady said...

Totally your human's fault by using the word "crap" to describe the room. Maybe she needs a better term so you will not be confused in the future.

But, like I said, totally the human's fault on this one!

Holly

rottrover said...

Dexter, the most astute among us would have reached the some solution. One can never win wwith the humans. What ARE they thinking??

-Ruby - still figureing it out one step at a time.

achieve1dream said...

Silly Dexter!!

Regarding the video of Chrome, you're right, that's not his first time jumping because he's jumped things while out playing, but it was his first time jumping with me. :D And also the first time he's jumped something several times instead of just once because it was in the way.

Ms. ~K said...

"an artfully placed pile of labralogs..."
Dexter, we've never been prouder of you, LabraPal!!! :)
Zack, Sas, and Buddy

Lassiter Chase and T said...

Such a funny post! Thanks for brightening my day -- I know I can always count on you guys for a laugh!

Berts Blog said...

Hey Mango Dude

I thought you would like it and I am sure in her dreams you are lying right beside her for real.

Bert

kissa-bull said...

all our humans seem to be weirdos but they love us and we love them so we might as well put up wiff their smell and weirdness bol

pibble sugars
the pittie pack

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Dex, you need an Outside Designated Poop Corner on the estate, so you don't have to wait for walkies or risk the ire of the Dexter Momma by using the indoor facilities, which is clearly frowned on at your house. Ours, too. It may not be fair, but don't forget Momma is the Giver of Treats and Other Good Stuffs. If you designate a poop corner, then you can avoid it when zooming in your play yard. Of course, unless the RH also uses it, you must already be doing some serious obstacle jumping when you zoom in your play yard, unless Momma follows the RH around the yard with a shovel 100% of the time.

And Abby cannot believe you have that wonderful elevated doggie bed upstairs - up stairs that the RH will not climb, BTW - and you have apparently failed to stake your claim on this valuable napping real estate!

Jed & Abby

The Thuglets said...

Dexter..living with hoomans is like living with aliens!

Even the computer here is a pile of crap! Work that one out. LOL

We think you applied excellent logic to your emergency situation.

Big Nose Pokes
The Thugletsx

Sue said...

Oh dear, our Mm complains about just the opposite. Some of us won't poop on walks, but hold it until we get back to the privacy of our own yard. There's just no pleasing some humans.
Morgan, Tsar and the Porties

Kitty+Coco said...

Dexter, your intelligence is very sexy. Mom has an art room that I sometimes can sneak into and leave a pile on the nice comfy carpet. Oh boy does she get mad. And she gags while calling Dad to clean it up..haha.

Too bad your hidey spot has been police barricaded.

Kitty+Coco

Shawn said...

OMD! Da inJustice of it all! Iffin youse Mom say da upstaiws is da CWAP woom den dat must bea what it iz!

Me Mom says da udder wowd dat starts wif an S and ends wif da T...but me nose what she means! Me bettew lwisten to ju advising and not cwap in da cwap woom!

Fank ju,
Winston

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Dex, that's an easy conclusion to jump to! Poor PeeWee

Sasha said...

Oh, Dexter, I know just what you mean about only doing your business when you're off the estate.

I *finally* convinced my human to buy me a house kennel with a yard, and I love running around in it and hiding in the plants and not coming when she calls me.

But it wasn't until a couple of days ago that I let my human see me doing my business in the garden. What if she decided there was no need to walk me? I always got lots of walks when we lived in the apartment kennel.

Anyway, she seemed very pleased and gave me lots of pats and treats for going in the garden.

Humans do seem to be a little obsessed with that sort of stuff. My human carefully picks up everything I do in a special bag and carries it around with us. It's a bit embarrassing, to tell you the truth, but what can you do?

Keep up the good work Dexter, and don't let those humans tell you what to do!

Puppy kisses
Sasha