Momma and Master have been spending a lot of time watch that Walking Dead show on the picture box. Me? I'm not such a fan and I will tell you why.
It seems like everybody in that show has decided that just because zombies are different, that makes them bad. Yeah, they are all like "oh, I don't wanna be a zombie, that would be the worst."
To which I say, "how do you know?" Yuh, like how do you know that zombies are unhappy? Maybe it feels great to be a zombie.
I mean, after all, zombies seem a sociable lot, at least with each other. Look at them all travelling around in packs.
And maybe they don't speak actual human language, but who does? Seriously. They seem to communicate with each other just fine.
Now I will grant you that they can get a bit riled up when there are foodables around...
But try walking into a room full of labradoinks with some hot dogs around your neck and see how adorable those pointy headed beasts are. NOT!
So I, Mango, have decided to turn things around. I am embarking on a campaign to end this senseless hatred and marginalizing of zombies. Yup, I am hereby announcing...
MANGO'S ADOPT A ZOMBIE PROGRAM
And to get things started, I thought PeeWee and I should provide a nice foster home for some of those nutty characters to prove that with a bit of training and a lot of love, zombies can make great companions.
The first thing we did with our foster zombies was to work on the loose leash walking. I figured that our zombies would need to be on leash at all times off the property. I found that they all took to it quite readily and was pleased to find that the zombie shuffle was just about Mango speed.
Now even raw foodable advocates might cringe at the notion of the typical zombie diet of brains and whatnot.
Fear not, because there is good, nutritious, zombie food available on line for your shopping convenience. Free samples? I am so there.
The Mango advocates crate training, especially when the zombie is first being introduced to your household. Your zombie will soon learn that his crate is a safe zone where he can rest without worries of being messed about with by house guests.
I found the crate especially useful when transitioning zombies from their random human flesh noms to the Zombie Chow. Just put a bowl of chow down and give your zombie 15 minutes. If he doesn't eat, time for some meditation in his crate and then try again.
I guarantee you that your zombie will soon look forward to a big bowl full of more socially acceptable din dins.
Even still, self control is important if your zombie is going to be able to get out and about without causing mayhem. That's why one of the first skills you will need to work on it is "leave it."
As many of my doggie pals tell me, you can train just about any behavior with the patient use of a clicker.
If you have trouble managing a clicker, just use a marker word as demonstrated in the photo below.
Really, the only limitation to having fun with your new pal, is, well, YOU.
Check this out... agilities zombie! Look at him go! Frankly, I had a hard time keeping up with that speedy little devil (note use of high value reward for motivation).
Not to mention that since zombies never really sleep, they make great look outs for home invaders. Just make sure you have a prominently displayed "zombie on duty" on your door to avoid any potential litigation when your zombie takes down an intruder.
More ambitious zombie owners might even consider training for search and rescue as there is no being, dead or alive, that can sniff out the humans like a zombie.
So what do you say, are you ready to open your house for a zombie in need? All they require is a little love and patience. Oh, and a securely fenced yard... preferably an electrified fence just to be on the safe side.
Mango Man! Oh yeah!