Thursday, November 24, 2011

Adopt a Zombie


Momma and Master have been spending a lot of time watch that Walking Dead show on the picture box. Me? I'm not such a fan and I will tell you why.


It seems like everybody in that show has decided that just because zombies are different, that makes them bad. Yeah, they are all like "oh, I don't wanna be a zombie, that would be the worst."

To which I say, "how do you know?" Yuh, like how do you know that zombies are unhappy? Maybe it feels great to be a zombie.

I mean, after all, zombies seem a sociable lot, at least with each other. Look at them all travelling around in packs.



And maybe they don't speak actual human language, but who does? Seriously. They seem to communicate with each other just fine.

Now I will grant you that they can get a bit riled up when there are foodables around...









But try walking into a room full of labradoinks with some hot dogs around your neck and see how adorable those pointy headed beasts are. NOT!

So I, Mango, have decided to turn things around. I am embarking on a campaign to end this senseless hatred and marginalizing of zombies. Yup, I am hereby announcing...




MANGO'S ADOPT A ZOMBIE PROGRAM

And to get things started, I thought PeeWee and I should provide a nice foster home for some of those nutty characters to prove that with a bit of training and a lot of love, zombies can make great companions.

The first thing we did with our foster zombies was to work on the loose leash walking. I figured that our zombies would need to be on leash at all times off the property. I found that they all took to it quite readily and was pleased to find that the zombie shuffle was just about Mango speed.









Now even raw foodable advocates might cringe at the notion of the typical zombie diet of brains and whatnot.

Fear not, because there is good, nutritious, zombie food available on line for your shopping convenience. Free samples? I am so there.




The Mango advocates crate training, especially when the zombie is first being introduced to your household. Your zombie will soon learn that his crate is a safe zone where he can rest without worries of being messed about with by house guests.

I found the crate especially useful when transitioning zombies from their random human flesh noms to the Zombie Chow. Just put a bowl of chow down and give your zombie 15 minutes. If he doesn't eat, time for some meditation in his crate and then try again.













I guarantee you that your zombie will soon look forward to a big bowl full of more socially acceptable din dins.

Even still, self control is important if your zombie is going to be able to get out and about without causing mayhem. That's why one of the first skills you will need to work on it is "leave it."

As many of my doggie pals tell me, you can train just about any behavior with the patient use of a clicker.

If you have trouble managing a clicker, just use a marker word as demonstrated in the photo below.










Really, the only limitation to having fun with your new pal, is, well, YOU.

Check this out... agilities zombie! Look at him go! Frankly, I had a hard time keeping up with that speedy little devil (note use of high value reward for motivation).











Not to mention that since zombies never really sleep, they make great look outs for home invaders. Just make sure you have a prominently displayed "zombie on duty" on your door to avoid any potential litigation when your zombie takes down an intruder.

More ambitious zombie owners might even consider training for search and rescue as there is no being, dead or alive, that can sniff out the humans like a zombie.

So what do you say, are you ready to open your house for a zombie in need? All they require is a little love and patience. Oh, and a securely fenced yard... preferably an electrified fence just to be on the safe side.










Mango Man! Oh yeah!

36 comments:

Momma Tea (also Ronnii, Uji and Izzy whose open ids wont work) said...

Oh Mango dat wos da bestest posty it has mad DML laff so much , Fank yoo mi furiend her dids need it. Hope yor rear ends is feelin better an havs a Happy Turkey Day

Luv
Uji
x

Roo said...

ROFLMA OFF! BOL! OMD! HYSTERICAL! Dexter and Mango you have caused me to lose my appetite for turkey today butt that's okay. Laughter is my ultimate favorite food anyway :D Y'all are too much! :D

Wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving! :D

Waggin at ya,
Roo

Gus said...

Oh YEAH! Smiles before Turkey makes the bird go down easier. We regret that we cannot adopt a zombie, but would love to buy a couple of those warning signs about security zombie on dutY!

gussie

HoundDogMom said...

Oh, we are right there with ROO, laughing so hard we can hardly see. What a way to start our Thanksgiving Day. Happy Thanksgiving to your crew. Sniffs, The HoundDogs

Erika and Blair,xoxo said...

Oh Mango you do make us laugh. Mom loves that show too and will readily donate to your cause.

wrigglebutts.com said...

Hee hee hee! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your zombie!

Kisses,
B

Declan said...

I always thought you were a big hearted guy Mango, but this is a brilliant idea! Over here we advocate moving to a place called Doncaster where you can live with zombies without actually going to the expense of owning one. Just kidding... if you happen to come from Doncaster!! Deccy x

Jen said...

Oh dear, I nearly snorted my raisin bran all over the computer, I laughed so hard! HAHAHAHA!! So funny!

I too, love that show and certainly think this is genius!!

Happy Thanksgiving, my American Buddies!

Jen and the Mostly Black Dog Crew

Just Ramblin' said...

You have amazing creative talent! This had me laughing out loud and a tad bit ... uuuhmm... worried? Have a great Thanksgiving and I hope your foot/backside is doing well today.
: )

Wild Dingo said...

Well now, aren't you the thoughtful charitable RH? hey i have a question: can your foster zombie roll over and play dead?

ok, that was lame. but you and your DOH really outdid yourself! I have no wittier comment... sigh.

Sam and Pippen said...

Dude... totally sorry that we won't be able to a zombie. We live in a townhouse and are pretty sure that there is a 'no zombie' by-law in the strata rules. At least we assume so as we don't see anyone else around here walking and/or training theirs. Otherwise, we'd be so there!

Sam and Pippen

Frankie Furter said...

Oh MANGO... this is just SOOOOOOO creative... on so very many levels.

Leave it to YOU to come up with this one buddy.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to ALL on your Estate!

THANKS fur the morning Laff.

Princess Patches said...

Now that we've had our morning chuckle, we can get on with the turkey cooking!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone at your estate!

Aire-hugs,
Patches

Tank said...

I was all ready to sign up for a zombie until the end of your post... I don't have an electrified fence (or any kind of fence) to contain it outside. Is there any way around this? Could I keep it chained up or would the ASPCZ come after me?

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Ha ha, Mango, thanks for the fun post. Mom says there are enough zombies here now, but we will work on her.

Wishes to you for a great day of thanks and good family time. Happy Thanksgiving from all of us.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, Lightning, and Mom

Sue said...

Gee Mango, that's really thoughtful of you to help the Zombies, but we're not sure we can adopt one. Our Mom has a collection of VooDoo dolls and we don't know if the two groups get along together.
Morgan, Tsar and the Porties

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello mango its dennis the vizsla dog hay i do not think mama wood let us adopt a zombie plus we alreddy hav wun its calld dada before he has coffee ha ha no but seeryusly tucker wood like me to ask ware he can git sum zombie chow??? thanks ok bye

The Thuglets said...

Crikey..how do you sleep? LOL

Big nose Pokes
The Thugletsx

rottrover said...

Mango and Dex, we don't watch the zombie show and probably Bart would be afraid of a foster zombie anyway, but we did want to tell you that we are very grateful for your friendship and we wish you and Momma and Master a wonderful Thanksgiving.

-Ruby and Bart

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Mom's still pondering the fashion statement one would be making if one were to be wearing a hotdog necklace... She's muttering something about how it could be misinterpreted in So Many different ways. Oh, and she says that she's got her hands full with Dad, so no zombies for us. Which is just as well - we'd hate to have to split the kibble $$$ with a zombie.... But good luck with your program! ;-)

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Howdy Uncle Mango, mum's been cracking up over here. Thanks for that. Our brothers and sissy watch that show too and Dad has a collection of zombie movies. Sometimes mum feels like a zombie when her head is all scrambled from us hehehe. Take care if your zombie plays up and won't behave, don't forget the 'double tap'. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

I'm afraid your DOH has gone to the Khrazy Side of the Sanity Line!

WE welkhome her!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Tessa the Maltese said...

STOP!

Please Mango, back away from the turkey, I am afraid that you have turkey poisoning!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours Mango, Dex and pawrents!

woos, Tessa

Two French Bulldogs said...

Oh Mango! Hilarious...zombie time out....aaahhhh, BOL
Happee Thanksgiving
Benny & Lily

Au and Target said...

MOL, we're laughing! And also because a 3 year old we know calls Middle Eastern women in face veils "zombies" - with a loud voice and small but penetrating finger "Zombies, mummy! Look, zombies!"

BODIE & GOO said...

I hope your Mums supervizin that Zombie wit you guys cos they can be unpredictables and when theyz 20they cin jis go offtherails. I is havin trubble with my weave trainin so maybe Momma can give us some zombie tips on that too.

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

ROFL! Mango, Has your Momma lost her noggin??? LOL! ;-)

Ina in Alaska said...

Fun post!! Enjoyed it while digesting Thanksgiving dinner in a Zombie-like state. Mr. O & I enjoy The Walking Dead

Priscilla said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones, Mango!

Hope your turkey was edible and not the zombie like!!

2 Doodles and a Dane said...

hahah, this made us all laugh so much, our mum loved it!! Although she said we can't really have a zombie has a pet :(

Hope you had a good thanksgiving!
Slobber
xxx

ArtemisiaFSS said...

MOL & BOL Mango Man you are hilarious. We will ask Youngest Boy Bean if he would like a zombie for his birthday but he seems to prefer shooting them on Xbox so it may not be a good idea.

The 'splorin' Wolfies said...

OMG--bizzario!

DogsMom said...

You have solved all my Christmas shopping worries. My friends and family love doing good deeds so I will sign each one up for this foster program.
I love my family.

ocmist said...

Nope... sorry, Big Guy. We've got enough Zombies around here as it is. At least Grammy, Papa, and Robert sure ACT like Zombies a lot!

Gimli's kitties would have their poor little legs are shredded in no time, too, and since they have a tendency to fall apart WITHOUT help... nuff said?

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving! :) The CCC

Chester said...

With your expertise as a zombie trainer, I must say I am tempted to adopt one but after givin' it much thought, have decided that the two zombies I already live with are more than enough for this dawg's humble abode.

Woofs and temptin' slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

Pee. Ess. - I see that the Relentlessly Huge Rear End is startin' to make a come back. I hope to hear of continued progress in that dept.

mayziegal said...

We just got a chance to read this postie and Brudder Ranger thinks this may be the answer to our recent security issues. We googled Zombie Rescue of Collie-rado but there's not one around here. Do you know of any zombie rescues that are willing to arrange a transport for the right adopter?

Wiggles & Wags,
mayzie