Friday, January 13, 2012

Dexter the Wonder Dog - On the Topic of Lettuce

When queried regarding advice from her doctor on the topic of good living, momma can be heard to say, "Well, Dexter, she told me to eat more healthy food."

Now, I am filled with envy over these statements as any sentence with both the words "more" and "food" in it is certainly a signal for rejoicing.

But it appears there is a caveat. Yes, dear readers, the healthy food list includes a staple that strikes fear into my dear momma's heart.... salad! Because, as she has frequently explained to me, salads are comprised mostly of lettuce and she has declared said ingredient to be a non food item.

Interesting. Inquisitive chap that I am, it got me to wondering... is lettuce food? And so I requested an experiment wherein yours truly would be offered an array of healthy vegetables, including this mysterious substance known as lettuce to test the culinary viability of each item.

One might characterize my eating habits as indiscriminate. I prefer to call myself opportunistic.

The results were captured in an educational movie you can watch here or below.

Let's recap, shall we?

I, Dexter, was offered broccoli, carrot, green bean, and lettuce.

My first impulse was to tag the lettuce with my foot, marking it as a special treat to save for last whilst savoring the green bean.

And the broccoli...

Momma went so far as to rig the experiment by offering me the lettuce and proclaiming, "It's food! Eat it!"

Oh nasty! Yuck! I shredded that piece of green cardboard and did my best to grind it into the carpet (which appears to need a run over with the vacuum, lazy witch).

Nope, not happening. You can't fool me twice.

Lettuce - food or sick joke? I hereby declare lettuce to be a non-food item. This should no doubt put to ease many humans who have struggled to choke down said abomination.

Now I am going outside to cleanse my pallet with some nommy rocks.

Dexter done!

P.S. I think blogger must have had a software glitch yesterday as several alert readers reported problems posting comments. I hope that things have been reset by now.


chicamom85 said...

Dexter, I am with you on this one 100%. Lettuce, blechhhhh, this is the one foodable that Mommy can leave out anywhere with no worries about me. I love carrots and green beans, but Dexter that green furry thing that you ate first, those do no agree with me. I had a tummyache and some nasty gassers after a feast of those, no more of that stuff either. Didn't it give you gassers??? I hope not.

licks and sniffs Sasha

p.s. No More Lettuce!!!!

Maggie and Mitch said...

Mitch and I both love lettuce! It's cold and crisp and yummy stuff!
Mom just tried to comment with IE and your blog went all white but Firefox is working like a charm! yippeeeeee

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

I'm SO with woo!

Kharrots, Brussels Sprouts, Brokhkholi, FROZEN PEAS, and Khollieflour = GOOD!!!

LETTUCE? 'LEAF' it on the floor!

My DOH tries evFURRYtime to fool me - and I STILL ignore it!


Gus said...

I will eat lettuce if it is the "small" kind and shredded. I prefer a bit of white balsamic dressing, but will also eat it if mixed in with my kibbles. I strongly prefer carrots, asparaGUS, green beans, frozen peas, even the dreaded cauliflower.

Teka will have none of the above, thank you.


Minna Krebs said...

Thank you Dexter for legitimizeing what we have felt fur years. As a pack of nearly starved doxins, we have been known to eat ANY foodables that hit the floor...butt NOT lettuce. No sir-ee!

PeeS.....I might suggest that raw button mushrooms be added to this category too.

Sugar the Golden Retriever said...

Woof! Woof! Oh VEGI ... Can relate. Since I've been diet ... lots of good colorful vegi. What's next. Happy Friday! Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

Oh Most my bloggie blogger friends had issues yesterday ... one reason we moved our blog to WordPress. Seems that Blogger fixed the issues ... Golden Woofs

Ina in Alaska said...

The Alaskan poodle palate concurs with Dexter. They love carrots & green beans. And they consider carrot juice a very special treat!

Reilly / Denny Cowspotdogs said...

Lettuce is a food ONLY for rabbits !!!! Personally I think any vegetable if eaten 0 should be smoothered in cheese to make it palatable but I do mom has been rather sneaky and mixed it with my food on occassions.....she says will be doing it more from now on though!!!!!!

PS - can you tell the Mango Momma that it only took 86 mb to save 4 years of Reilly's's not as big as you may think :)

Erika and Blair,xoxo said...

It might be fun to whap it around?

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

Not even my dearly depawted Charcoal and Charcoal would eat LETTUCE.
Not fur consumption.. NOPE.

Amber DaWeenie said...

Hmmmmm....Me guesses me must be da oddball! Me luvs to eat lettuce!

rottrover said...

Lettuce?? EEEWWWWWW!!!

-Bart and Ruby

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Our Mom has declared lettuce to be a 'summer food' - like watermelon, revenge, and other things that are best served cold. Her 'healthy' foods in winter seem to involve a lot of fish and steamed broccoli (both of which are quite nommy... especially salmon!). So tell your Mom to leave the lettuce for warm weather, and eat Dexter-friendly health food. Just saying...

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Howdy Dexter, wonderful experiment your Momma set up. The results of course, we to be expected. Possibly a slug might like lettuce but we're not even sure about that.

We hate it and our next favourite hate is beetroot, eeewwwwww. We class lettuce along with beetroot and the most revolting of all vegetables, the turnip. Thanks for taking the time to show that, yes, lettuce is not worthy as part of the food group. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

The Army of Four said...

Oh. I love a nice, crunchy iceberg lettuce leaf!
We don't get many treats here.
Can you tell?

Sam said...

Actually, Marge likes lettuce! Strangely enough, she won't eat carrots unless they're cooked.

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Lettuce is good, Dexter - Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning all love lettuce, carrots, green beans, broccoli. Phantom, none of those!!! And if you are really lucky, you might get Momma to sprinkle a little cheese on it.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Oddly enough, I'm supposed to eat more healthy too according to my doc. To get all those greens down, I boil garlic and ginger in chicken broth and toss in the greens... much easier to eat when they are smaller!

houndstooth said...

I know Mom eats a lot of it, but she pours all kinds of other stuff on top of it to make it palatable! I avoid all vegetables on principle!


A Wonderful Dogs Life said...

While your Momma is in the taste testing spirit maybe you can convince her to line up the beef, chicken and turkey. Oh, and for dessert hows about a slice of apple, banana, and a blueberry.

Thanks for the paws up on the lettuce. I'll be sure to avoid it if it ever wanders toward my dish.


Lexi and Jasper the Danes said...

Dexter! None of those vegetable things are food items as far a we are concerned *YUCk* :p

Licks and lots of slobber,
Lexi and Jasper the Danes

Koobuss said...

That is a wonderful experiment, Dexter, and you did indeed prove that lettuce is not food. I'm not sure just what it is though. We try to eat as little of it as possible around here. Thanks for verifying that it's not edible.

Love and Lots of Koobuss Kisses,

Declan said...

You look very happy to have the blog to yourself! Oh and a belated happy birthday too! Lettuce is rubbish isn't it? I really like veg, especially carrots, but lettuce - really?! Deccy x

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

We also eschew lettuce, although we love a good graze on grass from time to time. Otherwise, Jed is a 'meat and potato' guy, as long as the potato is well covered with butter. But we both love fruit, especially bananas and cantaloupe juice. We have to admire your scientific method in successfully proving your point that to most working breed dogs, lettuce is not food.

Jed & Abby

PeeEss: we still cannot comment on your blog or the MM blog [and some others] when we use IE, but so far it's working on Firefox. So maybe Blogger has declared war on Microsoft?

Lassiter Chase and Benjamin said...

Hi Dexter, Mommy only eats iceberg lettuce -- she says the other kinds of lettuce taste like sand even after it is washed. I wonder if they call it iceberg lettuce because the grow it on icebergs -- that explanation would explain why it doesn't taste like sand to her!

Lorenza said...

Only if it has some kind of dressing!
All the other veggies are yummy!
Kisses and hugs

Anonymous said...

BOL! Yeah Mom's tried to give me lettuce too...I've learned if I ball it up on my tongue first I can spit it pretty far ;) Hardy Har Har. Now the other veggies? Nommers :D

Waggin at ya,

Chris said...

Dexter, lettuce is just a vessel for caring other goodies such as mushrooms, tomatoes, blue cheese and a lovely balsamic vinaigrette! oh yes and ham, turkey and/or salami......

Ludo van Doggy said...

I is not keen on vegetables. I will only really eat carrot if I steal it from Molly and Faline. But you know how bad lettuce be Dexter, even Molly and Faline doesn't like it. Well, at least not that kind that your Momma gave you.
~lickies, Ludo

tula said...

Phew... so glad lettuce companies don't bother advertising to a non-target labradork audience. They would bankrupt. Rock companies on the other hand....

just saying.

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello dexter its dennis the vizsla dog hay tucker sez if yoo ar not going to eet those mikroskopik bits of lettus he wil tayk them off yore paws!!! ok bye

Dozer and Coop said...

We likes tomatoes very, very much. Apples, just as much. Lettuce, not at all. Bananas no as well.

Dexter, get on the phone and call for a pizza, it has vegetables on it and is much more palatable.

Love, Dozer and Cooper

Bouncing Bertie said...

Dexter, I can say definitively, from a scientific and mathematical perspective, that:

Lettuce ≠ food

Toodle pip!
Bertie (hoping that the 'not equals to' symbol works on blogger)

Anonymous said...

I gots to agree with you Dex and your Mom too, lettuce is not a food unless shredded upon a Taco!

woos, Tessa

Chester said...

Hmmmmm-ya got my Big Brown brain wonderin' now if lettuce could be the one, the VERY ONE thing in the world that I will not allow to pass down my gullet. Stay tuned for scientific lab report on the nomabilities of lettuce.

Woofs and green slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

Sue said...

Mom and most of us agree with you, but Samba will eat anything, even lettuce.
Morgan, Tsar and the Porties

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Don't eat spinach's totally gross!!

Scruffman who knows what he likes to eat.

Au and Target said...

MOL! I love lettuce, broccoli, spinach etc and the cats think this is disgusting. You should all get together one day and have a meat fest :-)

Moose Dog said...

You were totally tricked! That is a food wrapper not to be eaten. When I eat a thing of hot dog buns for example it has a wrapper that might smell vaguely edible but it is not. Same as the box pizza comes in... It is merely food adjacent, not food!

Pippa said...

Totally agree - I am a non-lettuce dog although as you barked, all the others are fine. All my predecessors liked lettuce though - even the labrador!!