When queried regarding advice from her doctor on the topic of good living, momma can be heard to say, "Well, Dexter, she told me to eat more healthy food."
Now, I am filled with envy over these statements as any sentence with both the words "more" and "food" in it is certainly a signal for rejoicing.
But it appears there is a caveat. Yes, dear readers, the healthy food list includes a staple that strikes fear into my dear momma's heart.... salad! Because, as she has frequently explained to me, salads are comprised mostly of lettuce and she has declared said ingredient to be a non food item.
Interesting. Inquisitive chap that I am, it got me to wondering... is lettuce food? And so I requested an experiment wherein yours truly would be offered an array of healthy vegetables, including this mysterious substance known as lettuce to test the culinary viability of each item.
One might characterize my eating habits as indiscriminate. I prefer to call myself opportunistic.
The results were captured in an educational movie you can watch here or below.
Let's recap, shall we?
I, Dexter, was offered broccoli, carrot, green bean, and lettuce.
My first impulse was to tag the lettuce with my foot, marking it as a special treat to save for last whilst savoring the green bean.
And the broccoli...
Momma went so far as to rig the experiment by offering me the lettuce and proclaiming, "It's food! Eat it!"
Oh nasty! Yuck! I shredded that piece of green cardboard and did my best to grind it into the carpet (which appears to need a run over with the vacuum, lazy witch).
Nope, not happening. You can't fool me twice.
Lettuce - food or sick joke? I hereby declare lettuce to be a non-food item. This should no doubt put to ease many humans who have struggled to choke down said abomination.
Now I am going outside to cleanse my pallet with some nommy rocks.
P.S. I think blogger must have had a software glitch yesterday as several alert readers reported problems posting comments. I hope that things have been reset by now.