Monday, January 9, 2012

It's My Birthday (and nobody cares)


My friends, it is with great disappointment that I am about to tell you of a horrific injustice, a terrible deception, a tale of unbelievable neglect.

For, it is, indeed my fourth birthday today. But, sadly for yours truly, it is a day marked by a distinct absence of Dexter focused activities or celebrations.

To make matters worse, I was able to intercept this false post that momma created weeks ago in an attempt to fool my loyal readers into thinking that she actually showered me with love and affection on this, my special day.

Fortunately, with her mentals consumed by stupid Mango Minster, I was able to annotate said post to present you with the true condition of my sorry existence.

I have left momma's pathetic blue italicized words as a warning to my fellow doggie bloggers that this could happen to you, too.


Today is Dexter's birthday and that means it is all about HIM! That's right.

Happy four years old to you, my little labradude!

We started the day with a nice long walk to the village green.


Any guesses as to when that photo was actually taken? Try LAST YEAR! I am not dignifying her by actually looking at the flashy. I refuse to be part of her charade. And while a stroll down to the village green is pleasant enough, the 1.5 mile round trip hardly qualifies as long in my book.


When we got home, a new stuffie, just for Dexter!




She did NOT buy that stuffie for me. It was a gift from daycare. A gift with some holiday NOT my birthday in mind. Now, I admit to being flattered when I received my modest package, but my feelings were crushed when I saw that the same packages were being handed out with abandon to all of the daycare doggies, even that pack of rough trade golden thugs.


Oh, and the reason that I am actually enjoying stuffed Santa? Well, on the day these pictures were taken, the Relentlessly Cry Baby Momma's Dog was at the beauty parlor. You can be certain that once Mr. Fun Police returned home it was "goodbye Dexter's toy."

And make no mistake, momma did NOT stay home with her "favorite" dog, nor did she even favor me with a fun filled day with my daycare pals. No, once again I was forced to provide my own entertainment, comprised mainly of trying to find a water bowl with slobber free water and attempting to stake out the premium sun baking spots.




Followed by a nice chewie.



I was able to take advantage of the Torpid Beast's absence (two weeks ago) to enjoy a chewie on his slobbery bed. IN YOUR FACE! Are you with me? But the chewie actually came from a holiday gift bag brought over by Norwood's mom.



And some total funballs action, complete with tasty noms, just for Dexter!




Once again, a gift from Norwood's mom and one that I found myself highly suspicious of. Is the photo artwork intended to convey that it is full of treats tailored to labradogs or perhaps to indicate that they are made from labradogs?

Well, I never did find out as the contents were emptied into Mr. Underwater Walker during his physical therapies.

Action? Well, if you call having to do a sit / stay while other absurdly large dogs bounce around performing "tricks" then I suppose that would qualify.





All in all a wonderful day for the best little labradog in the whole world!


LIES! ALL LIES!

And there you have it. Just another day in the life of being designated as "the little back up dog."

Dexter done!

P.S. Momma says I need an attitude adjustment. I'm just calling it like I see it, that's all.

76 comments:

Kristina said...

OMD you poor neglected labradorable dawg ... tell the UPS guy to ship you to vancouver a pet photographer i know (me.. ahemm) is looking for a wonderful labradude to launch his modeling career ... (ahem) ... happy barkday you cute pittiful self ... may your day be erm wonderful and at least with yummy treats

Molly, Taffy, Monty and Winnie said...

Oh Dexter! This is terrible! Bet you are "Home Alone" too as your Mum and Dad have to go to work. Well we know Mango is there but imagine he is busy doing his MM stuff.

Winnie is all upset now, (dabbing her eyes to stop the tears falling).......... she just can't understand why you will be having such a bad birthday.

Anyway we wish you a


********HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEXTER.********

Molly, Taffy, Monty and Winnie

Bouncing Bertie said...

Dexter, that is dreadful simply dreadful. You know, there have been times in the past when I have wondered if perhaps your complaints about perceived slights are, well, shall we say a tad over-stated? But now I can see that you are indeed a most dreadfully mistreated. I am wondering whether I should withdraw my entry to Mango Minster in protest.
Toodle pip!
Bertie.

Bouncing Bertie said...

PS Oh and Happy Birthday!

Ronnii, Uji & Izzy ( & Momma Tea ) said...

Ohh Dexter Labradude, wee cares,
Wee wishes yoo A MOST HAPPISOME BIRFDAY, n sends yoo lotsa lovs n licks n bounces. Yoo can share our pawty in April too ifs yoo would likes too

Lovs
Izzy, Uji n Ronnii
xxx xxx xxx

Raymond and Busby said...

Oh the injustice! We can both relate! Happy birthday Dexter!

HoundDogMom said...

Oh, Dexter we think you need to change your birthday to like summer time. That way you won't be interrupted by the Mango Minster. We do wish you a very Happy Birthday. :) Sniffs, The HoundDogs

Reilly / Denny Cowspotdogs said...

Happy birthday Dexter ! I agree - having to share life with 'others' just isn't right, they take over YOUR blog, YOUR toys, YOUR treats, and the affections and attention meant for YOU from your peeps. Back-up dogs unite !

ArtemisiaFSS said...

Happy Birthday Dexter, you are treated most unfairly. Perhaps you would like to come live with us and play with me (Fenris). I should provide you a list of the RULES though. Dogs are not allowed on the carpet per Daddy's orders which means we can only go in the dining room, tiny kitchen and crate size utility room while in the house but I has a nice fenced in yard to romp in. Cats rule, whatever the cats say you has to do and you mustn't ever chase them. Oh and Arty likes to chew on your ears and you has to let her. ~Fenris Wolf

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Poor Dexter - we think it is time for a major Dexter protest - maybe an Occupy the Estate and block the Mom out until she makes amends.

Happy Birthday, Dexter. Hope something better happens today.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

Anny said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.. poor youuuuuussss... such injustice.. i heart yous. Hope your momma will come to her senses and bake you a birthday cake and take you for looooooooooooooong walkies.. and and gets you a real present... and and...maybe bake you some new treats.. urmms... and get you a new bed perhaps that is without any slobber.. :)

Happy Happy 4th Barkday to you Dexter!

woofs n lickies,
Dommy and Piper

Gus said...

Dexter, that is totally not fair. It is kind of like my life here. Solidarity for second dogs.


Teka Toy

Jen said...

Oh goodness Dexter, I am truly upset for you this morning. It IS rough to be a second dog (Murphy would have you know third dogs have it way worse. Sophie tells her, no way!! LOL). Anyway, happy birthday Dexter- here's hoping your mama pulls it together and celebrates it with great fan fare, just like you deserve!

Jen and the mostly Black Dog Crew

Priscilla said...

Happy 4th Birthday, Dexter!!!

Just to let you know that our door is always open if you decide to join us! Mika would be your BFF in no time and he is the friendliest dude in the world.

Licks
Eva

Amber DaWeenie said...

OMD!!! Dis is terrierible. Me is sooooo very sorry to hear how neglected you really are! Me nose da Momma really luvs you lots but sometimes her forgets how much. You nose how dos nutty hoomans are! Smile....me still wuvs you and...

HAPPY BIRFDAY, DEX!

Mr. Pip said...

Dexter! Thank goodness I stopped by as I had no idea of this injustice! I for one wish you the HAPPIEST of birthdays! And I do feel your pain as sometimes my feline sister Rosie steals the spotlight - though she doesn't have a blog - HA!

Nice work chewing on that stuffie on Mango's bed!

Your pal, Pip

Lassiter Chase and Benjamin said...

Happy Birthday Dexter! We care!

Shmoo said...

Poop in her shoes. Seriously. If anyone deserves a shoe poo... its your human.

Meeshka

Frankie Furter said...

HAPPY BIRFDAY DEXTER.

I see you got a new DICTIONARY fur your BIG Pressie.

Sorry that your momma has tried (Once Again) to spoil (or ignore) Your Big Day. Sheeesh

Minna Krebs said...

Poor Dexter......we feel your pain. Some of us have birthdays during the TaxLion season (Rooney's is April 12ish). So often my momma don't even return home from the workplace in time to celebrate. Last year, her got home after midnight, and missed it!

Well.........have a wonderful day.....in spite of it all!!

Kasha The Dainty Great Dane said...

Oh you poor labradog....I'm sure your mom loves you dearly but sometimes life gets in the way of our birthdays...heck I turned 10 earlier this month and what did I get NOTHING!! It's just not fair. Anyway Happy Birthday DEXTER!!

AARF Kasha the Dainty Dane

Mimi and CC Cabana said...

Poor widdle Dexter, I think you might cry with a full two cups of kibble in your bowl. Wah wah wah. We lift our legs to you on your birthday--how's that for celebration!

SissySees said...

Happy birthday, Dexter!! We're three and four, and have each had a birthday shuffled to suit Mama. She thinks we don't notice, but...

Sam and Pippen said...

She thinks that YOU need an attitude adjustment??? Maybe someone needs to be told that their attitude needs to be adjusted too! This is an outrage, Dexter! Let us know if you are going to stage a protest and we'll be there!

Sam and Pippen

Sugar the Golden Retriever said...

Woof! Woof! Happy New Year! We are back from our longggg Holiday break. Oh Happy Happy 4th Dexter ... remember your mom loves you and Mango. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

Visit my new (WP) blog: www.sugarthegoldenretriever.com

Ms. ~K said...

Happy, happy birthday to one of our fav Labradudes!
xoxo

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

I think woo deserve a puppy or two or three fur that neglekht and abuse!

Happy Dexter Day!!!!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
PeeEssWoo: May The RH dekhorate woo with some bling!

Chester said...

Ya gotta give me minute to wipe the silly tears rollin' down my Big Brown face. I thought at first you emptied the treats in "Mr. UnderWEAR Walker's" face. BOL! BOL! Sorry, it just brought mental images that I'm havin' a hard time gettin' rid of.

Ok, now - the whole "forgotten bday" thingy is an unjustice that no dawg should hafta endure. Come on down to Pencilvania and I'll give you a partay that you'll never forget. I even have a new bag of freeze dried chicken livers that are DA BOMB! Perfect for a 4 year old bday partay. Don't dilly-dally 'cuz, Shirley they're not gonna last long.

Woofs and freeze dried slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

The Army of Four said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LabraDude!!!! Maybe your mom will totally make it all up to you today. Really.
Luv,
Dave

Maggie and Mitch said...

Happy birthday, Dexter! Come on down and we'll treat you to a cheeseburger and fries and ice cream for dessert!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

bbes tribe said...

Happy Birfday you beautiful and handsome Labradude!!!! 4 years old yet you don't look any older than 2---
Wags
Ernie,Sasha,Chica,Lucas

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan, Bibi-Chan, Gen-Chan, Vidock said...

Oh Dear, Dexter! We think you know to do something long-term because this seasonal injustice is likely to be repeated year after year. So, we propose that you decide on another date as your OFFICIAL BIRTHDAY (The Queen of England has an official birthday.

In the meantime, our very bestest wishes to you!

The Poupounette Gang

Piappies World said...

HAPPY HAPPY BARKDAY, DEXTER!!!

We're all barking loud so you'd hear us from across the miles! For sure they got a big barkday surprise just for you!

We love you for all the adorable and sweet stuff you always do.

Love,
Piappies Fudgie, Princess, Frappie, Mocha, Sugar, Wai-Pai, Wai-Max & Forgie

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Oh Poor Poor little labradude! I do hope your mom gets her mentals checked in time to give you the celebration you deserve! Happy Birthday sweet Dex!

rottrover said...

Oh Dex. We hear you, dude. Our mom can't even get it together to do a post about how CUTE I am!! What are we going to do with them?? Well,

HAPPY, HAPPY FOURTH BIRTHDAY to our favorite Labradude!!

-Bart and Ruby (who is too darn cute but nobody knows it yet.)

Wyatt said...

Happy Birthday Dexter! You should go look in your mama's closet for some new toys. Nothing like a nommy shoe to chase those blues away!

Wyatt

Sammie and Avalon said...

Awwwwww DEXTER!!!! This is truly a case of injustice magnified to the millionth degree! Time to take action: let's see... We love riding in the vehicle with Mom, purely as we're getting to go somewhere, maybe a cool place - do you like car rides? How 'bout wrangling a trip in the Mangomobile in case the need arises for you to bark insanely loudly at nothing - right in your Momma's ear! We assure you, our ear piercing yodely barks shatter the sound barrier every time (and Mom's ears too, heheh!!!)
xoxoxoo Happy Birthday, lil Dude!
Sammie and Avalon

Maggie Mae said...

Dexter,

Happy Birthday! Hopefully your mom will make it up to you. We will come and party with you if you would like us too.

Your Buddy,
Max and Maggie Mae

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Hi Dear Sweet Poor Dexter, oh the injustice of it all. Fancy, your very own family, forgetting your birthday but pretending they remembered. Don't forget revenge is best served cold (or in the case of our idea, nice and warm).

We remember a while back when you left a few little surprise packages (aka big piles of poop) around the house. Well, well, well. It might have to happen again friend. Momma's bedroom would be a good place to start, her side of the bed of course.

Mum says she hopes you didn't suffer the ultimate humiliation of receiving one gift at Christmas and have people say, oh this is for your birthday too!! The tight baxxxxxx!

Anyhow dear Dexter, Happy Birthday to you. Actually we forgot too so if you feel the need to post a parcel of poop go for it. We hope you enjoyed your day in some small way and that your Momma puts YOU first for a while.

See ya big black adorable four year old.
x x x x and slobber from Stella and Rory

Wild Dingo said...

dude, all i can say is my birthday falls on a major holiday and nobody EVER remembers it. so how about you and me we make a break for some big water theme park for a week, on the DOH's credit card? yah baby, i can be your chaperone.

Marjie said...

Well, happy birthday, Dexter! I'm sure Momma really and truly wished she could be home having funballs times with you instead of having to cater to the RH, and Mango Minster, and all the other things she needed to do. And while Wild Dingo's suggestion sounds really tempting, the DOH might be honked off if you take her credit card to some water theme park.

Stella said...

Hi Dexter!

My Mom forgot my birthday last year too (October) and my advice? Suck it up! Just spend your time being the best and smartest dog around (shouldn't be hard with your roomie) and if you find somebody you like better just move in with them. My Mom tried to make it up to me by getting me a hyuge skweaker toy so I made up with her, but she is on my list and I am watching her!

Take care, Peewee!

Stella

Cinnamon said...

Happy Birthday Dexter!! Wherever the presents came from, you got something, which shows that you were not forgotten. Be assured that your Momma loves you to bits!

Tessa the Maltese said...

OMD Dexter this is just a travesty! I cannot believe how horrid your Pawrents have been to you. A fake Barkday post, no real pressies, no special day fur you and you alone! Sheesh! I would definitely think about Stella and Rory's suggestion for a few poop's around the house!

Well buddy, try to have a Happy Barkday Dexter.

woos, Tessa

Clive said...

Poor Dexter!

Life is just not fair sometimes!!

Anyway, we're sending you lots of love and kisses on your birthday,

Clive, Murray and all the gang!

Two Doodles and a Dane said...

Poor your!

Happy Happy Happy Birthday though!
Sending lots of slobbery kisses for you :)

I must say though that walk from last year and that hand me down stuffy is a right travesty. You have every right to be this way on your bday!

Slobbers
xxxx

chicamom85 said...

Happy Birthday Dexter!!! BOL BOL BOL BOL, thats 4 loud barks just for you my poor neglected friend. Oh the injustice that is being done to you. I am coming in my magic bubble and you and I will go to birthday land where we play all day and get as many treats as we want. At least that is what I heard.

licks and sniffs, Sasha
p.s. on my way, be ready to go and no Mango he would weigh the bubble down

Nola said...

BOL Happy Bday Dexter!
Dachshund Nola

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Oh, Dex, we apologize! We also forgot your birthday and we are so sorry. Happy Birthday, little dude.

Now about that 'backup dog' stuff. What you need is a good attorney to handle your suit for discrimination. Unfortunately, as an official of Mango Minster, Abby is unable to help you at this time because it would be a conflict of interest. However, you do have three whole years to file suit before the statute of limitations expires. What did you have in mind for damages?

Jed & Abby the Legal Beagle[mix] Extraordinaire and Official Guardian of Ethics for MM2012

Keith Andrea said...

.,oh Dexter Belated Happy Birthday.,I did not saw this yesterday..I'm so sorry.


Dog Fence
Pet Solutions
Its All About Bichon

Lorenza said...

Happy Birthday, Dexter!
You know I am always late... but sure I hope you had a great day!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

houndstooth said...

Oh Dexter, my heart just broke a little! It's not right, you getting the shaft, year after year, all because of Mango Minster! We are wishing you the very Happiest of Birthdays!

Bunny

Koobuss said...

Poor Dexter. You sure have your problems. Well, I love ya! Mango, too. ( But not more than you, Dexter.)

Try to have a Happy Birthday.


Love and Lots of Koobuss Kissses,
Koobie

Ina in Alaska said...

Happy Birthday Dexter!!

Carrie and Waffle said...

Happy Birthday Dude - It's my half birthday today too! Happy birthday to you (and half birthday to me)Not to worry my peeps didn't do anything for me either! maybe we need to band together and do something about it.
anyways hope you had a great day despite all the lack of hupla

Lexi and Jasper the Danes said...

Happy Birthday Dexter, if we were in your part of the world we could have come and celebrated it with you! We could of got into alsorts of mischief :p Momma and Mango would never ignore you on your birthday every again!!

Licks and lots of slobber,
Lexi and Jasper the Danes

tula said...

HEY! DEX the no one cares its your BURPDAY LABRADUDE!
Woo need to change that date! Your momma, MANGO MOMMA ( not Dexter Mimma) is Hyperfocused on the MM (like labradorks & tennis balls)!! Woo best bet is to reschedule your burpday when there's nutting else around!

Wish i would have known- FAD would have tied a lonely Burpday boy balloon to your mailbox!

IRIS E DONA said...

Happy Birthday Dexter !!

Love
IRIS

Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

Happy Barkday Dexter!
We care about YOU!
Cheers!

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Happy Birthday, Dexter! Now, we are big fans of Mango Minster (as you may know), but we think it's rather unfair that you get slighted on your birthday EVERY YEAR because of MM. Maybe you could convince the DOH to reschedule your birthday to a non-MM time - maybe like July, when the cement pond is open, and you could have a pool party! (We'd TOTALLY come to a pool party, BTW. We'd even bring great birthday presents for you...) Just a suggestion!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

Mindy Lu said...

Happy Barkday little black guy. Mommy is confused... whose blog is this REALLUY? Tell Mango that all is well in the princess kingdom, mommy just ran out of pikchures of me AWAKE! I think Mango can relate to that.
BARK! Sasha the Princess

Tucker said...

Happy 4th barkday dude! Sorry you gots the shaft... again.

woof - Tucker

Bolo said...

Hap-Pei Birthday anyway Dexter.

Bolo

The Thuglets said...

Dexter Happy 4th Birthday! Sorry we are late matie.
Hope you managed to enjoy your day.

Big Nose Pokes
The Thugletsx

Peppy Sheppys said...

Happy burpday Dexter Dude! Have you thought about entering your momma in the Bad Sport category? Hehe. If there was a chunky lazy old lady competition our ma ape would be a lock.

Have a great burpday, buddy.

Jazzi said...

Poor Dexter!! Thats just horrible. Well, Happy Birthday!! want me to send you over some TAcos??
Addy's mango minster entry is posted on my blog.

wags
Jazzi and Addy

BODIE & GOO said...

Dexter, well your Mommas just been sprung, see ya just can't believe everything you read. WOOFS and Happy Birthday and Commiserations Pal.

fabulousflo said...

'Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go and eat worms'. Poor Dexter. Happy birthday bud.

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

Oh no. We are sooooo sad for you Dex. And the ruse that your mama tried to pass off: Shameful! We feel for you kiddo, cuz our barkdays have become just a pat on the head ever since I (BRD) got so sick on birthday cake in 2010. (Yup, they are blaming that $200 vet visit on heavy partying. Sheesh.) Happy Belated Barkday Dexter!! We love you!
Smooches,
BabyRD & Hootie

Au and Target said...

Poor Dexter, how shocking! We can see you're suffering, poor pet. And what a way to out your mummy! bet she'll make up for it with lots of treats. Chicken maybe...

ForPetsSake said...

This expose post is a real eye-opener! How could you be treated with such sad neglect!? I'm sure a nice pile of stinky vomit on the bed would send just the right message...

A Wonderful Dogs Life said...

Dexter,

Awww, look at the huge tear streaming down your face in that last picture. Please don't cry.

We are all wishing you a very Happy Happy Birthday!!!!!

Hey can this computer attach treats and toys to comments??? I'd sure send you some.

Emma

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh you poor poor dear...you mom MADE THAT WHOLE THING UP???? FABRICATED YOUR BARKDAY??? We hafta admit, having the creche up in the Village Green by mid January does seem a bit off by anybody's standards...

POOOOOOOOOOOOR DEXTER....

I shall depart directly to come to Boston to kiss you.

Beastie

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Blog owner approval? And who would that be?

MANGO HAS TO APPROVE THE COMMENTS ON YOUR BLOG NOW????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Pippa said...

Lo and behold and guess whose Gotcha Day five days after your barkday was totally ignored?

I am so with you bro. Us neglected pups need to stick together. Belated barkday greets.

Pippa

achieve1dream said...

Aww Dexter! You poor neglected Labradude! I hope your evil Momma makes it up to you and has a special day for you. Happy Birthday!