Wednesday, April 25, 2012

WTF Wednesday - Another Near Death Experience


HELP! Blogger just forced me to use their exciting new doggie interface! WTF? Like I need that NOW! As you will see, The Mango is plenty stressed out already from my latest brush with death.


Last summer the Master put guard rails around my Observation Deck. Why? Because Momma was all like "Oh Master, Mango likes to sleep near the edge of the deck and I worry that he will take a tumble."

Whatever.

But you see that gap in the guard rail? That is for the stairs so that my large and only ever using those stairs at all self can go in and out of my yard as required.




Sometimes I like to sleep right in the gap. Go figure. I never thought twice about it. That is, until a few days ago WHEN MY STAIRS TRIED TO KILL ME!

That's right, because when I went to get up, suddenly my large and not always under my control bottom regions slid right off the deck!

HELP ME!








You see that little black snooter? Yeah, well idiot Pea was all "Hahaha! Mango! You are stuck!"

And I'm like "WTF you heartless little black rubberized devil. Go get help!"

Because getting up from a recumbent position is a process, OK?

A process involving collecting my considerable weight into my hiney and placing me rear quarters just so thereby facilitating a straight lift of my buttocks into a standing position (as demonstrated in the photo below - oops, lipstick, whatever).






Anxious to right myself, I scrabbled at the deck with my front portions whilst my rear slid ever closer to the edge of the step.

And what does the evil witch do? Help the Mango?

NO!

SHE TAKES PICTURES! WTF?


PUT THE FREAKIN FLASHY AWAY AND SAVE MEEEEEEE!






Next thing I know, Momma is behind me trying to lift up my bottoms all by herself and I think she must have had the super adrenalines going because she was pretty strong, but I was confused and the more she tried to lift the more I sat back against her and my bottom went down yet another step.

Not to mention, Momma was YELLING REALLY LOUD! And not screamy "oh help" but like totally scary monster bellowing voice. I don't know why. I think birds fell out of trees from her bloodcurdling exorcist voice.

Sure, Master was in the barn just a few feet away, but he doesn't hear too well and he was listening to his Temptations CD so good luck with that.

Eventually, I decided that turning around was the best plan and with Momma there to keep my rears on the stair, I was able to do a 360 and slide down to safety.

Here I am, a bit dizzy, but none worse for the wear. Phew.





And you know what? Just a few minutes later my buddy Jimmy and his boys came over to see ME and I forgot how scared I was. Look at them! They are Mango sized! I am positively diminutive next to them.

Hmmm.. that boy on the left could use a grooming of the fuzzy head.



Oh, I am supposed to tell you that momma certainly did NOT go inside and fetch the flashy to record my predicament since she carries it on her person at all times. Like that makes a difference.

Check out PeeWee "Oh why isn't anybody patting me?" As if!


Mango Man! Oh yeah!



51 comments:

scotsmad said...

Wish we were there to see the battle of the buldge(y) bum. BOL!

XXXOOO Daisy,Bella & Roxy

Bouncing Bertie said...

I can't believe Gail is saying "Bertie, I think your friend Mango is a bit of a drama queen, he could easily have summarised this little incident in just a few words".

WHAT?

Mango, I think you should write a novel based on this shocking event. Or a play. A long one.

Toodle pip!
Bertie.

Mitch said...

Oh Mango - the horrors you have to endure! At least the fuzzheads showed you some sympathy!

Love ya lots,
Mitch

H and Flo said...

I find it hard to believe that you needed help to lift your delicate little derriere. Who knew that snoozing could be so dangerous.

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Jeebus Uncle Mango, lucky you are ok. Your Momma must have arms of steel to hold you, for sure. We do realise why she had to take photos though. Probably cause of the insurance thingy if your bottom had broken the steps. They would never believe it without evidence.

Mum says you are looking quite svelte in your photos. Take care big dude. Pity Jimmy's boys hadn't turned up a little earlier. They look like they could have lifted you up no worries. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

Two French Bulldogs said...

A near death experience from the monster stairs and the flashy beast prevails. Thank goodness for super woman
Benny & Lily

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Let's khall her SUPERHEN!!!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Oskar said...

That does seem to be a bit scary! I'm glad the DOH put down the camera long enough to save your hiney.

Nubbin wiggles,
Oskar

Gus said...

Mango...we are glad it all came out Ok in the end.

Or maybe, we are glad the end came out OK at all?

Oh well, glad you are OK

gussie n teka

Niamh said...

We can see that your labradork brother and your DOH are useless in an emergency. Glad you had all those big guys to help your recover from the trauma of it all.

Your friends,
Niamh & Ambrose

Lassiter Chase and Benjamin said...

Oh my goodness Mango! Mommy laughed so hard about the birds must have fallen from the sky with your Momma's blood curtling voice. Anyway, we are glad you are safe and sound! I think you would have needed some industrial equipment (like a crane) and a couple of military men to come in and hoist you up from that position on the stairs though, tell your Momma she did good -- helping you go down instead of up!

HoundDogMom said...

Oh, Mango we are sorry about your adventures the other day. But you know what is worst she posted it on WTF Wednesday so everyone can see it. And you thought the flashy beast was bad. BOL Sniffs, The HoundDogs

Lola and also Franklin, too said...

Mango, your humans are so lucky to have you. You make the simplest things into an adventure fur them and fur you, too. It must be so exciting living with you.

Sam and Pippen said...

Good thing you kept your smarticles and saved yourself!

Sam and Pippen

harrispen said...

Dear Mango, what has become of blogging parents...take pictures first help second. I guess your momma didn't think you were in imminent danger and felt it was okay to record your little mishap. Thanks for the laugh (at your expense) this morning.

Cindy

Casey said...

What is WITH moms and those flashy beasts?! They record the most humiliating things, and they waste time with the flashy beast instead of doing important things like help save our lives or give us FOOD.

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

I am beginning to think that WE need a UNION to prevent such blatant abuse and torment. YES... that just might be the answer. We need to UNIONIZE.

I am so glad that you were not PHYSICALLY injured by this... new horror.

3 doxies said...

Well Mango, I is very glads you didn't die but they could have at least built a ramp instead of stairs. They obviously wasn't thinkin' about your safety during dis remodel of da deck. Withs a ramp you would barely even has to pick up your legs.

Puddles

Ina in Alaska said...

I am finally used to the new Blogger format. One think I like about it is that multiple pictures can be added at once. That is convenient.

Halle, since being on Phenobarb, sometimes also has issues getting the back legs going. I have to help her up and down the stairs now and then. I keep boots and coat at the deck door ready to go down the stairs with her. Now she thinks this is how we must always go out. Oh well.....

Glad you were able to get Mango up and going. Those boys look very healthy!!

The Heartbeats said...

That reminds Mamma of a horse that refused to back out of a trailer once! BOL!! It's like our rears have a different mind- which is why we look at them funny when we toot!

Wiggles,
Calhoun

Kathy from DoubleNickelsandBeyond said...

Ooh, Mango, you lucky you didn't get a big splinty on your behind regions from struggling for your very life! Cause then the flashy would be lookin right back there to watch the bad thing gettin yanked out! Humiliations galore. Geez.

Furry Bottoms said...

*snorts* well, you cannot blame your Mom for getting the flashy box. I would have too! I am glad your bum is allright though. And it'd be nice of you to keep the garfickle (lipstick) inside where it belongs.

The Army of Four said...

I hope you're OK after that horrible ordeal. I think you need a snack or something.
Really.
Luv,
Dave

Chester said...

*attempts to stifle loud guffaws behind paw*

Oh poor Mango! I hope your bits did a 360 along with your cumbersome rump - gettin' your bits in a twist can not feel good. Not that I would know.

Mebbee another spot on your sun deck - away from the evil stairs - would be safer in the future.

Woofs and stairin' slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Yikes, that is just terrible, Mango. We think the Master needs to make you a ramp or something. And Pee Wee needs to learn how to get behind you and give you a push, right?

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

Hound Girl said...

The photos of the boys and Mango crack me up because Fred always got all the loving and Haylie was walking around like a crack head "look at me, pet me" hahah.
Im glad he is ok, I know that had to scare the begesses out of you.
Oh mango, love you buddy xo

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

Sounded like a scary time. Luckily our mommy already told us about it so we were prepared for the long version! Your friends are big boys like you fer sure!!
Smooches from pooches,
BabyRD & Hootie

jen said...

Oh Mango! I am sorry that you slid off the deck! I know what you mean about getting up from a recumbent position! It sucks! Oh, Leroy's shows his lipstick all the time...whatever:)

Sue said...

Oh poor Mango! Our Mom has had to rescue several of us when this kind of thing happened. Bentley had a weakness in his back end and had to be guided up and down steps. Tsar needed help in the last few weeks and Morgan still sometimes needs help since her knee injury. Mom says it's a good thing none of us are as big as you are, she isn't sure she could help much.

Be very careful, steps can be dangerous.
Morgan and the Porties

KB said...

Your Momma must have a spine of steel to be able to help the relentlessly huge you! I would've been reduced to snapping a few hundred photos because I wouldn't be able to help at all!

The Drama Queen comment made me laugh!

♥Mona + Weenie + Mommy, too♥ said...

Oh Mango, we are so sorry you are having these problems. Dexter is a bad boy for not helong you. Shame on you Dexter!! We posted a picture for wordless Wednesday and the OP Pack commneted that that ws what Dexter shoulkd do for you. Come over and see it when you can.

Blogger is so hateful. Last night it wouldn't let me post. It said your "Browser is not supporting Blogger. Mommy said she thinks they are trying to force us to use Blogger Chrome. So today she only get one picture to load but no type nothing.

{{{huggies}}}...Mona

Mr. Pip said...

Oh Mango, this is most disturbing! Imagine leaving a gap where you could fall and hurt yourself. I too have issues with stairs - don't like them, avoid them!

Your pal, Pip

Sally Ann and Andy said...

Mango,
We are so sorry you were almost hurt. Is your Mommy going to be putting in a gate that can open and latch on the inside and outside? If there is a double hinged latch it could be attachted to keep your large and very important self from going places you don't want to go.
Sally Ann

Lorenza said...

I hope you will be able to sleep tonight, Mango!
Two very traumatic experiences in one day!
Take care
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Shawn said...

Mango,
My secwetawy is laughing so hawd..she's habing a hawd times typing fow me!! Thank Dog you have a Supew Mom cuz mine might have left you thewe to get a crane thingy!

BTW, speaking of thingies..me thinks ju Lipstick has shown in other picshuwes..must be a pwoblem wiff ju flashy box!

Winston

chicamom85 said...

Mango, a few days ago I was outside and heard the most hideous loud yelling screechy kind of noise. We thought a storm was coming but now I know it was your Momma. Thanks for clearing that up. I am glad you are ok and got lots of loveys. You might have let loose with a large toot and damaged Mommas camera when she was behind you, oh well next time. Please be careful, I don't want The Mango to get hurt.

Loveys Sasha

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Yikes, RH! This is funny in retrospect because there was no real damage done [except perhaps to Mango Momma's back and blood pressure], but it could have ended very badly. We think the idea of an industrial strength baby gate may be worth considering. Perhaps Mango Master could install one of those electic 'push' thingies on the post and you could push it with your nose to open the gate when you need to descend to the yard. Of course, you'd have to have another push button at the bottom of the steps so you could get back up again. Still, we're sure Mango Master could work out the engineering, no problem. And Mango Momma could make some entertaining videos of you and the Pea learning to operate the push button. In the meantime, perhaps you should take the advice above and move your meditation spot to the far side of the deck, away from the stairs. Stay safe!

Jed & Abby

Carrie and Waffle said...

lol I was going to ask why your momma stopped to take a picture instead of helping save you from your downward slide. Glad to see you survived.

monica said...

Oh, what horror! too much, if you ask me...
Bundy

Mango momma: I approach you as a mastiff owner to a much more experienced mastiff owner: we have over the last months found a change in Bundy's mentality regarding going outside, something he has always loved. Now we must urge him alot, sometimes physically, to get him outside in the backyard doing his business. He still happily wants to go out for walks, but yesterday when walking some well known paths, all of a sudden ( at a house where 2 dogs were barking behind the hedge, not unusual..) he just completely stopped, his tail way up between his legs, refusing to move on, seeming utterly and out of his wits scared.. all we could do was return back home, and he was in a hurry, not sniffing , just panting and pulling the leash, which he normally doesn't.. Very much disturbing behaviour. Actually our son claimed some days ago that Bundy acted the same way when they were walking, but we sort of thought it was just an excuse for not wanting to take a long walk... So, as you can imagine we are sort of worried here...What can have triggered this ? We have noticed no abnormal incidents or such at home, or in the surroundings, that could have spooked him... My hubs is all" oh no, we can't have a dog that is scared, 'cause he might bite someone".. Have you ever heard of such change in behaviour ? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.. if you would my e-mail is monicastage@hotmail.com
Thanks.. sorry for the long comment..
As always: love your blog !
Monica Bundymomma

Roo said...

Thinkin a pallet jack could be useful at your Estate Mango ;) Did the birds ever come back? BOL! Dude, what you do for a wee bit of attention! ;) Glad you made it off the stairs okay :)

Waggin at ya,
Roo

Honey the Great Dane said...

Oh Mango! Well, I have to say that my human, Hsin-Yi, is sitting sniggering next to me but I really don't see what's so funny. That 2nd picture! Oh my! I feel your pain! I have also sometimes woken up and found myself in life-or-death situations just like yours. I don't think, though, many people appreciate the seriousness of such situations. Nobody ever rushes to my aid - in fact, Hsin-Yi usually rushes to get the camera machine, while chortling away! So you have my total sympathies!

Slobbers,
Honey the Great Dane

Wild Dingo said...

OMD, RH, talk about living life on the edge! It never ceases to amaze me how your life is in constant jeapordy. i mean seriously, Mango-eating-stairs? when will it stop? when can you retire from constant worry of everything that is so obviously affected by and envious of your relentlessly huge self and charming personality. Life is so unfair to be so loved and envied at the same time. at least you have your friends here in cyberspace to get your back. and your sorry-excuse-of-bicept-curling DOH to at least help after she's "documented" the incident for educational purposes. yah, i'm so sure that was her intention.

total sympathies from the cracker himself over here, who cracks himself up when someone's leash gets tangled in his legs. like the leash is so out to get him or something...whatever. but he's got your back... yuh. Mango Man! oh yeah!

Sweet William The Scot said...

Instead of the railing your Momma needes to build a ramp, then she would not need to be pushing your butt.
Sweet William The Scot

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

oh Mango!! Whew! That was a scary call! I'm sure your momma's exorcist voice was because she was scared!!!

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

How kind of the DOH to photo-document the whole thing. (Really?!?) However, we know all about that loud bellowing voice thingy - I think it's the same voice that our Mom uses when there is a moose in the yard. However, unlike your falling-out-of-trees birdies, the moosies generally look at Mom and blink and are all "WTF, lady? Would you shut up so we can eat, and your red dog can think we are big dogs who might want to play." BTW, we think the DOH should start going to power-lifting classes so she doesn't have to struggle so when your stairs attack you. Just saying!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

Marjie said...

We only had one step at a time for Thor, since we knew from experience that mastiffs do not like stairs. Tell Master you demand a nice wide ramp! Not too steep! With anti skid whatnots on it!

Non-fuzzy-headed boy has a shirt just like Mark's. At least he roots for the right team.

houndstooth said...

I have no idea why Mom is laughing like a fool! Obviously your predicament was quite dire. I fear that her reaction would be the same to your mama's, although fortunately, I am much too nimble to ever fall into such a problem. It's terrible the things we suffer to amuse our humans!

Bunny

A Wonderful Dogs Life said...

Awww, that second picture is the most pitiful face I've ever seen. Don't worry Mango I'll give you a helping paw.

I think Pee Wee gave you a push with that little black snooter while you were meditating.

Emma

Bassetmomma said...

Mango, sometimes I just don't know how you survive!

Moose said...

So scary!!! Too bad you didn't wait for those relentlessly huge dudes to show up....I bet they coulda helped faster but then momma would have had free hands and prolly videoed the whole thing! Yikes. Just stay away from that hole in the railing from now on.

achieve1dream said...

Good grief Mango!! My heart was in my throat through that whole post. ;) I'm glad you're okay. :D