Dexter's Doings

I Don't Ask for Much

2012-02-03T04:13:00.003-05:00

I'm a humble guy.

I don't ask for much.

But maybe I could get just one day.

One day, that's all I'm asking.

Where I don't get icky slobbers all over my beautiful labrafurs.

Dexter done!

A Very Special New Blog

2012-02-01T04:21:00.001-05:00

There is a new and very special blog called "Our Rainbow Bridge."

It is a place where we can all share memories of our friends who are no longer with us.

Please visit them by clicking here and then click on "Be Part of Our Rainbow Friends" if you would like to contribute a remembrance.

You can also click on "Our Rainbow Friends Memory Badge" to download an icon for your sidebar.

There is also an email contact button if you have any questions.

Tennis Ball Liberation!

2012-01-30T04:06:00.005-05:00

Before I start, I feel compelled to draw your attention to a somewhat hysterical attempt on the part of the Beastie to besmirch not just my good name, but my entire breed. You can read it here.

While it is tempting to enter into the fray with the hysterical little so and so, my momma always counsels me, "Dexter, when you fight with a pig you both get dirty, but the pig likes it."

So, dear readers, I leave it to you to form you own opinions after reading said post.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

The last week has been torture for yours truly as I have been denied tennis ball action and momma's walking skills are just not up to snuff for providing the exercise required by an active chap such as myself.

It's that pesky dew claw. Contrary to what some might believe, us doggies actually use our dew claws quite a bit. Not just to help us hold nommy bones, but also to grip and provide stability during funballs activities like agility or tennis ball.

In fact according to Mango's PT doctor, agility dogs who have their dew claws removed suffer more ankle injuries than dogs who remain whole.

So, it was not without good cause that momma feared I would re-open my broken claw were I to run and jump and dart about after the treasured yellow orb.

But enough is enough and even I, sedate and level headed labradog, can succumb to cabin fever and mental fits when deprived of activity for too long.

Thus, yesterday, I convinced the lazy witch to have a go and let's just see if I was tennis ball ready. Now, action is best captured in moving picture format, so I give you my tennis ball liberation movie here or below (try to ignore the typo in the first title page of the movie - good help is hard to find).

Well, you can imagine why I am smiling (note full set of teeth on display, Beastie).

Dexter done!

P.S. From Mango Momma - if you watched the movie you saw Mango bouncing about after the tennis ball. You can see that he is still not using his back end properly, but there is a huge improvement in his activity and comfort level since starting the underwater treadmill. He is up to 12 minutes now and goes once per week. Curiously, he is getting less and less interested in walks off the property and for the past couple of weeks has been very sluggish and balky but perks right up when we get home. So for now I am focusing on yard walks and at home PT exercises (along with tennis ball now and then). He still falls down about once a week, but recovers more quickly so I think he is stronger and more limber. His weight is down to 204 which is the lightest he has been since a teenager.

Dexter the Wonder Dog - On Stuff Left About

2012-01-26T04:16:00.006-05:00

Ever take a quick tour of your estate after your humans have retired for the evening and set your mind to wondering about the array of "stuff" that is laying about?

Take this, for example...

Here is but a small sample of our dog walking gear. Frankly, I think a simple leash is sufficient, but apparently an endless assortment of dorky hats, gloves, mittens, and reflective gear is required.

Now Momma claims that all this stuff is out to dry off after some rather uncomfortably wet walkies, but yours truly knows better. She is just too lazy to put things in their proper places.

Note to momma - if you are out walking me in the rain and suddenly decide that you need to put your hood on - don't! Foolish woman. You should have heard her squeal when all that cold wet water she had collected in said hood rushed down her backsides.

The humans are a simple minded lot who resort to notes left hither and yon to remind them of tasks which need to be performed.

Not sure the intent of this one. I have heard complaints that I am overly enthusiastic during training exercises. Of course it is all too obvious that were the lazy witch to walk me more frequently and with just a tad more vigor, I would be calm as a cucumber.

This one has me confounded. I understand the need for a respirator (spell much?) as the Master is currently engaged in paint spraying at the project house.

However, what is the meaning of "horses?"

How about this one? A reminder to check our P.O. box (which due to her persistent laziness and always "running late" - although if she ever actually "ran" I don't think late would be in the picture - can sometimes go unattended for weeks).

Once a note has been posted long enough to collect dust, it usually gets the ominous "or else" added. Not sure what that threat entails and its effectiveness is questionable.

Look at this! Momma's comfy chair table. Yes, friends, those are holiday cards. Which means they have been there without motion for almost a month. And isn't it about time to retire the rather unsightly Santa mug for the season?

Then of course there is this....

Quick! A photo of my labraself to cleanse your viewing pallet.

Dexter done!

P.S. I am beside my labraself with frustration over my broken dew claw. It seems that the rubber bootie was not up to a rough and tumble chap like me and it broke after just two days. The replacement bootie that the Master purchased was too big. So now I am on a no tennis ball and no daycare regime having demonstrated that vigorous tennis ball action results in, well, blood. Momma has mentioned something about a sock and duct tape. Sigh.

Black Dog in Snow

2012-01-21T19:13:00.003-05:00

Here is is the middle of January and only now did we get our first snowfall (one discounts the freak storm of October which was rather destructive but soon melted).

As a special treat, yours truly was invited to enjoy a nice walk in the woods.

I am not so deluded as to miss the fact that no small part of the appeal of a walk in the woods for momma is that she does not have to pick up my poop.

But that makes no matter to me. Whatever it takes, right?

Speaking of that October snow storm, the log that fell across our walking trail back then remains and affords a wonderful opportunity for some labragility.

I rather like to imagine that I am on a great adventure through wild and uncharted territory.

Almost like K and R, right?

During my evening perambulations I spotted this festive display and even though it was a bit off our normal route, I insisted we get close enough for a good look.

Now there's a house that enjoys the holidays!

How do you like my green bootie?

There is a story behind that. After our morning walk, I was helping momma clear the walkways when all of a sudden she shrieks "Dexter! You're bleeding!" Mind you, I had no idea what the commotion was about as I was perfectly happy and having a grand time.

That is, until, she started poking and prodding me and then OUCH! Apparently I had broken a nail. Fear not, we stopped by the vet for some magic powder and they threw in the cool green bootie as a bonus to keep me from getting snow and ick in my boo boo.

The bootie doesn't slow me down one bit. If you must know, I think it coordinates with my reflective jacket very nicely.

Dexter done!

LabraMAD on Monday

2012-01-16T04:40:00.002-05:00

Who doesn't love agility, right? I, for one, consider it a grand form of exercise, not just for yours truly, but it also gets momma moving at high speeds even if it is only for short periods of time.

That said, my agility equipment is of the finest competition grade quality money can buy. I believe that the entire experience is enhanced by being able to imagine oneself in the ring, crowds cheering.

So, imagine my dismay to find that my jump posts had been vandalized!

Do you see that? The purple and yellow settings almost obliterated!

It didn't take long for me to determine the culprit as one could hear momma's shrieks of horror during poop patrol "Oh, Mango! What is this big chunk of purple plastic in your poo?"

While some of you will be disappointed, I suspect that most of you will be relieved that I did successfully dissuade her from photographing the evidence for your viewing pleasure.

Now, "why" is the question of moment.

One can only assume that the miscreant was experiencing a fit of envy over my superior agility skills.

Fear not, dear readers, those purple and yellow settings are for light weights.

I, Dexter, routinely engage on the blue setting.

Rest assured that I will be keeping a close watch on my agility equipment henceforth.

Perhaps I will wrap it in lettuce when not in use.

Dexter done!

Dexter the Wonder Dog - On the Topic of Lettuce

2012-01-13T04:10:00.002-05:00

When queried regarding advice from her doctor on the topic of good living, momma can be heard to say, "Well, Dexter, she told me to eat more healthy food."

Now, I am filled with envy over these statements as any sentence with both the words "more" and "food" in it is certainly a signal for rejoicing.

But it appears there is a caveat. Yes, dear readers, the healthy food list includes a staple that strikes fear into my dear momma's heart.... salad! Because, as she has frequently explained to me, salads are comprised mostly of lettuce and she has declared said ingredient to be a non food item.

Interesting. Inquisitive chap that I am, it got me to wondering... is lettuce food? And so I requested an experiment wherein yours truly would be offered an array of healthy vegetables, including this mysterious substance known as lettuce to test the culinary viability of each item.

One might characterize my eating habits as indiscriminate. I prefer to call myself opportunistic.

The results were captured in an educational movie you can watch here or below.

Let's recap, shall we?

I, Dexter, was offered broccoli, carrot, green bean, and lettuce.

My first impulse was to tag the lettuce with my foot, marking it as a special treat to save for last whilst savoring the green bean.

And the broccoli...

Momma went so far as to rig the experiment by offering me the lettuce and proclaiming, "It's food! Eat it!"

Oh nasty! Yuck! I shredded that piece of green cardboard and did my best to grind it into the carpet (which appears to need a run over with the vacuum, lazy witch).

Nope, not happening. You can't fool me twice.

Lettuce - food or sick joke? I hereby declare lettuce to be a non-food item. This should no doubt put to ease many humans who have struggled to choke down said abomination.

Now I am going outside to cleanse my pallet with some nommy rocks.

Dexter done!

P.S. I think blogger must have had a software glitch yesterday as several alert readers reported problems posting comments. I hope that things have been reset by now.

It's My Birthday (and nobody cares)

2012-01-09T04:38:00.000-05:00

My friends, it is with great disappointment that I am about to tell you of a horrific injustice, a terrible deception, a tale of unbelievable neglect.

For, it is, indeed my fourth birthday today. But, sadly for yours truly, it is a day marked by a distinct absence of Dexter focused activities or celebrations.

To make matters worse, I was able to intercept this false post that momma created weeks ago in an attempt to fool my loyal readers into thinking that she actually showered me with love and affection on this, my special day.

Fortunately, with her mentals consumed by stupid Mango Minster, I was able to annotate said post to present you with the true condition of my sorry existence.

I have left momma's pathetic blue italicized words as a warning to my fellow doggie bloggers that this could happen to you, too.

Today is Dexter's birthday and that means it is all about HIM! That's right.

Happy four years old to you, my little labradude!

We started the day with a nice long walk to the village green.

Any guesses as to when that photo was actually taken? Try LAST YEAR! I am not dignifying her by actually looking at the flashy. I refuse to be part of her charade. And while a stroll down to the village green is pleasant enough, the 1.5 mile round trip hardly qualifies as long in my book.

When we got home, a new stuffie, just for Dexter!

She did NOT buy that stuffie for me. It was a gift from daycare. A gift with some holiday NOT my birthday in mind. Now, I admit to being flattered when I received my modest package, but my feelings were crushed when I saw that the same packages were being handed out with abandon to all of the daycare doggies, even that pack of rough trade golden thugs.

Oh, and the reason that I am actually enjoying stuffed Santa? Well, on the day these pictures were taken, the Relentlessly Cry Baby Momma's Dog was at the beauty parlor. You can be certain that once Mr. Fun Police returned home it was "goodbye Dexter's toy."

And make no mistake, momma did NOT stay home with her "favorite" dog, nor did she even favor me with a fun filled day with my daycare pals. No, once again I was forced to provide my own entertainment, comprised mainly of trying to find a water bowl with slobber free water and attempting to stake out the premium sun baking spots.

Followed by a nice chewie.

I was able to take advantage of the Torpid Beast's absence (two weeks ago) to enjoy a chewie on his slobbery bed. IN YOUR FACE! Are you with me? But the chewie actually came from a holiday gift bag brought over by Norwood's mom.

And some total funballs action, complete with tasty noms, just for Dexter!

Once again, a gift from Norwood's mom and one that I found myself highly suspicious of. Is the photo artwork intended to convey that it is full of treats tailored to labradogs or perhaps to indicate that they are made from labradogs?

Well, I never did find out as the contents were emptied into Mr. Underwater Walker during his physical therapies.

Action? Well, if you call having to do a sit / stay while other absurdly large dogs bounce around performing "tricks" then I suppose that would qualify.

All in all a wonderful day for the best little labradog in the whole world!

LIES! ALL LIES!

And there you have it. Just another day in the life of being designated as "the little back up dog."

Dexter done!

P.S. Momma says I need an attitude adjustment. I'm just calling it like I see it, that's all.

Farewell Little Cyber Pug

2012-01-06T18:53:00.001-05:00

Our little pug friend from Norway, Bajas, made his final journey today. He was a super little adventure pug and we will miss him with all our hearts.

You can visit his family here.

Important Reminder!

2012-01-05T04:03:00.003-05:00

I didn't want to post today. Why? Because momma told me I HAD to. Yes, friends, the stingy witch is at it again. Trying to dictate my prose, to put words between my black leathery lips, to give you the impression that what I am about to say is actually a thought that just popped into my labrabrain. But here goes....

Reminder that the Mango Minster blog is updated with exciting action and adventures on a regular basis, so don't forget to check in often!

There! I said it! Satisfied? I feel like such a tool.

Here is a photo of me in my monkey costume.

It's old, it isn't flattering, and, frankly, I don't care.

Dexter done!

Wordless Wednesday - Labrawedge

2012-01-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

LABRADORABLE!

2012-01-03T04:51:00.003-05:00

Dear friends and loyal readers, yours truly, Dexter the labradude here broadcasting from MY official blog (at least for the duration of Mango Minster 2012).

That's right, no more photos of Mr. Droopy Face trying to look like he's having an actual thought, no more maligning the proud breed that is labrador, and, above all, no more bad grammar or misspelling. Well, perhaps some grammatical liberties for dramatic effect, but that's as far as I will go.

Sadly, it is beyond my control as to whether or not my momma will take full advantage of this break from the Relentlessly Torpid to take ample photos of me for new postings.

I decided to do a preemptive strike by recycling some old pictures. Sure, you have seen these before, but one must make one's mark so to speak.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here is a compilation of stunning photos of the one and only DEXTER!

I start with my baby pictures. Always a crowd pleaser, right?

Note that while momma is busy compiling more and more movies of the Relentlessly Dour actually moving (wow), she can often not even be bothered to adjust the colors on my photos. Subsequently, I appear as a faceless black blob.

However, I must say that even in substandard lighting I still look quite adorable.

Now, I will share with you that sometimes the stingy witch forgets herself and proclaims me to be "the cutest lab ever." Absolutely, 100 percent correct.

Make no mistake. I have completely mastered the labralook of sorrow. Designed to melt any human heart (even that of a cold, mastiff obsessed Elmer Fudd hat wearing doofus).

You see this face? When I point it at momma she is HELPLESS! I often get noms just for looking cute. Seriously. In fact, I am certain that some of your humans are even now putting YOUR noms into shipping cartons headed to my estate. That's how powerful my look of over the top cuteness is. Coming at you right through the Internet! PA-ZAM!

Dexter done!

MANGO MINSTER 2012

2012-01-01T04:10:00.007-05:00

That's right!

Time for Mango Minster 2012!

All the excitement!

All the drama!

All the dogs!

(and cats and horses and other furries too).

Click here and to get started and don't forget to add the official Mango Minster blog to your google reader. You only have until February 5th to get your entries in (which seems like a long time now, but it goes by quickly).

Let's make our FOURTH annual show the best ever!

As usual, I will be turning this blog over to the Pea for the duration.

Have mercy!

Oh, by the way, check out this exciting action movie from a recent walkie! I am like totally a super athlete. You might need to watch it twice because I am a blur!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Our commenting will be virtually non-existant until after the show. Sorry, but busy brain and all that. The Mango has sooooo much work to do to make sure everything runs smoothly.

Momma has Exceeded her Dork Quotient

2011-12-30T06:36:00.004-05:00

I know, I know, you haven't been receiving as many of my insightful comments of late. Let's just say we are all very busy here at the Mango estate, but especially me, so sit tight and be patient with us, OK?

Once a quarter, Grandma and Grandpa come and take momma shopping. Since she hates shopping, this is a big deal. This time she declared success, but I'm not so sure...

Here is her new Elmer Fudd hat which she is now wearing everywhere. Even to the library and dog store and stuff. Oh the horror.

Check out her googly eyes. She looks like a labradoink eyeballing a tennis ball.

Meanwhile, I am confounded by PeeWee's persistence about using MY beds when he has an entire couch for his labraself. He doesn't even sleep in them. He just stares with that same look that momma gets in her Elmer Fudd hat. Then if I try to get in, he growls at me which is kind of freaky. Like what kind of head case would challenge the Mango?

I can usually resolve things by howling and moaning until momma can't stand it and tells the black devil to "git."

OK, gotta go, lot's do to. Busy, busy, busy.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Please keep K in your thoughts as she is having her surgery today to try and remove the evil bone cancer. And I also want to thank you for all your good wishes for my Auntie who is still in the ICU, but finally had her breathing tube removed last night and is awake but kind of dorked out.

POTP for Miss Maggie and Little Toby and Farewell to Bjorn

2011-12-28T06:00:00.004-05:00

Beautiful Maggie is 13 1/2 years old and her rugged dale body is wearing down.

I'm sure you all know her as Maggie and her brother Mitch are two of the most supportive, commenting doggies in all of blogland.

Her mom and dad are keeping her happy and comfortable but I am sure they would appreciate your good thoughts and kind words.

Visit her here.

My little friend, Toby, all the way in Alaska suffered an injury when he dashed through the doggie door with a bit too much vigor and he had to go to the emergency room. He is home and taking medication now and hoping that it is "just" soft tissue damage. Visit him here.

I was also sad to read that little ferret, Bjorn made his final journey. He was one nutty character for sure. Don't believe me? Just watch this movie of him with his siblings causing mayhem.

One can only imagine what must be happening right now over that Rainbow Bridge. No wonder we had thunder and lightening and a power outage last night.

A Lab Obsessed

2011-12-26T05:39:00.003-05:00

Ever wonder what it is with labradoinks and tennis balls?

Sure, I can appreciate the thrill of the occasional retrieve, but I don't go mental fits vibrating bug eyed doofus head like some dogs.

Fool! He tries to get through the door before it is even open and it is all scratched up from his surprisingly sharp labraclaws.

So now momma is all like, "from now on the door only opens if you two are clear of it."

No problem for me. I am a very obedient doggie.

Sadly, others among us seem to totally lose it.

You know what he is staring at? The doorknob. Totally. Like he can make it turn all on its own.

Sheesh. Way to kill a good time, midget.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. My Auntie was declared "out of the woods" yesterday which made my momma very happy, but kind of confused me to be sure. I thought she was in the hospital, not the woods. Whatever. Momma says she is still in the intensives caring unit, but my Uncle says that today or tomorrow they will take out the breathing tube and move her to a normal room. I just know all your good thoughts are helping.

A Holiday Surprise!

2011-12-25T04:58:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, momma, master, PeeWee, and I were all kind of relaxing and getting ready to watch the football game when all of a sudden there was a knock, knock, knock right on our front door.

Guess who it was?

Close. Nordork was outside in his ride.

But at the door was none other than Tula and Norwood's moms. Come all the way to my estate just to see ME!

Stupid PeeWee thought they wanted to see him too. As if!

Outta the way! Clearly they are here for the Mango!

Hey! How come Tula mom has her light on?

You know what else? There were pressies too! That's right, a bag for each of us from Nordork chock full of noms and goodies and stuff. Plus special doggie specific ornaments.

And.... SURPRISE! Norwood's mom had painted faces on our ornaments. Look! It's Pea!

And ME! Totally!

I LOVE THEM! I especially love MINE!

I wanted to put them right up on our happy little tree.

But, sadly, our tree has suffered a sorrow in it's lower quadrant and is not doing so well right now, so I told momma, "let's just tuck those away for our next year tree, OK?" In fact I think the little tree might be retired early, like today.

Just to get you in the holiday mood, here is a nice photo from some other year which is not now as we (thankfully) do not have any snow.

Now, we turned off comments because we are hoping that none of our friends, human or otherwise, have to work today which means even if you don't celebrate Christmas, you should relax and enjoy the day.

So everybody stay safe and snug and hug your humans!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

POTP Needed for my Auntie and K

2011-12-24T17:36:00.004-05:00

Friends, please take a moment to send your good thoughts to momma's sissy, my Auntie Wendy. She is staying at what you call the intensive cares unit at the hospital where she lives because she has bad sickies.

The doctors gave her the sleepy medicines so that she would rest, but my Uncle Michael told us that she has woken up a few times and is feeling feisty which is a good sign and they think she will be in the normal hospital by Monday.

They live all the way out in South Dakota which is a wild and untamed land somewhere west of Rt. 495. Momma says there are no train stations in South Dakota and the only airplanes that go there are like totally crop dusters that just strap a parachute onto their passengers and toss them out somewhere near Rapid City. I think she exaggerates.

Please also keep the beautiful K in your thoughts. She has very bad bone cancer and cannot get her surgery until Wednesday due to the holidays. Every day for her right now is precious and her mom is trying to keep her calm because her leg could break from the bad tumor. You can visit her here.

Just to leave you with a happy thought, this is our holiday photo from last year, complete with my usual festive touch. Hehehe.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

The Optimistic Lab

2011-12-23T04:57:00.004-05:00

Oh Mr. Chicken. Where are you?

My black leathery lips are ready for chomp time.

I can wait...

Dexter done!

P.S. A gentle reminder of the chip in activities to support the Houston Pittie Pack who lost five of their pack members and their entire estate to a horrible fire. The generosity of the dog blog community has been overwhelming and I know it means a lot to them. You can donate by clicking here.

Wordless Wednesday - Slobber as Bling

2011-12-21T04:31:00.004-05:00

Bouncing Mango on Monday - Video Edition

2011-12-19T04:07:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, this is exactly the kind of funballs good times bouncing I am not supposed to be doing. You should have heard momma, "oh Mango! take it easy!"

But seriously, sometimes one just has to bounce!

Dammit! Will somebody please make momma clean that camera lens already?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Physical Therapy gets Weird

2011-12-17T11:36:00.004-05:00

Thank you so much, my friends, for all your wonderful holiday cards. I always put them on the mirror where I can see them from my comfy bed. You know what else? Every year when we put away our holiday decorations, I put my cards in the box and that way I can enjoy them again when we get to the decorating activities. Woo hoo!

Dear readers, I was most enthused to see that I had another trip to the physical therapy to see nice Dr. Starr this morning.

Same as last week I got into that weird Harry Houdini type box and in comes the water and I am just kind of hanging and enjoying all the warm goodness and noms when suddenly, I kid you not, MY LEGS STARTED MOVING ALL BY THEMSELVES!

Seriously! I am all like "Hey, Dr. Starr, WTF? Do you see this? Why are my legs moving?" And momma is all laughing at me like oh yeah, big joke because I can see that HER legs are quite stationary.

In order to stabilize my large and not wanting to move much at all self, I found a place to put my back legs that was safe. But damned if my front legs didn't keep moving all bunching me up towards my hindquarters. I had to make totally fake walking motions just to keep from jack knifing.

No fool I, noting that Dr. Starr's legs were not moving I sussed out that if I could put my foot close to hers, then at least one leg would not move. Sadly, my other three continued to roll along downhill and once again I was on the road to nowhere.

Finally I just gave up and moved my entire self in what felt like a pointless waste of energy. It seemed like my legs weighed a ton and I surely would have expired on the spot from the horrible exertion required if not for helper lady and her bowl of cheerios strategically located near my jaws of doom (note, readers, this photo is my bottom, not my jaws of doom - need to work on coordinating my narrative with my photographer).

After about 87 minutes (well, momma says actually after 6 minutes) the world stopped moving, the water drained out, and I was brought back to a state of serenity through Dr. Starr's wonderful massage technique.

You wanna see the movie? Of course you do. Just click here or watch below.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Hey! You know momma's all scientific examinations of our exercise program? Well, I have news for you. This week she did EXACTLY THE SAME amount of exercises as before. I kid you not. So much for all those empty promises of longer walks and more funballs action good times. Boo hoo. Momma says I should be happy that she is in such a rut because it means while I might not get more exercise, I likely won't get less either. Whatever.

An Unimaginable Loss

2011-12-16T18:37:00.002-05:00

There are no words that seem adequate.

Last night, the home of the Houston Pittie Pack was completely destroyed by fire.

Brinks and Bella, along with their humans were able to escape.

Shelby, Guero, Coco Chanel, Lucky, and Tiger were not able to get out and have crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.

You can leave comments on their blog here.

The DWB community has setup a fund to collect money to help the Pittie Pack family through this difficult time. You can find the details here.

Please keep them in your thoughts.

Mango Momma

Run Free, El'bow - Updated

2011-12-15T22:30:00.005-05:00

Dear readers, the Mango is beside himself with a broken heart to learn that my good buddy and fellow mastiff, El'bow, has crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.

While I am sad to see any of my doggie pals make their final journey, it is extra heartbreaking for me and especially for momma when one of our few mastiff friends leaves us.

I wanted to include this movie which is one of my favorites of him ever.

It is El'bow doing mastiff dog dancing and is a very happy making video.

Watch it here.

El'bow has not been blogging much lately, but I think if you leave a comment on his blog that his momma will get it.

Oh El'bow. Run free you big, wonderful, slobbery, handsome guy. I miss you so much.

Mango

Wordless Wednesday - Mastiff Melt

2011-12-14T04:01:00.003-05:00

Somewhat Terse Tuesday - Photos from Pals and POTP

2011-12-13T04:58:00.005-05:00

You know how one is supposed to exercise caution when opening peemails with the attachments? Well, this can be especially good advice when the return address is....

THE BEAST!

Nevertheless, given that my extra super duper Apple computer protects the Mango from all sorts of viruses and whatnot, I cautiously clicked on said enclosure and discovered.... THIS!

Can you imagine? Beastie thinks that it would be good exercise for my large and not a draft animal self to haul her gigantic bottom around in a cart.

In your dreams, Beastie!

On a more jolly note, Grammy OC has been practicing her artistic skills again and fashioned this holiday card featuring.... ME! What do you think?

Oh, and please spare some good thoughts for my buddy, Reilly.

He has a bad lump on his leggie that requires the surgery this very day. Be strong, little buddy, the Mango has your back.

And my friend, Ginger Jasper has very bad sickies.

He is home with his family now, but his wee little self is barely hanging on and he could use your wishes for sure.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. We ran out of holiday cards last night. Foolish witch lady used up some of MY cards to send to humans, many of whom don't even have doggies living with them. Seriously? Wonder if I can doctor up my leftovers from last year and use some of those...

My Big Day at the Physical Therapies!

2011-12-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

I am going to tell you about what has to have been one of the biggest adventures of my entire mastiff life.

Momma took me to this place for physical therapies!

The Mango was unsure what to expect, but, hey, I am always up for funballs, right?

Well, when we got there, the very first thing that happened was this nice lady called Dr. Starr sat down and had a long chat with me all about my most favorite topic ever..... ME!

At first I thought maybe I was getting the mentals therapies, if you know what I mean, because for our interview she had me lay on a soft couch. But she only wanted to know about my sore bottom and digestions and whatnot.

Then she said, "OK, Mango, why don't you just wander around and get the feel of the place."

And so I explored with great vigor every nook and cranny in her offices.

Then, I discovered a room with a big purple box in it. "What is this?" says I.

Dr. Starr came over and said, "Mango, I will give you some noms if you put your large and totally adorable self inside that box. Yuh, I will for sure."

What would you do?

Given how starved I am due to my D-I-E-T, I went for those noms with reckless abandon and before I knew it I was like totally INSIDE the box!

Then I got out of the box.

We did that for a while. No problem.

Mango in the box. Mango out of the box.

Dr. Starr takes off for a while and when she comes back she has on short pants and nekked feet like it was suddenly summer or something. Wow! How weird is that?

Then she gets right in the box with me and I'm all like, "Hey! Dr. Starr! It is kind of crowded in here, don't you think?"

Now things got a bit confusing for the Mango at this point, because one minute I am just kind of hanging out and getting noms and putting the love on and the next thing I know I am underwater! Seriously!

And Dr. Starr is trying to make me play tennis ball as if I were some idiot labradoink or something.

Check this out.

So I kind of hung out there for a while. I figured, "why not?" There was a steady flow of cheerios and livers and other good stuff and the water felt kind of good.

I turned around a few times and momma is all "he is exercising just turning around!"

Not sure what she meant by that, but I will admit that moving my leggies in all that water was a bit of an effort.

Then the water just disappeared into thin air and helper lady says, "Time for your rub down."

Oh yeah, I am so there.

But my adventure was not over yet.

That Dr. Starr lady told me that now that I was all warmed up I should show her my exercises.

She made me get on a little stool just like momma does only Dr. Starr told me I was cheating and not putting my weight on my large yet curiously fragile bottom. So she picked up one of my front leggies and it did make me feel a bit tipsy, but I persevered.

Oh ladies! Are you not feeling breathless from the sight of my large and already looking more muscular southern regions?

To top it all off, I got a nice massage. This is the life. I didn't want to ever leave!

I made a movie of my encounter with the big purple box. You can watch it below or here.

Momma said that I have to wait a whole week before I go back again. I will be counting the days.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Momma

I was so happy to see how calmly Mango got into the box and how he was totally relaxed even when it filled with water. Dr. Starr and I are both anxious to find out if the treadmill will accommodate his stride. Next week we will try turning it on and hope for the best. A very positive experience for both of us.

A Scholarly Examination of Exercise by Mango Momma

2011-12-08T04:50:00.005-05:00

WARNING

This post contains many words and NO pictures (OK, maybe one or two at the end from the archives).

Mango's latest diagnosis of arthritis and partial ACL tears has made getting him proper exercise paramount. Subsequently, I embarked on a mission of tracking his activities with great care with an eye to finding ways to improve his regime.

This post is an analysis of the collected data along with some goal setting. Read it or not.

PART I - The Data

First step was to obtain a baseline of data to understand what a "normal" week entailed. I did my best to carry on as usual and not "show off" for my spreadsheet.

I only kept track of deliberate activities so I did not include our daily snuggle sessions, wrestling (i.e. floor fun) with Dexter, or the frequent free yard time activities with the Master. Sadly, Mango is no longer prone to full out bitey face funballs with Dexter, but does engage in recumbent bitey face or occasional "high speed" chases of Dexter with a stuffie.

Brief plea for sympathy - the only activity that I can do with the dogs together is tennis ball. Walking them together is out of the question until such time as I sprout three additional arms as well as an ability to pivot my head 360 degrees.

Here are the baseline week results;

Mango

8 walks (3 off property and 5 yard walks - more about that later) totaling 2.85 miles (0.57 mi/walk average)

5 tennis ball sessions totaling 35 retrieves

1 passive stretching session

1 therapy disk session (approx. 10 minutes)

0 massage

Dexter

6 walks totaling 8.5 miles (1.4 mi/walk average)

5 tennis ball sessions totaling 102 retrieves

1 daycare day

1 therapy peanut session (approx. 10 minutes)

Part II - The Analysis

My initial overall impression was that despite feeling as if I am always doing stuff with the dogs, I am actually doing less than I thought. Thus the beauty of using numerical analysis. So let's see...

Mango

What are Yard Walks? Those are loops on leash around our sizable back yard. Think of it like doggie treadmill. It is much easier to get steady, constant motion this way since off property walks can be fraught with peemail stops, pull overs to avoid oncoming traffic, and other distractions.

Mango's typical retrieves are about 20-30 feet. I do try and throw up hill whenever possible to force him to use his back end. He usually executes all but the first couple at a trot (not a gallop) and can take an alarming amount of time to savor the intermittent reward he gets for a job well done.

Given that Mango is not supposed to be spinning, dog dance practice is out for the time being. He gets very excited during dancing and will spin as a default behavior.

I knew I wasn't doing his stretches enough, but realized I am almost not doing them at all. Mango does get grouchy when I try to stretch him so I need to confirm I am doing it properly. And NO MASSAGE! Terrible.

Dexter

Drat! I was sure I was walking him more frequently and further.

Dexter is fairly easy to tire out. Unlike Mango, his retrieves are at a full speed run across the length of the yard. He attacks his therapy peanut sessions with alarming vigor. So while there is room for improvement, he is getting flat lab worn out on most days (and daycare really does him in).

Note that Dexter does get some bonus exercise during Mango's Yard Walks. Since there are treats involved, Dex tends to run mental fits cracker dog around the yard while Mango is plodding along.

Part III - Goals

My personal rules for goal setting;

Keep it small, keep it simple, do no harm. Sure, I have a list of things I should be doing to improve my life and that of the dogs; exercise, eat right, more training, etc. but for me, I need to find small, incremental changes in one area and do no harm in everything else.
Be honest. I could say "I am going to get in the mastiff mobile every morning and drive someplace to walk Mango." But I won't and the stress of gearing up to do that will likely cause rule #1 of do no harm to be violated (besides, every clear field I have tried always winds up sporting loose off leash cracker dogs sooner or later).
Use visualization to make dog activities positive - nobody benefits when I force myself to do a dog activity when my brain is consumed with "woe is me." I have more success if I take a few minutes to visualize myself doing the activity, enjoying it, and having a positive outcome. This is particularly true of off property walks with Mango which require me to be on full alert at all times.

With that in mind, I have only ONE goal for the upcoming week...

INCREASE DISTANCE

And here is how I can do that....

For Dexter, just walk faster. If I walk fast enough to keep the leash loose with Dexter trotting, we can cover 2 miles in about 40 minutes. This allows for brisk walking, with a few potty and sniff breaks. For any math impaired folks, that would be an average walking speed of 4 miles / hr. when in motion (yes, I timed our potty / sniff breaks). I did a test run yesterday with great success (I used visualization to see myself walking the entire route rather than just setting off randomly).

For Mango, more off property walks which tend to be longer. I am also interspersing short jogs into his yard walks which means we can do more loops in the same amount of time. I will continue to wait for daylight for off property walks (remember, avoid additional stress) and carry as many hot dogs as it takes to keep him focused (working on walks, not some noble goal of better leash manners).

Note to self - any walk is greater than NO walk! This is particularly important for me to remember with Mango. Five minutes is more than zero. One yard loop is more than none.

Part IV - The Challenge

The number one challenge for me is getting Mango moving in meaningful ways. 10 minutes on the exercise peanut leaves Dexter all curly tongue panting worn out, but Mango is like me in that he would prefer not to move at all. Indoor activities for him are additionally limited by his gigantic size and clumsy nature making it hard to find enough space for him to move without taking a tumble and / or knocking over furniture.

Walking Mango off property in the dark is out of the question. He is a spooky bastard and having joggers and whatnot bear down upon us out of the darkness would send him over the edge. That combined, with the encroaching winter is really making me scratch my head for after work exercise for him.

Want to play along? My challenge to YOU, dear readers, is to keep a log for yourself for a week and determine what incremental changes you can make to improve the quality of life for your dogs and, no doubt, for yourself as well.

Remember the first week is to measure your default behavior. Be honest because that is the regime you will fall back in to if things get too ambitious or overwhelming.

I determined a short list of deliberate activities and a measurement system. I plotted the distance of Dexter's walks using this site. For Mango, I did a couple of measured walks and then estimated yard loops based on duration (Mango averages the glacial speed of about 2.5 mi / hr).

If your dogs wrestle or bitey face, lucky you. Count that as exercise for them. Just time a few sessions and then see how tired they are afterwards.

I will be back next week with a progress report. Mango goes to PT on Saturday and I am hoping to pick up some pointers on how to keep him moving.

Part V - Gratuitous Cute Dog Photos

If you're still with me, here's your reward for your patience.

CARROTS! NOM!

Mango Momma

P.S. As an added bonus, I AM working harder on Dexter's propensity to be a bitey shark when taking his cookies. It has been challenging. If he does a behavior and I click / treat, I want him to get his reward and if I pause to make him be less shark-like then I have missed the mark on the behavior. Sigh. So I'm trying to practice "the gentleman lab" independently.

Occupy the Couch for Mr. Pip!

2011-12-06T06:40:00.002-05:00

The abuse that is rampant in the dog community is astounding. Now it appears that the hapless Mr. Pip has had his beloved couch moved to the basement leaving him with nothing but a hard wooded floor upon which to lay his weary self.

Well, this cannot be tolerated and he has organized an Occupy the Couch protest. For sure.

Naturally, Pea and I are totally there in doggie solidarity.

That's right, little black buddy, get your labraself onto the couch. It's for Mr. Pip!

Momma was all like "Oh Dexter, I need to clean the couch, please stay off of it for a bit." But he was totally, "No, way, crazy witch lady, I am needing to stay on my labracouch until justice is served."

Makes my heart proud to see him all perched there on the cushions.

And what of the Mango? Being unable to actually place my large and wishing couches did not have legs self on top of the furnitures, I am making due with occupation of momma's favorite comfy chair by my large and not going anywhere soon noggin.

Take that!

Click here to visit Mr. Pip and join in.

Do it for Mr. Pip! Do it for all dogs everywhere.

Justice will be served!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Dexter the Wonder Dog - A Holiday Curiosity

2011-12-05T04:16:00.003-05:00

Well, it's that time of year again when momma makes about 87 trips up and down the basement stairs to bring out our holiday decorations. Of course one of the most important items is the Dogtivity (which, by the way, is always placed in a position of honor over my labracouch).

But this year, dear readers, something troubled yours truly about this particular seasonal tableau.

I offer the following...

Here, is the momma dog from the Dogtivity. A lovely blond gal.

And here is the proud papa dog. What a handsome chap. Reminds me of, well, let's be honest... ME!

No worries, right? Wrong. Because here is the baby dog.

Are you wondering what I'm wondering?

Momma lab

Papa lab

Baby... terrier?

What, I queried myself, is going on here? I took it upon myself to examine the participants more closely and sussed out this suspicious looking chap.

Now, what is that little black terrier dog up to and why would he show up in disguise?

One worries that there is more than meets the eye in this otherwise peaceful scene. I think that Papa dog better break out the pupternity test kit before he starts saving up for agility school.

Just my opinion.

Dexter done!

P.S. Because we get many inquiries as to the source of the Dogtivity each year, I must regretfully share with you that this appears to no longer be an item available for new purchase. Industrious readers who desire to add a Dogtivity to their holiday decor might be able to find one on eBay.

Silent Sunday - Two Dudes Looking for Holiday Fun

2011-12-04T04:32:00.002-05:00

My Big Trip to the Small Hospital

2011-11-28T19:04:00.003-05:00

That's right! Today was the day I totally went to the Tufts School of Veterinary Medicines to have my large and not totally healthy self examined. Yuh, for sure.

Now, mind you, momma was a bit stressy over the entire affair. So much so that she accidentally had this abomination for breakfast. How did that even get into our cold box?

Not to mention I totally missed breakfast. You have to be kidding me!

And then we pull up at this place even though I told her I don't know how many times that I am most certainly NOT a small animal. Sheesh! I mean, just look at me, will ya?

Momma told me to wait in the car whilst she busied herself transporting the wheelbarrows full of cash in that are apparently required to get an audience with these folks.

By the time she had finished my appointment had arrived. Just as well since I am not keen on all that waiting room stuff.

Now, you wanna hear something weird? Even though the flashy was in her pocket the whole time she was all like "Oh, Mango, I don't want to be distracted taking pictures because I need to listen really hard to what the doctors say." Like when did she decide that there is anything more important than recording every moment of my large and fascinating life in the digitals format?

So you will not see a photo of the nice fourth year student lady who interviewed me. This being a teaching hospital, one always has to talk to the students first. Some humans get annoyed with that, but I'm not bothered. How else will they learn? And you know what else? This was student doctor's lucky day because how often is she going to see a fine specimen such as myself?

Student vet talked to momma for a loooong time and then she listened to my heart and pulled on my leggies and I have to admit to getting a bit twitchy when she pulled on my owie leg, but I was brave.

And then she left and we hung out and FINALLY out comes the flashy, but look, just me. Duh.

We kind of had to wait a while and I got bored and decided to see what it would feel like to be under the table. It felt cozy.

Finally Dr. Orthopedics comes in. He was a jolly little dude who I could tell loved me totally from the start. And I kind of liked him until he started all poking and prodding and pulling my leggies and flipping me over from one side to the other like a bag of potatoes. He was all like "Oh, Mango, lay down, oh, Mango, stand up, now lay down the other way." Make up your mind!

Next thing I know, Dr. Orthopedics and Student Nurse Lady clip on my leash and whisk me away from momma. Then they stuck a needle in me and I'm thinking, "OK, take blood, whatever." But that is so not what happened because the next thing I know Dr. Orthopedics is saying , "Mango, wake up." And he takes me out to the lobby and there is momma.

Mind you, I was feeling a bit, um, disconnected from my body. All floaty and dizzy. Momma says I was STONED! And Dr. Orthopedics even lifted my large and complex bottom into the mastiff mobile for me.

Do I look stoned to you?

Friends, I would love to write more, but I feel kind of sleepy right now. So in a rare show of generosity, I will turn my blog over to momma and her dumb italicized blue words. Later!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Mango is, indeed, still quite dorked out. The anesthesia also seems to have affected his innards and he alternates between passing out in bed and lurching for the back door to do his business, but honestly, right now, I don't think he is very aware of his surroundings.

His x-rays showed "... boney changes (arthritis) and an opaque coloring within the joint... these signs are classic for joint instability related to degenerative changes with the cranial cruciate ligament (ACL)"

At this point surgery is not recommended and he will be treated medically with exercise, physical therapy, medication, and (gasp) a diet. He is down to 210, but the vet would like to see him drop another 10-20 pounds (poor dear).

As for his big foot, the new theory (which sounds reasonable to me) is that the residual lump might have been there for some time and the original swelling was, indeed, an insect sting and the increased scrutiny of his foot coincidental with that caused us to see for the first time his lump. But x-rays look great.

They also took some joint fluid from his knee to check for any immune related disorders given his history of lyme disease (should hear back about that later this week).

Overall, well worth the trip (although 6 1/2 hours makes it a long day) and generally good news.

Mango Momma

Silent Sunday - Slobber as Art

2011-11-27T05:00:00.000-05:00

Why Grammar is Important by Mango Momma (a PSA)

2011-11-25T06:25:00.004-05:00

I have a folder in my email that I labeled "scams." Sometimes, just for fun, I look through it. I'm thinking "what kind of moron would fall for this?" Well, they are getting better and better at making their emails look like official business from Western Union or PayPal.

However, a quick grammar check always shows them out. Take this snippet from one of my favorites...

The Group western union thanks you for your business and appreciates your comprehension

Got it? Then this follow up, included in its entirety (I have highlighted some of the errors for those of you who are grammatically challenged).

Hello,

Please be informed that i will be going to FedEx office today to Pay the
$100usd for the package keeping security fee as we have discussed and
aggreed and i wish to hear from you once you receive the package.

Meanwhile, remember that Fedex Delivery Company Ltd does not know the
content of the package because i registered it as a second handed cloth and
shoes to avoid stolen the fund, please this is for security purposes.

Just contact FEDEX COURIER DELIVERY COMPANY Ltd by tomorrow evening as i'm
sure that i would have pay them for the keeping security fee.

The Executive Manager's name is Eric Baltimore like i told you before, and
their email address is [deleted]

I will soon get back to you with their customer service phone number incase
if there's any more information you need from them.

Please make sure you carefully send to them the below information needed for
the delivery.

Your full name, home address, phone number, a copy of your picture then
these below company registration number and code for confirmation.

Company Registration: AG70115
Code: 0478234

Note: the only fee you have to pay to them is $135usd that they will use in
obtaining the fund's insurance certificate which will cover up the package
and the delivering fee. Then be rest assured that i have paid other fees.

Thanks
Yours Sincerely.

Now, friends, one frequently despairs as there is a collective movement towards poor grammar and odd abbreviations that people will become more and more likely to be fooled by these thieves. So, remember,

Don't trust offers that come out of nowhere, even from friends.
Do a flyover on any email addresses or links (you will see that they are not what they seem).
If a trusted account is suddenly asking you to re-enter your password or personal information (PayPal, Amazon, etc.) DON'T.
Please, please practice your grammar. Luckily, these con artists still haven't passed the grammar and spelling test.

Finally, here is a picture of Big Dog and Devil Dog from yesterday after they had completed their pissing contest for the day. Sadly, no photos of the turkey catching fire on the grill.

Mango Momma

P.S. So maybe there are a couple of punctuation issues with my blue, italicized text. Whatever.

Adopt a Zombie

2011-11-24T05:38:00.000-05:00

Momma and Master have been spending a lot of time watch that Walking Dead show on the picture box. Me? I'm not such a fan and I will tell you why.

It seems like everybody in that show has decided that just because zombies are different, that makes them bad. Yeah, they are all like "oh, I don't wanna be a zombie, that would be the worst."

To which I say, "how do you know?" Yuh, like how do you know that zombies are unhappy? Maybe it feels great to be a zombie.

I mean, after all, zombies seem a sociable lot, at least with each other. Look at them all travelling around in packs.

And maybe they don't speak actual human language, but who does? Seriously. They seem to communicate with each other just fine.

Now I will grant you that they can get a bit riled up when there are foodables around...

But try walking into a room full of labradoinks with some hot dogs around your neck and see how adorable those pointy headed beasts are. NOT!

So I, Mango, have decided to turn things around. I am embarking on a campaign to end this senseless hatred and marginalizing of zombies. Yup, I am hereby announcing...

MANGO'S ADOPT A ZOMBIE PROGRAM

And to get things started, I thought PeeWee and I should provide a nice foster home for some of those nutty characters to prove that with a bit of training and a lot of love, zombies can make great companions.

The first thing we did with our foster zombies was to work on the loose leash walking. I figured that our zombies would need to be on leash at all times off the property. I found that they all took to it quite readily and was pleased to find that the zombie shuffle was just about Mango speed.

Now even raw foodable advocates might cringe at the notion of the typical zombie diet of brains and whatnot.

Fear not, because there is good, nutritious, zombie food available on line for your shopping convenience. Free samples? I am so there.

The Mango advocates crate training, especially when the zombie is first being introduced to your household. Your zombie will soon learn that his crate is a safe zone where he can rest without worries of being messed about with by house guests.

I found the crate especially useful when transitioning zombies from their random human flesh noms to the Zombie Chow. Just put a bowl of chow down and give your zombie 15 minutes. If he doesn't eat, time for some meditation in his crate and then try again.

I guarantee you that your zombie will soon look forward to a big bowl full of more socially acceptable din dins.

Even still, self control is important if your zombie is going to be able to get out and about without causing mayhem. That's why one of the first skills you will need to work on it is "leave it."

As many of my doggie pals tell me, you can train just about any behavior with the patient use of a clicker.

If you have trouble managing a clicker, just use a marker word as demonstrated in the photo below.

Really, the only limitation to having fun with your new pal, is, well, YOU.

Check this out... agilities zombie! Look at him go! Frankly, I had a hard time keeping up with that speedy little devil (note use of high value reward for motivation).

Not to mention that since zombies never really sleep, they make great look outs for home invaders. Just make sure you have a prominently displayed "zombie on duty" on your door to avoid any potential litigation when your zombie takes down an intruder.

More ambitious zombie owners might even consider training for search and rescue as there is no being, dead or alive, that can sniff out the humans like a zombie.

So what do you say, are you ready to open your house for a zombie in need? All they require is a little love and patience. Oh, and a securely fenced yard... preferably an electrified fence just to be on the safe side.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Show us Your Bird AND Educational Movie

2011-11-23T05:06:00.003-05:00

Friends, are your humans all total stressed out nutbags getting ready for the Thanksgiving holiday? My momma and master are on vacation today, but you wouldn't know it as they hustle about doing frenetic housework and last minute battles over foodables at the grocery store. All very stressy and disruptive for the Mango, so take a break and check out this brief, yet, one hopes, entertaining post.

First, for Sarge, here is a little wooden bird on a stick that my Master made about 87 years ago. I wish the turkeys in our neighborhood would serve themselves up this way. Nom.

Now, the Mango has been instructed not to bounce which is most confounding as I am feeling quite spirited. I am even forced to watch momma play tennis ball with idiot Pea from indoors so that I will not be tempted to participate. Then I am supposed to do "sedate" leash walkies around the yard. Like to drive me insane.

So to stimulate my mentals, I have been searching the internets for educational movies. I found a little treasure which I think you will enjoy. Watch it here or below.

Badass Honey Badger, you know it!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my pals in the US! I doubt we will have much internets time in the next couple of days.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Momma told me that we are embarking on a journey of wellness to get my sore bottom in shape and discover the source of my persistent big foot. First stop is this place on Monday. I was chagrined that I am going to the "small animal" clinic when they also have this facility available. Hopefully I will be directed to the appropriate sized vet upon arrival.

Dr. Dexter is in the House

2011-11-21T04:10:00.008-05:00

Having been alerted by momma that her work place schedule was not amenable to taking the Relentlessly Huge to the special x-ray vet until after Thanksgiving, yours truly decided that it was my responsibility to manage his recuperative activities for the time being.

Noting that the vet instructed him to engage in frequent, moderate activity, I searched my brain for the best possible method to get him off his buffalo butt.

"Aha!" says I, "As luck would have it, our present from Jazzi's gift exchange arrived just this week and had been sitting on the dining room table for some days."

I immediately determined that while we are a bit early for the holiday season, surely presents are meant to bring joy and happiness and what more joyful gift for momma than to see her spoiled rotten bully of a dog up and about.

And so, I selflessly opened our package. A most interesting package all the way from Mocha, Ashley and Winniecheerdill in the Philippines! Readers, please excuse any possible typographical errors with my new friend's names. One does try to decipher human script but it can be confounding.

A regular bounty! Fancy flea and tick powder, sweet soaps, some Dexter-sized tennis balls,

some Dexter - sized tennis balls,

some tennis balls...

TENNIS BALLS!

Excuse me. Had a moment there.

As I was saying... all rounded out by an ever popular rope toy, a stuffie and a wall decoration for momma. SCORE!

I grabbed that yellow stuffie post haste and was away.

There is little that annoys Mango more than the site of my labraself enjoying a stuffie... any stuffie. While this is normally a thorn in my side, this time I opted to use it to my advantage.

Come and get me, little pony!

As you can see, he was temporarily, at least, oblivious to his aches and pains in his quest to secure the stuffie (which, I might add, I allowed him to have after what I determined to be an appropriate amount of actual movement).

Hmmm... look at that face. Wonder if perhaps we need to adjust his medication.

Clever chap that I am, I waited until he had exhausted himself before tossing him the rope toy for further masticating pleasures.

Whilst I, Dexter, proceeded to do full tilt fun times with the yellow stuffie.

AND, I made a super action movie. In it you will see that my physical therapy program is doing quite well as the Relentlessly Huge is clearly moving more smoothly by the end and able to turn corners with alarming speed without jack knifing and toppling.

Now if I could just get momma to clear the slobbers off the camera lens. Well, small steps, small steps, right?

Dexter done!

P.S. It's not to late to get aboard for Bolo's amazing Nosevember contest. Week two is in full swing and you can enter to play along on his blog here.

P.P.S. From Mango Momma

Looking through the archives I discovered that almost exactly a year ago Mango suffered a similar injury. Poor guy. Must be his Thanksgiving owie. He seems to be improving ever so slowly. I also noted that Mango showed great improvement after a trip to the chiropractor. I confess that I did not like that vet personally and I think my lack of a love connection overshadowed the positive effect his treatment had. Thank goodness for the internet, eh? So I still will take him for a thorough set of x-rays and then back to "vet whom I don't like but seems to know what he is doing" for some chiro and acupuncture.

Feeling Better and a Word About Seizure Monster

2011-11-20T05:01:00.000-05:00

I am feeling a little better this morning thanks to all your wonderful thoughts and comments.

I even got out of bed all by myself to take my morning phenobarbital. Yup, twice a day like totally forever to keep the seizure monster away.

For reasons which are unclear, idiot PeeWee always gets cheese when I get my medicine.

Watch your fingers, momma!

In the past when I have had bad owies I would take the tramadol, but I am not allowed to take that anymore because it is an invitation to the seizure monster and we don't want that, so I am making due with the metacam.

Did you see I mentioned seizure monster twice today? Well here is the third time...

My buddy, Gibson, did a post all about seizure monster. It has a lot of words but you just tell your humans to help you read them all. Why? Because seizure monster is very mean and attacks way too many doggies and it is good to have the information tucked away in your wee brains if it ever happens to you. So click here and read (plus there is a movie that has me and all my fellow seizure doggies in it).

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Mango Momma

At this point I can't tell if he is actually feeling better or he is getting better at favoring his sore leg. He did get up and down the stairs and do his potty without any help and the fact that he got out of bed when he heard the cheese come out is promising. I appreciate your thoughts and comments and plan on pursuing therapies such as acupuncture. I'm on the fence right now about keeping his x-ray appointment. I'm planning on calling them in the morning to find out the "then what's" of getting x-rays. They also do MRI's. And don't tell Mango, but he is going on a little diet. While he is at a good weight for a young, healthy mastiff, he needs to trim down a bit to lessen the strain on his aging joints.

The Mango is on the DL!

2011-11-19T12:00:00.003-05:00

OW OW OW! OWIE! OW!

Sure. Last night I was all bouncing and having a great time with momma and Pea when all of a sudden my hinterlands go a flying off in a weird direction and down I crash. I admit, I cried like a girl for sure. You would have too!

Then this morning I like totally could not get my bottom to work right and it kept making angry feelings into my brains like total OWIE!

Look at me all trying to get up (oops, excuse my lipstick).

I already had an appointment with vet lady to photocopy my bigfoot, but when she saw how sore I was she said, "Oh Mango, you will need to go to a place with a bigger photocopy machine."

So home we came and I took some extra of those NSAIDs and now I am all about just kind of hanging in the sun.

My appointment is two whole days away so for now momma is helping me get up and down as much as possible.

Momma made a little movie of me all hobbling and stumbling. Before you watch it, I need to tell you something. Mastiffs cannot walk on three legs. Nope. Not gonna happen. Out of the question. Think my little pony, OK?

I'm kind of OK on the flat, but any bumps and away goes my bottom. Like it's made of jello.

You know what is the worst? I didn't get to ROTE because you know who didn't want to keep lifting my bottom into the mastiff mobile and there was totally another mastiff at the doggie store! Like that will ever happen again. Sheesh.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Mango Momma

Mango took quit a tumble. As near as the vet can tell he has soft tissue damage. He is very resistant to being aided and when I try to help him up he sits in to me, but we manage. I've had to aid him with his potty because he cannot "assume the position" and this has been, well, uncomfortable for both of us. I need to balance keeping him moving a little with letting him rest. It does seem to work itself out a bit when he walks, but he stumbles on any little pitch in the lawn. This isn't the first time he has twisted his hind end and hopefully he will feel better in a couple of days. If not, we have an appointment on Monday to go to the special vet with the relentlessly huge x-ray machine.

Is it Spring Yet?

2011-11-14T17:59:00.004-05:00

Wowee zowie! I was all totally snuggled into my mastiff bed for my morning nap and then I got to thinking "where's PeeWee?" I told momma to go find him (yeah, like I was actually going to get up... as if).

She comes back and says "Oh, Mango! Dexter is out sun baking. You should join him!"

She even took a photo to show me. "Hmmm", says I, "what is that little labralog doing out on the deck during nap time?"

One glance at the calendar and I was immediately experiencing the cognitive dissonance.

Sun baking? In November? Huh?

But momma was most persistent and I dragged myself with great reluctance on to the deck.

And you know what? It was almost 70 degrees outside! Seriously! That's in Fair in Heights.

Winter is over! For sure! Check out this total spring time baking action photo.

Woo hoo!

Oh, and here is another super action photo (I think momma used the "sports" setting on the flashy to capture it).

Lest you think that I am actually letting PeeWee touch me, let me assure you that his proximity is only acting to radiate extra heat to facilitate two sided baking of my large and sizzling hot self.

I sure am glad winter is over.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Yesterday vet lady stole my bloods. She called today to say that all my medications are working fine and not causing anything bad. Woo hoo! You know what else? She did the extra special rectal examination to test the strength of my rectals muscles. How cool is that?

Show us Your Hats

2011-11-11T18:42:00.002-05:00

You know, due to momma's busy brain, the Mango is always missing out on contests and whatnot.

So tonight I was determined to get our hat pictures done no matter what.

I tried and tried to convince stupid PeeWee to play along, but, well, see for yourself...

No big deal. Even if he had worn it properly he would not have matched my handsomeness.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Momma's New Headlight

2011-11-11T04:17:00.003-05:00

Momma bought a headlight to wear on her noggin for night walking. Just when I thought it wasn't possible for her to look any more dorky. Sheesh.

We made a little demo movie in the back yard. I hope it works. We haven't been too keen to load movies directly to blogger lately. But I didn't think this was really worth a whole Relentlessly Huge Productions treatment.

Did you hear that stellar dialog?

"How 'bout that? How 'bout that? How 'bout that?" What a doofus!

She is all gushy about it, "Oh, Mango, what a quality of life improvement this is. It is so comfortable and now I can stride with purpose down the street when I walk Pea."

Hey lady, do I look like I care? I liked it better when you cut his night walkies short and spent more time with ME!

This is the headlight looks like. It's called a PETZL. Whatever.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Word Bubble Wednesday - One Branch, Two Dogs

2011-11-09T04:51:00.003-05:00

Miss Mayzie's Rescue Me Week

2011-11-07T04:20:00.003-05:00

Hey friends, guess what?

Miss Mayzie is doing a really cool thing. In honor of her beloved Grandpa J, she is hostessing a Rescue Me week.

That's right. All this week, she is asking us lucky dogs and kitties with furever homes to post about a less fortunate furry. Plus there will be five lucky winners who will get $100 donated to their favorite rescue! How cool is that?

Now not too far from the Mango Estate is a place called Nevins Farm where they keep not only doggie and kittie orphans, but also cows, horses, donkeys, chickens, and all sorts of other nice furries just itching to find a good home.

Since Momma has always liked goats, I thought that I, Mango would feature a handsome goat named Pops, shown here with his buddies.

You can read about him here or visit the farm adoption site here.

And if you want to participate, just be sure to check out the rules on Miss Mayzie's blog.

Who knows, maybe all our hard work will get at least one more little orphan a furever home.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Mango Time Saturday

2011-11-05T11:54:00.004-04:00

Not every day is jam packed with action and biting PeeWee and whatnot. Some days, it is just nice to spend time with momma.

Take today. It is a lovely fall day here in Master Chew Sits and momma and I set off for a peaceful stroll in the woods behind our estate.

Momma says an actual train used to drive by through the woods every day, but now it is just a path. I'm not a fan of the start of the trail where there are lots of owie stones.

And we have to cross over the turnpike.

I used to be scared to cross over the turnpike, but not anymore. How about that?

And here is my reward. A peaceful, magical trail full of wonderful sights and smells. Let's go!

Of course, it being the woods and all, there were some branches down from our recent snow storm. I thought this one would be the end for us since momma left her machete at home, but we managed to get underneath and continue.

Always keen to practice my skills, I took an opportunity to work on "stick your front feet in a tire."

One does wonder why the humans go to the trouble to tote such items into our little forest, but what are you going to do?

After an arduous half hour, I was back at the estate and ready for a nice sun bake whilst momma walked the Pea.

Look at him all wanting to do MY trick. Such foolishness. Not to mention that momma left the bag of hot dogs home with me so his performance was unrewarded (oh, I am sure there were lots of "good dog" exclamations but what kind of fool works for praise).

Momma deposited PeeWee indoors and I was away to help her with the ROTE.

First stop was our foster house project where I was greeted and admired by the tool time guys. See how my head is all droopy? That's because this particular tool time guy used to have not one, but TWO mastiffs and now he has a great dane and to be honest he knew just how to rub my big old head to put me into kind of a trance.

We made a bunch of other stops, but honestly, I was kind of dozing throughout.

Crafty dude that I am, though, I recognized our final stop as the doggie store which could only mean one thing.... CAR COOKIE! That's what I'm talkin about.

So, see? Nice morning with Momma. Good times, right?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. For all you snow dogs out there, here is the end of our snow from last weekend. The Mango wants nothing to do with it, thank you very much.

A New Foster House and a Fun Contest

2011-11-04T05:35:00.004-04:00

Please spare a moment to visit my friends at the Op Pack. Their Momster fell down and broke her arm most horribly. Ouch!

Some of you might be saying to yourselves, "Hey, Mango, I am not seeing much of your witticisms in my commenting area lately, what gives?"

I will tell you what gives.

Momma and Master bought another foster house. Yup, here we go again. And for reasons which are unclear, even though near as I can tell all Momma does is wander over there to take the odd photo, having Master all working on the foster house causes her to suffer from the busy brain something fierce and she is all like, "Oh, Mango, I just want to watch a movie tonight."

What I think we need around here is an iPad thingie so that she can read blogs from her comfy chair.

But I digress...

Here is a photo of our new foster house. If you want to see more you can visit the blog here.

Pea and I have been playing tennis ball IN THE DARK! Not conducive to action movies, but most satisfying. I have even been doing my athletics in the dark (and given that momma has not done poop patrol all week this is an exercise in careful foot placement, let me tell you).

So since there are no new photos or movies, I want to take this opportunity to tell you about a way cool awesome contest that not one, but TWO of my friends are running.

Seems that this book came out recently...

Can you guess what it is about? Yup. Apparently the humans are willing to pay dollars to look at all those photos you wish they had deleted from the digitals.

And if you enter the contest you could win your very own copy of the book. Yuh.

Now, I, Mango, thought that I would be unable to enter as there are certainly NO awkward or unflattering photos of myself, but I was WRONG!

Because just look at this abomination that momma dug up.

And it gets worse!

WTF? What happened to my lips?

So if you want to play along, you can do it by visiting Miss Coco Bean here.

Or Miss Bunny here.

Or be like the Mango and enter twice.

Have at it! I hear we are going to have the beautiful weathers this weekend. I sure hope so. Here's wishing for total funballs all weekend long.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. It appears that unbeknownst to my large and not into taking chances self, momma recklessly placed a bet on the recent Patriots football game which they totally lost and now Pea and I are supposed squire none other than THE BEAST on a "date." Oh the horror. At least Agatha and Archie participated in the gambling so they are going to have to go along too. Any thoughts on how best to manage said adventure with the least amount of indignity to my large and handsome self would be most appreciated.

My New Bed

2011-11-01T04:06:00.004-04:00

Before I start, I have a relentlessly huge announcement.

Miss Mayzie is sponsoring a very special rescue me week in honor of her beloved Grampa J the week of November 7th. All you need to do is post about an orphaned furry and let her know (but you need to wait until that week, OK?). If you are forgetful, like my momma, you can preload your post. Mayzie will be donating a ton of green dollars to rescues so do try and participate.

You can read about it here.

And now, my words for the day.

Recently, I received a box in the mail the contents of which were for Me, Mango, the Relentlessly Huge.

While I do have my most comfy bed in the dog cave, the Mango desires to relax his large and needing something soft to lay upon self in the living room where momma and master can often be found in the evening watching endless episodes of Wire in the Blood.

Sadly, the bed that has been designated for myself is woefully lacking; forcing me to curl myself up in a most confining way in order to enjoy its pillowy comforts.

So I was delighted when momma said, "Oh, Mango, I have bought you an orthopedic bed that will cradle your sore joints and it is large enough so that you can stretch out."

"Well," says I, "it's about time, stingy witch. Like I outgrew that other bed maybe, uh, let me see, six years ago! Hello?"

But I came to learn, that applying oneself on target so to speak was no easy task.

Thus, for the first night with my new bed, I seemed to find one part of myself or the other dangling on to the hard floor (although I will say that proximity to the radiating heat unit kept my nards nice and toasty).

To make matters worse, Pea is all like "Oh, Mango, I have no problem with this bed at all. In fact I find it to be quite wonderful."

EW! WTF? GET THE FREAK OFF MY BED YOU STINKIN LABRADOINK!

After that incident, I instructed momma to wash the sheet with boiling water immediately.

And you know what?

I determined that the propensity of the washy sheet to ooze about had made it near impossible for me to tell where my comfy bed ended and the hard floor began.

Removal of said sheet afforded me an unobstructed view and I was able to position myself thusly.

And comfy it is indeed! Ah.....

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

SNOW and Attack Labradoink

2011-10-30T17:00:00.005-04:00

Many of you might have heard that we had snow right here in Master Chew Sits on Saturday night. Now while some of you live near the north pole and are accustomed to the big snow even before Halloween, it is quite unusual for us.

Momma and Master were going to take Grandma and Grandpa out on a big adventure Saturday, but I told them, "Oh no! Please do not go out all driving around on the dreaded Rt. 128 and into the wild uncharted territory of Concord Master Chew Sits during the big storm."

Well, momma agreed with me, but she had quite the time convincing Grandpa because he lives east of our estate where there was not much snow at all. So momma made us go outside and sit our bottoms in the cold, wet stuff so she could take a photo and prove to him that there really was one of those Nor Eaters going on.

Brrr... my nards!

We lost our electricals for totally almost 8 hours (and listen, those of you who heard it was only 6 from momma can ignore that because in my book 11PM to 7AM is 8 hours, but that's just me).

Lots of trees and stuff fell down. CRASH! BAM! The poor trees were still trying to show off their fall colors and the snow on their leaves made it too hard for them to hold up their arms. Just look at this tree right across the street from our estate. That branch used to be all high in the air, but now it is on the ground!

We did have some branches down at the Mango estate and I set to cleanup duty.

Excuse the blurry photo, but when the Mango is working, the Mango moves with alarming speed.

I took a most civilized stroll up and down our street to scope out the damage, but then Momma said to Pea, "Oh Dexter, let's go for a nice long walkie."

One does worry with momma all walking out where she might run in to who knows what miscreant with only the wee little labradork to protect her.

So imagine my relief when she showed me this actual video of the midget protecting her from a most threatening totally like undead bite your head off scarecrow.

Did you hear him all barking and growling? Who knew he had it in him? Go little dude!

My momma being, well, herself, of course she constructed the requisite creepy snowmanpersons.

You know what else? I made a little movie for you to watch, but since it is wide screen, you need to watch it on the YouTube. Just click here.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

WTF Wednesday - Pathetic Halloween Costumes

2011-10-26T04:34:00.006-04:00

Desperate to fashion something even vaguely suggestive of Halloween costumes for me and Pea, momma scrounged about the estate and produced, well, see for yourselves...

OK, this one isn't too bad, but seriously, methinks maybe for our holiday photo (although the tie does match my lipstick very nicely).

I would rather have seen Pea stuffed into his monkey suit for the third year in a row. In fact, I kind of look forward to him squirming around with momma chasing him about with the flashy, but instead we get this!

Like, oh BOO, I am so scared.

Finally, the most pathetic, WTF excuse for a costume. Huh? Now I'm a cowgirl or something?

Sheesh! Get a clue, woman!

You know what is even worse? I totally wanted to do an awesome post worthy of my large and entertaining self and this is all my dear readers get. As if!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Anybody notice the dearth of comments from my large and always wanting to visit my pals self lately? Yuh, let's just say, idiot human, busy brain, etc., etc.

Farewell Miss Lilac

2011-10-24T17:08:00.002-04:00

Run free, beautiful Miss Lilac.

Chilled News by Dexter

2011-10-23T17:04:00.000-04:00

Some days back, as the sun began to set, that familiar feeling of emptiness gripped yours truly, signaling time for supper.

I knew I was in for a treat when I spotted momma heading for the cold box; land of raw burgers, green beans, and yogurt.

Gracious chap that I am, I permitted the Relentlessly Huge to proceed me in exploration of our culinary possibilities.

Ah, happy fortune smiled down on me that fateful day as no sooner had he stuck his remarkably large head into the cooler than he recoiled with what I must say was uncharacteristic vigor.

The strong winds generated by the withdrawal of his gravitational field producing noggin brought with it a stench so horrible, so sickeningly sweet that even my sturdy labrabelly clenched and I felt the start of the old hurka hurka rumbling up from my heretofore clamoring for dinner stomach area.

As I backed away, Mango staggered a few steps before dropping to the ground. The shock of which nearly sent me flying head over tea kettle.

Torn as I was between assisting the big guy and sparing my labralife, I knew that I needed oxygen immediately if I were to avoid succumbing to the toxic fumes that still crawled over the kitchen area even after the door to the cold box had been securely latched.

Thus I made for the outdoors, followed closely by Momma whom, it appears, was equally absorbed in saving herself and leaving Mango to his doom.

Thus ensued the following conversation;

Me: Momma! Something died in the cold box!

Momma: No, it's OK, Master just spilled some milk and it went sour.

Me: I have never smelled milk like that before. Are your certain that some hapless creature didn't find it's way in there and meet its cold and lonely doom while we slumbered?

Momma: Dexter, I am sure. It is just milk.

Me: Well, then, clean it up. I can't possibly eat anything that comes out of there. I can't even go back inside.

Momma: I'm not cleaning it up. I didn't do it. I don't even drink milk.

Me: I don't think this is the time for petty quarels. Besides, you need to save Mango.

Momma: Mango will be fine. But seriously, little dude, Master spilled it, he should clean it up.

Me: Oh, it's going to be like that, is it?

And so the battle ensued. With every open and close of that door making our estate ever more uninhabitable.

Finally, I was able to convince Master to clean it out. I took the somewhat recovered cry baby Momma's dog outdoors with me for some cleansing breaths while the scouring commenced.

But to my horror, even after all the drawers and shelves were removed and cleaned, the smell lingered. If anything, it became worse.

What next? I feared we might have to move out while the EPA cleaned up our estate.

But then, a few days later, Momma says to me.

"Dexter, I have solved the problem. The cold box is no longer stinky and all your noms are safe."

Cautiously I stuck my snooter in the crack of the door. You can bet I was holding my breath.

Inside, I saw a curious sight indeed.

Momma had added the daily news to the foodables.

And if by magic, the stinky smell had been vanquished.

Even still, I was not about to be the first to try the noms that had been exposed to the vomit like odor of spoiled milk for many a day.

And so, when the Tupperware of hot dogs came out, I summoned all my self control and suggested that Mango get the first bite.

I even let him have a couple more just to be sure.

When he did not expire or otherwise show signs of toxic overload, I happily received my share of the booty.

And thus my story ends.

There are two lessons to be learned;

When in doubt, consult the internet.
Newspaper absorbs annoying refrigerator odors.

Oh, and of course, never ever ever leave the milk bottle on its side.

Dexter done!

My Acting Debute!

2011-10-20T06:25:00.004-04:00

Hey all you clever doggies and kittehs out there. If you aren't following the big mystery on Roo's Pet Fiction Theatre then you are totally missing out. He is doing a multi-act mystery with clues and stuff and you know what else? Today's episode stars.... ME! So follow this link and get on over there for a howling good time.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Run Free, Gizmo

2011-10-18T06:08:00.003-04:00

My friends, it is with a heavy heart that the Mango learned this morning that Gizmo asked to make his final journey. The bad cancer monster was sneaking up on him too fast and he needed to go to where there is no pain and all doggies are young and healthy forever.

You can visit his blog here.

The Attack of the 87 Foot Leash by Dexter

2011-10-18T04:20:00.001-04:00

Thank you so much for all your good thoughts and comments for Rusty and his family. I know it means a lot to them.

Mango Momma

And now, take it away, Dexter!

Over the weekend, momma decided to break out the 87 foot leash for what she deemed to be an "adventure" for yours truly.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that the leash is actually only 50 ft. long, but one needs to be allowed some poetic license when telling a tale.

I, Dexter, was not amused by the condition of the leash, which, despite having resided in a stationary position for so long that it almost surely had moss growing on it, the blasted thing appeared to have coiled itself into knots and twists worthy of the most determined boy scout.

And to what purpose were we using this ghastly orange snake that particular day?

I was decidedly flummoxed as I soon learned that my "freedom" was not enhanced one bit.

Momma kept the majority of the leash coiled like some neon lasso whilst providing me with only a few short feet of slack.

After a somewhat constraining, but nevertheless pleasant, stroll, we arrived at our local village green.

At this point, momma dropped the string in a clump, grabbed the loopy end and strode purposefully away, leaving me behind to snuffle for leftovers from the recent pie festival.

Apparently this entire exercise was intended to be an "off leash" simulation to build momma's confidence that I really am a good dog who always minds her.

Surely she if not so daft as to think that a clever chap like me would be fooled. The drag alone made me feel as if I was pulling the Queen Mary behind me.

Momma was actually quite annoying during this time and kept calling me to her side whenever I became overly interested in a particular smell or opted to wander in a different direction than she had chosen.

I was quick to recall being somewhat bored with the entire experience and really having nothing better to do.

An adventure this was not.

Until....

These two fun little guys showed up.

Now that white fluffy dog I have met on many an occasion and have always found him quite jolly, but the little wiener dog was someone new.

Naturally, being all burly boy dogs, our first activity was to leave our own remembrances on the gigantic flag pole.

But then it was zoomie time and it was at that moment that I realized the pure genius of momma's plan.

Because, here is how it normally goes down... I meet some fun, off leash dogs and momma is so over the top paranoid that she will not drop her end of the leash and how much fun can one really have with only six feet of wiggle room?

But thanks to the (now my favorite leash in the whole world) 87 foot leash, I was able to enjoy full out zoomies with my buddies.

Let me tell you that wiener dog really had the moves.

So I am going to give the 87 foot leash four big paws up. If you can't go off leash, it is the next best thing.

Oh, and by the way, when I was ready to leave, that white fluffy dog followed me all the way across the field even though his master was calling him with increasing alarm. You know what I did? I peed on him! That's right. You have to trust me on that one because the flashy had already found its way back into momma's pocket.

The now somewhat yellowish white dog's master was a bit agitated over that but I did succeed in discouraging Mr. Fluffy Bottom from following us home.

Dexter done!

POTP, Spotlight on Mango, and Constructions

2011-10-16T05:50:00.006-04:00

Hello friends! Today I have three items to discuss with you.

Item #1 - This is a photo of my buddy, Rusty. As you can see, he is a handsome, robust boxer doggie. But even big, strong doggies like Rusty sometimes can get snuck up on by the evil seizure monster. Well, last week that happened and it got hold of him something awful.

Now Rusty doesn't have a bloggy (yet - hehehe), but he will be reading my blog, along with his humans who are beside themselves worried.

So, I'm asking you to leave good thoughts in the comments section to send to Rusty and his family and maybe even share your experiences with that nasty seizure monster.

Item #2

The Mango (and I suppose idiot Pea) are featured today on the bloggy of none other than sweet little Luna. Aw, just look at her. Miss Luna is most clever and has many wonderful adventures for sure.

Sadly, momma sent some sappy words before I, Mango, was able to write to her about blogging, but it is a fun read anyway. Check it out here.

Item #3

If you reach way back in your brains to the cold storage department, you might recall about a year ago when Pea posted about strange things going on in our basement department.

That's right, Master decided to construct a secondary wet room down there.

Yuh, I even put the judges to work during Mango Minster to help move things along.

Well, it is finally finished! And it is as big as the dog cave! Can you imagine?

Sadly, lacking the wide angle lens, momma was unable to get adequate photos, but you can stretch things out in your brains.

See this? It is a special masticator, up pump, flushy box. See, due to the wet room being below ground, the poops and stuff need to go UP to get into our big underground poop tank.

Of course no room at our estate would be complete without some hand made wooden something or other from Master's workshop. He has been very industrious of late all buying wood and chopping it and shaping it.

And he loves to use his clamp ons.

For the top of the wooden storage bin, he bought a most messy piece of material. Kind of looks like PeeWee shedding, doesn't it?

Naturally, I was Mango on the spot to supervise every step of the way.

Ta da! Look at the size of those drawers! Any best on how long it will be before they are stuffed full of who knows what like every other drawer and closet at our estate?

That's all I have. Kind of newsy, right? Whatever. I am planning a big day full of sun baking, nommy meaty bones, and general bouncing.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Sibling Issues Saturday

2011-10-15T04:47:00.003-04:00

No respect!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

WTF Wednesday - Rude Humans

2011-10-12T04:44:00.007-04:00

Do your humans ever talk about your replacement right in front of you?

Like I totally get that someday I will be crossing over the Rainbow Bridge, OK? But I'm not dead yet for crap's sake.

Show some compassion.

WTF! Seriously? That's cold.

Yuh, and just the notion that they might actually get another labradoink is enough to make me perk up and stick around for many years to come. As if!

Well, maybe if it was one of those smokin hot blond bitches I might reconsider. But if that is what they have in mind..... the Mango is willing. I promise I wouldn't lay a paw on her until she was old enough to get heated up. Yeah, baby!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

What's on the Menu Monday

2011-10-10T04:11:00.004-04:00

Baked Mango...

With a side of Pea.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Action Tennis Ball Mastiff

2011-10-09T04:21:00.002-04:00

Wait for it....

GOTCHA!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Im Still the Big Dog

2011-10-06T04:43:00.001-04:00

Just because the Mango is not as mobile as he once was does NOT mean that I am ready to hand my Big Dog title over to the pointy headed beast.

He thinks because he bounces around like a rubber ball that he can take my place.

For example, the other night I was enjoying my meditations when he attempt to bitey my face off. Seriously?

Thanks to my amazing mastiff reflexes I was able to place my leggie over my soft and not wanting to fall into a labramouth face for protection.

As for YOU, PeeWee, I just have five words...

Be afraid...

Be VERY afraid!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Dexter the Wonder Dog - On the Oddities of Human Speech

2011-10-04T04:38:00.009-04:00

Ever wonder why humans are always recycling words and assigning them different meanings rather than just make up new and unambiguous language?

Take, for example, this true story which happened just last week.

There I was, relaxing at home with the RH when I suddenly found myself feeling quite full and a bit anxious in my lower regions.

Knowing that momma would be at the work place for some hours and the comings and goings of Master are not deterministic, I pondered over how to relieve myself without creating a discrete, but distasteful pile in my living area.

In a moment of what I can only characterize as pure genius, I recalled the upstairs storage area which momma is always remarking is "full of crap." Well, actually, she uses a different word, but being a gentleman, I'll stick with "crap" for this story.

"Well," I said to myself, "Dexter, you are a clever scoundrel. Clearly the reason momma and master don't actual live upstairs is because the upper floor is an extended crap area. How convenient."

Up I go and deposit what I have to admit was an artfully placed pile of labralogs right in the crap room.

I watched anxiously the next morning when momma went upstairs to get her work place outfit.

Imagine my surprise when she came back down not to congratulate me on my cleverness, but to express concern to Master over the "large pile of *crap*" in the storage room. Oh dear, where had I gone wrong?

To make matters worse, I thought that I had misunderstood and that perhaps the "crap" room actually somehow meant the guest room where momma takes her Saturday naps.

Cautious, but determined, I made a couple of deposits there the very next day, only to be met with the same furrowed brow where I had hoped for a big hug and fawning over my resourcefulness.

Now, access to the upstairs has been denied.

The moral of the story? Well, one can only conclude that "crap" and the more vulgar word that momma uses with great relish, is yet another example of humans talking in context dependent code. So make sure you are clear on their meaning before you take action.

Dexter done!

P.S. Momma says I am a total freak-a-zoid who will only potty on walkies and insists on holding it until I have an emergency rather than despoil my play yard. I wonder if that is code for "Dexter is the best labradog in the world."

She also says that she pledges to take me on more walkies so that I can potty in the locations of my choice. Now those are words I understand completely.

Fence me In

2011-10-02T04:02:00.003-04:00

Recently, Master installed railings around my Observation Deck.

This was in response to Momma's constant worry regarding my fondness for positioning my large and resting wherever self thrillingly close to the edge.

Sure, I will grant you that between my big, but less big front leggie and the occassional twinge from my rear quarters I sometimes execute a slippy slidely reverse move when assuming an upright position.

However, in all the time I have lived at the estate, I have never ever ever taken a tumble.

But, well, you know how humans can be. Note that the lower rail is positioned low enough to prevent back slide and yet high enough to (hopefully) facilitate painless snow removal.

Ladies, also note that I am totally nekked in this photo. Oh hurt me!

Alert readers know that the Pea has always scorned the stairs, opting instead to levitate on and off the edge of the deck.

Seems old habits are hard to break and he tried that move a few times after the railings went up. The result? You guessed it.

BAM! SPLAT! Hehehe.

Which I thought, would make a great post and thus ensued the following conversation.

Me: Hey, Momma, go get the flashy and we can make a video of the labradoink smashing into the fence.

Momma: No, Mango, I am not going to do that.

Me: Why not? It is great entertainment.

Momma: Because Dexter could get hurt, you wouldn't want that, would you?

Me: He won't get hurt. He is made of rubber. Besides, you always laugh when he does it.

Momma: I do not laugh.

Me: Yes you do.

Momma: Do not.

Me: Do too.

Momma: NOT!

You can see how quickly conversations with the DOH deteriorate into meaningless exchanges.

Aw, look at the little guy. Guess he'll have to use the stairs like a normal dog.

As for me, well, I'm just glad the rails aren't all fancy lest they detract from my handsomeness.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. We've been doing a lot of the reading without commenting lately. Just the way things go sometimes. You know humans and their busy brains. But you know what? I really look forward to reading your posts even when idiot momma says, "no time to comment!" so I'm good with my pals who do the same with my bloggy too. We're all in this together.

BigFoot Update by Mango Momma

2011-10-01T08:01:00.002-04:00

This will be a wordy post, but I wanted to give a complete update on Mango's BigFoot.

We were unable to get a diagnosis, but it appears to have stabilized. At this point, the vet and I are leaning towards a mechanical failure, possibly bursitis, tendon damage, or some sort of hairline fracture.

While that does not explain why he responded well to antibiotics, I note that his level of activity was severely limited while he was on antibiotics. It is also possible that a structural issue had a secondary infection which would have caused his fever.

Right now, the swelling comes and goes, but never as alarming as the gigantic BigFoot.

Sadly, I am continuing to try and restrict his movement. This is hard on the big guy as he is keen to bounce, chase his ball, and do his dance moves. Even attempts at sedate leash walking often include him popping wheelies and body slamming me. I do indulge him in tennis ball fun even though it is alarming to see the way he bounces and torques his front leg.

His on and off difficulties have caused his gait and stance to be a bit splayed. He is also getting twinges from his left rear leg which has been a chronic problem with him.

Water therapy would be the best thing for him and we do have several facilities nearby. Sadly, the water therapy treadmills are all too small for him and the one place that has a pool involves steps and scary stuff that I know he would not be able to handle (even if they have a life jacket big enough). Due to health regulations (thank you Massachusetts), I would not be able to get in the pool with him and no way some weird lady in a wet suit would convince him to walk down a set of stairs into the water.

The good news is that other than walking funny and some small difficulties getting up and down, he is feeling great and is his usual happy self.

He is currently taking metacam for inflammation and glucosamine for general joint issues.

Since I have had some queries, thought I would just get it all out at once. No worries, Mango will be back shortly with a more entertaining post.

My Little Button Nose

2011-09-28T19:05:00.010-04:00

My buddy, Bert, recently put a photo of himself which showcased how enormous, how relentlessly HUGE his snooter is!

I mean, just look at that thing.

Seriously, your nose is so big I bet you can smell tomorrow coming.

Whereas I, Mango, have what one can only call an adorable little button nose.

Aw, look at me. Don't you just want to give me a big old smoochie?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

POTP Needed for Gizmo

2011-09-26T19:03:00.003-04:00

The Mango's heart is breaking today having learned that my buddy, Gizmo, was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. He is only seven years old and a happy dude enjoying life with his brother and sister, Bart and Ruby. His family is going to make him as comfortable as they can and help him on his final journey when it is time. Please visit him here.

My Big Foot - EXPLAINED!

2011-09-25T07:14:00.002-04:00

Well, my BigFoot sure has been a mystery to both momma and vet lady as it seems of late to get smallish and then biggish, but never quite normal.

Yuh, like it will totally look exactly like my other foot and then, for no good reason, the next day it is bigger again.

Thankfully, alert reader, Tessa, suggested I install a spy cam to determine if there was possible skullduggery going on whilst the Mango was in his meditative postures.

Sure enough, the very first night, this SHOCKING photo was captured.... complete with subtitles (that is one great spy cam).

Oh evil one! I should have known that pointy headed devil was at the root of this mystery.

Well, my friend, two can play at that game.

Nodoggie messes with the Mango and gets away with it!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

WTF Wednesday - Thursday Hapless Mastiff Edition

2011-09-22T07:01:00.005-04:00

This shocking video was brought to my attention via one of momma's FB pals.

Did you see that? Some poor mastiff just minding his own business when pshyco Bambi comes along and totally spins him into some undignified Cirque du Soleil move. As if!

In other news, after returning almost to normal, my BigFoot is bigger this morning and momma is all in a tizzy. Not scary totally WTF big, but bigger than it has been. Fear not, it doesn't hurt me at all.

And, I am happy to report that Miss Khady is feeling quite chipper as evidenced by this photo of her mom visiting her at the hospital.

Now if you are going to have bad sickies, it is good to at least have the kind that don't make you hurt. So it is certainly happy making to see her smiling, but she is still very ill and her time with us is short, so continue sending your good thoughts her way by visiting her here.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Rainbow Bridge and POTP

2011-09-21T05:57:00.003-04:00

My dear friends and alert readers. It weighs heavily on the Mango when my pals take their final journey over the Rainbow Bridge. Momma says that bidding farewell is part of life and that I should remember all the happy times and try not to be sad. But it is not easy for my large and caring so much self.

Thus it is that I share with you the crossing of Miss Cleo over the bridge.

She put up a good fight, but her little hound body betrayed her and she made her final journey yesterday.

You can visit her here to give your support to her family.

And dear little Khady is in a very bad way. Continued support to her and her family is appreciated. Her momma is so sad and I know she is reading and gaining strength from all of your comments. Her momma visited her in the intensive care last night and Miss Khady was happy to see her and feeling pretty well, but the prognosis is grim.

Power of the Paw Needed for Little Khady

2011-09-20T19:16:00.002-04:00

Oh friends, please send your healing thoughts to beautiful Khady.

She is just a baby, only three years old, and developed a sudden and devastating infection that is shutting down her kidneys. She is in intensive care and things are moment to moment for her.

Khady! The Mango's heart is breaking. Sending all my Relentlessly Huge thoughts to you. Please get better.

Visit her blog here.

A Big Birthday and the Mystery of the Dining Room Table

2011-09-20T04:48:00.002-04:00

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

Before I start, I want to wish the beautiful Miss Lilac happy sweet 16th birthday!

What a remarkable gal. Visit her here to send your good wishes.

The naming of the dining room table remains a mystery to the Mango. For sure I have only ever seen actual foodables served on it during big holidays.

Most of the time, it is a repository for an odd assortment of this and that.

Take, for example, this recent photo showing Momma and Master's hats (always at hand lest they get actual sunlight on their aging skins), idiot PeeWee's harness and flexi-leash, and the odd dismembered hand.

Mind you that with the exception of the very occasional fine restaurant dining with real live other human beings, my momma never, never, never eats dinner. Of course if her jolly bottom is any indication, she consumes plenty during the daylight hours.

Master? He's a Trader Joe's microwave foodables kind of guy.

So what's on your "dining" room table? Put a photo on your blog and let the world know!

Oh yeah, here is a random photo of my large and having deep thoughts at all times self (actually, I am gazing at the totally hot alien border collie gal next door and getting that tingly feeling in my nards ....)

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Dexter the Wonder Dog

2011-09-18T07:05:00.004-04:00

Ever wonder why a toy that is so unremarkable that it passes for a piece of furniture for years...

... suddenly becomes fascinating?

Watch on YouTube here.

Dexter done!

WTF Wednesday - Dog Door Fail

2011-09-14T04:37:00.003-04:00

Every summer it's the same thing...

I say, "Hey, Master, how about installing a dog door so the Mango can let his large and wanting to go out when he wants self out."

And every year, Master puts this sorry excuse for a dog door up.

You're saying, "Hey! Mango! What's the problem? I can see from this high speed action shot moving so fast you are almost a blur that it is quite convenient for exiting to the Observation Deck."

Heck, even PeeWee figured out how to use it.

Yuh, but try coming in. Back in. I'm here like,

"Hey Master! WTF! I totally am shoving this lame-o doggie door with my large and resembling a battering ram head and it is seriously NOT moving!"

Look at Pea! He scoffs, "Mango! You are just not doing it right."

But he is a FOOL!

He flings his labraself at the dog door making a most annoying crashing sound and still it does not open.

Help! We are trapped outside! Surely this is abuse! Call the animal cops!

What if something bad happened while we were out here?

What if something happened most especially to ME?

I could have a needing to go inside and lay down on my double stack mammoth bed emergency!

And while I have your attention... WTF is up with the deck chairs all lined up like little soldiers anyway? Makes it near impossible to position myself thrillingly close to the edge of the deck. For sure. Gets momma's heart racing to see me lounging out there with one leggie draped carelessly over the edge.

You would think what with Master all strutting around calling himself a Carpenter dude he could get an operational door installed at the estate.

But Nooooo! I bet that stupid project foster whatever house has doors that work. As if!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Fun With Weave Poles by Mango Momma

2011-09-10T06:46:00.004-04:00

That's right!

At last, here is my very own Mango Momma introduction to weave poles.

At almost seven minutes, it is kind of long, but grab a cup of your favorite beverage and enjoy because it is chock full of information, color commentary, and, of course, Mango and Dexter!

Warning! It gets kind of LOUD at 5:30 so be ready at the volume controls.

To watch on YouTube, just click here.

Word Bubble Wednesday - Revenge of the Lab

2011-09-07T05:04:00.000-04:00

WTF Wednesday - Special Labor Day Edition

2011-09-05T05:01:00.000-04:00

I know it isn't Wednesday. You think I'm an idiot? So sue me.

Yesterday I went back to visit Vet Lady so that she could take a gander at my less big but still swollen foot.

I, Mango, am most determined to know what the heck is going on. So I say, "Hey! Vet Lady! What's the deal?"

Thus ensued a most distressing conversation;

Mango: "So, Vet Lady, what do you have to say?"

Vet Lady: "Well, I can tell you that you do NOT have an a robe tick infection."

Mango: "Huh? A few too many articles in that sentence. Wanna run that by me again?"

Vet Lady: "I said, it is NOT an a robe tick infection."

Mango: "Like, seriously, did they even teach you grammar at vet school? Are you trying to say I don't have the robe tick?"

Vet Lady: "No, you don't have that. And it isn't a robe tick, it's an a robe tick."

Mango: "Dammit! There you go again."

Vet Lady: "It could be an an a robe tick, but the tests won't show that."

Mango: "What what what? An an an an a tick?"

Vet Lady: "Mango! Are you stuttering?"

Mango: "Me? I'm not stuttering you crazy lady! Just trying to figure out what the heck you are talking about. Could you say it straight up?"

Vet Lady: "It could be an an a robe tick."

Mango: "WTF? Do you even hear yourself? And what about the the the the fungus?"

Vet Lady: "There you go with the stuttering again. Are you sure you feel OK?"

Mango: "I feel fine. As if! But I'm thinking you might need some therapies."

Clearly I was getting nowhere with this stuttering article obsessed whack a do.

Then she says, "Oh Mango Momma, I want to take Mango in the back room and photocopy his leggie." Yuh, like I'm going anywhere with HER! But momma totally abandonded me and I went into a dark scary place where all the vet techs were waiting wearing lead aprons.

I'm thinking, "get me outta here" because WTF with the lead aprons? Some kind of new exercise regime?

Then I go into a different room and momma is there and crazy vet lady comes back and they are all looking at this photo and talking about it as if it is an actual photocopy of my large and not looking like a bag of bones leg.

Check out the alleged letter "R." Are you freakin' kidding me?

Gah! What a fake out! And momma is going to pay dollars for that?

To top it all off, I was feeling a bit parched and look what they give me!

I had to get this sorry excuse for a water bowl topped off three times just to take the edge off my large and needing to stick my head in a bucket thirst.

So at the end of the day, friends, I confess, the Mango felt a bit dizzy and I was most eager to return to the safety of my estate, you can count on it.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Mango Momma... not an aerobic infection. Possibly an anaerobic infection. His ankle and toe were still swollen so an x-ray was in order. His bones look nice and healthy. Phew. Still waiting for the results of the fungal test. Mango was very brave and it only took two techs and vet lady to get him to put his big old paw up on the x-ray machine.

Trapped with BigFoot by Dexter

2011-09-04T04:16:00.005-04:00

Friday, our pal, Jared came over with his mini-Norwood, Rocky. I figured, good times, right?

WRONG! Because the RH is NOT allowed to play with puppies. No problem? Well, except that momma says "oh, Dexter, Mango is so stressed being in the house and he will feel better if you are inside with him."

WTF? I have to suffer because BigFoot is a clumsy, grouchy oaf who bounces on puppies and tries to fit them in his jaws of doom? NO FAIR!

Look at him. Fool!

And what's up with Jared wearing his road crew visible from a distance of 87 miles shirt?

To make matters worse still, just seeing that puppy made Mango feel a hankering to experience the crunchy, furry sensation of a good chomp on yours truly.

You feel sorry for me, right?

OK, in the interest of full disclosure, I did get to play with Rocky and actually we took turns being in the yard so that the RH's head wouldn't explode or anything. Even still, just not always easy living with such a temperamental cry baby momma's dog, let me tell you.

I made a little movie you can watch here. You know, I used to embed my movies, but sometimes when I use the YouTube music, the embedded version doesn't play right. Weird.

And to what purpose was Jared here anyway? You tell me. And does he know that even though he says his name is Jay Rod that it is spelled Jar'd?

He and Master labored all day long outside and near as I can tell the only result is this pointless leggo log box with dirt in it.

Dexter done!

P.S. Bigfoot is less big than before and is starting his second week of the antibiotics.