Sunday, March 30, 2008

Putting Pee-Wee to Work

Momma and Master still have the sickies and things are getting pretty lean around here. First off, I only went walkies twice all week and even though yesterday was Mango day, we did not go to the dog store and I fear we are running low on treats. Then of course I get stuck minding pee-wee which is NOT FAIR!

During my morning meditation on the observation deck, I came up with a GREAT IDEA!
Why does it have to be all fun with junior? Maybe I can occupy him by putting him to work (and save myself the effort of having to move too much at the same time). I came up with a list of Dexter appropriate duties and sent him on his way.

Assignment one. Secure the perimeter.

I think this should be his permanent job, because I can't examine the interior of the chimney pipes as well as he can.

Assignment two. Start preparing the vegetable beds. Need to stir up all the dirt.Assignment three. Pruning the bushes. As you can see, I have been hard at work removing unsightly stickies from this bush, but there is still a lot left to do.

Delegation is good!To be honest, he worked very hard, so as a reward, I started teaching him the MANGO STARE! He's a quick study.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Thursday, March 27, 2008

More Loud Noises

Today there were more loud construction sounds coming from my living room addition. So... I had to move pee-wee's cage into what I will now call the puppy meditation chamber (and I am getting sick and tired of moving his cage back and forth, but he STILL doesn't get the hang of meditating outside his cage).
After we completed our meditation, I took the little dude out into the big yard to instruct him on how to properly enjoy the Mango estate.

See? This is what I mean! One does not comport oneself in silly ways on the estate because our job is to be majestic and not all silly ears inverted cracker dog.

I mean, think on it, little guy, we need to make sure the estate is free of unwanted rabbit poop, clean up stickies, and other serious stuff.Part of my duties are to water the blueberry bushes.OK, junior, now you try it on the apple tree.Upon my return inside, I discovered... THIS!!Huh? Master made a window between my living room addition and the dining room. Is that right? An inside window? Has he just become obsessed with removing walls?

I was told that it will all look just grand once it is complete, and, since it does pass my requirements for structural soundness...

Building Inspector Mango, provisionally approved. Pending finish work.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Great Deals... Act Now!

Introducing, Mango’s Magic Poop Leash!

Ever had a pesky little brother or sister whom you knew had to do poopies, but was otherwise occupied by stickies and other entrancing objects? Well, your troubles are over. Just put on Mango’s Magic Poop Leash…
Proceed to poopy place…

Even if distracted by my most enticing butt (actual customer photo)

The Magic Poop Leash will keep them focused on the task at hand.Viola! Thar she blows!So get Mango’s Magic Poop Leash now for only $999.99!

But wait! There’s more!

If you order now, I’ll throw in the Mango Pee Pee Barbie-Q for free!

That’s right, you heard me, FREE! That’s a $9999.99 value yours FREE if you order now.
The Mango Pee Pee Barbie-Q comes totally saturated with actual REAL Mango pee! Guaranteed to make even the most clenched up guy or gal let it ALL go.

Ahhh... what a relief! Actual Real Human Testimonial – Hi, I am an actual real human with an annoying pee-wee midget little puppy dude who just doesn’t know when he has to pee or poop. Thank goodness for Mango’s Magic Poop Leash! I can just throw it on and... instant production! No more messes in the house. And the Pee Pee Barbie-Q, well, you can just imagine! Plus, ever since I started shampooing with Mango suds, I have 200% less grey hair!

Oh yes! Mango suds! The first 1200 orders will also get a FREE case of Mango suds! Oh yeah, you heard me, Mango suds. Great for coat conditioning, lubricant, stain removal, AND removes fine lines and wrinkles in humans.

So hurry up! You could be getting a $9,999,999.99 package for cheap. You ask, Mango Man, how can you afford to let these products go for so little? Because I CARE! And I don't want anybody to have to suffer through the pains of house training new baby the way I have. You have my word! Money back, guarenteed (after a fashion).

Don’t wait! Order now, operators are standing by.

WARNING. Mango's Magic Poop Leash is not intended for use by full sized doggies.

Do not operate Mango's Pee Pee Barbie-Q while driving. If pee-pees persist more than four hours while using the Mango Pee Pee Barbie-Q, you are totally messed up. Ingesting of large amounts of Mango suds could provoke the squirties! Please seek medical advice.

Mango suds are not intended for external use by humans under the age of 50.Mango Man! Oh yeah!

A Surprise Visit

Today did not start well. Both Momma and Master have the sickies and with all the hackin and coughin going on last night, a dude could barely get his meditation time in. Momma tried to do the work at home so she wouldn't have to use another sickie day, but she said that the coughin medicine has produced compromised brain function and every time she looked at work stuff she felt all woogy (fortunately, helping me with my blog requires very little brain function, huh).

Next up, I tell you that my stuffies typically last for many months because I know the proper way to play with them. So imagine my surprise when I found my Santa Stuffie in this condition! Eiyeeee! Some sort of alien thingie sticking out of his belly. I suspect junior had a hand in this.

Santa is currently... retired.

Now what? Pee-wee is pulling a nutty in my water bowl!
Kid's really losing it.I tried to get a sip in before he drained the tank, but... The day did take a turn for the better because whilst I was out showing Dexter how to examine the perimeter, who should walk onto my estate, but none other than my human brother, Jake!Not much can provoke me to actually, dare I say, break into a jog, but my human brother is like the coolest guy ever and I am always beside myself to see him. So watch out, here I come! Full throttle Mango!Whoops! Crotch sniff.Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Jake gave me plenty lovin while I poured out my tales of woe over baby brother and sick Momma and Master. He is sooooo understanding. Really knows how to communicate with a dude.Anyhoo, besides seeing me, the other reason he came over was because there was a lectrical incident when Master was working on my living room addition and somehow this light fixture which is totally in a different room went all ker flewy.I would have fixed the darned thing myself, but it involved going up a ladder, and, well, just not my forte, OK? Jake is a jolly-man elect-twist-can which is the next best thing to being building inspector Mango when it comes to solving the lectricity problems.

Sure nuff! With my help, it was all fixed in a jiffy. Let there be light!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Home Sick

Momma had to stay home from work today with the sickies so since she isn't feeling so hot, I have to take extra responsibility for pee-wee. Like tellin him when its time to get up for breakfast.

Is he gone?

After breakfast, I took the little guy out for some action in the backyard. He's really getting the hang of eating grass!

So I thought everything was cool and we came back in. I was helping Momma do her work email when all of a sudden I hear KA-BAM! The next sound I heard wasn't yip, yip, yip, so I wasn't much concerned that anybody had hurt their small and annoying selves.

Oh man! How did this happen? Chair on the floor, coat on the floor, pillow on the floor, Dexter on pillow, Dexter biting pillow!Dexter biting nasty dog walking coat. Who can blame him, really, the whole thing is totally encrusted with Mango slime and fur, plus there are usually liver treats in the pocket. Given that Dexter apparently still required exercise and that Momma was feeling like crap she resorted to letting him go off on a water jug.

Which seemed to do the job, because he konked out and why he can't meditate like a normal dog is beyond me. Must be some new age relaxation techniques that they teach the kids these days.

I, on the other hand, meditate with my leggies arranged in perfect symmetry showing that I have achieved a state of oneness with the universe.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Wall Be Gone!

Today we took out the wall to my living room addition. As expected it was LOUD and DUSTY but it didn't take too long so that was good.
As I had advised, Master situated the trailer outside the window to facilitate the tossing of the wall out the window.

For those of you who don't remember, here's what it looked like before (photo taken during happier days when I had my monkey all to my most large and handsome self)...

And here it is now! Lots of space for Mango!

Building inspector Mango approved.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!