Monday, August 31, 2009

I am an Uncle (to a labradork)

Apparently my new nephew, Oliver, has arrived in Master Chew Sits.

Now I can hear you all going, awwww, the cute little puppy, but I want to remind you that puppies are only cute so that you will feel bad about eating them because they are total pains in the buttocks.

First they invade your territory!

They disturb your meditations.

What is so fascinating about my bottom anyway?

They get rewarded just for pee'ing in the yard instead of inside. Duh!

They live in boxes where they keep most interesting toys that you are not allowed to have.

They eat three times a day and then still steal your foodables!

Look! He is stealing my toy and I am supposed to just take it!

And giving me disrespectful stares.

Sometimes you need to just bitey them!

And stuff them behind the refrigerator (which causes the people to get all mad at you).

Puppies always try to rub their puppy stinks on you with their constant touching. Gross!

In light of my most deep and insightful thoughts on annoying shark toothed puppies, I was forced to cast an objective eye on the photos of my baby self with Beautiful Raja.

I had heretofore thought that she was gazing lovingly upon my most adorable puppiness...

Now I am compelled to admit that she does look kind of pissed off.

So as annoying as Pee-Wee is, I am relieved that he is no longer one of those puppy monster things (even though he still tries to touch me sometimes).

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Dexter Day - Cooler Walkies

Such a fuss has been made over the Relentlessly Huge's puppy movie that I felt compelled to respond with a puppy movie of my own. Here is a sample of my cutest self at the tender age of three months.

Now THAT's a cute puppy!

Here is a photo of my puppy self for my slow internet can't watch movie friends.

As you might recall, last week during Dexter Day it was totally get baked alive hot out, but today it was quite pleasant so Momma and I took a nice long walkie.

Momma decided to make me practice my boring sit / stays while posing in front of dumb old buildings. She says our town is over 300 years old which makes it quite old for Master Chew Sits, but young in the bigger scheme of things.

This church on the village green is actually a reproduction. The original church was struck by lightening on Easter Sunday and burned down around fifty years ago. Spooky, huh?

This is just an old house along the green. Lots of the houses around here have those Circa signs to indicate when they were built (I think Circa means approximately and I don't really understand why they can't ever get the dates exactly right).

After our historical tour, we proceeded to a bridge which spanned..... WATER!

I briefly considered doing a little diving, but decided it was just a tad too high up.

This sign looks promising...

I think I see the river! Let's go! I suspect that there is labra-access as well.

Momma made me keep my leash on because there was a current in the river, but it felt most joyous anyway. Nice and cool and muddy.

Remember that church I showed you earlier on? Well it has a secret garden behind it. It is called a meditation garden. I am only allowed to walkie there when I am completely empty because it is a special place lovingly maintained by the church community and it would be inappropriate for me to do any business there.

We made this little movie to show you how pretty it is. I was really not terribly enchanted by the whole thing and was more anxious to explore the bordering wetlands.

Uck! More posing. Here I am in front of the historical society (or hysterical society as Master calls it). When our barn burned down they tried to get involved in the rebuilding, but Master said to them, "It was a REPRODUCTION for Pete's sake! The thing was less than ten years old! Not an historical landmark you whack-a-dos." I am not sure that is a direct quote, but you get the idea.

The historical society happens to have an official historical apple tree which I found much more interesting.

Back home, Momma said I needed a good rinse because the river water was pretty gross. Now normally I am not bothered by getting wet, but I decided to have some fun with her and avoid the hose as much as possible.

She is a really bad shot!

Nah nah! You cannot get me!

Check out the fancy footwork.

I suppose part of the problem was that Momma had the camera in her hand, and eventually she put it down and grabbed me by my scruff and rinsed me all off, including my under carriage.

But in the meantime, here is a movie of my adventures in washing and drying. You will observer that the Relentlessly Huge is not a big fan of the hose. He thinks it is out to get him.

Finally, my Dexter Day rib bone.

Nom, nom, nom!

Dexter done!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Mango, Landscape Supervisor

To honor a special request from the Lacie Beast, I am re-posting my baby Mango movie.

It is unclear why she likes this movie so much (well except for that I am totally handsome and coordinated). Could it be that she harbors maternal feelings for the Mango? Or perhaps she dreams of having little masterriers some day (the Mango is willing).

Here you go!

So I'm sitting in my yard, minding my own business, when what do I see? An intruder!

It's the Noon Turf Care guy.

He comes to my estate every now and then to put stuffs on the lawn. Not a bad guy, and except for the days he sprays for fleas and ticks, he uses all doggie safe stuff (and the flea and tick stuff is safe after a couple of hours).

Nevertheless, I feel it is important to supervise these activities and I was most persistent in coaching him on the proper way to spread the fertilizers.

You can witness my most excellent supervisory skills by clicking HERE.

Observe that Pee-Wee was no help at all what with his aimless bouncing about when there was serious work to be done.

Momma wants me to point out how the landscaper guy gave exactly the right response... he ignored me!

Well, that was extremely frustrating and after he left I felt an urgent desire to bitey something.

Hmmm... here is something that needs to be bit.

Hold still, midget doggie, I won't hurt you.

Huh? Do you see his face? How dare he disrespect the Mango like that!

Drat! Almost got him.

Smack down! Quite satisfying.

OK. I am officially worn out. Can I take a nap now?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Earth Dog Mango - Conclusion

Any doggies not versed in Earthdog competition can come up to speed via this most useful link.

Now back to our story.

As you may recall, I agreed to be Agatha's earth dog partner only to have her run off after Mr. Rat leaving me alone to fend for myself in the competition tunnels.

Despite my rigorous training, I quickly became disoriented.

I thought I spotted my quarry up ahead, and then, huh?

Dennis? Is that you? Where's your body, dude? You're freaking me out!

Possibly due to overly zealous farting in a confined area, the tunnel quickly filled with noxious gasses and I might have been hallucinating a bit.

Do I see panty loons?

Imagine my relief when I heard Agatha's voice calling to me and by then I was ready to get out of there regardless of whether I caught that pesky rat.

I followed the sound of her voice and wearily emerged from the earth....

To find myself in...



Lucky for me, Archie had made some phone calls, and my good pals, Norwood, Miss Kylie, and Maggie and Mitch were there to take care of me.

They removed my hoodie so that I would not get the heat frustrations and rushed me to the emergency room.

Where I could swear nurse Lacie tended to my needs via intravenous smoothies.

Whilst underground, Agatha's PL's had contacted my Momma and apparently she was a bit frantic having noticed my disappearance.

She was waiting for me in the mastiff mobile with the AC on full blast.

Oh take me home, momma, please!

I think I'll stick with constructions from now on. Much less dangerous.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Earth Dog Mango - Part One

As alert readers might be aware, my good friend and fellow Master Chew Sits doggie, Agatha, is also a champion Earth Dog.

Sadly, in order to advance to the next level, she requires a training partner and her brother, Archie, had been place on injured reserve.

So I decided, that I, Mango, would volunteer to be her partner.

I mean, how hard can it be, right?

I managed to obtain my very own rat for training purposes, but to be honest, the little guy was so cute I didn't want to hurt him.

I had him wear a disguise to become something that looked a bit more like it needed to feel the jaws of the Mango...

That's more like it.

Now despite my most large and impressive size, I am actually quite delicate and after a few tussles with Mr. Rat I decided that I would need some gear in order to go into competition.

And here I am on the big day, ready for action!

I give you.... EARTH DOG MANGO!

Agatha was so surprised to see me at the trial grounds. I told her I was there to help her win her next ribbon.

She seemed a bit skeptical, but I assured her that due to my vigorous training that I would be a most excellent partner.

Let the games begin!

Imagine my embarrassment when I discovered that the entry point was a bit, well, confining for my large and not built for small spaces self.

I argued with the judges that this contest clearly discriminated against full sized doggies and they must find a suitable tunnel with great haste.

OK, this is more like it.

Ready to go!

Agatha is quite brave and goes into battle nekked. I put on my hoodie because I hear tunnels can get chilly. Wouldn't want to catch cold don't you know.

Once inside, I quickly lost sight of my companion. She was yelling for me to keep up, but the Mango can only go so fast.

Wait, little terrier, wait!

I was suddenly feeling terribly alone...

Agatha? Mr. Rat?


To be continued...

Mango Man! Oh yeah!