A Visit from the Scruffman

Check out this most annoying holiday card I received from the Beastie. Eeesh!

I don't know when this photo was taken, but I must have been disoriented (possibly from some tainted smoothies) to agree to such a pose.

On to more pressing matters.

When I awakened with THIS on my head, I knew that there was no longer any doubt that the hapless Angus stuffie had, indeed, been produced using some of the Clacie DNA left over from the Beastie's recent liposuction (which, by the way, did little to reduce the size of her visible from outer space buttocks).

Lucky for me, that very same morning I received a desperate call from my good pal, Scruffy, who apparently was seeking political asylum after recent unfortunate events at his estate.

As if that was not enough to convince me to take the little guy in, I also got this alleged holiday card showing him being subjected to indignities at the paws of the beast herself.

I immediately issued an invitation for him to come to Master Chew Sits with great haste to hide out until his mummsie came to her senses and stopped her inane vilification of his small and innocent wirey self.

The journey was long and Scruffy wanted to take a nap as soon as he arrived. I told him to choose any bed he wanted, but I think he was somewhat disoriented from the trip.

Dude must have thought he was in Oz or someplace.

This is America, little buddy, we don't sleep in baskets.

That brought him around and he found more appropriate accommodations.

After nap time, we convened in the dog cave to ponder what fun activities we might enjoy during Scruffy's visit.

Having been alerted to the presence of the Angus stuffie of questionable origin, Scruffy immediately set to instructing me in the art of stuffies gone mad management.

As usual, I was a fast learner.

Time to go outside.

Ever the gracious guest, the Scruffman endeared himself to Momma by assisting with the daily clean up of my large and plentiful poop-sicles.

Now for some real fun.

As usual, Scruffy had brought along his trusty blow torch.

I took a moment to go inside and load up on most yummers and gas producing broccolis.

That's right, keep it coming!

Ready Scruffman?

Light 'er up!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Sometimes,

a house divided...

Is a house...

At peace...

A Frightening Discovery

Several alert readers have pointed out that my beloved Angus stuffie came from the same place as the evil Clacie (Clone Lacie). How well I remember trembling in fear when I read about the diabolical cloning that Dr. Craemer and Dr. Snitchenstein performed to produce that abomination. Read about it here if you dare.

I thought that they destroyed all the Lacie DNA after they saw how horribly wrong it was to try and reproduce.... THE BEAST, but I received some anonymous peemails suggesting that some of the DNA might have gotten mixed in with my Angus!

Surely Mama Lamb would not permit such an atrocity. But I decided to keep an eye on the little guy just the same.

The first sign that something was amiss came in the form of the discovery of my new stuffie from Benny with his leg amputated and his intestines poking out.

The Mango would NEVER do such a thing. Still, could have been the pointed headed one.

Sadly, the little stuffie had to be You Thin Iced.

I didn't think much of it when I saw him admiring himself in the mirror. He is kind of handsome.

Nevertheless, it did kind of remind me of some doggie...

Then my flat self spotted him messing about with the blender.

I counseled that we give him the benefit of the doubt that he was likely making a healthy beverage and not a (gasp) smoothie!

But when I saw him perched on the shelf in the dog cave wearing once of those idiotic Lacie head scarves I feared all was lost.

See what I mean?

Not wanting to venture too close to the potentially volatile little demon, I strategically placed my spy cameras.

Sadly my worst fears were realized when I discovered this shocking video (oh pups, cover your eyes)!

It's THE BEAST!

Save me!!!!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Old Movies

I was browsing around on our computer and found a bunch of old movies in, of all places, the iTunes folder. I am not sure how they got there and I cannot figure out how to convert them from the MPG to a format that I can use with my iMovie, so I am just going to post them in their raw format.

I sure hope that you can watch them all. Sometimes Blogger is most uncooperative and says movies are unavailable even when I know they are there! Grrrrr...

These movies were all taken the week I arrived at the Mango Estate. I was only ten weeks old and very small. It was summertime and seriously hot. As you can see, our back yard was kind of a mess. We have done a lot of landscaping since then. The movie quality is not so good as momma used a disposable camera not having gone all bloggy yet.

Apologies to my pals without the high speed internets.

This first movie is mostly my Grandpa Angus. He was old and did not enjoy the hot weather very much. I am in it too and I speak!





Here I am working on my vocalizations. You can hear Angus cheering me on in the background.

Angus just relaxing.

Me and Beautiful Raja cooling off on the kitchen floor. It is very dark and you can hardly see me. I don't know why the dish washy machine is open. Raja did not always enjoy my company, but I did everything I could to be close to her.

Hanging out with Angus and Raja. She was HUGE and blond and beautiful. Sigh.

Just exploring my new home.

Special close-up of my beautiful Raja who was with us for such a short time.

And finally, Angus, who had a good long life and we miss him a lot.

Mango man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Just to make our retrospective complete, here is a picture of Momma and Master's little Pi whom I never met but Angus told me she was his one true love.

A Big Adventure to (sort of) Meet a Pal

My pal Oskar's momma is in the hospital with bad sickies. She could use some of your vibes to help her come home soon. He is very worried.

Today I had a most amazing adventure. When Momma suggested we go for a ride in the Mastiff Mobile I was very excited because I know that ROTE is a good thing which often results in cookies.

So imagine my horror when I spotted THIS out the window! Go ahead and bigify.

Can you read the sign? Yes, we were headed beyond the Rt. 495 force field to the wild untamed part of Master Chew Sits.

TURN BACK! TURN BACK!

For those of you unfamiliar with our fair state, I am enclosing an actual map which shows clearly the dangers that await any unfortunate who ventures west of 495.

But my pleas were totally ignored and onward we journeyed.

After some time, we turned off the highway and momma announced "we're here!"

Where? Where are we?

OMD! Just as I feared. Look at what my poor innocent eyes beheld as we drove up what appeared to be a long, twisting, and most forbidding driveway.

The Mastiff Mobile came to a halt and momma asked me if I wanted to come out or wait in the car.

ARE YOU KIDDING??? I am waiting here! And be sure to lock the doors!

Away she went and left me alone and unprotected to shiver and shake and, um, well, kind of take a short nap, but only really a short one...

About 5 days later (Momma - about an hour later and he was asleep almost before I closed the door), I was awakened by the sound of the rear compartment opening.

What could it be? A monster? I dare not look. Make it go away!

Hey, what's this? Why it's Miss Kylie's mom! And she has foodables!

I was so relieved that I gave her a Relentlessly Huge smoochie. I wonder what she is doing way out here in the wild country?

Hey Kylie Mom, simmer down there. I think you are going cracker dog.

Momma got in the mastiff mobile and explained to me that she had gone to visit Miss Kylie herself but had left me behind because both Miss Kylie and I can be kind of shy meeting new dogs.

To prove it, she showed me this totally un -retouched photo on the flashy box. Hey! That is my momma with Miss Kylie. What do you know?

Holy crap! Is she wearing that sweater... AGAIN? How embarrassing.

And it seems Kylie is a googly eyed foodable monster just like my idiot brother. Who knew?

Huh? How did my flat self get into Kylie's estate?

And what is he doing investigating her fluffy tail and panty loons?

Sigh, guess I will just have to enjoy snuggling with her loveliness vicariously through my flat self.

I even found that Miss Kylie and I have something else in common....

Mom's who make us do dumb tricks.

Back at my own Mango Estate, I discovered that Momma had been sent home with a pressie for ME from Miss Kylie.

Humph. This is obviously for PeeWee. Little tennis ball fool.

But I got an awesome caterpillar stuffie thing. I love it! So many leggies to rip off one by one. Hehehe. Thank you so much Kylie and family.

Oh my! What have we here? A shameless huzzy photo. Oh baby baby!

With that image locked into my large and loving the ladies brain I retired to the dog cave to dream of.... hiking? Huh?

Mango man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Momma - So what is the deal with the Rt. 495 force field? Well, when I was a kid, back (gasp) in the sixties growing up just west of Boston, everything between Framingham and Worcester was pretty much just houses, farmland, some stores, whatever. Not a destination. Even Framingham seemed like a long ride, but we went there to visit Shopper's World (the real one, not the fake big box park that is there now) because it was an actual shopping mall which was a rarity in those days. The next biggest thing was the Natick mall, built in 1965, but that only had 25 stores. Sorry for all the local references, but Massachusetts residents will get it. Does this look familiar to anybody?

Anyway, even though all the towns outside 495 have become part of the suburban sprawl and there are tons of housing developments and strip malls and whatnot, I still kind of think of it as the wild country.

Dexter Day - Holiday Recap and a Special Pressie

Yesterday my human family came over to hang out and eat foodables. Boring! But they brought along my nephew, Misha, who is a neat little cocker spaniel. I was really excited and immediately suggested to Misha that we enjoy some playtime in the snow (note that my drama queen nephew, Oliver, had to stay at his estate lest the RH make him SQUEEEE again).

No stairs required for me! Weeeee!

Come on, Misha, let's party!

He seemed reluctant to leave the observation deck. Gosh, he used to be such a fun little dude, but I guess he is all grown up and mature now.

He was even unfazed by my cracker dog levitation skills.

Hey! Where is everybody going?

Oh, I see, foodables.

I usually can get away with some maximum stealth counter surfing during these family get togethers, but my plans were foiled by an unfortunate positioning of you know who. I don't think he was really guarding anything, just happened to be there when the urge to meditate overtook him.

The conversation started to flag and somebody (evil momma) suggested I entertain everybody by putting a bow on my head.

Does this look like the face of a dog who is about to succumb to such indignities?

Others, well...

Note my human brother sitting on MY bed. What's up with that?

I pause here to tell you that Misha does NOT like the Relentlessly Huge and is quite fierce when Mango gets too close. Mango, on the other hand, is keen to play and was doing some very impressive play bows and bouncing on the poor little guy.

Unfortunately no photos showing brave Misha putting the RH in his place because momma and my brother in law were too busy attempting to restore peace (although I did capture this kind of dark movie which demonstrates the sounds - Misha is only crying because his momma is outside, but he is more than capable of growling snapping jaws sounds. Momma tried to keep the RH away for his own good because the furniture had already gone flying once from all his relentlessly huge and kind of alarming bouncing).

Lucky for Misha, he can squeeze into small places.

But every time he ventured out, there was Mango, right in his face.

My sissy (who is most clever) suggested that due to the simple minded creature's limited cognitive skills, he not only forgot that Misha was in the house every time he was out of sight, but also that Misha HATES him.

So as Misha wandered about exploring, Mango was going;

"Hey, a dog! Let's play"

"Oops! Why don't you like me?"

30 second pause

"Hey, a dog! Let's play"

"Oops! Why don't you like me?"

This theory made a lot of sense to me, I mean look at his face. Are there any short term memories going on in there?

I found Misha behind the table and told him that maybe if he stayed where slobber monster could see him, that the big old doofus would finally figure out that he isn't Mr. Popular with every doggie.

Misha gave it some thought and said it was worth a try.

Sure enough. As long as Misha was in sight, Mango was capable of at least generating one thought, "Oh yeah, that little black dog doesn't like me. Sob." That calmed things down.

Of course the RH also had most of his brain consumed by engaging in one of his favorite activities... smoochie face. Ick! I hope his toxic slobbers didn't burn a hole through my sissy-in-law's jeans. Hold on! Now SHE is sitting on MY bed. You know there are plenty of other seats to choose from.

Even though this was supposed to be a no pressie year, Momma indulged in a very special pressie for all of us.

A custom made Grandpa Angus from Mama Lamb.

I never had the pleasure of meeting Grandpa Angus, but I understand he was a fine old dale.

This is an old photo of him and momma I found taken almost 15 years ago when he was competing in obedience. Isn't he handsome?

Our Grandpa Angus will live on the mantel where he will hopefully stay clear of certain loose lip slobber monster's spray zone. Thank you so much Mama Lamb!

Speaking of pressies, my sissy brought one for momma and master because she said that when she saw it she just could not resist.

Two of their favorite movies all fancied up for Blu-ray!

Once those were opened I don't think momma and master could wait for everybody to leave so that they could spend some quality time with the governator.

The RH had to take some of his sore leg medicine and go to bed. Momma says it is because he did too much bouncing and jumping, but I think it is because he meditates all tangled up causing over extension of his not terribly limber self.

As for me? I think they have watched those movies about 247 times just since I came to the estate, so I was not especially interested in viewing them again. Besides, it had been a long day and I was just happy to have my bed back.

Dexter done!