Vaseline - Lubricant or Evil Jar of Goo?

There is evil afoot and it goes by the name of..... Vaseline!

Yes, that might look like an innocent item from the drug store....

But it is full of great horror! Demons unimaginable which must be kept at bay.

Here you see me warding off the jar as momma thrusts it at me with abandon. I believe having recently rubbed that very substance on her foot she has absorbed it's dark powers. How else to explain the torment of her favorite doggie? 

The Relentlessly Thick of Skull knows not of the danger. Either that or his head is so thick that the gelatinous incubus does not penetrate.

BEGONE! BEGONE I SAY!

Watch this movie if you dare.




Did you see how it made the RH attack me? My heretofore peaceful and happy go lucky life is no more!

Dexter done!

Wordless Wednesday - Creepy Clown Clock (and Norwood's Contest)

P.S. Don't forget to enter Norwood's amazing Pawdance Film Festival! The deadline is May 2nd! You can read the rules by clicking here.

Dexter Day - Routine Vet Trip and Swimming

Not much going on with me. Seems it has been all about Mango lately. I did go a bit cracker dog at school yesterday. We had class outside, and, well, it was all most interesting and my labraears became a bit immune to the screeching of Momma's voice.

Before I go on too far, I need to warn you that we are experimenting with the new blogger editor and certain DOH's are having quite the challenge figuring out all the new "easier to use" features, so our formatting might be a bit off.

Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be the good dog. Like when you go to the V-E-T. The RH gets his own private waiting room while I, Dexter, Good Dog, have to wait out in the lobby with the riff raff.

Then when he gets his nails done, he gets tons of nommy foodables and what do I get? Stupid humans messing about with my lips to try and make me look dopey for the camera. Sheesh!

Don't be alarmed. I was just at the V-E-T for my annual good dog checkup. You know the routine, nail trim, get your privates felt, heart, blood removal, shots, etc. Plus I am NOT a chicken who won't get on the scale and am proud to report that I am a robust 75 pounds.

After my humiliation at the V-E-T I turned my attention to a more exciting activity. SWIMMING! Yes, folks, time for your favorite labradude to take his first real swim of the season.

Did you hear the DOH yelling at me to come back? She is a total FREAK about letting me off leash. I know, I know, but I would never run away and even if I did I would come back, but you know how it is.

Don't worry, she is careful to make sure my leash does not interfere with my labrastrokes.

Hmm... what's over there? Now if I could just break loose for a wee moment I might be able to get into some real action.

Time to go home already? But MOM!

Back at the estate and time for our Sunday afternoon chewies. Here we have yet another example of why life is unfair for me, Dexter, Good Dog. 

Check it out. The RH gets about half a cow to nommy on.

And me? Might as well be a chicken bone. Did you ever see anything so small.

That swimming left me feeling a little tight in my hiney. Better get some stretching in while I "enjoy" my inferior bone.

As all good dogs do, I obliged momma with a photo under the apple tree. But, you know, being good can be a pain. Maybe I need to start slobbering and howling and acting like a total doofus head to get some respect around here. What do you think? WHY ARE MY LETTERS SUDDENLY YELLOW??? DAMN BLOGGER!

Dexter done!

Privates Tutoring - Not What You Think!

Alert readers will by now have gleaned that the stupid PeeWee engages in many fun activities that do NOT include The Mango! This has caused me to become a bit jelly. I mean really.

He goes to agilities (I kind of wouldn't like that since it involves jumping and actual running).

He goes to daycare (which is fun for about 15 minutes and then just annoying).

He goes to good dog attention games school (yuh, as if I can spend an entire hour pretending that momma is fascinating).

So none of those really appealed to me but I still want my own special Mango time so I insisted that Momma find an activity just for ME!

She was quite pleased with herself when she announced that she had signed me up for...

Privates Tutoring! Huh?

That sounded kind of ominous...

Like I was totally worried that it would involve, well, my Privates and, er, tutoring (which unlike the little black devil the Mango knows means leaving your nards behind).

Momma assured me that my nards were safe so I cautiously agreed to give it a try.

We set off and soon enough arrived at a brand new place where I had never been.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must inform you that the following photos are re-enactments (but I doubt you will be able to tell).

The first thing I did upon arrival at the new place was to locate a nice big pole upon which to leave some of my Mango-ness. This caused momma to start uttering non-words which I think meant STOP. What is this, Kegel exercises?

Then we just walked around and around whilst momma and some trainer dude said many words, none of which were cookie or good dog so I was kind of bored and after a while I decided to sit down and rest.

No sooner had I done that than trainer dude suddenly appears with a smokin hot Burned Yeast Mountain Dog gal! Yowsa!

Momma told me it was OK to look! Are you kidding??? Of course I'm going to look! But I played it cool and acted like I didn't really care about her too much.

In fact I even pretended Momma was more interesting. And in a way, she was, because when I looked at her I got a hot dog and when I looked at that snooty mountain doggie gal she just kept on walking back and forth. What a snob!

Then we practiced "wait" which means momma keeps stopping and I get to butt her with my large and bruise inducing head. That was fun.

But the most exciting part was when trainer dude and momma both put a leash on my sports bra and we went walkies outside!

I found a spot where Tula had actually peed and left her a little message of my own. Oh yeah, for sure.

This picture was taken at the end of Privates Tutoring which, as it turns out, is a most fun and not nard endangering activity. See my happy tail wagging?

I got a homework assignment too. I have to go for a ride in my mastiff mobile to someplace where the humans are walking about at a "safe distance" and hopefully ignoring me so that I can sit near my ride and practice ignoring them.

If I practice really hard, I will get to go to Good Dog Attention school and maybe even meet Tula in person! Now that's a goal that inspires me!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Mango Bath Time and Exciting Contest

Before I get to the main topic I want to warn you about some disturbing products that seem to have hit the market in the land of Oz. Alert reader Honey sent in these actual photos from a recent shopping trip.


Honey and Mango yogurt? Please, just say no to these cheap rip-offs attempting to capitalize on my large and not to be distilled into food products self. And now they have included Honey too! When will the horror end?











My friend, Duchess, is hosting a spring cleaning contest to give all you doggies a chance to show off how you get cleaned up to celebrate the changing of the seasons.


Check out this link for the rules. You have until April 26th, so make haste! She does not have many entries yet and I know from reading your blogs that lots of you have been having spring cleaning adventures.













Now, we all know the Mango just loves his all too rare trips to the salon for a day of beauty.


Given that I am a full sized doggie not amenable to squeezing into a crate, I am allowed to roam freely and monitor salon activities during the day.


Which leads me to the fact that I am often frustrated by having to actually wait my turn for my soothing massage whirlpool experience.


As you can see, I am not pleased with being told that I was in line behind some smallish wet doggie and decided to take matters into my own paws.








Out of the way, smallish doggie! It's Mango time!












Drat! I couldn't get the little scamp to move. I will try to convince Groomer Lady to toss him by giving her the old Mango cheek to cheek.


Where are her arms? Methinks she is secretly rubbing suds into that little critter whilst pretending to pay attention to ME!
















Oh! I think he washed down the drain! Pity.













EIEEEE! Still there! Begone! Evil line cutting doggie!













What's that Groomer Lady? The Mango must (gasp) remove his large and most looking forward to a bath self from the tub?


How dare you!


Look at little suds dude all smirking at me. Yuh, meet me in the dog run for potty break and I'll wipe that smirk off your bearded face.













OK! You don't have to ask me twice (more like 574,632 times)! I am leaving, but I'll be back and I expect all residue from previous bathers to be thoroughly cleansed from MY tub. Sheesh!













What of the PeeWee? Ever since he saw this movie on Jack's bloggy he has been talking nonsense about packing his bags and finding a snow spa.






Mango Man! Oh yeah!


P.S. From Momma. Mango apparently loves his baths so much that if they leave the gate to the tub open he will walk right in and start howling for his spa treatment NOW! I am amazed at his dexterity on those narrow steps. Has he been scamming me about being afraid to go up and down stairs?

Pedicure Day

Who likes getting their nails done? Don't all raise your paws at once!

I make momma take me to the V-E-T to get my nails done. I LOVE IT! Because I have convinced them that unless there is a constant supply of nommy foodables directed at my large and no chewing required mouth I will wiggle and squirm until it is impossible to give me a proper trim.

Shall we begin?

As you can see, production of large amounts of slobbers makes it possible to swallow gigantic pieces of jerky and also provides entertainments as it sprays and dribbles all over everything.

Uh oh, where did my treat dispenser go?

Hurry! I feel an uncontrollable desire to put my feet out of reach!

Watch an exciting live action movie of my pedicure here!

Finished at last. Nice tech lady, Maria, always does my nails. She has been my special manicurist like totally forever and is most speedy and wily.

Nevertheless, I did manage to get some slobbers on her hands, in her hair, and all over treat dispensing lady, hehehe.

I let Maria clean out my ears too. Of course then she couldn't resist taking a sample of the delightful things which I am cultivating inside my ears and told me I had the yeast and gave momma icky ear drops. I suppose that is her evil revenge for me getting slobbers in her hair.

Ready to go home when you are.

Treat dispenser lady left some foodables on the examination table. I managed to sneak a few off before she busted me and pocketed the rest. Drat!

Oops! Did I accidentally leave suds on the table edge? How thoughtless.

This is my bottom.

I was in such a hurry to leave that I didn't get to say goodbye to anybody, but when momma went back in to pay the bill, she got to talk to these two little mini-mastiffs. They work behind the counter at the V-E-T.

Check out that smokin hot gal on the left. I bet she would love livin with a full sized guy such as myself instead of that PeeWee boyfriend of hers.

Drive woman! To the estate!

Does momma look a little shell shocked? No worries, she always looks like that after paying the V-E-T bill.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Check out this dale I found on YouTube! Groovy! Although I don't know how he can stand living with that cackling human.

I am pretty sure this must be Miss Sophie! After all, she is speaking French, no?

Daycare Misadventures

It appears that I got into a wee bit of trouble at daycare. It happened at the end of the day when Momma came to pick me up. I was super happy to see her and tell her about my adventures. That is me running down the rock to say hi.


Note air conditioning unit in foreground which will come into play later as well as six foot fence.







Where did I go? Hehehe. See my little tail sticking up behind the air conditioning thingie?









Wow! Was momma ever surprised to see my face reappear here.













And then my bottom! Yup! I levitated right up on to that stupid thing so that I could say hi.













Hi momma! I am ready to go home now.













What's that? I am not supposed to be up here? It is too close to the top of the fence? Well, why didn't you tell me.











Puggle Transport lady came and shoo'd me off. She said that she had only once before seen a doggie do that. Well, I am no average dog.


Squirt Bottle Lady was not please either because not only was the top of the fence just a short hop away from my perch, but she didn't want me giving other doggies ideas that they could jump up there too.











Sigh. Guess there will be a fence around it next time.


Of course once Puggle Transport lady turned her back I did it again. Watch this movie.


Warning! It is kind of loud because my daycare pals were all cheering me on.

This is me being handsome.

Dexter Done!