Tuesday, June 29, 2010

How to Stay Cool and Week Two of Skool

This kind of turned into a loooong post. Oops. But lots to tell today.

I have a couple of Rocky updates; good and bad.

First, the good. Rocky the Akita is home at last! You can read all about it on Khyra's blog here.

But also some sad news. My little squirrel friend, Rocky, passed away over the weekend. He was a great guy and not like those pesky squirrels that plague many of our estates. He lived inside and out with a great mom. You can read about him here.

Now for today's post!

I, Mango, clever chap that I am, have found a most ingenious way to stay cool. Yes indeed.

Recently, Master installed this nice little window fan because at night the outsides are cooler than the insides and this device encourages the outside air to come in and blow about my estate.

Lucky for me, the cool air falls to the ground and creates an invigorating zone of refreshment.

Sadly, the pocket of breeze is not sufficient to accommodate my entire Mango-ness, but I have come to learn that cooling my nards results in an overall feeling of well being.

Subsequently, I am keen to lay thusly with my strategic hot spot facing directly into the wind (this also aids in more rapid dissipation of any wayward broccoli farts).

Now, you cannot really see the relativity of the situation in this discrete photo. For that you will need to watch a somewhat R-rated movie posted here.

This movie also contains PeeWee at which point it becomes oddly pixelated.

WARNING! Mature audiences only.

In other news, we had skool outside this week and let me tell you, that was quite an ordeal.

The Mango is not designed to be outside, or inside, in temperatures exceeding a comfortable 68 degrees.

Neither is my girlfriend, Tula, for that matter, and we both insisted on taking breaks in the shade to restore our mentals.

Check this out. See how close I am to her? She is warming up to me, I can tell (or maybe she is just too tired to move, hard to differentiate).

Miss Tula was my training buddy for walkie work. Don't we look grand all walking next to each other?

Part way through class, teacher dude got the notion to try out some agilities. Now, the Mango is no stranger to the agility ring, yuh.

A pause for applause...

Miss Tula was not as keen as I to go bouncing around through hoops and whatnot.

Note that Norwood was back in skool this week and all about taking photos. Let me tell you, I gave him an AR AR AR just to let him know who is big dog for sure.

Thanks to my encouragement, she did perform a most athletic leap, thereby earning her a trip back to the shade zone for restorations.

Apparently, my recall was less than stellar. It was a confusing moment for the Mango, let me tell you, because between me and momma was this most interesting human who smelled of turkey treats and other nommy things. So I kind of flunked that part of skool this week (note momma caught in one of her Bob Fosse poses).

After our recalls, Tula and I were asked to position ourselves outside the ring. I was not bothered as it was shady and cool and provided most excellent seats for viewing of the insane cracker dog running recalls.

Here is a short movie to show you the exciting action!

An hour is a very long time to train and try to be a good dog, especially when it is hot and there are so many convenient potty areas.

But not a bad time spent. I got my usual quota of hot dogs and praise even if I did get just a wee bit distracted at times. Ever onward.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Thank you for all of your thoughtful suggestions on dealing with the whole transfer of energy from stupid PeeWee to momma. I think my favorite came from Anakin Man which I include here in it's entirety just in case any of my pals suffer from the same imbalance of power;

Hello's 'dere big me's!! It's yous little selfs!! Hu Hu's!! Firsts...I's get me telescopes outs and helps looks for Rocky!! Maybe's if yous play some of 'da Eyes of 'da Tiger musics he just may shows ups!!

O.tays... next's, I's must gets me's a pair of 'dem glasses!! Hu Hu's!! 'da first pairs!! SNORTS!!

O.K.'s Now's...I's gots a nut balls sister!! I's under stands what yous going trous wits yousa Pee Wees Hermans Big Adventures!!!

I's got just 'da solutions!! 'deres a couples two tree tings yousa can do's!!
1) Put some peanut butters on his tails... he's run in circles for hours til he's gets tired~ SNORTS!!
2) Put some peanut butters in betweens he's eye balls!!! hu hu's!!!
(see what's I's dids... just took same idea's and switchy switched places ups)...yousa cans feels free to tinks ups other places toos) I.E... Butts, armpits
3) O.K.'s now 'da next ones may take some times... butt likes my Mommy who's got her Drivers Lic from Cereal boxes... Yous too can learns to drives... den...ties a piece of steaks to 'da bumpers and drive and 'den Big Adventures will chase yous round blocks!!! Yous won't be tires 'cuz yousa driving...butt Big Adventures wills be's!!
Ha Ha!!!
Lastly!! Convince him for his name sake 'dat he must learn hows to dance in 'dose big white shoes!!! 'dat should tires him outs for sures!!!!!!!!!
Hu Hu's!!!!

Your co-conspirator,
Anakin Man

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Amazing Kitteh with Peg Legs and Other Musings by Dexter

Labrafans will be wondering why they don't see more Dexter centric posts. I will tell you why. Because unlike the Relentlessly Torpid, I actually do stuff and move around and keep up with current events. Unlike others who seem obsessed with googling their own name and then getting confused when they see stuff like this...

So without further ado, I give you a miscellany of my week.

First up, this peculiar peg leg kitteh. You can read about him here. He lost his back leggies in a terrible accident, but the clever vets in the UK implanted little peg legs and away he goes, good as new. Amazing.

You might be saying, "Hey Dexter, that is a boring photo of you in front of a dumb sign on your walkies." Not so. You see, earlier this week, the Relentlessly Afraid of Inanimate Objects went walkies to this exact spot and when he saw this sign he FREAKED. No kidding. So in your face there, buddy, neener, neener, neener.

Totally NOT related to my opening topic is this recent discovery in my yard; the severed limb of a hapless rabbit. Don't know how that got there...

Ever notice how your tongue gets too big for you mouth in the hot weather?

Please, momma, no more giant tongue photos. What will my fans think?

The robins added another egg to their nest. They started with three the last time as well, but one did not make it.

See what I mean about keeping busy?

Just one activity after another for yours truly.

And what of the dinosaur sized beastie? No comment. Ish.

So fear not, loyal friends, I one super busy dude. I am going to agilities, daycare, swim club, walkies, tennis ball, you name it. Exhausting!

Dexter done!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Steam Driven Momma (and how you can help)

Before I start, I want to alert all my doggie pals. If you live near Woodland Park, New Jersey, please be on the lookout for this handsome guy who escaped from his furever home. You can read all about him on Khyra's blog here. We are all sending our most powerful thoughts his way to help him not be scared and to come home soon.

Now for today's topic.

It is with some alarm that I must inform you that my momma appears to be steam powered.

Seems to me that she would be better off running on nuclear power or at least some earth friendly solar power, but steam it is. Now, the reason I know this, is that apparently her engines or turbines or whatever do not burn efficiently because she is always saying that she is "running out of steam."

This is most apparent when she is confronted by a less than optimal task such as doing the housework. Now my momma cannot afford to be a neat freak what with living with me, and little Captain Sheds A Lot, but still she does try and it is important for her to maintain some semblance of cleanliness lest she become despondent.

So most Sundays find her embarking on the three hour ordeal of minimal yet required cleaning. This task could certainly be streamlined if she did not insist on using the opportunity to experiment with rearranging the living room furniture. As you can see from the photo below, she is not very clever (like, duh, even I know that the chair in the hallway is not going to work) and after some time spent pushing the suck machine around, making the floors damp, and mutterings about "damn dirty dogs" everything is back where it started.

She also insists on getting down on her hands and knees to scrub the kitchen and bathroom floors as if she is some sort of middle aged Cinderella.

Worse, still, are the all too frequent occasions when I am certain it is Mango time only to be confronted with this conversation;

Mango: Momma, it is now Mango time. Let's go walkies or work on my dance moves.

Momma: Oh Mango, I am so tired, can we skip it tonight? Besides, I really have to use what energy I have left to take PeeWee on a short walk to help him burn off some steam.

Ah ha! Did you notice the key bit of information hidden in that disheartening declaration? Yes, the PeeWee is often accused of needing to burn off some steam. Apparently he is steam powered as well!

But unlike Momma, he has an ample supply, an over supply, a surplus.

So the question becomes, how does one harness even a minute quantity of labrasteam and relocate it to momma thereby giving her enough to attend to her most important duties (like playing with ME).

And is it a safe thing to do? Is labrasteam different from mommasteam? If I succeed, will momma develop an obsession with tennis balls and swimming? Will she poke her snooter in people's eye sockets? Will she (gasp) bitey me?

In order to determine the exact nature of PeeWee's energy, I cleverly went online to purchase a pair of x-ray glasses...

And discovered.... THIS!

Oops, wrong photo.

I discovered... THIS!

Pretty complex innards. How to bring my bold vision to life? For that, dear readers, I am relying on you. Surely some of my clever pals can help the Mango figure out how to transfer even a few gigawatts of energy from stupid PeeWee to perpetually tired momma.

Please leave your thoughts, or, better yet, if you are inclined to make a drawing and post it on your bloggy, I would consider it a great favor.

An additional note. I have also heard the midget described as full of "piss and vinegar" which is apparently another energy producing resource. Having made a collection of said product, I remain at a loss as to the proper transfer to the DOH.

I anxiously await your suggestions.

Mango Man, Oh yeah!

P.S. Miss Tula made a movie of my exciting recall work. Thanks Tula!

She must have been filming in slow motion because my recalls are lightening fast! This practice was hard because helper gal stole my hot dog bag which made her most interesting. Note that Tula kept a watchful eye on the labradork lest he interfere with Mango time.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Graduate Skool Debut

If you had told me a year ago that I would be going to graduate skool I would have scoffed. But thanks to my hard work and some coaching from momma (and a ton of help from my pals) I am learning how to be a calmer doggie off the estate and it has paid off in spades.

That's right! On Saturday I made my big debut at graduate skool! You know it!

Check out my school gear. I wore my stylish bib from El'bow because it really is stunning and also because some doggies and their humans can be a bit squeamish about slobbers in great abundance. And you KNOW I planned on slobbering in great abundance, because not only does graduate skool include lots of nommy hot dogs...

It also includes THIS! Tula Muscle Butt. Aroo roo roo! Oh baby baby.

Yuh, and she got stuck next to some black labradork which I thought at first was PeeWee since they all look the same to me and are all total suck up goody two shoes doggies. Not like my Tula. AR AR AR! Oh yeah, she told that little black dude off for sure.

So skool was very invigorating and stimulating to my mentals.

We started with target practice (it's not what you think) and then moved on to moving downs. A very challenging skill for the Mango as it involves getting up and down a lot. Exhausting.

Then we did our walkies around other dogs and some little pom pom dog got really close to me and I wanted to eat it, but I was good and kept my focus on momma. Then some recalls.

It was around this point that I found the opportunity to discretely leave some of my Mango-ness in front of the door to skool so that all doggies would know that I had been there. It was really just a wee whiz (for me), but it garnered me a time out in the blistering sun in the middle of the desert. Do I deserve that kind of treatment?

But finally, an event that I excel at (as does the lovely Tula). Yes, the down / stay!

Clearly Tula has been practicing.

But I am pretty skilled at the down / stay myself.

By the way, stuck up teacher's pet dog, Norwood, skipped skool and let me tell you, buddy, you have lost your throne. Oh yeah, the Mango is the NEW teacher's pet and Tula is my queen. It is big dog skool now.

Check out this cool card Tula sent me to commemorate my first day at skool. Many more to come. You can betcha!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Momma insists I post a link to PeeWee's dumb movie here. Bad news. I hear I might have to share MY graduate skool time slot with the midget. Boo hoo! Apparently some short attention span creatures need to work on their attentions. He tried out a new agility skool, but momma didn't like it too much. Of course he loved his new skool because he was the biggest doggie there. Whatever. And here is an obligatory labraphoto. I think it speaks for itself.

Monday, June 21, 2010

It's Too Darn HOT!

Sure, I know that Master Chew Sits is not like Arid Zona or Floor Duh or Taxes, but it can still get hot and anything above 70 degrees is too hot for the Mango. I am a most sensitive being. THIS is ridiculous! I mean that thermometer is in the SHADE for Pete's sake.

I sought out the shady part of my estate, but I was still overcome and almost fainted! Oh help!

I FINALLY convinced stupid momma to turn on the AC already and in a strange display of generosity, she set the thermostat for 76 degrees (perhaps a bit too much sun on her as well).

I quickly positioned myself thusly on the kitchen floor to maximize cooling exposure on my boiling innards.

Look! Even PeeWee felt faint. Yuh, like he wouldn't even play tennis ball. Now THAT's hot.

After a time, I noticed that momma had setup the oscillating fan to move the cool air about and managed (just) to drag myself in front of it and enjoy it's restorative breeze.

All I can say is, WICKED PISSAH HOT! And totally unacceptable.
You can see my hot stuff movie by clicking here.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. My good pal and fellow Mastiff, El'bow is having a special birthday contest. You can click here to enter or click on his handsome face in my sidebar.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Four Unrelated Items by Dexter

1) The robins rebuilt their condominium on our front porch and are already working on their next set of chicks. They are the Duggar Family of birds I think.

2) Did I say underbite? I meant overbite. Over, under, whatever, still means my jaws are less than perfect. In fact when I was a pup I had to have my baby teeth extracted because the lowers were scraping the roof of my mouth, but my grown up teeth are fine and I have no worries in that regard.

3) Rabbits - self explanatory movie here.

4) HOT! Too hot to do much of anything except try and stay clear of the direct rays and wait for stingy momma to turn on the AC.

Dexter done!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

All About Me, er, Us (sigh)

My little Pug friend, Pearl, posted this most exciting quiz and asked her pals to fill it in. I think it is a grand idea, so here goes...


1) Name and Age

Mango: 5 years old (which is kind of beyond middle aged for a full sized doggie such as myself - I have lots of grey furs to prove it).

Dexter: 2 years old (and still filling out with labramuscle)

2) Breed

Mango: Mastiff (yuh, real mastiff, not one of those midget Bully Mastiffs)

Dexter: Labrador Retriever (best all around doggie you will find)

3) Nickname(s)

Mango: Bubba, Bubs, Stripey, MANGOMOVE!

Dexter: PeeWee, Squirt, Shortie, Blackie, Little Black Devil, DEXTERNO!

4) Where'd ya come from?

Mango: Lords Hill Mastiffs (bunch of show off dogs - my littermate, Floyd, is some sort of champion who gets lots of hot gals. I could of finished too, you know, except I just didn't really like that show crap) My official name is Lords Hill We All Love Mango and the inspiration was this character because "everybody loves Mango!"

Dexter: Nightwind Labradors (showy dogs and field dogs all in one - but not me because I have an underbite which makes me a pet dog, but that's OK). My official name is Nightwind Dexter in the Dark because when I came to the estate, momma and master were watching this on DVD.


1) Toy

Mango: Any toy that PeeWee has. Gimmie!

Dexter: Duh, tennis ball, of course

2) Snack

Mango: PIZZA! Nommy!

Dexter: Rocks

3) Human

Mango: I think we better say momma if we know what's good for us

Dexter: Agreed, momma for sure


1) Worst habit

Mango: Putting my big sloppy face on people, especially after a nice drink of refreshing water, and leaving goobers everywhere (hey, that is Miss Kylie's mommy! Pucker up, lady).

Dexter: Using my levitation skills to stick my snooter in human's eye sockets when they are standing up. This is highly entertaining for me as it causes squeals of joy from the humans. Not to mention I have great aim.

2) Most embarrassing moment

Mango: That would have to be when Master put a scary force field on my Observation Deck. Actually the embarrassing part is that idiot momma did not recognize the danger and mocked my dire predicament. You can watch the movie here. But I warn you, it is long and disturbing.

Dexter: Getting the smack down put on me by my mutant giant labranephew alleged puppy, Oliver (that kid is ENORMOUS).

3) Family dynamic

Mango: I AM THE BIG DOG! Need I say more?

Dexter: Mango is a big cry baby momma's dog who likes to throw his weight around, but when it comes to foodables he knows enough to keep his distance from my labrajaws of doom.

4) Your human's FAVORITE thing about you

Mango: Momma says that I am most empathetic, yuh, for sure, like I totally know when she needs snuggles or when she needs me to be silly because I am super smart, right?

Dexter: Well, momma is always telling me that she likes that I am so easy going. Sheesh, that is a survival skill around the Relentlessly Bossy.

Now it's time for my pals to take the quiz! Give it a try!

Oh, and regarding my, ahem, end zone issues, I am happy to report that the quality of my output is greatly improved. Plus I no longer feel the need to evacuate in the middle of the night which pleases momma to no end. The bad part is that I think this might mean I need to eat medicine kibbles FOREVER! HELP!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Momma - Mango's medicine kibble is W/D dog which is high fiber AND low calorie (thus the increase from 8-10 cups / day). Vet said that it is not unusual for big dogs to need more fiber to firm up (which sounded kind of goofy to me but it seems to be working). Fear not, he is getting lots of green beans, yogurt, pumpkin and other to make his icky kibble more tasty.