Steam Driven Momma (and how you can help)

Before I start, I want to alert all my doggie pals. If you live near Woodland Park, New Jersey, please be on the lookout for this handsome guy who escaped from his furever home. You can read all about him on Khyra's blog here. We are all sending our most powerful thoughts his way to help him not be scared and to come home soon.

Now for today's topic.

It is with some alarm that I must inform you that my momma appears to be steam powered.

Seems to me that she would be better off running on nuclear power or at least some earth friendly solar power, but steam it is. Now, the reason I know this, is that apparently her engines or turbines or whatever do not burn efficiently because she is always saying that she is "running out of steam."

This is most apparent when she is confronted by a less than optimal task such as doing the housework. Now my momma cannot afford to be a neat freak what with living with me, and little Captain Sheds A Lot, but still she does try and it is important for her to maintain some semblance of cleanliness lest she become despondent.

So most Sundays find her embarking on the three hour ordeal of minimal yet required cleaning. This task could certainly be streamlined if she did not insist on using the opportunity to experiment with rearranging the living room furniture. As you can see from the photo below, she is not very clever (like, duh, even I know that the chair in the hallway is not going to work) and after some time spent pushing the suck machine around, making the floors damp, and mutterings about "damn dirty dogs" everything is back where it started.

She also insists on getting down on her hands and knees to scrub the kitchen and bathroom floors as if she is some sort of middle aged Cinderella.

Worse, still, are the all too frequent occasions when I am certain it is Mango time only to be confronted with this conversation;

Mango: Momma, it is now Mango time. Let's go walkies or work on my dance moves.

Momma: Oh Mango, I am so tired, can we skip it tonight? Besides, I really have to use what energy I have left to take PeeWee on a short walk to help him burn off some steam.

Ah ha! Did you notice the key bit of information hidden in that disheartening declaration? Yes, the PeeWee is often accused of needing to burn off some steam. Apparently he is steam powered as well!

But unlike Momma, he has an ample supply, an over supply, a surplus.

So the question becomes, how does one harness even a minute quantity of labrasteam and relocate it to momma thereby giving her enough to attend to her most important duties (like playing with ME).

And is it a safe thing to do? Is labrasteam different from mommasteam? If I succeed, will momma develop an obsession with tennis balls and swimming? Will she poke her snooter in people's eye sockets? Will she (gasp) bitey me?

In order to determine the exact nature of PeeWee's energy, I cleverly went online to purchase a pair of x-ray glasses...

And discovered.... THIS!

Oops, wrong photo.

I discovered... THIS!

Pretty complex innards. How to bring my bold vision to life? For that, dear readers, I am relying on you. Surely some of my clever pals can help the Mango figure out how to transfer even a few gigawatts of energy from stupid PeeWee to perpetually tired momma.

Please leave your thoughts, or, better yet, if you are inclined to make a drawing and post it on your bloggy, I would consider it a great favor.

An additional note. I have also heard the midget described as full of "piss and vinegar" which is apparently another energy producing resource. Having made a collection of said product, I remain at a loss as to the proper transfer to the DOH.

I anxiously await your suggestions.

Mango Man, Oh yeah!

P.S. Miss Tula made a movie of my exciting recall work. Thanks Tula!

She must have been filming in slow motion because my recalls are lightening fast! This practice was hard because helper gal stole my hot dog bag which made her most interesting. Note that Tula kept a watchful eye on the labradork lest he interfere with Mango time.