WTF Wednesday (special Sunday edition) - Cracker Momma

OK, I guess momma is so torked in her wee little brain that she helped me write this post and then put the wrong date in it, so I will let it run. Who knows, maybe by Wednesday she will have simmered down a bit.

Something has been consuming inordinate portions of momma's alarmingly limited mental capacity of late. Rather than explain it to you, I will include a letter that she wrote thusly;

Dear [name withheld] Oil Company,

Enclosed you will find my check for the 2010 - 2011 heating season's oil. Note that I am NOT purchasing the downside insurance. Now, I was very tempted to buy said insurance once I saw the price. In fact I was so excited by the rock bottom price of your insurance that I called your accounting department to thank them. Imagine my surprise when the following conversation ensued;

Me: Wow! .20 cents per gallon! That is great insurance!

Accounting department: Yes, the insurance is twenty cents per gallon.

Me: Twenty cents? But the contract says POINT twenty cents.

Accounting department: No, it says twenty cents.

Me: No it doesn't.

Accounting department: Yes it does

Well, things kind of deteriorated from there, so I rung off and wrote my check for just the oil. Now, I want to point out to you that if your insurance is, indeed, twenty cents per gallon, then your contract is WRONG! Why? Allow me to clarify. Twenty cents per gallon would read like this;

twenty cents per gallon

OR

.20 dollars per gallon

Or even

$.20 / gallon

But .20 cents per gallon is POINT 20 cents per gallon which would make it 20 cents per HUNDRED which IS a great deal.

Now, if what you really want is TWENTY cents per gallon, well, gosh, that means that I would have to assume that the AVERAGE price per gallon is twenty cents less than my contract price over the entire heating season. Hey, that is not a bet I want to take (and if I am proven wrong in the spring please feel free to contact me and shout "neener neener neener").

So given that I really like you guys and have been very pleased with your service over the past twenty plus years (heck I even bought a new boiler and air conditioning from you) I am going to assume that your contract had an egregious typographical error.

However, I would advise you to send whoever writes your contracts to decimal point school before next year's edition comes out.

Your loyal customer,

Mango Momma

OK, she didn't sign it Mango Momma, but you get the drift, right? I mean WTF? Even I, Mango, know the difference between .20 cents and 20 cents. Sheesh. I told her to go ahead and buy the insurance at the advertised price but she said, "oh no! That would be kind of mean and I really like that oil company." Whatever! Then just let it go already, will you?

Yuh and in other news the "maintenance required" light came on in my mastiff mobile last week. Momma called the Honda people and they said, "Oh Mango Momma! Please bring your mastiff mobile in for it's 60,000 mile maintenance and be sure to bring a check for $489." WTF?

Well, given her already agitated state of mind she said, "F&*K THAT!" She has quite the potty HBO mouth when riled up. And she did some sort of sneaky thing involving turning the car partially on and holding down buttons and suddenly the light went out and she said, "See Mango? No maintenance required after all and I fixed it for free!" Sigh.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. I am including this actual photo that was taken at dog skool yesterday. Look at momma's face! Guess what she is likely thinking about? Yup! Oil insurance do doubt. See my little pal Poncho in the back? He likes to be my training buddy.