Mango Momma Monday Book Review

Mango momma here with my periodic book review.

I usually get my books from the library because;

1. It is less expensive
2. I am in constant danger of having purchased books overwhelm the estate and
3. I can be more daring since I have no compulsion to finish a library book I don't like

But about once a quarter, I splurge at Amazon and buy actual books and this time I hit the jackpot.

First up, the latest in the Dexter series, Dexter is Delicious, by Jeff Lindsay

Alert readers will note that I am a big Dexter fan, hence the Pea's given name (used now primarily for formal introductions and training). Although the TV show is great, the books are much better. While the TV soft pedaled two of the best plot lines (the fate of Doakes and the true nature of Cody and Astor) it is still pretty good. But the books rock. This one was, however a bit weak in the end. Still worth reading if for nothing else, then to enjoy the author's turn of phrase and to learn new HBO phrases from Dexter's sister, Deb. If you haven't read a Dexter book yet, start at the beginning, Darkly Dreaming Dexter. Even if you've seen the TV show, there is so much more in the books to enjoy. Thumbs up.

Next, Grave Sight by Charlaine Harris. She wrote the Sookie Stackhouse books on which the show True Blood is based. I like that show, but haven't read the books.

It took me a while to get into this one, but once I did, it was great. Yeah, I had the plot figured out far too soon, but I kept reading because the characters drew me in and I wanted to find out what happened to them. I did find the relationship between the brother / sister main characters a little unsettling, but what the heck? The premise took a bit getting used to, but pretty soon I was believing it and wondering what it would be like to have the "gift" of finding dead people. Yup, I will get the rest of the series. Thumbs up.

Best for last. This one has been languishing on my wish list for ages because I honestly thought it would be a stinker, don't know why. It is Dog on It by Spencer Quinn.

A dog mystery, my favorite combination. Wowee! Thank goodness there are already two more books in the series for me to check out. Chet is the author and he is total dog. Mr. Quinn has faithfully transcribed what I suspect are actual dog thoughts. Chet barks and growls without thinking. He forgets what happened two minutes ago. He loves food and his humans. Little touches, like eating golf balls because it is fun and then gacking them up really endeared me to Chet. I will warn you that some of the parts are kind of scary (well, lots of parts actually) and I had to keep reading past bedtime in order to make sure Chet was OK (idiot, of course he was OK, there are two more books in the series - but I was so worried about him nonetheless). The mystery is really secondary as I was eager to hear what Chet was going to think next. He even has a blog you can read here (although I did find the blog a bit disappointing). TWO THUMBS WAY UP!

In fact I liked these books so much, that I will send them to a randomly selected alert reader who leaves a comment by March 2nd that they are interested (all three go to one reader - U.S. domestic only).

In other news, we keep getting more snow (grr, grr, grr). Just enough to be annoying. Here is what the yard looked like at sunrise yesterday. Time to shovel the deck.... again!

I have, indeed, started jog / walking Mango and it appears to be making his back end move more evenly. He is quite game for it most of the time and of course the exercise doesn't hurt me any (although I will be glad when I can do it in sneakers instead of winter boots). The Pea is attending daycare twice each week as his retrieving button seems to have broken over the winter and he refuses to return the ball, forcing me to slog through snow that will not support my weight - bad dog, bad dog. Thus, our usual "play tennis ball until you drop" activities have been curtailed pending the big melt.

Dexter has gotten the hang of the therapy ball, sort of. Will try and get a movie of that soon.

And yes, I do still have the Mango Minster certificates on my to do list. Sigh...

OK, a picture of the boys since it is their blog after all. We've been working on simultaneous snuggles without Mango biting Dexter in the head and in this photo I recently removed myself from the middle. You can see Mango sizing up the hapless Pea's pointy snooter for jaws of doom insertion.

Mango Momma

P.S. I have optimistically already flipped my wall calendars to March and circled the start of daylight savings time.

It's All Happening at the Big Banquet

My good buddy, the Honorable Judge Frankie, has been hosting an all out rock and roll good times party this week. Hooray! It's a relentlessly huge banquet and lots of my pals are there for sure.

Part of the party is to officially induct the blogville appointees into their new rolls. Alert readers know that the Pea and I have been named Secretaries of Physical Fitness and Mentals Stimulation.

To that end, we decided to conduct some special seminars as part of the celebration.

Given that momma has taken to (gasp) actually make me jog for a minute or two here and there on walkies, I was feeling a bit too fatigued to indulge in any more actual movement. Fear not! PeeWee got the ladies out for a sweat-a-thon. And from the looks of some of those thunder thighs, none too soon. I think I see Mollie Jo, Fiona, Miss Asta, Puddles, and even little Miss Jazzi there. I sure hope they shower afterwards...

As for me, I gathered up the Hound Dogs, Cleo, Winston, and Amiee for some good old fashioned Jeopardy. For sure. Yuh, and Amiee is totally winning. I think Winston is not even really paying attention.

After exercise time, PeeWee prepared some of his special labradork tennis ball Kool Aid.

Whilst I restored my mentals by visiting the foodables table.

Get over to Frankie's blog to check out all the rest of the action. There are many exciting posts, so scroll and enjoy. He even posted links to all the party stories that the rest of the participants have put on their blogs. Wowee! This is totally viral.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Frustrating Friday

Housework day really puts a cramp in my meditations.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. I am growing concerned over the fact that my invitation to Prince William's wedding has not yet arrived. Of course given that momma only checks my PO box about once every 87 years, it could be languishing there right now. But if any alert readers have received theirs and are looking for a date, well, the Mango is available. I am going to check my Amazon to see if they have registered yet. Methinks a gas grill is always a welcome gift or maybe just a blender if I don't get my invitation soon.

Word Bubble Wednesday - Does the Mango Actually Like the Pea?

Due to the big snow, the Pea and I have been denied our funballs tennis ball action for some time. Mainly because I dare not venture off the potty paths lest I twist a large yet curiously fragile ankle and the Pea has decided that he would rather have momma stagger through the deep snow than return the ball to her.

Subsequently, PeeWee has built up excess labrastream which has compelled momma to bring him to daycamp twice per week lest he explode.

I say this because idiot momma is convinced that I actually miss him when he goes to camp hump alot. As if! She says that fact that I totally ignore her when he comes home is evidence or that I am all clingy with Master on daycare days. Not! I am just ignoring the DOH to punish her for abandoning me and assisting Master with his activities.

THEN, she points to the fact that I try to get as close to the stinky little dude as possible when he retires to recover from his day of dorky labrafun.

This is all a total misinterpretation of the facts. If she could just read word bubbles, she would come to know the truth.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Terse Tuesday - Lip Fail

Does this ever happen to you?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. To all Mango Minster 2011 winners. Fear not, momma WILL be making award certificates, but she needs a little bit to clean out her brains or some such. Hopefully they will go out before it is time for MM 2012.

Sleepy Sunday - labrapause

I am exhausted after the big beach party over at Bad Blair's place. Check it out for yourself to see why. Cowabunga!

Dexter done!

Double Date with Corbin

My buddy, Corbin, is hosting a contest wherein which he challenged his pals to show him a good time and the best entry will win fabulous prizes!

Prizes! I am so there.

I thought, what better time for a couple of handsome dudes such as ourselves than a romantic double date right here in beautiful Boston Master Chew Sits.

Corbin chose the lovely Miss Maggie to be his date. Now we all know that I, Mango, had lots of gals to choose from, but I wanted to select one of my less, er, how shall we say, crazy girlfriends.

With that criteria, I issued an invitation to the lovely Miss Kylie and was pleased as could be when she accepted.

Computer literate chap that I am, I quickly googled Romantic Restaurants in Boston and came up with this exotic destination right in Charlie Town.

Let me tell you, that place sure lived up to its reputation.

Comfy couches for lounging on whilst enjoying fabulous raw meaty bones and chugging Sam Adams Boston brew. I believe everybody was feeling quite satisfied.

I even provided for entertainments.

Oh dear, it seems the ladies are less than pleased. No worries. This date is all about Corbin and he is having a GREAT time. Oh yeah!

Friends, I know what you are thinking, "That Mango is so amazing. The ladies are most pleased to be out with him. Nothing could go wrong now."

Sadly, you would be incorrect...

Loyal readers know that I, Mango, have but one character flaw. That, dear fans, is my propensity to put boxer dog heads in my large and needing to chew on something mouth.

I know, I know, it is a compulsion which is not attractive, but I cannot help myself.

Thus, finding myself seated in such relentless proximity to the charming, yet still a boxer, Maggie Mae, well, I HAD TO DO IT!

Immediately upon which we were asked to remove ourselves from the premises.

Time for plan B!

Now for reasons which had heretofore been a mystery to me, typing Boston Romantic Spots into your google reader will almost always pop up the New England Aquarium. The way I figured, either it was a genuine destination or those aquarium guys are most clever about keyword searches.

Either way, it was worth a shot and damn if it didn't produce the desire result.

I had even arranged for a swim in the giant fish tank. I know how much you ladies like communing with other species.

Ruh roh. Well, this certainly made me feel vindicated to realize that I was not the only one with a boxer head obsession. However, I was alarmed to discover that the sight of the hapless Maggie once again beheaded by a relentlessly huge beast was not scoring me any points with Miss Kylie.

Who knew Corbin was so brave? Corbin to the rescue!

Or perhaps the groper fish just didn't like the taste of boxer.

Whatever, the Mango is nothing if not opportunistic and both Miss Maggie and Miss Kylie were softened by Corbin's act of heroism as well as the rush of adrenalines coincidental with near death experiences.

Make haste to our final destination before the glow wears off!

There you go, Corbin. Hope you enjoyed yourself.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Participants in this great adventure were, Corbin, Miss Maggie, and Miss Kylie. With special totally hot guest appearance by Tula Monstah.

Amazing New Kitchen Appliance

Momma has been talking about getting a new refrigerator for over two years now. Blah, blah, blah, talk, talk, talk. It seems our current cold box does not close properly all the time and it makes disturbing sounds, but rather than euthanize it, she is waiting for it to die of natural causes. Most likely an event that will transpire on the hottest day of the summer and all our foodables will become instantly liquefied.

I, Mango, continue my quest to convince her to put the poor appliance out of its misery and invest in an upgrade with great haste.

I am particularly motivated after alert readers, Nordork and TM (OK it was actually one or the other but I get confused sometimes) pointed out this mastiff friendly model.

I WANT!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Check out my sidebar. I finally picked up our official badge. That's right, PeeWee and I are Secretaries of Physical Education and Mentals Stimulation for Blogville! Woo hoo! Thanks Frankie and Richie.

Snow Melt Reveals Heretofore Undiscovered Mountain Range

WARNING! Some readers might consider this discovery disturbing...

Yowsa! That must be a Relentlessly Huge can of paint, right?

Yuh, I did that all myself and if anybody is saying, "oh, Mango, you should have warned us that you were going to show us your visible from outer space poops" I say, as if, like that would have totally ruined my punch line, right?

Besides, Scruffman stopped by to perform his usual stellar poop removal services and he brought Lacie Cakes who left her own distinctive touch. If you ever discover a mountain range such as this, just call the Scruffer whose motto is "Removal of Your Bizness is OUR Bizness." He could use your support as his mumsie is most unappreciative of his obsession with picking up the deposits at their estate.

Photo by Lacie and Scruffman

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From momma... How many times have I been asked, "how much does Mango eat?" Totally the wrong question. Do you think cleanup will count for activity points?

WTF Wednesday - Triple Header

Don't forget to visit the Mango Minster blog for the final report from our official judge of ethics, Miss Abby, and a helpful list of winners so that you can visit them all.

THREE alarming items which have been recently brought to the attention of the Mango.

Item #1 Charlie Spaniel doggies eat their human.

Did you read it? Yuh, for sure, so many things wrong with this. First of all, what the heck are those doggies doing in the human bed? That is so totally forbidden around here (well, except for when momma tries to nap in the guest room and accidentally sleeps through dinner time and the Pea goes up and launches on her, but that is OK because otherwise we might starve).

Well, this IS a kind of fierce looking doggie... NOT!

And what about the words that say the human's toes were made of the narcotic tissue? WTF?Looks like those wee pups are headed for rehab.

Note that the above article was sent to my attention by THE BEAST and if I were her mumsie I would wear socks to bed. Just a suggestion...

But wait, there's more...

Item #2 Squeeze pants made from coffee.

Brought to my attention through reading's Meeshka's informative blog. It's the Wacoal iPant Long Leg Shaper For starters, I am doing a big gag me with my paw over the fact that they called it an iPant. Last I heard that "i" in iThings meant internets and I am unclear on what fat squish pants have to do with the internets.

But that aside, these babies contain caffeine which alleges to seep out into the cellulite over the course of the day which apparently will excite your flab muscles in such a way as to magically shrink the dimensions of the thunder thighs.

Rest assured that the caffeine stays there after 100 washes. Sort of like the coffee stains on mom's jammies. And of course the waist and leg openings are laser-finished for, wait for it.. "less bulk." Hey, ladies, let me tell you something. Those thighs are as big as they are and if you squish them on one end, they are going to bubble out on the other causing GIGANTIC knees and most of your bottom to push itself up under your arm pits.

It also comes in a full body version which actually has directions on how to put it on. I say WTF to any article of clothing that requires a user guide. As if!

And finally...

Item #3 Human has video camera implanted in his noggin.

Friends, the level of human stupidness knows no bounds. Kind of makes licking your butt look like the most normal thing in the world (of course how would I know since my relentlessly huge body does not fold sufficiently for me to lick any further than my equipment).

Watch this actual movie and be amazed.

Like there is something endlessly fascinating going on BEHIND this guy? And yuh, as one reader of YouTube commented, "hasn't he heard of duct tape?" Not to mention, this borders dangerously close to ass cam. There's an image for you.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Some doctor human went to about 87 years of medical school and this is what he does? WTF?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. As if that weren't bad enough, alert reader, Darwin, sent me a link to this alleged recipe for Mango Jam which calls for, gasp, 3 large mangoes cubed. Oh cross my legs! How much you wanna bet that Thor's mom is going to make some of that? Bad human, bad human.

Time for That Other Doggie Show and Snow Status

Friends, even as Mango Minster is winding down, that other dog show is starting up. Yup, time once again for the most biased totally not fair dog show of the year. And you can bet I will be watching just to confirm my suspicions once again that the show it rigged for sure.

You can re-read my shocking expose here wherein I have tabulated the results from years past to prove that those Westminster judges are totally terrier biased and anti mastiff. Yuh.

All it takes is one look at the judges table to see why.

I have no doubt that one or more of my nieces and nephews will be entered as my brother Flyod has sired about 8700 litters (score). I am still trying to hunt down their reader's choice polls.

Of course, it is difficult for me to maintain my huffy cloak of outrage after receiving this most sweetest card from the lovely Miss Asta. Smoochies right back at you for sure.

Even though it has been warmer, we are still suffering from the big snow. Good news is that I have recommenced my walkies. Of course the Pea, being a midget, is able to do zoomies on top of the snow whilst I, Mango, remain relegated to the safety of the potty paths.

I am happy to report that given the way he flings his wee little labraself about, there are still the occasional satisfying crashes and tumbles.

And inside the estate, I am still top dog for sure.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Momma is making me post this labramovie. Whatever.

It's all at Mango Minster

Nothing much happening here except wicked pissa cold and so much ice that the Mango dare not leave his estate. All the real action is at Mango Minster, so get over there.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Happy Birthday Beastie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEASTIE!

Yup, none other than Lacie Cakes is four years old today.

Get over to her bloggy if you want to send her smoochies.

Photo by Asta

Plus the Good Old Dogs are in the ring at Mango Minster, so vote now.

And stay tuned later today for the exciting results of the Shameless Doggie Diva competition.

Mango man! Oh yeah!

Special Report from Mango

Mango here bringing you a special report...

Because it is time for Mango Minster!

That's right! We are underway and the Shameless Doggie Divas are in the ring even as we speak so get on over to Mango Minster and cast your votes.

Oh, hang on, do I have my blog back? Hehehe.

We have had the good fortune of above freezing temperatures the last couple of days which has started the BIG MELT. Sadly, it has also left our driveway impassable by my large and not having skates for feet self.

Not so the Pea, who insisted on walkies. Now looking at this photo, you might say, "Oh Mango, I can see the driveway. That does not look bad." But you would be WRONG because that is the dreaded blackened ice which causes human and beast alike to be all sliding onto their jolly bottoms.

I hope that none of my loyal readers have been duped by the largely fabricated posts that the midget has been doing in my absence.

Rest assured that he continues to be a totally annoying labradork.

Check out this photo. Is it Mr. Cool all walking on top of the snow? Look more closely...

See how his oddly webbed labrafeet are all splayed?

Yuh, for sure, because he is trying not to FALL THROUGH! Like I totally warned him, "Dexter, do not walk on the snow pack." And he was all like, "Be quiet you big baby, I am light as a feather."

OK, whatever, says I, whilst prudently sticking to the potty paths and sure enough, the little doofus kept falling through and getting stuck and looking, frankly, like a complete idiot.

Sure, and he was all trying to bribe me not to post the following movie, but what can he offer? Seeing as I am momma's most favorite doggie ever, I have all the noms, beds, snuggles, and attentions I could ask for. What does the squirt have? Leftovers and coating of slobbers on his curiously prodigious black furs. So in your face, PeeWee, here for all the world to see is you being your usual mental fits spastic self (oh yeah, I even added most annoying polka music to the video - he HATES that music).

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Saturday Double Feature Matinee

You would think that living with an absurdly large dog like the Relentlessly Huge that I would be able to relax now and then and not always be troubled to keep the estate safe from invaders.

Sadly, this is not the case. Rarely does the torpid beast awaken when there is danger lurking. Now if I make enough noise, he will stagger out of bed and point his big old head in the general direction of danger, but seriously, he is likely still asleep and only useful as a road block.

Thus, it is up to me to make sure that no intruders breach the perimeter as demonstrated in this movie.

Now then, given that it actually was not snowing today, momma offered to join me on an extra long walkie. Great! But I got kind of nervous when the flashy came out that I would be subjected to another one of her droning narratives.

Lucky for me (and for my readers), she opted for still photos only which I artfully compiled into cinematic format. As a bonus, there is even actual video towards the end that shows how I can walk right on top of the snow (which rather than earning kudos has restricted me to supervised yard expeditions only).

Dexter done!

IMPORTANT! Power of the Paw Needed for Twix

Please visit Twix and read the words that her mom wrote. Twix has very bad sickies and the vet is not sure what is causing it. She needs all the good thoughts that you can muster and info from your humans if they have ever seen anything like what Twix is experiencing.

Dexter's Winter of 2011 Snow Update

More and more snow and freezing rain and sleet too. The snow banks around the deck are over a meter high!

I fear my funballs time in the yard is now under supervision only as I was caught attempting to make an exit over the fence. In fact, there are lots of parts of the fence temptingly close for big adventures.

Even I, Dexter, athletic labradude, am no longer enjoying running in the yard other than where there are paths. It is decidedly unpleasant. Perhaps if it actually stops snowing this afternoon I can tempt momma into a walkie.

Momma made a little snow movie. Nobody moving very fast today. The sound is kind of funny because the freezing rain was bouncing on the flashy microphone. How unpleasant.

Keep your paws crossed that this will all get cleared overnight so that I can go to camp tomorrow. We got snowed out last week and I am INSANE to run around and have some real action for a change.

Dexter done!