Costume Fail

First an important reminder to all my fellow Dancing with the Dog Stars doggies.

You know the movie that I posted of my big dance routine?

Well, Honey reminded me that per the rules of her DWTDS competition, entries need to have their original sound track but it is OK to add music as well so I made new versions with the sound restored. This is a very important rule because she wants the competition to be as much as real life as possible where you can hear your human telling you what to do and what not.

And you have to do your dance in one continuous take. No post processing (well, except for you blooper movie).

Now, regarding my outfit for the mastiff ballet. If you can imagine, knuckle head momma originally wanted me to wear my ballet skirt as, well, a skirt! She said, "Oh Mango, it will look so flattering and slimming and your dangly bits will keep it in place."

Thus the following photo in which I believe my body language tells you what I thought of that idea.

As if, lady! This is the only trick I will do with that dorky toot toot knotted around my nether regions.

Typical. Idiot PeeWee says, "Momma! I can do the ballet! Put the skirt on me!"

Stupid polka dog.

But I persuaded him to join me in my protest. Us guys have to have some dignity, right?

Meanwhile, it got suddenly jungle wicked pissah hot lately. So we're doing a lot of this. I was so slow on my walkie today that momma thought we were maybe caught in a time warp or something and even Pea was quite content with a short half mile.

Turn on the AC, stingy witch!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

DEXTER'S DOG DANCING

Dexter here with my official entry into Honey's Dancing with the Dog Stars!

Are you ready? Now, listen, momma says please ignore the fact that her head is partially removed. She did not notice until after we had done my routine about 87 times and we were both too tired. But you are watching ME anyway, right?

WARNING! The sound is kind of loud, so adjust your volume and click here.

What did you think? Well, if you want to see how much hard work went into that, click here.

Boy! That sun sure is HOT when your furs are black. Oh, remind me to tell momma that plaid is, well, not very flattering...

Dexter done!

BONUS! MY OFFICIAL DANCE ROUTINE!

That's right! The Mango has completed his official entry into Honey's Dancing with the Dog Stars Competition.

Now.... before you watch, I need to tell you a few things. First of all, I have not been my usual peppy self and getting up and down can be quite challenging so we had to trim out some of my best moves like the mastiff roll over. Secondly, Momma says that I can be "stubborn and dim witted" which I believe is an insult. But by that she refers to my improvisation.

When you watch, you might think that about in the middle I stopped dancing. NO WAY! I was merely savoring the nommy cookies that had collected in my jowls during rehearsal.

Finally, you will need to turn up the volume because the music is kind of soft.

I made the movie BIG SCREEN to accommodate my full self, so to watch it, just click here!

Did you watch it? Good. Now, you can watch a somewhat more entertaining version here.

Let me point some important facts out to you. The number one fact is that you can put a ballet skirt on the DOH, but a ballerina that does not make.

Hello? She was pulling so hard on my leggie to keep from toppling over that I almost flipped myself.

I know this one is blurry, but I think it shows my frustrations with not being allowed to dance as I pleased. Look at me! Legs akimbo, jowls flying and momma totally forgetting to turn out.

Is it any wonder I am exhausted?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Sarge's Peeps on Parade

My buddy, Sarge, asked us dog bloggers to do a special postie about our peeps this weekend and you can play too... just read his postie about it.

First My Master.

Despite there being no sign of ME in this photo, I LOVE it because Master looks so happy. Even though he started doing the constructions back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and every nail had to be driven by hand, it is still his most favorite thing to do. He says creating beautiful spaces never gets old (you can visit his current project here).

I think Master and I look like twins, don't you?

I love it when we can spend quality guy time together (ignore idiot mutant labradork puppy, that's my nephew, Oliver, with his mom).

Momma said I needed to post a photo of Master with the Pea. Well, this is my favorite because once again it shows that we are of like mind. We both wanted to get away from that annoying little monster.

Master is a most accomplished gardner and designed and cares for all our flower beds. He also loves his fruit trees and last year took over the making of the applesauce and jam and they all turned out quite tasty.

OK, now my momma...

This is me and momma going on the ROTE (that would be Running of the Errands) which is an activity that I love because it typically involves car cookies! Nommy!

Momma with idiot PeeWee. He is always such a suck up at school.

This is one of my most favorite pictures with my momma. It was taken on the day when all the crazy dog blog moms came to my estate to meet ME! Yuh, though it makes me kind of sad because I no longer possess the coordination and athleticism required to execute this particular dance move.

When momma goes to the work place she is something called an engineer which doesn't mean that she drives a train, but, rather, that she hangs out with socially inept, sartorially challenged uber geeks such as herself all day.

Momma's only real hobby is, well, ME (OK and PeeWee too). She just loves us to pieces.

Now I will tell you why it is super good to have two humans....

1. Momma is a big meanie who never ever gives us treats of cookies or anything except from our bowls or when we are doing the trainings. But Master is a total push over for the sad face and can be relied upon to provide pizza bones or gum drops or, best of all, plates to clean up. Nom.
2. Master, on the other hand, does not appreciate a doggie's desire for a comfy spot to rest and doesn't want doggie beds where he can see them or doggies on furnitures or anything, but momma is always putting a pillow for my large and not wanting to lay on the floor self in the living room and she bought a machine washable couch cover so Pea could snooze on the couch where there is no danger that he will accidentally touch me during his slumbers.

And one more thing... The Mango is totally the cutest dog ever for sure. Right?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. I have a human brother and a human sister too, you know, but they are all grown up and don't reside at the estate.

I love it when they visit. This is my human sissy, Liz. Please excuse my less than stellar appearance as it was holiday time and I was a bit drunk from the festivities. My sissy graduated from the University of Master Chew Sits and runs some sort of big honking training facility for a big company where they do catering and training and sleepovers and stuff. She is an excellent cook for sure.

And my brother, Jake, who is what you call a Jolly Man Elect Twist Can which comes in handy when we need the electricals attended to around the estate. He likes to go on forced marches, er, I mean long hikes and whatnot so I suppose it is just as well that his doggie is a labradork rather than a proper dog such as myself.

Goodbye to Brave Little Butchy

Friends, my Relentlessly Huge heart is breaking today as I bid farewell to my good friend and fellow seizure doggie, Butchy. He put up a good terrier fight, but the seizure and cancer monsters wore him out and he told his momma that he wanted to make the final trip over the Rainbow Bridge to join his sister, Miss Snickers, and all our other doggie pals who have crossed over. He is creating cracker dog mayhem, no doubt, and having a grand old time.

Run free, Butchy.

Mango Man!

P.S. So many tragedies around the world that can leave humans and their fur kids separated and looking for each other. If you want to donate to the humane society in Joplin Missouri where the bad tornado hit, you can do so by clicking here.

Labradorable!

After reading the Relentlessly Huge's adolescent post over the weekend regarding his photogenic qualities, I, Dexter, felt compelled to do a little keyword search of my own.

No surprise to discover that while my "cute" folder was chock full of labradorable photos, the RH's contained a scant few.

Obviously.

Heck, I garner a cuteness label just sitting around. Look at my face!

While the Relentlessly Dour has to resort to the old "give the paw" to find his way into cuteness (a gesture, by the way, which I NEVER do on command, only when angling for some noms or a walkie).

Check it out. Yup, just hanging out in the snow and I am wonderfully charming.

Sorry, big guy, even that peculiarly buxom snow man person is cuter than you are.

The old face on the couch look. Makes momma go all gushy.

Just a pretender to the throne. Not even close.

While preferring to be nekked, I will, on occasion, indulge the DOH by putting on an outfit thereby earning squeals of delight, noms, and another trip of my image into the cuteness folder.

Duh, is this the proper way to wear a toot toot?

Finally, I give you the ultimate in cute, the absolutely most charming, most endearing, most "aw look at the little lab" exclamatory picture.

Yup, poolside Dexter. Doesn't get any more precious than this!

I suspect alcohol might have been involved in the decision to label this foamy mess as cute. Poor batty old momma. Just too lovestruck by the clumsy foolish beast to think straight.

Dexter done!

P.S. Momma finally checked our PO box and it had a Starbucks gift certificate and this peculiar bag of human treats in it from Clover and Cosmo. But we forgot their blog address so can somebody help us out to say thanks?

That's my cute little snooter at the bottom of the photo. Hehehe.

Funny is Relative

I wanted to cheer up my little pal, Anakin, and his mom, so I thought I would find some pictures in the archives of my large and never foolish self and idiot PeeWee.

Lucky for me, momma puts handy tags on all of my many pictures to facilitate the watchyacall keyword searches.

However, I question her objectivity as when I clicked on the "funny" link I believe I located several photos which had been mislabeled.

I present a sample below with my corrections... funny my ass. Idiot human.

Hungry

Doofus

Sleepy

Doofus

Seductive

Doofus

Athletic

Doofus

Impressive

DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Another Star in the Sky

My good friend, Anakin, had to say goodbye to his sissy, Josie. She crossed over the Rainbow Bridge Thursday night and he is mighty sad. Please stop by their bloggy and leave good thoughts for Anakin, Trixie, Izzy, and, of course, their mom because they are missing little Josie so much.

Run free, little pug.

Mango Man!

Cabin Fever Strikes!

It has been raining like monsoons end of days here forever!

Idiot momma is prone to making pointless statements to me like, "Oh Mango, at least it isn't snow."

Well obviously, duh, like it's totally MAY, OK? Moron.

The Mango is getting cabin fever.

Stupid PeeWee is even more annoying than usual. Can't a dude meditate without having those pointy teeth clamped down on his sensitive jowls?

Get off me, fool!

Now on the weekends, weather permitting, I am usually provided with a glorious meaty bone. This is called a recreational bone because not only does it help keep my teeth and gums healthy, but it also provides the mental recreations. Let me tell you, coordinating my jaws of doom to clamp down without tangling my lips in there whilst simultaneously managing to keep my frontal feet out of the way is quite challenging.

So imagine my delight to discover that I had been given a mid-week meaty bone to ease the strain of being cooped up with the doofus head.

Nom, nom, nom.

This one must have come from the bargain bin. Still has its furs attached.

Ow! What the heck? That was so embarrassing.

Just kidding. You don't think the Mango is so simple minded as to mistake his own leggie for that of a cow, do you?

Seriously.

Note to self...

Do NOT bitey striped meaty bones no matter how tempting.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Wordless Wednesday - Civil Disobedience

Dexter done!