I know it isn't Wednesday. You think I'm an idiot? So sue me.
Yesterday I went back to visit Vet Lady so that she could take a gander at my less big but still swollen foot.
I, Mango, am most determined to know what the heck is going on. So I say, "Hey! Vet Lady! What's the deal?"
Thus ensued a most distressing conversation;
Mango: "So, Vet Lady, what do you have to say?"
Vet Lady: "Well, I can tell you that you do NOT have an a robe tick infection."
Mango: "Huh? A few too many articles in that sentence. Wanna run that by me again?"
Vet Lady: "I said, it is NOT an a robe tick infection."
Mango: "Like, seriously, did they even teach you grammar at vet school? Are you trying to say I don't have the robe tick?"
Vet Lady: "No, you don't have that. And it isn't a robe tick, it's an a robe tick."
Mango: "Dammit! There you go again."
Vet Lady: "It could be an an a robe tick, but the tests won't show that."
Mango: "What what what? An an an an a tick?"
Vet Lady: "Mango! Are you stuttering?"
Mango: "Me? I'm not stuttering you crazy lady! Just trying to figure out what the heck you are talking about. Could you say it straight up?"
Vet Lady: "It could be an an a robe tick."
Mango: "WTF? Do you even hear yourself? And what about the the the the fungus?"
Vet Lady: "There you go with the stuttering again. Are you sure you feel OK?"
Mango: "I feel fine. As if! But I'm thinking you might need some therapies."
Clearly I was getting nowhere with this stuttering article obsessed whack a do.
Then she says, "Oh Mango Momma, I want to take Mango in the back room and photocopy his leggie." Yuh, like I'm going anywhere with HER! But momma totally abandonded me and I went into a dark scary place where all the vet techs were waiting wearing lead aprons.
I'm thinking, "get me outta here" because WTF with the lead aprons? Some kind of new exercise regime?
Then I go into a different room and momma is there and crazy vet lady comes back and they are all looking at this photo and talking about it as if it is an actual photocopy of my large and not looking like a bag of bones leg.
Check out the alleged letter "R." Are you freakin' kidding me?
Gah! What a fake out! And momma is going to pay dollars for that?
To top it all off, I was feeling a bit parched and look what they give me!
I had to get this sorry excuse for a water bowl topped off three times just to take the edge off my large and needing to stick my head in a bucket thirst.
So at the end of the day, friends, I confess, the Mango felt a bit dizzy and I was most eager to return to the safety of my estate, you can count on it.
Mango Man! Oh yeah!
P.S. From Mango Momma... not an aerobic infection. Possibly an anaerobic infection. His ankle and toe were still swollen so an x-ray was in order. His bones look nice and healthy. Phew. Still waiting for the results of the fungal test. Mango was very brave and it only took two techs and vet lady to get him to put his big old paw up on the x-ray machine.