My Big Trip to the Small Hospital

That's right! Today was the day I totally went to the Tufts School of Veterinary Medicines to have my large and not totally healthy self examined. Yuh, for sure.

Now, mind you, momma was a bit stressy over the entire affair. So much so that she accidentally had this abomination for breakfast. How did that even get into our cold box?

Not to mention I totally missed breakfast. You have to be kidding me!

And then we pull up at this place even though I told her I don't know how many times that I am most certainly NOT a small animal. Sheesh! I mean, just look at me, will ya?

Momma told me to wait in the car whilst she busied herself transporting the wheelbarrows full of cash in that are apparently required to get an audience with these folks.

By the time she had finished my appointment had arrived. Just as well since I am not keen on all that waiting room stuff.

Now, you wanna hear something weird? Even though the flashy was in her pocket the whole time she was all like "Oh, Mango, I don't want to be distracted taking pictures because I need to listen really hard to what the doctors say." Like when did she decide that there is anything more important than recording every moment of my large and fascinating life in the digitals format?

So you will not see a photo of the nice fourth year student lady who interviewed me. This being a teaching hospital, one always has to talk to the students first. Some humans get annoyed with that, but I'm not bothered. How else will they learn? And you know what else? This was student doctor's lucky day because how often is she going to see a fine specimen such as myself?

Student vet talked to momma for a loooong time and then she listened to my heart and pulled on my leggies and I have to admit to getting a bit twitchy when she pulled on my owie leg, but I was brave.

And then she left and we hung out and FINALLY out comes the flashy, but look, just me. Duh.

We kind of had to wait a while and I got bored and decided to see what it would feel like to be under the table. It felt cozy.

Finally Dr. Orthopedics comes in. He was a jolly little dude who I could tell loved me totally from the start. And I kind of liked him until he started all poking and prodding and pulling my leggies and flipping me over from one side to the other like a bag of potatoes. He was all like "Oh, Mango, lay down, oh, Mango, stand up, now lay down the other way." Make up your mind!

Next thing I know, Dr. Orthopedics and Student Nurse Lady clip on my leash and whisk me away from momma. Then they stuck a needle in me and I'm thinking, "OK, take blood, whatever." But that is so not what happened because the next thing I know Dr. Orthopedics is saying , "Mango, wake up." And he takes me out to the lobby and there is momma.

Mind you, I was feeling a bit, um, disconnected from my body. All floaty and dizzy. Momma says I was STONED! And Dr. Orthopedics even lifted my large and complex bottom into the mastiff mobile for me.

Do I look stoned to you?

Friends, I would love to write more, but I feel kind of sleepy right now. So in a rare show of generosity, I will turn my blog over to momma and her dumb italicized blue words. Later!

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Mango is, indeed, still quite dorked out. The anesthesia also seems to have affected his innards and he alternates between passing out in bed and lurching for the back door to do his business, but honestly, right now, I don't think he is very aware of his surroundings.

His x-rays showed "... boney changes (arthritis) and an opaque coloring within the joint... these signs are classic for joint instability related to degenerative changes with the cranial cruciate ligament (ACL)"

At this point surgery is not recommended and he will be treated medically with exercise, physical therapy, medication, and (gasp) a diet. He is down to 210, but the vet would like to see him drop another 10-20 pounds (poor dear).

As for his big foot, the new theory (which sounds reasonable to me) is that the residual lump might have been there for some time and the original swelling was, indeed, an insect sting and the increased scrutiny of his foot coincidental with that caused us to see for the first time his lump. But x-rays look great.

They also took some joint fluid from his knee to check for any immune related disorders given his history of lyme disease (should hear back about that later this week).

Overall, well worth the trip (although 6 1/2 hours makes it a long day) and generally good news.

Mango Momma

Silent Sunday - Slobber as Art

Why Grammar is Important by Mango Momma (a PSA)

I have a folder in my email that I labeled "scams." Sometimes, just for fun, I look through it. I'm thinking "what kind of moron would fall for this?" Well, they are getting better and better at making their emails look like official business from Western Union or PayPal.

However, a quick grammar check always shows them out. Take this snippet from one of my favorites...

The Group western union thanks you for your business and appreciates your comprehension

Got it? Then this follow up, included in its entirety (I have highlighted some of the errors for those of you who are grammatically challenged).

Hello,

Please be informed that i will be going to FedEx office today to Pay the
$100usd for the package keeping security fee as we have discussed and
aggreed and i wish to hear from you once you receive the package.

Meanwhile, remember that Fedex Delivery Company Ltd does not know the
content of the package because i registered it as a second handed cloth and
shoes to avoid stolen the fund, please this is for security purposes.

Just contact FEDEX COURIER DELIVERY COMPANY Ltd by tomorrow evening as i'm
sure that i would have pay them for the keeping security fee.

The Executive Manager's name is Eric Baltimore like i told you before, and
their email address is [deleted]

I will soon get back to you with their customer service phone number incase
if there's any more information you need from them.

Please make sure you carefully send to them the below information needed for
the delivery.

Your full name, home address, phone number, a copy of your picture then
these below company registration number and code for confirmation.

Company Registration: AG70115
Code: 0478234

Note: the only fee you have to pay to them is $135usd that they will use in
obtaining the fund's insurance certificate which will cover up the package
and the delivering fee. Then be rest assured that i have paid other fees.

Thanks
Yours Sincerely.

Now, friends, one frequently despairs as there is a collective movement towards poor grammar and odd abbreviations that people will become more and more likely to be fooled by these thieves. So, remember,

1. Don't trust offers that come out of nowhere, even from friends.
2. Do a flyover on any email addresses or links (you will see that they are not what they seem).
3. If a trusted account is suddenly asking you to re-enter your password or personal information (PayPal, Amazon, etc.) DON'T.
4. Please, please practice your grammar. Luckily, these con artists still haven't passed the grammar and spelling test.

Finally, here is a picture of Big Dog and Devil Dog from yesterday after they had completed their pissing contest for the day. Sadly, no photos of the turkey catching fire on the grill.

Mango Momma

P.S. So maybe there are a couple of punctuation issues with my blue, italicized text. Whatever.

Adopt a Zombie

Momma and Master have been spending a lot of time watch that Walking Dead show on the picture box. Me? I'm not such a fan and I will tell you why.

It seems like everybody in that show has decided that just because zombies are different, that makes them bad. Yeah, they are all like "oh, I don't wanna be a zombie, that would be the worst."

To which I say, "how do you know?" Yuh, like how do you know that zombies are unhappy? Maybe it feels great to be a zombie.

I mean, after all, zombies seem a sociable lot, at least with each other. Look at them all travelling around in packs.

And maybe they don't speak actual human language, but who does? Seriously. They seem to communicate with each other just fine.

Now I will grant you that they can get a bit riled up when there are foodables around...

But try walking into a room full of labradoinks with some hot dogs around your neck and see how adorable those pointy headed beasts are. NOT!

So I, Mango, have decided to turn things around. I am embarking on a campaign to end this senseless hatred and marginalizing of zombies. Yup, I am hereby announcing...

MANGO'S ADOPT A ZOMBIE PROGRAM

And to get things started, I thought PeeWee and I should provide a nice foster home for some of those nutty characters to prove that with a bit of training and a lot of love, zombies can make great companions.

The first thing we did with our foster zombies was to work on the loose leash walking. I figured that our zombies would need to be on leash at all times off the property. I found that they all took to it quite readily and was pleased to find that the zombie shuffle was just about Mango speed.

Now even raw foodable advocates might cringe at the notion of the typical zombie diet of brains and whatnot.

Fear not, because there is good, nutritious, zombie food available on line for your shopping convenience. Free samples? I am so there.

The Mango advocates crate training, especially when the zombie is first being introduced to your household. Your zombie will soon learn that his crate is a safe zone where he can rest without worries of being messed about with by house guests.

I found the crate especially useful when transitioning zombies from their random human flesh noms to the Zombie Chow. Just put a bowl of chow down and give your zombie 15 minutes. If he doesn't eat, time for some meditation in his crate and then try again.

I guarantee you that your zombie will soon look forward to a big bowl full of more socially acceptable din dins.

Even still, self control is important if your zombie is going to be able to get out and about without causing mayhem. That's why one of the first skills you will need to work on it is "leave it."

As many of my doggie pals tell me, you can train just about any behavior with the patient use of a clicker.

If you have trouble managing a clicker, just use a marker word as demonstrated in the photo below.

Really, the only limitation to having fun with your new pal, is, well, YOU.

Check this out... agilities zombie! Look at him go! Frankly, I had a hard time keeping up with that speedy little devil (note use of high value reward for motivation).

Not to mention that since zombies never really sleep, they make great look outs for home invaders. Just make sure you have a prominently displayed "zombie on duty" on your door to avoid any potential litigation when your zombie takes down an intruder.

More ambitious zombie owners might even consider training for search and rescue as there is no being, dead or alive, that can sniff out the humans like a zombie.

So what do you say, are you ready to open your house for a zombie in need? All they require is a little love and patience. Oh, and a securely fenced yard... preferably an electrified fence just to be on the safe side.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Show us Your Bird AND Educational Movie

Friends, are your humans all total stressed out nutbags getting ready for the Thanksgiving holiday? My momma and master are on vacation today, but you wouldn't know it as they hustle about doing frenetic housework and last minute battles over foodables at the grocery store. All very stressy and disruptive for the Mango, so take a break and check out this brief, yet, one hopes, entertaining post.

First, for Sarge, here is a little wooden bird on a stick that my Master made about 87 years ago. I wish the turkeys in our neighborhood would serve themselves up this way. Nom.

Now, the Mango has been instructed not to bounce which is most confounding as I am feeling quite spirited. I am even forced to watch momma play tennis ball with idiot Pea from indoors so that I will not be tempted to participate. Then I am supposed to do "sedate" leash walkies around the yard. Like to drive me insane.

So to stimulate my mentals, I have been searching the internets for educational movies. I found a little treasure which I think you will enjoy. Watch it here or below.

Badass Honey Badger, you know it!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my pals in the US! I doubt we will have much internets time in the next couple of days.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Momma told me that we are embarking on a journey of wellness to get my sore bottom in shape and discover the source of my persistent big foot. First stop is this place on Monday. I was chagrined that I am going to the "small animal" clinic when they also have this facility available. Hopefully I will be directed to the appropriate sized vet upon arrival.

Dr. Dexter is in the House

Having been alerted by momma that her work place schedule was not amenable to taking the Relentlessly Huge to the special x-ray vet until after Thanksgiving, yours truly decided that it was my responsibility to manage his recuperative activities for the time being.

Noting that the vet instructed him to engage in frequent, moderate activity, I searched my brain for the best possible method to get him off his buffalo butt.

"Aha!" says I, "As luck would have it, our present from Jazzi's gift exchange arrived just this week and had been sitting on the dining room table for some days."

I immediately determined that while we are a bit early for the holiday season, surely presents are meant to bring joy and happiness and what more joyful gift for momma than to see her spoiled rotten bully of a dog up and about.

And so, I selflessly opened our package. A most interesting package all the way from Mocha, Ashley and Winniecheerdill in the Philippines! Readers, please excuse any possible typographical errors with my new friend's names. One does try to decipher human script but it can be confounding.

A regular bounty! Fancy flea and tick powder, sweet soaps, some Dexter-sized tennis balls,

some Dexter - sized tennis balls,

some tennis balls...

TENNIS BALLS!

Excuse me. Had a moment there.

As I was saying... all rounded out by an ever popular rope toy, a stuffie and a wall decoration for momma. SCORE!

I grabbed that yellow stuffie post haste and was away.

There is little that annoys Mango more than the site of my labraself enjoying a stuffie... any stuffie. While this is normally a thorn in my side, this time I opted to use it to my advantage.

Come and get me, little pony!

As you can see, he was temporarily, at least, oblivious to his aches and pains in his quest to secure the stuffie (which, I might add, I allowed him to have after what I determined to be an appropriate amount of actual movement).

Hmmm... look at that face. Wonder if perhaps we need to adjust his medication.

Clever chap that I am, I waited until he had exhausted himself before tossing him the rope toy for further masticating pleasures.

Whilst I, Dexter, proceeded to do full tilt fun times with the yellow stuffie.

AND, I made a super action movie. In it you will see that my physical therapy program is doing quite well as the Relentlessly Huge is clearly moving more smoothly by the end and able to turn corners with alarming speed without jack knifing and toppling.

Now if I could just get momma to clear the slobbers off the camera lens. Well, small steps, small steps, right?

Dexter done!

P.S. It's not to late to get aboard for Bolo's amazing Nosevember contest. Week two is in full swing and you can enter to play along on his blog here.

P.P.S. From Mango Momma

Looking through the archives I discovered that almost exactly a year ago Mango suffered a similar injury. Poor guy. Must be his Thanksgiving owie. He seems to be improving ever so slowly. I also noted that Mango showed great improvement after a trip to the chiropractor. I confess that I did not like that vet personally and I think my lack of a love connection overshadowed the positive effect his treatment had. Thank goodness for the internet, eh? So I still will take him for a thorough set of x-rays and then back to "vet whom I don't like but seems to know what he is doing" for some chiro and acupuncture.

Feeling Better and a Word About Seizure Monster

I am feeling a little better this morning thanks to all your wonderful thoughts and comments.

I even got out of bed all by myself to take my morning phenobarbital. Yup, twice a day like totally forever to keep the seizure monster away.

For reasons which are unclear, idiot PeeWee always gets cheese when I get my medicine.

Watch your fingers, momma!

In the past when I have had bad owies I would take the tramadol, but I am not allowed to take that anymore because it is an invitation to the seizure monster and we don't want that, so I am making due with the metacam.

Did you see I mentioned seizure monster twice today? Well here is the third time...

My buddy, Gibson, did a post all about seizure monster. It has a lot of words but you just tell your humans to help you read them all. Why? Because seizure monster is very mean and attacks way too many doggies and it is good to have the information tucked away in your wee brains if it ever happens to you. So click here and read (plus there is a movie that has me and all my fellow seizure doggies in it).

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Mango Momma

At this point I can't tell if he is actually feeling better or he is getting better at favoring his sore leg. He did get up and down the stairs and do his potty without any help and the fact that he got out of bed when he heard the cheese come out is promising. I appreciate your thoughts and comments and plan on pursuing therapies such as acupuncture. I'm on the fence right now about keeping his x-ray appointment. I'm planning on calling them in the morning to find out the "then what's" of getting x-rays. They also do MRI's. And don't tell Mango, but he is going on a little diet. While he is at a good weight for a young, healthy mastiff, he needs to trim down a bit to lessen the strain on his aging joints.

The Mango is on the DL!

OW OW OW! OWIE! OW!

Sure. Last night I was all bouncing and having a great time with momma and Pea when all of a sudden my hinterlands go a flying off in a weird direction and down I crash. I admit, I cried like a girl for sure. You would have too!

Then this morning I like totally could not get my bottom to work right and it kept making angry feelings into my brains like total OWIE!

Look at me all trying to get up (oops, excuse my lipstick).

I already had an appointment with vet lady to photocopy my bigfoot, but when she saw how sore I was she said, "Oh Mango, you will need to go to a place with a bigger photocopy machine."

So home we came and I took some extra of those NSAIDs and now I am all about just kind of hanging in the sun.

My appointment is two whole days away so for now momma is helping me get up and down as much as possible.

Momma made a little movie of me all hobbling and stumbling. Before you watch it, I need to tell you something. Mastiffs cannot walk on three legs. Nope. Not gonna happen. Out of the question. Think my little pony, OK?

I'm kind of OK on the flat, but any bumps and away goes my bottom. Like it's made of jello.

You know what is the worst? I didn't get to ROTE because you know who didn't want to keep lifting my bottom into the mastiff mobile and there was totally another mastiff at the doggie store! Like that will ever happen again. Sheesh.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. From Mango Momma

Mango took quit a tumble. As near as the vet can tell he has soft tissue damage. He is very resistant to being aided and when I try to help him up he sits in to me, but we manage. I've had to aid him with his potty because he cannot "assume the position" and this has been, well, uncomfortable for both of us. I need to balance keeping him moving a little with letting him rest. It does seem to work itself out a bit when he walks, but he stumbles on any little pitch in the lawn. This isn't the first time he has twisted his hind end and hopefully he will feel better in a couple of days. If not, we have an appointment on Monday to go to the special vet with the relentlessly huge x-ray machine.

Is it Spring Yet?

Wowee zowie! I was all totally snuggled into my mastiff bed for my morning nap and then I got to thinking "where's PeeWee?" I told momma to go find him (yeah, like I was actually going to get up... as if).

She comes back and says "Oh, Mango! Dexter is out sun baking. You should join him!"

She even took a photo to show me. "Hmmm", says I, "what is that little labralog doing out on the deck during nap time?"

One glance at the calendar and I was immediately experiencing the cognitive dissonance.

Sun baking? In November? Huh?

But momma was most persistent and I dragged myself with great reluctance on to the deck.

And you know what? It was almost 70 degrees outside! Seriously! That's in Fair in Heights.

Winter is over! For sure! Check out this total spring time baking action photo.

Woo hoo!

Oh, and here is another super action photo (I think momma used the "sports" setting on the flashy to capture it).

Lest you think that I am actually letting PeeWee touch me, let me assure you that his proximity is only acting to radiate extra heat to facilitate two sided baking of my large and sizzling hot self.

I sure am glad winter is over.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. Yesterday vet lady stole my bloods. She called today to say that all my medications are working fine and not causing anything bad. Woo hoo! You know what else? She did the extra special rectal examination to test the strength of my rectals muscles. How cool is that?

Show us Your Hats

You know, due to momma's busy brain, the Mango is always missing out on contests and whatnot.

So tonight I was determined to get our hat pictures done no matter what.

I tried and tried to convince stupid PeeWee to play along, but, well, see for yourself...

No big deal. Even if he had worn it properly he would not have matched my handsomeness.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Momma's New Headlight

Momma bought a headlight to wear on her noggin for night walking. Just when I thought it wasn't possible for her to look any more dorky. Sheesh.

We made a little demo movie in the back yard. I hope it works. We haven't been too keen to load movies directly to blogger lately. But I didn't think this was really worth a whole Relentlessly Huge Productions treatment.

Did you hear that stellar dialog?

"How 'bout that? How 'bout that? How 'bout that?" What a doofus!

She is all gushy about it, "Oh, Mango, what a quality of life improvement this is. It is so comfortable and now I can stride with purpose down the street when I walk Pea."

Hey lady, do I look like I care? I liked it better when you cut his night walkies short and spent more time with ME!

This is the headlight looks like. It's called a PETZL. Whatever.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Word Bubble Wednesday - One Branch, Two Dogs

Miss Mayzie's Rescue Me Week

Hey friends, guess what?

Miss Mayzie is doing a really cool thing. In honor of her beloved Grandpa J, she is hostessing a Rescue Me week.

That's right. All this week, she is asking us lucky dogs and kitties with furever homes to post about a less fortunate furry. Plus there will be five lucky winners who will get $100 donated to their favorite rescue! How cool is that?

Now not too far from the Mango Estate is a place called Nevins Farm where they keep not only doggie and kittie orphans, but also cows, horses, donkeys, chickens, and all sorts of other nice furries just itching to find a good home.

Since Momma has always liked goats, I thought that I, Mango would feature a handsome goat named Pops, shown here with his buddies.

You can read about him here or visit the farm adoption site here.

And if you want to participate, just be sure to check out the rules on Miss Mayzie's blog.

Who knows, maybe all our hard work will get at least one more little orphan a furever home.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

Mango Time Saturday

Not every day is jam packed with action and biting PeeWee and whatnot. Some days, it is just nice to spend time with momma.

Take today. It is a lovely fall day here in Master Chew Sits and momma and I set off for a peaceful stroll in the woods behind our estate.

Momma says an actual train used to drive by through the woods every day, but now it is just a path. I'm not a fan of the start of the trail where there are lots of owie stones.

And we have to cross over the turnpike.

I used to be scared to cross over the turnpike, but not anymore. How about that?

And here is my reward. A peaceful, magical trail full of wonderful sights and smells. Let's go!

Of course, it being the woods and all, there were some branches down from our recent snow storm. I thought this one would be the end for us since momma left her machete at home, but we managed to get underneath and continue.

Always keen to practice my skills, I took an opportunity to work on "stick your front feet in a tire."

One does wonder why the humans go to the trouble to tote such items into our little forest, but what are you going to do?

After an arduous half hour, I was back at the estate and ready for a nice sun bake whilst momma walked the Pea.

Look at him all wanting to do MY trick. Such foolishness. Not to mention that momma left the bag of hot dogs home with me so his performance was unrewarded (oh, I am sure there were lots of "good dog" exclamations but what kind of fool works for praise).

Momma deposited PeeWee indoors and I was away to help her with the ROTE.

First stop was our foster house project where I was greeted and admired by the tool time guys. See how my head is all droopy? That's because this particular tool time guy used to have not one, but TWO mastiffs and now he has a great dane and to be honest he knew just how to rub my big old head to put me into kind of a trance.

We made a bunch of other stops, but honestly, I was kind of dozing throughout.

Crafty dude that I am, though, I recognized our final stop as the doggie store which could only mean one thing.... CAR COOKIE! That's what I'm talkin about.

So, see? Nice morning with Momma. Good times, right?

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. For all you snow dogs out there, here is the end of our snow from last weekend. The Mango wants nothing to do with it, thank you very much.

A New Foster House and a Fun Contest

Please spare a moment to visit my friends at the Op Pack. Their Momster fell down and broke her arm most horribly. Ouch!

Some of you might be saying to yourselves, "Hey, Mango, I am not seeing much of your witticisms in my commenting area lately, what gives?"

I will tell you what gives.

Momma and Master bought another foster house. Yup, here we go again. And for reasons which are unclear, even though near as I can tell all Momma does is wander over there to take the odd photo, having Master all working on the foster house causes her to suffer from the busy brain something fierce and she is all like, "Oh, Mango, I just want to watch a movie tonight."

What I think we need around here is an iPad thingie so that she can read blogs from her comfy chair.

But I digress...

Here is a photo of our new foster house. If you want to see more you can visit the blog here.

Pea and I have been playing tennis ball IN THE DARK! Not conducive to action movies, but most satisfying. I have even been doing my athletics in the dark (and given that momma has not done poop patrol all week this is an exercise in careful foot placement, let me tell you).

So since there are no new photos or movies, I want to take this opportunity to tell you about a way cool awesome contest that not one, but TWO of my friends are running.

Seems that this book came out recently...

Can you guess what it is about? Yup. Apparently the humans are willing to pay dollars to look at all those photos you wish they had deleted from the digitals.

And if you enter the contest you could win your very own copy of the book. Yuh.

Now, I, Mango, thought that I would be unable to enter as there are certainly NO awkward or unflattering photos of myself, but I was WRONG!

Because just look at this abomination that momma dug up.

And it gets worse!

WTF? What happened to my lips?

So if you want to play along, you can do it by visiting Miss Coco Bean here.

Or Miss Bunny here.

Or be like the Mango and enter twice.

Have at it! I hear we are going to have the beautiful weathers this weekend. I sure hope so. Here's wishing for total funballs all weekend long.

Mango Man! Oh yeah!

P.S. It appears that unbeknownst to my large and not into taking chances self, momma recklessly placed a bet on the recent Patriots football game which they totally lost and now Pea and I are supposed squire none other than THE BEAST on a "date." Oh the horror. At least Agatha and Archie participated in the gambling so they are going to have to go along too. Any thoughts on how best to manage said adventure with the least amount of indignity to my large and handsome self would be most appreciated.