What are they? Should one strive to be one? It sets a mind to wondering.
While there are many nicknames that I have had to learn in regards to my labraself, none is so confounding as the moniker of "lert."
For once, the Internet has let me down. A quick google search yielded dismal results as in
LERT = Leicester Environmental Road Tolling Scheme or Laboratoire d'Etudes et de Recherches Télédétection Spatiale
Or in the Urban Dictionary; "a small furry woodland creature that senses are always very intensely attuned to its surroundings."
I don't put much credence in that one as any site which combines the term "dictionary" and grammatically incorrect sentences is hardly credible.
And so I set about discerning the true meaning of the word "lert" based on context. A task not unknown to yours truly as so many of the human utterances are context dependent as with the oft heard "Dexter, you are a bad, bad dog" which is frequently accompanied by affectionate bottom smacks or belly rubs.
But this particular word posed a problem since the application appears to be somewhat whimsical.
To whit, the Relentlessly Huge.
When he summons the energy to break his perpetual torpitude by actually lifting his head, one can hear momma exclaim "Oh, Mango is a lert today!"
And yet a similarly dreamy, half awake state does not garner analogous exclamations regarding my labraself.
Are you confused yet? I asked momma to clarify a photo from the archives. To whit the following, where, once again, the RH was labeled "lert" whilst I was a "wake." There's something I will ponder at a later date as one word a day is plenty.
A LERT AND A WAKE
As usual, when applied to Dexter, the word morphs into a version that smacks of a patronizing reference to my sturdy, yet diminutive stature. Yes, friends, while the RH is apparently a full blown lert on many an occasion, I have been relegated to "lerting"
The term is applied at the moment when I am attempting to focus on a potential threat to life and limb and I do not appreciate the distraction to my guard dog duties.
And, it is frequently not stated as a declarative, but, rather, as a query as if Momma herself is unclear of the true definition.
"Dexter. Why are you a lerting?"
Here, I am waiting for Master to shake a leg and exit the garage with his bag of goodies from Trader Joe's. Is that what lerts do? Wait for noms?
One can suss out that lerts are a cautious lot as in the sentence (spoken with alarm and dismay) "If I were a lert I wouldn't have stepped in that poo!"
No photo on that one, my friends. Let's just say that in some circumstances the state of being a lert appears preferably to being my heavy footed momma who can count on her shoes to locate poo in the yard with alarming accuracy.
Confounded beyond belief, I offered this photo as one last attempt at clarity from the dotty old hen.
"Are there any lerts depicted here?" I asked.
Her reply? "Awwww, look at my two handsome boys." Hardly flattering to have one's exceptional labralooks bucketed with that 204 pound door stop and certainly not at all enlightening.